Title: MATTHEW (1/2)
Author: Ms. AM
Email: ALMowry@pathway.net
Rating: R for some language and sexual situations.
Archive: Gossamer, Ephemeral anywhere is okay with me.
Category: A, MSR
Spoilers: Anything up to Goldberg Variation is fair game.
Summary: Some secrets may be better left hidden.
Authors Notes: This is just a little idea I've had running
around in my head for awhile and wondered how it would play out. Hope
you enjoy.
Feedback: Would love to hear all comments, of course!

MATTHEW (1/2)

Prologue:

If you ask people what moment had a life altering impact on
their lives, you'd most likely get a multitude of answers.
The day I started my new job or the day I fell in love. The
day I got married or the day I got divorced. Perhaps the
day my child was born or the day a loved one died. It could
be something as simple as the day I had my first date or
the day I got my first kiss.

Overall, I'd have to say I've had many of these moments.
Looking back I think it all started the day I tried to 'fit
in' with my brothers, shot a helpless snake and watched it
fight for its survival. That was the first day I helped to
take a life and I new I never wanted to do that again so I
chose to become a doctor.

Yet life and its contradiction, death, still fascinated me
and as I studied, I became enthralled with not just
preserving life, but to find a cause and perhaps prevent
death. Being a pathologist was the next step and as I
witnessed the atrocities that the victims suffered prior to
death, strangulation, beatings, slashings made by razors
and knives, shootings, drowning in water and other liquids
and rapes to name a few.

I wanted to use my knowledge of death and its causes for
justice, if I could help even one person from becoming a
victim it would be worthwhile. Logically at least to me
anyway entering law enforcement was my next step and I
enrolled in the FBI. I actually had despaired of ever being
a field agent as I taught my students during my stint at
Quantico all I could about forensics.

Enter Section Chief Blevins and unbeknownst to me at the
time a certain chain smoking bastard, my assignment to the
X Files and one Special Agent Fox Mulder. Not what I had
envisioned I'll tell you, babysitting the once famed boy
wonder of profiling now dethroned and possibly on the verge
of insanity.

Then I met him, talked to him and touched him, just a
simple handshake, but from that first meeting, my life
seemed to become one life altering moment over and over.
We've investigated just about everything it seems, aliens,
ghosts, mutants, monsters and various other paranormal
forces. Ultimately the human monsters have taken the
biggest toll.

I've been kidnapped, shot at and shot, my memories stolen,
suffered through my sisters death and cancer. I've been
'gifted' with the knowledge I can never have a child and
then seen and touched such a child, Emily, my daughter.
Thinking about her still brings such strange pain to me for
while I knew she was mine biologically my feelings for her
and about her were, are, still confusing.

Through all of this one would think I am crazy for
continuing and I almost did give up, if it wasn't for
Mulder, saying words to me I still cherish and attempting
to touch me in a way we never had...until a bee sting. Such
a common thing really, but in my/our lives it wasn't.
Mulder came for me, my own knight in shining armor, well
warm winter clothes anyway and dragged my frozen ass out
of, what...a spaceship...I don't know, I can't remember.

After everything I've seen I still can't admit to the
possibility, it's almost like the day I do...I'll crumble.
Lately I'm not as terrified of that I know that Mulder will
be there, for me, and I will be there for him. We've had
several realizations and admitted some things to each
other, quite recently actually. Our 'relationship' hasn't
been purely professional for a long time. We love each
other. I'm not entirely sure when I admitted that to
myself, I think I've always felt love for him as a partner,
a friend, as another human being.

Seriously it's hard to *not* love Mulder, the man is
infuriating at times, but I've never met anyone with a
purer heart, who for all his paranoia about trusting no
one, trusts too easily. Who holds the ideal that saving one
life just as important as saving a hundred, Mulder truly
hates to take a life, he can empathize with just about
anyone or thing, and only does so when absolutely
necessary.

Mulder has changed though, especially when *my* life is in
danger, Donnie Pfaster still sits in jail while Gerry
Schnauz lies six feet under. Gerry was far enough away from me, Mulder
could have shot him in the leg or shoulder, he
didn't, he heard my cries for help and the minute he
stepped into the doorway I saw his eyes turn, hard, cold.
The shot rang out, Gerry fell and Mulder turned to me his
eyes soft and watery, full of emotions *I* wasn't ready to
process.

Human monsters, yes, they hit us the hardest and today
another life altering circumstance took a slam at us, us,
whatever affects me affects Mulder and vice versa. This
problem is a big one...

End of Prologue

Chapter One:

San Diego, California
San Diego Memorial Hospital
March 3, 2000

I've been sitting by his beside for the last five days.
Mulder ended up with another gunshot wound and of course
ultimately a scar to add to his collection. The way things
are going the two of us could act out the scene from Lethal
Weapon 3 with no problem at all.

"Scully?" He croaks out. I rise from my chair leaning close
so I can hear him better; his throat is still raw from
having the ventilator tube removed. "Yes, what do you need
Mulder?" I ask, running my fingers through the hair along
his temple.

I bring the straw to his lips, holding the back of his neck
as he drinks. Actually the gunshot wasn't life threatening,
Mulder had a reaction to the anesthesia and went into
cardiac arrest. Thank God they were swift in diagnosing the
problem, but not before pneumonia set in. He smiles up at
me now that he's done drinking and when he speaks his voice is much
clearer.

"Scully, when are you springing me from this place?" I
cross my arms and reply. "Well Mulder *if* your fever stays
down and your blood work shows the antibiotics are doing
their job and your x-rays show your lungs to be
clear...maybe a few more days."

"A few more days!" He exclaims, but then relaxes and looks
resigned, in my experience that usually means something is
up. My suspicions are soon confirmed. "Well then I'm going
to need something from you Scully." He motions me forward
with his finger and I follow. "And pray tell, what would
that be, Mulder?"

He points to his forehead. "A little kiss, right here." I
lean in. "Oh, I think I can manage that." I press my lips
lightly to his forehead then pull back slightly. "That was
nice," He sighs. "But, how about right here?" I grab his
finger and kiss his cheek where indicated.

"How's that?" I ask. He smiles up at me. "Scully? Why don't
you pick the next spot?" I can't help teasing him. "Who
says I want to?" That earns me the pout, which I quickly
claim for my own by capturing his lips with mine.

Mulder isn't docile his hands cradle my head as our lips
slide slowly back and forth, his breathing and my own
changes, grows almost deafening in the room. I finally pull
back my heart beating rapidly; my hand on Mulder's chest
feels the answering rhythm of his own against my palm.
Mulder shifts restlessly and I'm suddenly concerned.

"Mulder? Are you okay?" He bites his lower lip and closes
his eyes momentarily. "Umm...Scully...I don't think we
should have done that?" I'm confused. "Why?" I inquire.
"Because, because...well," he sighs and lifts his head, his
eyes looking down.

I follow his gaze and realization dawns on me. OH...Mulder
seems to have sprouted some kind of sheet 'prop' around his
hips. I know I'm blushing when I look back at his face.
"See what you do to me, Scully?" He whispers. I bend over
giving him another quick kiss on the lips I'm pulling away
just as the door opens.

Nurse Simmons enters a rather large woman, almost manly in appearance,
but I've come to discover very good at her job. She smiles at me and
glances at Mulder her voice is gruff
when she speaks. "Well good to see you awake Mr. Mulder, I guess we
can give you that sponge bath now, I'll be right
back."

Turning back to Mulder, I see the 'panic' face he grabs my
arm. "Scully," He whines. "Don't let *her* give me a
bath...couldn't *you* do it?" He adds with a leer. "Now
Mulder that wouldn't be a good idea...considering
your...ah, condition. I'm sure Nurse Simmons knows how to
alleviate the problem."

Mulder grimaces. "Oh, Scully believe me just the thought
took care of *that*." I hear the door opening again so I
pat Mulder's hand before standing. "I'm just going to go
get some coffee. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes."

I can't help but laugh at the expression on his face just
before I close the door caused by Nurse Simmons loud voice.
"Okie-dokie, Mr. Mulder...what you bashful? Don't worry about it
honey. You don't have anything I haven't seen
before. I've seen hundreds of young men naked in my day."

I end up taking a walk; a walk that leads me to the
pediatric ward and what I see shocks me. Tara and Bill,
Tara is crying, her face pressed into Bill's chest. I've
been here almost two weeks and yet I didn't bother to call,
although I knew mom had been staying out here since
Christmas. My heart feels tight, something must have
happened to Matty. "Dana? Dana didn't you hear me?" I turn
and see mom standing to the side of me. "No, I didn't. I'm
sorry mom...what's wrong?"

I see where I get my fortitude when my mother swallows and
blinks her eyes holding the tears at bay. "Matty has
leukemia." I gasp. "Why, why didn't anyone call me?" My
mother looks slightly angered. "Well Dana you've pretty
much shut yourself off from the family. Besides there's
nothing you could have done anyway with your job...by the
way why are you here? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Mom. Mulder was shot, we were out here on a
case...but if I had known." Crossing her arms, my mother
glares at me. "You would have what, Dana? Dropped
everything? Flew out here to be supportive? You haven't
spoken to your brother since Christmas and even that was
strained with the two of you glowering at each other." She
sighs the anger draining out of her voice. "Besides we've
grown used to coming second in your life."

The inflection that it's Mulder and not my job comes
through loud and clear in Mom's statement. I don't want to
argue and here isn't the time or place. "How long has Matty
been sick?" I ask. "Tara became worried when he wouldn't
eat and he kept getting colds and finally a fever three
weeks ago...I guess a couple of months. We just found out
the test results, I guess you know what he needs, Dana."

"A transplant, are they testing all the family?" I ask.
"Yes, I just came back from getting my blood drawn." I look
in at Tara and Bill. "I'll go down too...chances are one of
us will be a match, what about Charlie?"

Mom shakes her head. "No remember he had Hepatitis when he was little
and...Dana...remember...your, cancer...you
wouldn't be able to donate either." Oh Shit...how could I
forget, I sigh. "Right...but I can still donate blood if he
needs it, I have to try Mom." She nods and I kiss her
lightly on the cheek.

When I turn Bill is standing behind me. "Dana is going to
have her blood tested, just in case." Bill stares at me.
"Why bother? She can't donate even if she is a match and we owe it all
to her partner. Why are you here, anyway Dana? Shouldn't you be off
chasing some aliens, I mean that is your job isn't it?"

My fury is rising, how dare he!

Mom calmly puts her hand on Bill's chest. "Dana is here because Fox
was shot and he's in the hospital here." Bill smiles. "Well damn,
maybe I'll just pay him a visit and let him know how much I appreciate
the fact that *my son* has Leukemia and how you may be a match, but
unfortunately you can't donate because of everything that's happened
to you by being involved with him, the bastard."

"Don't you EVER talk about him that way again! Bill, my
career has been MY choice, not Mulder's and if you have a
problem with that then get angry with me not him." I turn
and start to walk away before stopping and turning back.
"No matter what you think, Mulder is important to me and he is a part
of my life now and will always be. So you better
just get used to it."

Two Hours Later:

I've had my blood drawn and told Mulder everything; he
tried to assure me everything would turn out okay. There's
a knock just before the door opens and mom sticks her head in, she
must notice Mulder's pallor and her countenance
softens. "Oh Fox...how are you feeling?" He smiles back.
"I've been better, but I'll survive. Thank you, for asking
Mrs. Scully."

"Dana, the blood tests results are back. I thought you
could be there and help explain things." I turn to Mulder.
"Go Scully, your family needs you right now and I'm not
going anywhere...maybe I can even talk Nurse Simmons to
give me another sponge bath." He replies trying to lighten
the mood, it works, for me anyway. I bend over and kiss his
lips chastely, yet longer than considered just friendly.

"Thank you, Mulder." I follow Mom out of the door.

When we get to the office both of us, hear Bill's voice,
booming, anger and frustration evident. "What the hell do
you mean that can't be FUCKING possible!" The doctor is
clearly flustered. "Please calm down Mr. Scully." Mom calms Bill down
almost as soon as we enter.

"Now Doctor could you please repeat what has my son so
upset."

"Of course, I've already told him we will run the tests
again to be sure. I have the compatibility ratio from each
blood sample given by every member of the family. The percentage scale
will make it easier for you to understand, Mrs. Tara Scully 10%, Mr.
William Scully 20%, Mrs. Margaret Scully 20% and Miss Dana Scully
60%."

"So you are saying that Dana would be the best candidate
for a transplant."

The Doctor nodded. Mom seemed to digest this for a minute.
"But that's not all is it?" She's shrewd; my mother she
knew something other than that had my brother ready to
throw furniture.

"No it isn't, I asked your son and daughter-in-law if
Matthew was adopted?"

Mom gasped, but regained her composure quickly. "Why would you ask
that? We all were here two Christmases ago when Tara gave birth."

The Doctor, Spaulding I finally noticed the placard on his
desk, cleared his throat before continuing. "With the
results I'm seeing here...the only conclusion I can come to
is that Tara and William Scully are not the child's
biological parents. I will need to do a DNA test to be
sure, however, there are certain markers we look for when
testing for donor compatibility and neither Tara nor
William has these."

Tara cleared her throat. "We underwent IVF, we'd been
trying for so long...it was an experimental program. They
told us we were perfect candidates and it worked the first
time. But we were told it was my egg and Bill's sperm." She
looked into Bill's eyes. "Oh Bill...what did they do?"

Doctor Spaulding spoke, again. "I know this is a shock, to
all of you. However, I do have some good news. This
hospital is connected globally and we have actually found a
donor with an amazingly high compatibility, 85%, right here
in this hospital. The patient is currently recovering
from...well my notes don't say, but perhaps the patient
would be willing to be the Bone Marrow donor you need."

Bill and Tara's gazes held and I saw the love they held for
Matty and each other. Both of them spoke simultaneously.
"Do you have a name for this person who may save our
child's life? I think we'd like to speak to him or her."

I had stood up, intending to ask for the test results when
Doctor Spaulding replied. "Normally I can't give out that
information, but the patient is registered as an organ
donor and considering the line of work the patient is in.
He'd probably be happy to help...His name is Mulder, Fox
Mulder."

I saw the floor coming at me, but I couldn't stop myself
from impact and the darkness that enveloped me...

* * * * *

Well it's been two hours since Whirlwind Scully breezed
into my room, muttering about those damn incompetent
hospital lab analysts and informing me of her need to take
my blood.

My blood, I mean Christ haven't they been taking
two or three tubes a day, if I had a little gauge on my
body somewhere I'd expect it to be reading about 3/4 of a
tank.

I noticed how pale her face was the moment she opened the
door and my first thought was about her nephew, the news
must not have been good. I was just about to ask her when
she reached in her pocket and started rambling while taking
a sample of my blood.

I didn't even flinch.

Honestly, Scully is very good at taking blood, she never seems to have
to wiggle the needle around in my arm like some of the technicians or
nurses do. Of course maybe that's just because, she's had to take my
blood more than once and it's like field experience or something.

She thanked me, kissed my cheek and hurried out of the
room.

I must have dozed off at some point and when I see the door
opening I smile thinking it is Scully. Nope and I don't
have my gun handy.

"You won't be needing you're weapon Agent Mulder. I've just
come to check on your recovery."

I snort. "Glad to see you're so concerned about me
especially after leaving me for dead in that operating
room. I'm touched, really."

"No, need to be sarcastic. It was up to you to pull
through, I've learned not to under estimate you, Fox."

"DON'T call me that!"

"Why? You didn't seem to have a problem with the Diana
calling you by your given name...But then again I don't
think you allow your partner, the lovely and steadfast
Agent Scully the same privilege though...do you?"

He's smirking at me trying to bait me, does he know? Does
he know that Scully and I are becoming more? I'm not going
to fall into the trap.

"What do you want?"

"I already told you just seeing how you're coming along and
I need to talk to your partner...You wouldn't know where I
could find her?"

My eyes burn into his with all the anger I'm feeling. "Stay
away from her." I enunciate each word and wish now more
than ever that I had my gun or my cellphone at least, so I
could warn Scully.

"I'm not going to harm her Agent Mulder, calm yourself. I
just need to speak with her. It's of some importance."

"What?"

He tilts his head, thinking? Maybe figuring out how much to
reveal to me. "Agent Mulder, I just think you should think
twice about certain things...the virus you were exposed
to...we still don't know it's exact nature or what long
term effects it may have."

"On me you mean? Didn't you solve that problem when you cut out a
piece of my brain? Right before killing Diana?"

He starts shaking his head. "You have always been a poor
judge of character, Fox. Diana was expendable she betrayed you...and
she betrayed me." He chuckles softly. "I'm
actually hurt that you're partner believes Diana sent her
the key to finding you."

I wonder if my face looks as surprised as I feel right now.
"So you're telling me that it was you who helped Scully
find me?"

"Of course. You might not believe this, but I admire you.
You're tenacity, you're hope...I've given you so much..."

My voice grows louder. "Given Me So Much...and what
precisely have you given me?"

"Don't you know? I made you, Mulder. Without me, you'd
probably be some college professor instead of who you
are...a worthy opponent. I'd still like to change that to
adversary...Don't suppose I could interest you?"

"Get the FUCK out!" I yell and buzz for the nurse. "Nurse!
Nurse!"

Nurse Simmons ducks her head in.

"Is there a problem Mister Mulder, you're disturbing the
other patients." Before I can speak, good old Smokey chimes in.

"Agent Mulder was just a little agitated, but I'm leaving
so he can get some rest." The old bastard sure knows how to turn on
the charm. "Take care Fox."

The door closes with a soft snick behind him. I'm still
reeling, Scully was right. Diana had betrayed me. I feel
sick thinking back to Scully standing in my hallway,
pushing aside her own feelings to empathize with the death
of someone important to me. Not important to me, Diana was in the
past, Scully, Scully is important to me.

There is a soft knock and Mrs. Scully sticks her head in.

"Oh...Fox I was just looking for Dana. She must not be back
from the lab yet." She turns to leave, but my voice stops
her.

"Mrs. Scully...I, I just want to say I'm sorry...sorry
about Matthew."

She nods before smiling at me. "Thank you, Fox." She is so
serious almost like she's thanking me for doing something
great, something more than just expressing my empathy for
her grandson.

She leaves and now I'm more confused than ever.

* * * * *

My eyes are tired and I rub them with my fingers although I
know I shouldn't. Sighing I pick up the two results, the
comparisons of Matthew's DNA with all of ours. The first
folder was the one Dr. Spaulding gave me with the HLA
results. The other holds the DNA and MLC tests that I
personally witnessed.

It's true. Everything I denied or tried to rationalize as I
listened to Dr. Spaulding and his recitation of the lab
tests. Funny I was there to make sense of all the medical
mumbo-jumbo and break it down for the rest of my family and what I
heard shocked me so much I passed out.

Me, Dana Scully...boom out cold on the floor. I made some
excuse about low blood sugar, no breakfast or lunch and was
reprimanded by my mother, brother and Tara.

Bill couldn't fathom how I could be a better match than he
was, but Spaulding answered and told him it wasn't that
uncommon I just nodded my agreement.

Spaulding went on to explain that the tests weren't conclusive that
more thorough testing needed to be done.
Preliminary tests indicated Mulder with a high compatibility but until
they specifically looked for the D antigen we wouldn't know how great
the immune factor would be.

Holding these test results I find myself staring at another
life altering moment and trying to determine how to
proceed...How do I break the news to Bill and Tara...my
mother...and Mulder.

I'm glad I'm alone in the lab at this moment. I feel the
tears pooling in my eyes at the injustice, the
betrayal...the truth. Perhaps that's why his voice startles
me.

"What is more important, Agent Scully, one life or
hundreds?"

I turn; my eyes now cold and hard to face the person who
must have known this all along. "You."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Good question and a fair one, Agent Scully, but I don't
think I have time to go into all the details. Just let me
say it was a secret never meant to come out...sometimes
being in the dark is preferable...don't you agree?"

"You don't have time for explanations or details? Yet you
are able to *create* the situations Mulder and I find
ourselves in repeatedly. It wasn't enough to just involve
the two of us? Now *my* family is involved in one of your
little experiments too?"

He actually has the balls to grin at me, if I had my gun
right now..."Your family has been involved for a long time.
I would think you'd be grateful. The boy has a loving home.
They're not some strangers...like we used with Emily. My
question is what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to tell the truth."

"Perhaps you should take some time and think about your
decision. After all there is more than just your feelings
or Mulders' at stake in this. You shouldn't be too hasty."

I've had enough. I take the files and stand right in front
of the old bastard, daring him to try and stop me.

"I'm going to talk with Mulder and I'm going to tell him
we, WE, have a decision to make. There will be NO MORE
SECRET...no matter how you look at it a child's LIFE is at
stake..."

I move to exit the room and he grabs my arm. "Listen to me!
Do you really think Mulder is ready to give up the X Files?
Do you think he's ready to *stop the damn car* get out and
live something approaching a *normal* life? Do you think he
is ready to make a commitment to you?"

My eyes must show my shock at his knowledge of the conversation Mulder
and I had while we drove to Area 51."How, how did you know?" He shakes
his head.

"Agent Scully NOTHING you or Mulder does is private, if I
wanted to I could even find out exactly how many sheets of
toilet tissue you use to wipe yourself with. Yes, I know
the two of you are becoming *more* than partners, actually
I'm surprised it took the two of you this long. You may
think the two of you are ready for the truth, but you're
wrong. You're deluding yourself."

I jerk my arm out of his grasp. "What Mulder and I may or
may not have between us is NONE of your business...but what you've
done, IS!"

With that I storm out, but I hear him calling after me.

"Go on! Tell him the boy is his son! You'll regret it."

Not just his son you Son-of-a-Bitch, *our* son...

End of One

Matthew (2/2)
Author: Ms. AM ALMowry@pathway.net
All disclaimers in part 1.

(2/2)

I knew something important had been revealed to Scully the
minute she walked into my room holding a file. She walked
over and sat down on the bed, taking my hand in hers.

"Scully? I just want you to know if there is anything I can
do, anything that will help...Just let me know."

Scully laughed, the tone wasn't of happiness or humor, but
of resignation. "Oh Mulder, if only you knew, what truth
those words hold. God, this is hard. I don't know how to
tell you."

I squeeze her hand gently. "Tell me what, Scully?" She
takes a breath; her whole upper body seems to move with the effort.
"Mulder, Matthew has Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. It's the most common
form of Leukemia found in children and usually can be cured through a
Bone Marrow Transplant. In fact at his age Matty stands a very good
chance, but only if a compatible donor can be found."

"I'm listening Scully." She squeezes my hand back before
placing our clasped hands against her chest and seeming to
draw strength, she continues. "Mulder, you are the match
Matty needs."

My mouth drops open even as my eyes widen in surprise. "So that's why
you tested my blood you wanted to be sure of the results?" Scully has
looked away from me and when she turns back I notice her eyes shine
with unshed tears.

"What is it, Scully?"

Her voice is small and slightly choked when she speaks
again. "Mulder, Bill and Tara underwent IVF to conceive
Matty." My brow furrows, I mean so what plenty of couples
need a little outside help it's not so uncommon anymore.
"What, are you saying their fertility treatment has
something to do with his illness?"

Scully's eyes bore into mine. "No Mulder, what I'm saying
is that Bill and Tara aren't Matty's biological parents,
but they thought they were. Mulder, I had the second
highest compatibility for donating Marrow for Matty, higher
than Bill, Tara or my mother. That's why *I* had to do a
DNA test."

"Scully?"

"Mulder...Matty, Matthew...is ours. He is our son."

I feel like ten tons of cement has just been dumped on my
head, I have a son...Scully and I have a child, our child
is being raised by her brother of all people and he hates
my guts. Suddenly my impromptu visit from Spender makes a hell of a
lot more sense.

"Scully...did C.G.B. Spender come to see you?" Her eyes
flash with anger, but not at me. "How the hell did you
know?" She waits for me to answer, her body language
showing all the tension she must be feeling.

"Because he was here." I sigh. "And now his whole
conversation makes more sense to me." Scully leans closer
her hand tightens on mine. "He warned me about the virus,
Scully, specifically that no one knows the long-term
effects on my body."

Scully nods, chewing her lip as she digests what I've just
told her. "Mulder, he's right, but I also know that the
chances of finding another donor with a compatibility as
high as yours is astronomically impossible. Matty is very
sick...I don't think he'll live without a transplant. This
isn't just Bill and Tara's decision anymore...it's ours
too...isn't it?"

She seems so unsure, yes of course now that we know. He's our son and
if I can help him live, but what about the
virus...has, it affected me genetically? I don't care life
is better than death. "Scully? I'd like to go see our son."

It is scant minutes later that Scully confiscates a
wheelchair and the two of us are in a small private room
with a sleeping Matthew. I don't think either of us are
breathing as we try to see ourselves in this child. "Are
you ready to go?" Scully whispers in my ear and I nod my
head affirmatively.

We are almost out the door when we hear a whimper and what sounds like
"Ayna." Scully turns me around and we see a wide-awake Matthew staring
at us through the bars of the crib. "Ayna." He repeats and holds his
arms out to be
picked up.

Scully pushes me closer before reaching into the crib and
collecting a much happier Matthew. She sits in the chair
beside me and kisses his head as he snuggles back against
her chest. "Matty, this is a friend of mine...his name is
Mulder. Can you say Mulder?"

Matty hides his face behind his hands, but he keeps moving
them and grinning at me, I can't help but smile. I reach
out and poke his stomach. "Peek-a-boo to you Matthew." He giggles, but
when I stop he pouts and says. "More, Mud-er."
Therefore, I tickle him again.

It isn't long before he's wiggling to be let down and
Scully sets him on his feet, he takes two steps and raises
his arms to me. Scully smiles and lifts him onto my lap, I
wrap my arms around him and he settles against my chest.

He yawns, just before starting to suck his thumb and pats my forearm.
I find myself swallowing the mysteriously
reappearing lump in my throat repeatedly.

"Scully? Is he, is he small for his age?"

She smiles at me. "He might be a little on the low side of
the norm, but not much." I go back to nuzzling my chin on
his head as Scully looks wistfully at the two of us. We
don't hear the door as it opens.

"What the FUCK is going on here!" Bill strides into the
room, startling Matthew who begins to cry, Tara and Mrs.
Scully stand just behind him. "It's okay, Matthew...shhh...don't cry."
I whisper in his ear. Scully
is standing now facing her brother.

Bill steps forward and for a moment I think he's going to
hit me, but he pauses when Tara lets out this kind of
gasping sob. "Tara? Honey?" He's suddenly concerned and
watches curiously as Tara walks over to us.

She gently traces Matthew's cheek with a finger, before tilting her
head thoughtfully and cupping my cheek as well her thumb stroking back
and forth.

"I always wondered...where..."

Bill takes her by the upper arms. "Tara? What are you
doing?" She looks at her husband tracing his features with
her eyes. "I always wondered where Matty got his birthmark,
I mean no one in my family or yours...don't you see Bill.
Look at them together."

I sense Bill's scrutiny and I feel genuinely sorry when he
makes the connection, Matthew's mole and mine, the shade of his hair,
his pouty lower lip. "Oh, God." He gasps before
stumbling back against the wall and sinking to the floor.

"Bill, Tara, mom...it's true. I ran the blood tests myself.
Matthew is Mulder's biological son and...I am his mother."
Mrs. Scully though shaken walks over, takes Matthew from me and places
him back in the crib. She lays a firm hand on my back before speaking.

"I think we all need to go somewhere and talk. Fox you are
pale as a ghost, Dana, why don't you take him back to his
room and we'll all meet you there in just a little while."

Scully nods and pushes me toward the door.

"Dana? Mr. Mulder, are you going to take Matty away from
us?" Tara looks at us expectantly; Mrs. Scully gently takes
her by the shoulders when her face crumbles due to our non-
response.

The question is what are Scully and I going to do.

* * * * *

What are we going to do?

The question is still revolving around in my head two
months later. Mulder has been supportive and yet I still
don't know exactly how he feels. We are heading back to
California tonight, it seems like a long time, but Mulder
needed the time to recover from the gunshot and Pneumonia
before he would be allowed to donate.

Tara has been keeping us updated. Matty slowly regained his strength
and the doctors feel the time is right to begin
the pre-treatments he will need before Mulders Bone Marrow
can be harvested and then transplanted into Matty.

I'm standing here waiting for Mulder to finish packing,
leaning against the doorway watching the smooth play of
muscles as he reaches for the shirts stacked beside his
suitcase.

Stretch, retrieve and re-stack, over and over, without
thinking I find myself creeping toward him, my hands seek
and find the supple skin of his back. He stiffens, I wonder
if my hands are cold, I know the rest of me isn't. Not at
this moment.

I feel warm.

I feel liquid.

I want him.

Now, before we get on that plane. My fingers trace the
waistband of his jeans, from the back to front, my palms
finally resting on his firm stomach even as I kiss the
center of his back. He gasps when I begin nuzzling between
his shoulder blades.

He turns in my arms, his own hands cupping my face. I see
the questions in his eyes, why...why now, Scully? I twist
my head into his right hand and when his thumb grazes my
lips, I draw it into my mouth. My own hands have already
opened the fly of his jeans and I gently knead his penis
through the material of his boxers.

He is hard and swells further with each stroke; my eyes
have traveled down from his face over the firm chest and
now rest watching the movements of my hand as I pleasure
him.

I hear him moan and glance up to see his head thrown back.
His hand grabs mine and pulls it away effectively ceasing
my motions. "Scully." He whispers against my lips just
before claiming them. I hadn't realized how ragged my own
breathing had become until our mouths fused and our tongues clashed.

He insinuates one leg between my own before pressing me
back, lowering us both to the bed. His lips break away from
my own, gliding over my chin, back to my ear nipping at my
earlobe before descending lower.

Lower...lower, his fingers unbuttoning my blouse, hands
pulling the material apart. Palms gliding over the cups of
my bra, reaching in drawing my breasts out before his lips
finish their downward spiral to encircle one nipple within.

"Oh!" I gasp as the heat of his mouth encompasses me, even as his hips
rock against me. I can feel his erection
pressed against me when he draws one leg high over his
waist. He moves to bathe my neglected nipple and the cool
air against the first sends tiny tingles all through me.

"Scully." He chants as he suckles and our hips move as one. I moan as
he raises his head. He draws in a breath.

"Scully? You're crying." What? I'm crying? I must be as his
lips kiss the wetness I can now feel under my eyes.

He rises to his knees drawing me with him, pressing my head to his
chest. "Oh, Scully...we, we can't do this." I draw
back, confused and he hastens to continue. "Not like this,
Scully. When the time comes, I want us both to be very sure that we're
taking this step for the *right* reasons."

"But, Mulder...I," He places his finger over my lips.

"Scully, I know you want me...and I want you. Don't ever
doubt that. However, you, we, are both lost right now over
finding out the truth about our son and what the future
holds. Not to mention the questions what we want to do,
what we should do and what is the right thing to do."

I nod my head, knowing that everything he is saying is
rational and logical, yet at this moment I feel anything
but. "Mulder, what do *you* want to do?" He looks in my
eyes and for the first time, I see clarity. "I want our
son."

"So do I." His gaze softens at my echoed sentiments and I
know our decision is made. I button my blouse and he
finishes getting ready, I guess I knew from the first
moment we found out about Matthew's parentage how our
decision would affect the future.

Mulder closes his door behind us, setting his suitcase down
in the hallway before drawing me into his arms. "I'm sorry,
Scully." I raise my head from his chest. "It's for the
best, Mulder. Some things just aren't meant to be."

His eyes shine with tears in memory of his own words, at
least the context, before kissing me gently. He reaches for
his suitcase and we head down the hall.

* * * * *

San Diego Memorial Hospital
May 25, 2000

It's been about 24 hours since I had my Bone Marrow
removed. Matthew is still in the special ward, but so far,
he seems to be doing well. I've told Scully that she needs
to go back to the hotel and get some sleep, but she refuses
to leave my bedside for any length of time. She only leaves
long enough to check on Matthew's condition.

She's sleeping now. Only after I hounded the nurse on duty
to have someone drag one of those couch-like things, they
have in the waiting rooms in here. She's so beautiful.

I'm crouching beside her, something I really shouldn't be
doing, yet. I mean I'm not in a lot of pain it's just a
kind of dull ache. She was moaning a little while ago and I
made my way over, shushing her and caressing her face until she
quieted.

I didn't know I had an observer.

"You're not supposed to be out of bed yet, are you?" Bill
Scully questions from the doorway. I raise my finger to my
lips, figuring he knows the sign language for being quiet.

I walk over to him slowly, I mean I really don't want an
argument and I'm not in any shape for a fight. Bill sighs
and I recognize the haunted look in his eyes, I still see
it sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror.

"Is everything, okay? Is Matthew..." I trail off. "No he's
alright, I mean he's doing as good as can be expected right
now. Mr. Mulder, may we talk?" Bill's voice is soft and I
nod.

He grabs the wheelchair by the bed, using a head movement
I've seen Scully use, meaning I should sit in the fucking
chair because I'm not going to win. Gingerly I sit and Bill
wheels me out into the hall.

We end up in a deserted lounge. Bill parks me and stands a
few feet away staring out the window, gathering his
thoughts. "I, I want to thank you. For what you're
doing...for my, our...I mean...Fuck this hard." He looks
right at me, no right through me.

I clear my throat. "Bill...he is your son. Yours and Tara's
if it hadn't been for the Leukemia...No one would have ever
known. I mean biology aside, the two of you are his
parents, you're all he knows..." I curse the sudden frog
jumping around in my vocal cords.

I'm shocked when Bill places his hand on my shoulder, I
look up and our gazes lock. "You love her...don't you?" I
swallow. "With everything I am." He nods and I feel some
acceptance from him.

"Mulder...Mulder." We both hear her voice at the same
moment. "There you are...I was worried." I think we both
see the curiosity burning in her eyes, Bill speaks first.
"You were finally catching some Zzz's Sis and Mulder needed a little
fresh air." I smile up at him and when I look back Scully is standing
with her hands on her hips.

"Uh-huh." She says. I guess she isn't convinced. Bill walks
over and kissed her on the cheek before looking back at me.
"Well since you're here now, Dana I don't have to escort
him back...I'm going to check on Matty." With a nod in my
direction he's gone.

"Is everything alright Mulder? Really?" She asks before
walking towards me. "For now, Scully, for now."

* * * * *

Mulder and I remained in San Diego for three weeks. Matthew grows
stronger everyday and shows no signs of rejection. We stayed at Bill
and Tara's at Bill's insistence to say I was surprised would be an
understatement. Tara and I had just gotten back from the grocery store
and I overheard some of Mulder and Bill's conversation.

"So Mulder, when are you going to make an honest woman out of my
sister?" Mulder must have been drinking something because I swear I
hear him spit it out. "Jeez, Bill."

"What? I mean you love her, right. I don't see what the
problem is." Mulder sighs. "It's not that Bill, I do love
her, but it's complicated. I mean we wouldn't be able to
work together anymore."

Tara pushes into the room and I follow, taking notice of
Mulder's red face, I'm sure he wonders how much the two of
us heard. Tara sits on the arm of Bill's chair and I sit
beside Mulder on the couch.

Tara whispers to Bill and he nods. She speaks in a soft
voice. "Mulder, Dana..." She clutches my brother's hand
tightly. "Bill and I...when we underwent the IVF...what I'm
trying to say is that well we always knew we would try the
procedure again if it didn't work and even if it
did...Matty should have a sibling."

OH MY GOD.

Why didn't I think of this before? I feel so stupid. At
some point I've grabbed Mulder's hand and am squeezing it
for all I'm worth. "Hey, Scully I need that hand to,
well...to do *things* with." I drop his hand like it's on
fire.

"How many?" I ask looking into Tara's face.

"After Matty...twelve."

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Twelve...twelve...twelve...

One dozen...

Eggs...

Eggs come in a dozen...

You can get them from the grocery store even...

Fresh out of the dairy case...

Eggs...eggs...my eggs...

I think I'm rocking, but it's Mulder holding me, rocking
me. Tara kneels in front of us. She takes my hand in hers.
"Dana...when you're ready...if you want...they're frozen
all twelve of them just waiting. We had to find our own storage
facility so they aren't with the people who used us all."

She tilts my head up. "They are waiting to be born. They're
waiting for their mother." She looks at Mulder. "And their
father." Mulder pulls my lips up to his, I taste his tears
and he tastes mine.

When we part, Bill and Tara are holding each other. "We new Matthew
was a gift...and even though he isn't ours
biologically, he's even more precious to us the second time
around. You've given him and us another chance at life."

Tara's voice cracks and Bill continues. "I, we just want
you to know...both of you. We want you to be a part of his
life and when he's old enough to understand everything, he
will know the truth."

Mulder swallows before replying. "Thank you Bill...Tara."
Mulder looks at me his hand resting on my stomach over the womb I
always thought would be barren and tenderly kisses
me. It's a kiss of layered meanings.

Hope.

Promise.

Love.

Moreover, of a possible future.

For us...together.

The end...

End Notes: Ok, ok sappy done before, blah, blah, blah, like our M and
S wouldn't have tried to investigate the original fertility clinic.
But then CC doesn't let the real M and S have any sexual interludes
with each other either...hehehe.