TITLE: Soul's Confession AUTHOR: Shawen A. Greer DISCLAIMERS: This is a fictional story involving the wonderful characters that are the property of Chris Carter, Fox Broadcasting and 1013 Productions. They are borrowed without permission, but without intent of infringement. DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, but please archive in it's entirety with my name and e-mail attached. But I would love to know about it! CATEGORY: MSR,A RATING: PG-13 TIME LINE: Post Season 4 SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully realize their feelings for each other but learn that revealing them could put the other one in danger. FEEDBACK: Yes, please. I'm not real sensitive, but do try to be nice. shawen@altavista.com Residence of Special Agent Dana Scully "I'll take care of it sir, thank you." and Scully snaps her cell phone closed. Unable to move she stares at it as if it can magically clarify the conversation that it just contained. She was lost in a web of fatigue and confusion. She had returned from the coast of Africa a little over a week ago, and was still emotionally drained from her unsettling experiences there. Then to be faced with Mulder's disappearance from the hospital was more than she could reasonably cope with. The last weeks events were still spinning in her head like ghosts in the wind leaving her to piece it all together into some sort of understanding. When she stepped into that hospital room to see Assistant Director Skinner pacing beside an empty bed where only hours before her partner and friend had been fighting for his life, she was filled with a terror unlike anything she had experienced before. She could still feel the dull ache in her heart. Mulder was more than her best friend. He was an extension of herself. Together they completed each other. Their relationship had grown so much in the last seven years that it now surpassed any one definition. She was more in love with him than any man she had ever known. In turn she knew that his unspoken love for her was just as true. Yet no words were ever spoken, no thoughts ever expressed. They didn't have to be. They had shared more with each other than most married couples. They each knew the other's heart, more clearly than words could ever explain. She went to the kitchen and opened a bottle of Boordy that had been chilling for some time. The dark wine splashed into her glass and she made her way to the sofa to sort through the many thoughts and images now flooding her soul. She glanced at her cell phone which she had laid on the table. She could still hear Skinner's words echoing in her head. "Diana Fowley was found murdered in her apartment this morning Agent Scully...I thought you'd like to know." It had felt as if some blunt object had struck her in the chest and for a moment she couldn't breathe. When she managed to take a staggered breath, she had dared to ask him if Mulder knew. The response had come as "No...I thought you would want to be the one to tell him." Walter Skinner had become a good friend, though Scully had sometimes questioned his motives. But he always managed to come through for her in the end. Scully had ended the conversation then. She found it difficult to speak. Her thoughts turned to Mulder. What would she say to him. This woman had shared a very special part of his life once. He had loved her. Even now there was something between them. Not love, more an understanding and respect. Well, at least from Mulder anyway. Scully had never doubted for a second that given the opportunity Diana would have stopped at almost nothing to be with Mulder. Her feelings for him were quite obvious, though unreciprocated. What was also obvious was the friction between the two female agents. From the very beginning Fowley had thought it necessary to allude to her partnership with Mulder years ago. Of course Scully had known that the partnership she spoke of was more of a taunting of their sleeping arrangements than their Bureau assignments. And if she heard about how they "were of the same mind" or "shared the same beliefs" one more time, she swore she would have strangled Diana Fowley with her bare hands. But after evaluating her own relationship with him, she realized that what she shared with Fox Mulder was more precious than Fowley could ever dream of knowing. It was their differences that made them stronger. Together. Scully had always been sure that Diana's continued interest in Mulder was due to motives other than her professed concern for him and their "friendship". She had suspected for some time that Diana Fowley was somehow involved with the dark game and the men who played it. Though it seemed now that she had fallen prey to their plan as had so many others because of the search for the truth. As she poured herself another glass of wine, it became painfully clear to her. Through it all, through all the lies and the deceit, Diana Fowley truly did love him. She had compromised him on many occasions, but at no time in those instances had his life been in jeopardy. Had she been consumed by their lies too? Was her compliance to their orders at the promise that in the end they would be together? But that was before she saw him suffer at their unmerciful hands. Scully had exhausted every resource to find him. To save him. Every day regretting they words she had never said. Her only solace came oddly from his illness. In the state induced by the unexplainable and possible alien virus, it was probable that he was able to know her heart just as surely as if she would have told him. But his salvation came from an unlikely source. As Scully slept on the floor of her apartment, emotionally exhausted yet unwilling to stop, an envelope was slipped under her door. Hearing the noise in her sleep, she desperately fought to regain consciousness. But the mysterious courier was already gone. It was this envelope that contained the key card accessing the medical area of the D.O.D. where she found Mulder. She could still see him there restrained to some sort of surgical table, the soiled dressings on his head covering their procedure. Unconscious and practically discarded having evidently served his purpose. The only sound in the room was the vague hum of the lights above her. Her heart pounded in her chest as she approached him, unsure if he was alive or dead. She remembered the terrible mutilations that they had performed on Gibson, and the tears ran freely down her cheeks at the thought of her Mulder being subjected to the same pain and torture. She had stood by him her tears covering his face and begged him to wake up and help her. She knew that she had to get him out of that terrible place, but was helpless to do so by herself. Then his eyes finally opened and he spoke to her, his words ringing now in her ears. He knew that she would find him, He had believed in her and trusted his life to her. Together they managed to slip away undetected, but she somehow knew that they were allowed to leave. Once in her car, she laid his head on her lap and held him with her free arm. She wanted desperately to hold him in both, to convince herself that he was really there, but knew that it was imperative that he get back to the hospital quickly. She needed to mend all that had been done to him. She would deal with the physical first, and tend to the emotional and psychological later. Now that he had been returned to her, there would be plenty of time for that. The key card had been the second mysterious parcel she had received in those few days surrounding Mulder's disappearance. The first had been an book of ancient Navajo writings recanting some of the mysteries that Scully had worked so hard to solve in Africa. To add to the puzzlement, the book had been delivered in the Inter-Office mail. She had been sure that it was Skinner, but upon confronting him, she was sure that he had no idea even what she was asking. His denial confirmed that these gifts could only have come from one other person. And now as she sat here faced with the truth, she wished that she could somehow make things right. To say the things that needed to be said. She walked into her bedroom to the drawer in the stand next to her bed and removed the dark book. The gold edge of the pages flashed as they briefly passed into the light. Next to where it had rested, she lifted the slim silver pen that read D.K.Scully. It was the one she always used to write in her journals because it was special to her. Melissa had given it to her when she graduated medical school with a note that said "Take the time to write from your heart." Now with her big sister gone, the gift and it's note had taken on a whole new meaning in Scully's life and she followed her advice often. She sat again on the sofa with her feet tucked under her supporting the book on her folded legs and began to write... "-Journal Entry November 14, 1999- I write these words for my own soul with the hope that somehow you will know them. Our lives are affected every day by those we come in contact with. Some in larger ways than others, some in more positive ways than others. But none the less, we are the product of the relationships that we encounter and establish. I find myself now re-evaluating who you were now upon hearing of your death. I know now that it was you that lead me to him. Your love for him was far greater that I ever believed true, and you were willing to sacrifice yourself to save him. You gave him back to me and returned a part of myself that I feared I had lost forever. For this I am eternally grateful and I wish you peace. I will do everything within my power to make sure that your sacrifice was not in vain. They will fall to the hands of some justice whether ours or another that has yet to be determined. If in fact we do meet again someday, I hope that it will be on more amiable terms than we have shared here. In sparing Mulder's life you have spared my own. For truly you know that he is my life. I know that is why you empowered my to save him. My prayers are with you as is my deepest respect and gratitude." And with her closing she signed it as if it was a letter that Diana would somehow read. She dried the tears that she realized dampened her cheeks and replaced her journal in it's sacred place. With a deep breath she put on her jacket and picked up her car keys from their usual place on the table. She had faced her ghosts and put them to rest. Now she needed to go to him. She didn't know how to tell him the news. She resolved to let her heart speak for her and she stepped out into the brightness of the hallway and locked the door behind her. Residence of Special Agent Fox Mulder Her footsteps echoed in the empty hallway leading to his apartment. Still searching for the right thing to say she swallowed uneasily the dry achiness in the back of her throat. She paused for a moment outside his door to compose herself and her thoughts. Then her knuckles gently brushed the hard wood which opened quickly as if anticipating her arrival. He stood there before her, his baseball cap covering the bandages that still adorned his head, smiling eagerly at the sight of her. She stood there for a moment pressing the image of him and the smile that she loved into her memories. She felt the tears on her cheeks again, but this time they were of relief. She tried to smile through her tears. Through it all, she loved him. And he knew that now. Her words came out quickly and she embraced him at the news of Diana. He held onto her tightly through her tears and Scully knew that the embrace was not for his comfort for the loss of Diana. But for the love that he had gained with his partner and the life that they shared. Together.