TITLE:	Surreal II 1/1
AUTHOR:	Crash
E-MAIL:	mamymac@juno.com
CATEGORY:	SRA
RATING:	NC-17 sexual situations/language
SUMMARY:	Mulder acts like a jerk, but apologizes nicely.
KEYWORDS:	Mulder/Scully Romance
ARCHIVE:	Anywhere you wish as long as my name, address and
disclaimer are with it.

TIMESPAN/SPOILERS:
Everything up to Season 5.  This story should have taken place before
"Surreal" which I've already posted.  You don't have to read one to get
the other.  This story just explains how they get together in this
storyline.

DISCLAIMER:
Fox Mulder and Dana Scully belong to Fox Broadcasting and 10-13
Productions.  They are used without permission and no infringement is
intended.  No profit is being made from this fan fiction.  (Damn it!)

This story contains adult situations and is intended for readers over the
age of 17.read Shakespeare or something (as if he's any less graphic).  

AUTHOR'S INCESSANT RAMBLING:
As I said in the TIMESPAN, this story explains how Mulder and Scully get
together in my "Surreal" storyline.  I got the idea for this when I saw a
collection of Ansel Adams surrealistic photographs at The National
Portrait Gallery.  He achieved surreal photographs of actual things by
messing with the light levels on his camera and using different filters. 
My thought was we all alter our reality by filter what we see and whom we
interact with through the filter of our own experiences, beliefs and
insecurities.  So basically I crawl into Mulder's warped mind and ferret
some things out.oh and there is some sex too.  Constructive criticism
appreciated at mamymac@juno.com.  I'd also love to know your thoughts on
my premise and if you have any other ideas you'd like to share.  Grovel,
grovel.

Surreal II 1/1
By Crash

The door snicks shut behind me and I rest my body against it.  My head is
pounding.  It was one of our more brutal fights.  My fault, as usual. 
Christ, sometimes I just don't know when to quit.

But I honestly don't know how she can be so closed-minded.  She was
there. She saw the furniture moving across the room totally unaided.  Yet
she patently refuses to let me put the term psychokinesis in our report. 
"Unexplainable phenomena."  What a crock of shit! I can't believe that's
what she wants me to write.

I cannot believe, after all this time, after all we've seen, she still
hangs on to all things scientific.  She has been through a lot.  The
abduction.  The cancer.  Missy. If she'd never met me, none of that would
have happened.  If she'd only gone away when I tried to make things
difficult for her, her life wouldn't be the mess I've made it.

I am a bastard for having put her through all of that.  Not to mention
ditching her and making her lie for me.  And let's not forget how you
reacted to that whole Ed Jerse thing.  Jealous school boy.  Real fuckin'
cool, Mulder.

But today, I outdid myself.  Today I earned the supreme asshole award.  I
should know by now, we're never going to agree on any case that involves
the paranormal.  Scully's come a long way, but she is always going to
hold onto her principals. It's part of what makes her who she is.  And I
love that about her.  I love her.  So why did I go and do something as
stupid as calling her a bitch.

It was surreal really.  The word slipped off my tongue in a moment of
utter frustration that we couldn't come to some sort of agreement.  I
regretted it the moment it left my mouth.  The word hung in the air like
a noose, just waiting for her to slip it over my neck and strangle me.

But what makes this harder to deal with than anything is that she didn't
do anything.  She didn't say anything.  She just stood there, until one
crystalline tear spilled down her ivory face.  My heart shattered and she
walked out of our office and left me standing there.  My first thought
was to pull out my Sig and put a bullet in my head.  But the truth of the
matter is, she's the one who deserves to kill me.  Why should I deny her
that?

I don't really want her to kill me.  I want her to let down those iron
walls she's erected to keep the rest of the world out and let me in, to
stay.  She's let me in a few times, but only at her weakest points.  I
want to be there for the good and the bad.  I want her to trust me and
talk to me and love me.  I want all of her.  Yet I know I don't deserve
her.  I proved as much today.

So here I am at home.  If I could find the will I'd go collapse on my
couch and pray for unconsciousness.  Three loud raps on the door behind
me provide the impetus to get away from the door, until my mind supplies
I'm supposed to open it.  I know who it is.

Ohshitohshitohshitohshit.

My mind is busily coming up with a million apologies as my hand slowly
reaches for the doorknob.  I pull the door open and see nothing but the
blue depths of Scully's eyes.  I gesture for her to come in and she
complies.  I shut the door and keep my back to her, leaning my forehead
against the wood in front of me.  

	"Look, Scully I'm sorry.  I was completely frustrated with the
whole situation and I got completely out of line.  I'm a shit, a bastard
and any other number of equally lousy things.  It's the one thing I'm
really proficient at," my voice breaks, "Sometimes I just really want you
to agree with me and it hurts when you don't because it means, once
again, I've done something to make you disapprove of me.  I hate that,
Scully.  Because you're the best partner I've ever had.  You're the only
person I trust and I love working.I love you, damn it."

I trail off when I feel her tiny hands circle my waist.  She pushes on me
just enough to make me turn around.  I'm shaking like a leaf because she
hasn't said a word and I've got no idea how she's going to react to this.
 Facing her, I force myself to look at her.  Her face is blank but she's
looking at me.  We stand like this for what seems like an eternity.

Then she slides her hands around to my chest and pushes me back against
the door.  Her hands cup my face and she pulls my head down into a kiss. 
I raise my hands up to catch her head in my hands and deepen the kiss. 
Her lips part and I explore her sweet mouth with my tongue.

We kiss for a long time until I finally break away, needing to hear her
voice.

	"Scully, I."

	"Mulder, drop it.  We fight about cases all the time.  I would
prefer it if you left a certain expletive out of those arguments, but you
and I aren't always going to see eye to eye.  It's not that I disapprove
of you.  Some of your theories, yes, but never you.  I can't give you
carte blanche with our work, but I do with my heart.  I love you too,
Mulder.  I love you beyond reason."

	"You don't want to hit me?"

	"No, Mulder but I would like to kiss you again."

Far be it for me to deny her.  I crush her to me, slanting my mouth over
hers.  Her hands slide under my jacket and begin working on the knot of
my tie.  Her strong medical hands make quick work of the useless scrap of
silk and I feel it pool around my ankles.  Just as quickly, I feel my
jacket make its way to the floor.

Not to be outdone, I push her jacket off of her shoulders to join the
growing pile of clothes.  Our arms tangle as we work at buttons to free
ourselves from the confines of our shirts.  When we finally stand before
one another bare to the waist.  She breaks the kiss.

	"I certainly approve of your chest, Agent Mulder," she says
winking at me.  Her fingers toy with my nipples and I bite down hard on
my lower lip.  She's making me insane.  Before I can make another move,
she takes one in her mouth and alternately bites and licks at it.  My
hands claw at the clasp to her bra, until it finally snaps free and I
slide it off her body.

I grab her wrists and push her back against the wall to the left of the
door.  Using my newly found advantage, I suckle the taut peaks of her
breasts.  She moans.  My erection threatens to burst from my trousers of
its own accord.

She wriggles a hand free and fumbles with my belt.  I hear the metal
slide of my zipper and then feel her warm and cupping my hard length
through my shorts.  "God, Scully."

I slide my hands around behind her and work the zipper to her skirt down,
letting it fall around her ankles.  She steps away from it and out of her
suede pumps.  She pulls my pants down and pulls my shoes off.  I eye her
nylons and attempt to formulate a plan.

Deciding there is no elegant way to do it, I simply hook my thumbs in the
waistband, and with a little help from Scully, she's free of them.  I
reach for my underwear, but she stops me.

	"No, I want to."

She pulls them down and remains kneeling before me.  My mind reels with
the possibilities.  A sly smile parts her lips.  "Mulder, I really
approve."  She says as she runs her fingers along me.  I tip my head back
and groan.  I shut my eyes as she takes me in her mouth, slowly circling
the head of my penis with her tongue.

I lace my fingers through her hair as she coaxes me closer and closer to
what promises to be a shattering orgasm.  But I stop her.  I want us to
be together in that.  I've been so selfish. I've got to stop.  I want to
take her to the edge and fall over with her, to be together in that.

I pull her up and push her against the wall again.  I kiss her roughly
and slip two fingers inside the moist folds at the juncture of her
thighs.  God she is so wet and I become unbearably more aroused.  I slide
my fingers in and out of her building that sweet tension she craves.

Her breathy moans give way to cries and then pleas.  I slide my length
slowly inside her and we both cry out at the decadent pleasure of our
union.  I begin to slowly move in and out of her, setting a pace.  Scully
quickly finds the rhythm.

	"God Scully you feel so good."

She lets loose with a growl and kisses me hungrily.  I feel tension
building in both of us in time to the quiet slide of our bodies.  We roll
together, both of us begging the other for the release we both need.

I run my hand down her torso and circle my thumb over the taut bundle of
nerves just inside her folds.  With a jerk, I feel her convulsing beneath
me, her inner muscles milking me.  She cries out to me as her orgasm
rockets through her.  Her passion filled cry sends me over the edge and I
utter my own guttural growl.

Spent, we both slide to the floor.  I hold her protectively against me,
her head tucked under my chin.  She draws small circles over my back and
I feel the hot puffs of her calming breath on my chest.

	"You OK, Scully?"

She nods and her hair tickles my chest.  "I'm a little cold," she says
quietly.  It suddenly occurs to me we've made love next to my front door,
a drafty place at best, and we're now lying on the floor.  I stand on
wobbly legs, pulling her with me.

We pad down the hall to the bedroom I seldom use.  I pull back the sheets
and she scoots herself under them.  I spoon myself against her, feeling
inexplicably satisfied, yet tired.

	"Better, Scully?"

	"Mmmhmm," she says sleepily, "Mulder, hold me just like this.  I
want to sleep next to you for awhile.  Is that OK?"

	"Fine by me."

As she drifts off, I study her slight form next to me.  Despite her size,
she truly is larger than life.  There's so much too Scully.  Just when I
think I've got it all figured out, she throws me another curve ball. 
Today has been no exception.

I fully expected her to come through that door and read me the riot act. 
Tell me what a bastard I was and then tell me she was leaving the
X-Files.  But she didn't.  She listened to my lame apology and accepted
it and told me she loved me.

And who knew she was going to take the initiative in our lovemaking. 
Wow.  That totally caught me off guard.  I mean, I'm not complaining but
I wonder if she thought she had to prove something to me or if she
thought I just wouldn't know what to do.

I've always thought of myself as a competent lover.  I'm not saying I've
had a lot of experience, but I haven't had a lack of it either.  She
seemed satisfied.  God knows I was.  But I wanted this to be about her. 
I wanted her to feel wanted and loved.  To hell with me, she deserved
that.

I bet Ed Jerse didn't treat her that way.  Bastard.  She never has said
whether she slept with him or not, but part of me believes she did.  At
first it made me livid, but then it occurred to me she wants a life.  Who
am I to stop her from having one?  I just wanted her to have that life
with me.  I'm selfish that way.  I know I don't have any right, but I
want her all to myself and I don't want to share.

I know Jerse meant nothing to her, but it still hurts.  It's silly
really.  There were other guys before Jerse I'm sure.  But he was the one
treading on my turf after I knew her.  I don't know why I dwell on it. 
He's gone and she loves me.  More fool Scully.

I just want to stop letting her down.  It seems that's all I do.  I don't
think I could take it if I let her down in this.  "This."  What is
"this"?  Our relationship has always been more than a partnership between
two people who work together.  Over the years Scully and I have grown
very close.  Now we're intimate.  It seems a logical step, to share that
part of ourselves.  

A lot of complications could arise from our being together in this way,
but the one that troubles me most is losing her.  I've lost so much in my
life and I was adrift until this rock of a person called Scully came into
it.  What would I do if she went away?  What would I do if she was taken
away?  Again.

My body shudders at the thought.  I thought the reaction imperceptible,
but Scully turns in the circle of my arms.  Her blue eyes flutter open
and fix on mine.

	"Mulder?"

	"Shh.it's OK.  I didn't mean to wake you."

An auburn eyebrow arches skyward.  She knows I'm lying.  She always does.
 It's like my thoughts scroll across my forehead for her to read.

"You were thinking, Mulder.  What were you thinking?"

I push a few stray locks out of her eyes, letting my fingertips play over
the planes of her face.  I feel the tears build behind my eyes and I make
a valiant effort to force them back.  I succeed in some small measure,
but my voice still breaks when I speak.

	"Scully.I don't like loss."

She sighs heavily and moves closer to me, pushing herself up so her face
hovers inches above mine.  "Mulder.  I'm here and I have no intention of
going anywhere.  I love you.  Why would I want to leave?"

I pull her face down into a kiss.  "I'm just afraid Scully.  Many of the
people I care for have just vanished from my life.  I don't want that to
happen with you, and I've already taken so much from you.is loving me
going to be too much?"

She chuckles at me.  "Mulder, you're always too much.  It's part of your
charm.  A hundred flukemen couldn't keep me from loving you.  I can't
promise you something won't happen to me anymore than you can make me the
same promise."

I nod.  She's right.  She has a bad habit of being right.  I kiss her
again, this time more forcefully.  The greedy bastard in me wants to make
love to her again and make her forget any experience she's had before. 
Especially, Jerse.  I wonder if she thinks he was a better lover than I
am.  God, I hate him.  She breaks the kiss and rolls over on top of me.

Looking into her eyes, the words are out before I can even stop them. I'm
such a moron sometimes.

	"Did you sleep with Jerse?"

She looks a little shocked.  Way to go Mulder.  She was about to do
heaven only knows what to you and you let loose with a serious buzz
killer.  

She tangles her fingers into the sparse hair on my chest and sighs.  I
watch the subtle rise and fall of her breasts as she breathes, staring at
some unknown spot on my chest.  Then she pierces me with her gaze.

"Why do you want to know, Mulder?"

	"I don't know.forget I asked.  I'm sorry."

She gives me that enigmatic smile of hers. "No, Mulder I didn't sleep
with him.  Do you know why?"

I shake my head.

	"Because I wanted him to be you.  Why do you think I almost
kissed that shape shifter, Van Blundt?  Isn't it obvious I've been in
love with you for sometime?

	"When I was working on that case, the one where I met Jerse, I
was so angry with you.  You kept shoving meaningless paperwork at me and
acting as if I wasn't even in the room sometimes.  Meanwhile, I couldn't
get you out of my mind.  So when you decided to run off to Memphis and
leave me hanging, my ego got the better of me.  I wanted to prove to
myself I was attractive.  So I cozied up to Ed.  He reminded me of your
dark side and, at the time, I convinced myself that would have to be
enough."

	"So why not go ahead and sleep with him?"

	"He was kind of rough with me, jerked me around a bit.  I guess
that made me come to my senses.  Even with your dark side, I know there
is a gentleness that lies underneath and that you'd never willingly hurt
me.  I didn't get that sense with Ed."

Rough with her.  I remember the bumps and bruise she came home with, not
to mention the ergot poisoning.  She wouldn't tell me what had happened. 
I now know why.  She knows how angry I would have been.  If I remember
correctly, I was insufferable enough to begin with.

	"I'm sorry, Scully."

	"Its OK, Mulder.  Why are you so worried about Jerse anyway?"

	"I don't know.I guess I was afraid I didn't measure up."

	"Mulder!  That, without a doubt, is your craziest theory to date.
   You honestly think a mentally damaged killer like Ed Jerse has
something over you? What do I have to do to convince you?  I don't want
anyone else but you, Mulder, and everything else up to now has just been
details.  Please don't be insecure about my feelings for you.  You've got
to trust me.  You do trust me, don't you?"

I nod at her.  "Yes, I do.  With my life.  With my heart."  I roll her
over onto her back and kiss her gently, running my hands along her sides.
 I pull one hand up and tangle it in her hair, pulling her deeper into
the kiss.  She moans into my mouth and I feel my erection jump to life.

With my free hand I tangle my fingers in the hair at the juncture of her
thighs.  I slip one in and find her impossibly wet.  I stroke her gently
and she bites down on my lower lip, then suckles at it.  Her hand has
wandered down to catch my shaft in her fingers.  She strokes in time to
the rhythm I've set.

She pulls away from my mouth abruptly,  "Mulder, I want you inside me." 
I move over her and sink myself inside.  She cries out in pleasure as I
slowly sink in and pull out.  "Faster Mulder, make me scream."

I increase my speed and soon we are slamming together.  She meets me
thrust for thrust.  I feel myself grow dizzy as the last threads of my
self-control unravel.  Together we shatter.  And we scream.  She calls my
name and I call hers.  Once again, we collapse.

As I'm coming back to myself, I cover her face with light kisses and she
sighs.  Guilt stings my conscience again as I remind myself of our
earlier fight.  I smooth her fiery hair out of her face again wondering
how I could have ever insulted someone so beautiful, so dear to me.

	"Scully, about the report.  Why don't you finish writing it? 
You're right.  We'll get a better response if we don't dwell on the
paranormal.  I'm sorry I was such an ass."

	"Mulder, you have a great ass."  She pokes me in the ribs and
giggles.  I suppose all is forgiven, then she brings it home for me. 
"I've forgiven you, so forget it.  Besides, I may not like fighting with
you, but I sure do like the way you make up, Agent Mulder."

XxX
Finis

"I almost don't feel the way I do."
-George Carlin