Title:  "Through a Window" 
Authors:  Julie Cantrell and Christine Wilson
Rating:  PG
Category:  S/R/A
Spoilers:  One sentence with VERY small references to Beyond the Sea,
Elegy, and A Christmas Carol.  Nothing major.
Keywords:  Mulder/Scully romance/character dies
Summary:  A tragedy causes Mulder to re-evaluate his situation.
Feedback:  Yes, yes, yes!  Please send comments to me (Julie) at 
curls@zoomnet.net and I will forward them to Christine.  We're new at this,
so please be gentle.   
Archive:  Yes.  Just ask first and keep our names and e-mail attached.
Disclaimer:  Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, the LGM, and Matthew Scully all
belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Twentieth Century Fox
Television.  No infringement is intended.
Visit http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dungeon/3881/ to see the image that
goes along with this story (click on fanfic button).


And now (gasp), the story...

 
He walked down the darkened street without purpose.  Occasionally 
glancing around, he continued his steps rhythmically.  It had 
occurred to him a while back that he didn't know where he was going.  
He wasn't familiar with the territory at all.  Even more frightening, 
he had no recollection of how he had even got there to begin with.  
He continued on when the sky opened up and heavy drops of rain fell to
the ground.  The steady tempo of the rain seemed to calm his fear somewhat.  
He increased his pace when he came upon a small child of about four.

"Hi!" said the dark haired boy with the serious eyes.  "My name's Matthew, 
what's your name?"

"Fox Mulder," he said tentatively, not wanting to frighten the tyke.

"What a funny name," he giggled.

"What are you doing out in the rain, Matthew?"

"I like to play in the rain," Matthew admitted.  "It's much more fun than 
being in the house with my aunt."

"What's wrong with your aunt?" he questioned.

"Oh, nothin', she just cries all the time!" the little one exclaimed.

"Why?  Is she sad?" Mulder questioned, almost feeling kind of silly.

"Yeah.  Some man died and now she always cries," he said in his sad 
little boy voice.  "See," he pointed to the window, "she’s cryin' right 
now."

Mulder looked toward the window and saw a face he knew so well.  He 
looked right at the visage of his partner and his best friend, Dana Scully.

"Scully?" he whispered almost to himself.

"No, that's Aunt Dana," Matthew said wrapping both of his arms around his 
tiny body.  Mulder looked down at the child.

"You're Matthew Scully," Mulder bent down so he was eye level with the kid. 
He tried to smile, so not to invoke fear.  The little kid started to get 
nervous.    

"It's okay," Mulder ruffled the boys hair.  "How old are you?"

"I'm three and a half," he said proudly.  "Aunt Dana says I'm a big boy!"

"Aunt Dana must know what she's talking about," Mulder said.  "Does she 
know you're out here?"  Mulder wasn't sure what was happening, but he 
needed to get this kid inside where he'd be safe.  As if on cue, Scully 
came running from her building.  

"Matthew, you scared me half to death!"  She was wearing jeans and a 
black sweater.  In a matter of seconds, Mulder couldn't tell the tears 
from the rain.  He hadn't realized it was raining that hard.  When he 
looked down, he understood why.  Not a spot on him was dampened.

"Sorry," Matthew said as Scully ushered him inside.

"Don't worry Scully, I kept an eye on him," Mulder said chasing after 
his partner.  Scully kept walking, ignoring him.

"Matthew, why were you out there?  Your daddy will kill me if you get 
sick," Scully said once they got into the dimly lit hallway of her 
apartment.

"He looked lost.  I had to help him," Matthew began to remove his T-shirt.  
Scully stopped him from moving and looked into his eyes.

"Who looked lost?  Who were you talking to?  Was someone talking to you?"

Mulder leaned against the wall.  His stomach was beginning to jump around 
and he felt afraid.  "That would be me.  You know me, Mulder."

"Him," Matthew said pointing towards Mulder.  Scully looked around the 
apartment quickly, her eyes wide with fear.  Mulder stood up straight and 
realized why he was so nervous.

"Matthew, nobody's there."

Mulder jumped in front of Scully and stood inches away from her face.  
Her eyes didn't blink; she didn't flinch.  It was then he realized she 
couldn't see him and the impact of Matthew’s words hit him like a ton of 
bricks.

'Some man died and now she always cries.'

"Aunt Dana, can't you see him?" Matthew tore his shirt off and started 
to shiver.  Scully smiled and tousled his hair.    

"Sometimes, kids see things that grownups can’t."

"Hey, Scully, this isn't the time to play pranks on me.  Scully, answer 
me now!"

"Mister, I told you that's not her name.  Her name is Aunt Dana."  
Matthew ran into Scully's bedroom, taking his drenched clothing with him.  

Mulder watched Scully intently as she began to mop up the puddles she 
and Matthew had made.  He tried numerous times to get her attention, 
but to no avail.  Dim memories of running through a darkened alley flashed 
through his mind and was quickly replaced by a burning sensation tearing 
through his chest.

Mulder was terrified.

Finally, Scully joined Matthew in her room, who was looking through a 
picture book.

"So, does this friend of your's have a name?" Scully was tearing through 
her drawers for pajamas, half listening and half looking.

"Yeah.  It's really goofy."

"I've known people with weird names," Scully said walking into the 
bathroom.  Mulder could hear a faint sound of sadness in her voice.  She 
left the bedroom door open just a crack.  Mulder sat on the bed by 
Matthew and patted his foot.

"I don't think she can see me," he said.  "Tell her I'm here, Matthew."

"He wants you to know he's here," Matthew yelled to her.  In the bathroom, 
Scully stood smiling.  Bill and Tara would be so disappointed that they 
got to miss his first imaginary friend.  They always found stuff like that 
amusing.  She emerged from the bathroom wearing blue silk pajamas.  

"Does your friend have a crush on me?" Scully asked pulling back the 
covers to her half of the bed and sliding in.  "I hope he's my age."

Scully propped herself up on her elbow and watched Matthew turn his head 
towards the wall and then proceed to laugh.

"He says he's older 'cause you were born in Feb'ary 23, 1964 and he was
born in 1960."  Scully raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, so tell me this guy's name." Scully was beginning to wonder.  
Matthew was intelligent, but he didn't even know when his own birthday was.

Mulder watched Matthew crinkle his nose.  "Say Fox Mulder.  Can you tell 
Aunt Dana that?  Tell her I'm back."

Matthew got frustrated and slammed the book closed.  "But you're my friend. 
I don't have friends here."  Scully's face was lit with amusement and 
sadness at the same time.  It was hard on Matthew to be here away from his 
home and friends, but Bill and Tara were in New York for a week.

"Neither do I, kiddo, but please, tell her who I am.  I promise I'll still 
be your friend."

There was a brief staring contest between the two, then Matthew sighed in 
defeat.  He stuck out his lip as he spoke to Scully.

"His name's Fox Mulder.  He's come back."

Mulder watched Scully's face fall and the tears threaten to fall again.  
If Mulder wasn't sure of it before, he was a that moment.  The dead man 
Matthew referred to earlier was, in fact, himself.  

"Matthew, where did you hear that name?  Was Grandma telling you stories 
again?"  Scully went into her stone face expression.  Of all days for 
Matthew to say his name, he had to pick today.  

She had tried to remain calm and had succeeded for most of the day.  
However, when night approached, Scully was forced to remember the 
heartbreaking details of Mulder's death, one year ago today.

Mulder patted Matthew's foot.  "Tell her no.  Tell her you really see me."  

"Don't ya believe me?" Matthew said on his own.  "He's really here, I 
swear.  Do ya know him?"

Scully laid flat on her back and stared at the ceiling.  "I knew someone 
named Mulder.  You probably just heard me talk about him."

Mulder stood up and walked over to her side.  He stood above her and 
watched as a single tear felling down her cheek.  "Matthew, tell her 
exactly what I'm about to tell you."

"Okay," he said tossing the book onto the floor.  Scully turned her head 
and watched Matthew take a few deep breaths.  Then he looked right at her 
and with a wide smile said, "Scully, you never believed."

Scully took a sharp breath and glanced around the room.  This couldn't be 
happening.  Fox Mulder had died in her arms.  There couldn't be any truth 
to what Matthew was saying.  Suddenly feeling ridiculous, Scully berated 
the child.

"Matthew Scully!" she began, "It isn't funny to tell stories that are not 
true."

Tears welled up in Matthew's baby blue eyes.  He was deeply hurt that his 
Aunt Dana would accuse him of lying.

"But Aunt Dana, I'm not lyin'," he sputtered out on a sob.

Mulder looked down at the little fellow.  God, why did he have to push the 
kid like that?  He should have known that Scully would rationalize her way 
out of it.  Especially if she was afraid.  He turned his attention back to 
the pair.

"We'll talk about this more in the morning, Matthew," Scully said in a 
deep, calm tone.

"Okay," Matthew sniffled.  "G'night Aunt Dana."

"Goodnight, sweetie," she replied.  "I love you."

"I love you, too.  G'night, Fox!" he said.

Mulder glanced up and smiled at the adorable child.  Scully also looked up, 
but her face held the pain and frustration of a woman in grief.  She 
quickly tucked the blankets in around Matthew.  She flicked on a night 
light and headed toward the kitchen.  It was going to be a long night.

She turned the kitchen light on and reached for the coffee.  It wasn't 
like she was going to get any sleep.  She sat at her dining room table 
and sipped her drink.  Tears slowly trickled down her pale face.  Mulder 
watched her and began to wonder what had happened.  

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*The Previous Year*

"Mulder, why are we here?" Scully asked her overly excited partner as he 
beat his hands against the steering wheel.

"I just couldn't turn a deal like this down.  It's buy one, get one free!" 
he grinned at her.

Scully looked at him like he had grown an extra head.  Mulder couldn't 
contain his excitement.  The undeniable proof that he had always sought 
out was at an arm's length now.  All he had to do was reach out and grab 
it.  To top it all off, his informant had promised the whereabouts of his 
sister, so at least now he would know how to reach her.  He was on top of 
the world.

Scully, on the other hand, was concerned for her partner.  He became so 
blinded by these shadowy figures, she was afraid that he’d lose sight of 
himself, and her.  Scully never would admit it to Mulder, but she had '
a feeling that something was going to go wrong.  

"Something big is about to happen, Scully," he spoke seriously now.

'God, I hope not', she thought.  Sitting in the rental car, she glanced 
out the window again.

And something moved.

"Mulder, there he is!" she exclaimed.

Before she had finished the sentence, Mulder was out of the car and 
running between the buildings.  Scully looked towards the darkened alley 
and felt nauseous.  The dim outline of Mulder made her come to 
her senses.

"Mulder!!!" she yelled in earnest.  She felt like she needed a leash for 
that man.  "Mulder, wait!"

Mulder was too focused on the suspect to hear his partner's cries.  

Scully was a good distance behind Mulder at this point.  She withdrew her 
gun with one hand and gripped onto a flashlight tightly with her other 
while she ran.  He was no longer visible.  Then, she heard it.  The sound 
of a firing gun echoed through the darkened street.  Her heart stopped.  
She picked up speed and ran into the alley.  

In the distance, she could hear footsteps that got fainter, but there was 
only one set of them.  Scully knew they weren't Mulder's.  Then, she heard 
a groan.  Flashing the light down she saw Mulder slumped against the wall, 
whitening in agony.

"S-Scully, help me," he pleaded weakly.

"Oh, God, Mulder!" she breathed with great effort as she took in his 
condition.  There was blood everywhere.

Scully's eyes centered directly onto Mulder’s chest, which had a quarter 
sized hole in it.  She looked up at Mulder.  His gaze had become fixed on 
his hands.  They were covered in blood.  Mulder looked at her, then 
glanced away.  He had been betrayed again.  They had played on his 
emotions, and again he had followed.

Scully whipped out her cell phone and called for the paramedics.  She 
surveyed the scene, but the suspect was not to be found.  She turned her 
attention back to Mulder.  So much blood.  Her mind told her that things 
didn't look good.  Her heart told her not to believe her mind.  It was a 
battle that was slowly destroying her.  

She took off her trench coat and placed it over Mulder to help keep him 
warm.  She then removed her blazer to use as pressure on his wound.  

"Sc-scully.  It's too c-cold for that," he stammered.  Scully felt like 
shaking him into his senses.  Mulder was worried about her being cold and 
not about himself.  Carefully, she maneuvered his body into her arms. 

"We'll talk about it later, Mulder," she said while trying to maintain her 
composure.

"N-not this time," he replied faintly.

"Don't say that!  You're a fighter, Mulder!  A little bullet can't get you 
down," Scully countered with tears in her eyes.  She was looking down into 
his face, the flashlight resting on his stomach giving him an eerie 
illumination.  

"I have to t-tell you s-something Scully," he said as his eyes began to 
glaze over and his face had lost most of it’s color.  She pushed harder 
onto his chest praying for a miracle.

"Don't do this!  You'll regret it later!" The tears were flowing freely 
now.  He moved his hand from under the trenchcoat and touched the side of 
her face leaving a streak of blood on her cheek.  Then, he gave her that 
patented Mulder smile.

"Scully, I-I..."

Then, he closed his eyes for the final time.

"NOOOOO!!!" Scully wailed.  She held him tightly as if she could will him 
back to life.  'Oh, God, why?  Why now?  There were so many things they had 
to do.  So many that they wanted to do.'  In the end, there were so many 
things to be said.  But they had been permanently silenced.  Scully cried 
loudly as she rocked his still body in her arms.  Her wails quiet only to 
the roaring ambulance that pulled up two minutes too late.

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*Present Day*

Scully cried into her untouched cup of coffee.  How could she have denied 
him his final words?  Words to her.  Guilt overwhelmed her.  Her own fears 
had stood in the way of letting Fox Mulder tell her what he needed her to 
know.  She picked up the cup and placed it in the sink.  She started to go 
into the living room, but stopped midway.  She slid down the wall into a 
heap on the floor.  She cried tears of guilt, pain, and emptiness.  

From across the room, Mulder watched her.  At first, he thought an eternity 
with Dana Scully would be heaven.  As he watched her cry, he came to the 
conclusion that he was, indeed, in hell.

He found himself standing over her a few seconds later, wishing so hard to 
have some contact with the woman he had loved more than his precious truth. 
Her tears were silent so not to wake up Matthew, but Mulder heard them all 
the same.  It was as if each tear a feeling of Scully’s was radiated at 
him.

'I should have ran faster.'
'I shouldn't have told him I saw the informant.'
'We should have never trusted those bastards.'
'I wish I could have told Mulder that I loved him.'

"Scully, please look at me," Mulder pleaded at her.  Scully's head remained 
bowed.  "I wish I could get through to you somehow."  Mulder tried to touch 
her shoulder, but his hand breezed right through.  Whatever effect he had 
on Matthew didn't pass over for Scully.

Her crying was interrupted by a rather loud knock at the door.  At first, 
Scully wouldn't stand.  After the visitor pounded again, she stood.  
Wiping the tears from her eyes, she looked through the peep hole and sighed.

"Hello, Frohike," Scully said unbolting the door.  

"I hope I'm not interrupting," he said leaning against the door frame.  

"Have you been drinking?" she asked as he walked through the door.  Behind 
him, Byers came.

"I found him walking past Mulder's old apartment about half an hour ago.  
He's really bad tonight," Byers said trailing in behind.  Scully looked 
out the door for Langley, but was not overly surprised he wasn't following.  
"We hadn't seen him all day.  He left a note saying he had to get away."

Scully looked at Byers with frustration, anger, and guilt.  She was angry 
at the way Frohike acted now, especially after an entire day of drinking; 
frustrated that there was nothing she could do to stop him from coming 
over because she was what led him to this.  She had blamed them:  
The Lone Gunmen.

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*The Previous Year*

They had came to Mulder's viewing, which had a surprisingly big turn out.  
Each were dressed in respectable suits.  Each had been crying.  Scully 
was beyond devastated and couldn't look at anyone during the entire 
service.  It wasn't until everyone had left and she was standing alone over
his resting body that they had approached.

"Scully, we had no idea..." Langley had been the first to speak.  Scully 
spun around, her face emotionless, like stone.

"You killed him," her voice came out monotone, but its force scared them.

"I trusted this guy," Frohike said, his hands gripping tightly onto his 
hat.  "I had no idea that he'd do this."

Now, Scully screamed.  Her face began to turn bright red and she grabbed 
onto Frohike’s collars.  "You idiots!  Your informant killed my partner!  
Mulder is dead because of you!"

"Guys, we better get out of here," Byers, the rational one, lead his 
friends away.  Each of them were stunned by Scully’s outburst.  She 
collapsed on the floor after they left.  Her sobs could be heard out into 
the street.  She, however, offered no apologies that night.  Or for the 
year after that.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

*Present Day*

"I'm so stupid," Frohike yelled and slammed his fist into the wall.  
Mulder jumped at the sudden outrage.

"Frohike, Matthew's asleep in the other room.  You need to keep it down," 
Scully said calmly.  Byers, catching Scully's growing uneasiness, walked 
his friend over to the couch.

"He'll be okay soon," Byers promised as Scully closed her bedroom door.

"The hell I will," Frohike slurred, taking a metal flask from his jacket 
pocket.  "How can you be some calm, Scully?  You were there.  You couldn't 
stop them either."

Scully's faced hardened and Byers gapped down at the older man.  

"This is enough," Byers said, becoming angry.  "Frohike, it's not anyone's 
fault."

Mulder, who had sat on the other end of the couch, glared at Frohike.  
"Hey, lighten up on her.  She's having a hard enough time as it is."

Scully and Byers watched as Frohike jumped backwards over the arm of 
the couch and cower like a little puppy.  His looked directly at the other 
end of the couch with wide eyes.  He let out little whimpers that finally 
became screams.

"I can see him!  I can hear him!  He’s watching us!"

"Frohike, it's time to go home," Byers spoke calmly and placed a hand on 
his friend's shoulder.  "You need to sleep it off."

"Did you just hear me Frohike?" Mulder asked standing up.  The little 
man's eyes opened wide.  

"I swear, I didn't know Mulder," Frohike stood up slowly.  "I didn't know 
he worked for them."

In a matter of seconds, the entire night came flashing back at him.  
Frohike had called with the whereabouts of the informant.  Mulder had 
brought Scully out with him.  He then watched himself die in her arms.

"Frohike, it's okay.  It wasn't your fault," Mulder walked closer to the 
drunk man.  

"Who the hell are you talking to?" Scully asked.

"It's Mulder.  I swear to God, I hear him!"

"Do you think this is funny?" Byers screamed.  It was the first time 
Scully had ever heard his voice raised.  "Why are you doing this to her?!?"

"Frohike, tell her that I'm real.  Tell her Matthew wasn't lying!"  
Mulder’s stomach was churning in anticipation.

"Matthew's not lying!!!" Frohike yelled at the top of his lungs in fear.  
"Please Mulder, don’t hurt me."

The room went dead silent.  Scully swayed and Mulder reached out to steady 
her, but his attempts were useless.  Thankfully, Byers saw what was 
happening and helped her to the couch.  Tears welled up in her eyes.  Byers 
whispered to her until she calmed down.  After several minutes, exhaustion 
took over and she closed her eyes.  Byers turned his attention towards 
Frohike.

"Have you lost your mind?" he whispered harshly.  "I think we'd better 
leave before you go off the deep end."

Frohike nodded as silent tears made tracks on his face.  He looked at 
Scully.  She was so tiny.  My God, what was Mulder thinking when he ran 
off and left her behind?  He looked up at Mulder, who was taking in the 
scene with hurt eyes.

"Let her go," Frohike whispered as Byers ushered him out of the 
apartment.  Byers made sure the door was closed tightly and silence reigned
again.

Mulder glanced at the figure on the couch.  It hurt him more to see her in 
pain than to be in pain himself.  He had allowed for this torture to go on.  
Was Frohike right?  Should he just walk off and leave her to live her own 
life?  What would he do then?  Where would he go?  There had to be a reason 
for him to be here in the first place, but was it worth it if it meant 
causing her all of this pain?

"Mulder?" 

He turned to see where the strained whisper had come from.  Scully's eyes 
were open.  She glanced around the room.

"Mulder, are you here?" she whispered again.  "I really want to believe 
you're here."

"Yes, Scully.  I'm right here with you," he said in a tenderly.

For a brief moment, recognition passed over Scully's eyes.  But as quickly 
as it came, it vanished.  She shook her head as if it would help to clear 
it.  She stood up and padded off towards the bedroom.

"God, Dana, you're losin' it," she told herself aloud.

"No, Scully," Mulder lamented.  "I'm the one who’s already lost everything."

Scully turned around quickly in one swift motion.  Her eyes dragged over 
the room.  She had heard him.  Mulder became excited.  Now that Scully was 
willing to believe, she had heard his voice.  

"Scully?" he said loudly.  "Scully, can you hear me?"

"Mulder?" she mouthed.  Then, she turned and faced him.  Her eyes were huge 
with disbelief, panic, and relief.  Tears began to flow down her face.

"Scully?  Scully, don't cry.  God, please don't cry," Mulder begged as he 
neared the verge of tears himself.

"I thought I'd never see you again," she managed between sobs.

"Hey, did ya think I'd ever be able to leave you?" he smiled trying to 
lighten the situation.

"Yes, I did," she said clearly.

Mulder froze.  'Of course, she'd think that.  Look at all the other times 
you ditched her.  What made you think she'd be any different about you 
leaving her for life?' he thought.

"I'm so sorry, Scully, for everything," he ventured.

She looked up at him.  A look of terror flitted across her features.  She 
quickly turned and ran towards the bedroom.

"Scully?"  he questioned.

"Go away!" she yelled as loudly as possible without waking Matthew.  "Get 
out of my head!"

"Scully, you're not losing your mind," Mulder insisted after it occurred 
to him what she thought was going on.

"No, this isn't happening again!" she exclaimed turning towards him again.  
The memories of seeing the dead flooded back to her.  Her father, Melissa, 
Emily, Harold Spueller, and now Mulder.  It was too much to handle.  
"Mulder, I watched you die.  I held you in that dark alley.  The dead just 
don't come back!"

Mulder was pleased that she didn't take the opportunity to run.  He slowly 
inched his way towards her.  Just having her looking at him eased the dull 
ache in his chest.  "Scully, they do if they need to finish what they've 
started."

Scully shook her head.  "I can't hear it Mulder."

"Please Scully," Mulder begged getting down on his knees.  "Just hear me 
out.  That's all I ask."  Scully closed her eyes tightly and nodded her 
head.  "I'm sorry for everything that's ever happened to you."

Scully just shook her head.  "This is not happening!" she said in a 
strained whisper.  She turned on her heel and walked down the hall and into 
her bedroom.  The click of the door sounded louder than any gunshot to the 
ears of Fox Mulder.

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*FBI Headquarters - The Next Day*

Scully rubbed her eyes wearily as she looked over the case file that she 
and Mulder were working on when he was killed.  She shuddered as she 
remembered the previous night.  She had somehow convinced herself that it 
was all a dream.  Mulder, of course, knew better as he watched her from 
the corner of the office they once shared.  He wished that he could put
his arms around her and make it all go away.  The chirping of her cellphone 
shattered his thoughts.

"Scully?" she answered.

"Scully, it's Langley!"  Mulder thought it was strange that he could hear 
both ends of the conversation.

"What's up?" she questioned.

"We have some information that you may want," he replied.

"And just what would that be?" she asked.

"The whereabouts of the man that murdered Mulder," he answered tentatively.

"Where?" she demanded in a stone-cold cadence.  Mulder could see her change 
physically, too.  She was sitting a little straighter and her eyes appeared 
lifeless.  He hated that look.  She always had life in her eyes.  Even if 
she was tired, she was always full of life.

He heard Langley give her the information. It suddenly occurred to him that 
she could be walking into a trap.

"Scully.  Wait a minute, you can't..." he trailed off when he realized that 
she had cut off the connection.  It worked the night before.  Maybe because 
of her tired, vulnerable state of mind.  He had to get through to her.

"Scully!  Scully!  You've gotta listen!  Scully!"  he yelled trying his 
hardest to get her attention, but to no avail.  She grabbed her trenchcoat 
and her gun and headed out the office door.

His screams were loud enough to send a dog in a garage into a frenzy. If 
she was actually hearing his voice, she never wavered.  Stoically, she 
walked towards her car and drove.  Mulder had figured out how to jump from
one place to the next.  He kept his constant barrage of shouts flowing.

"SCULLY," he screamed over and over.  "Please, he'll kill you.  Please don't 
do this."

Looking at the scrap of paper she held in her hands, she continued to drive, 
humming along with the song that was playing on the radio.  Too calm.  
Scully knew that she was too calm to be doing this.  Fear, hatred, anger; 
something should have been overriding her emotions.  Instead she felt empty.

Mulder just watched his partner, every last inch of his being aching with 
pain.  He could actually feel the calm she was experiencing.  It was just 
like the calm he had felt that night.  It was like he knew he was going to 
die.

"Scully, please listen!"

The bastard that shot Mulder made her feel this way.  Now, she was going to 
make him regret the day he ever killed him.  His death would be slow, and 
more painful than Mulder's.  This man wouldn't die with someone he loved 
holding onto him for dear life.  Instead, the demons of hell would drag his 
sorry soul into it's internal flames, where an image of Dana Scully would 
stand and poke holes into his flesh for an eternity.    

He was going to suffer.

Ten minutes later, Scully pulled up to an apartment complex.  In front of 
the two large glass windows, stood a doorman, who smiled when she 
approached.  With just a quick flash of her badge, she was allowed in.  
Even though she didn't have his name, she knew which apartment was his.  

"You can still turn back Scully!!!"

She wasted no time walking up the flight of stairs to the killer's second 
floor apartment.  And the closer she got to his apartment, the more 
excitement she felt slide through her veins.  She was going to hurt him.  

Bad.

"God, please don't do this.  Please!"

She finally stood before the apartment of the man who had murdered Mulder 
in cold blood.  He was just beyond that door.  She looked down at the gun 
in her hand.  She felt the steely coldness of the weight in her palm.  She 
hesitated as realization hit her.  

"What am I doing?" she whispered to herself.

"Oh, thank God," Mulder breathed in relief.  Now, if he could just get her 
out of here.  Before he could even finish the thought, the door opened to 
reveal a brute of a man with coal black hair and unfeeling eyes to match.  
He instantly recognized the petite redhead before him.  Before Scully 
realized what was happening, the man pulled a revolver from his jacket and 
aimed for her.  For a fleeting moment, the look of panic flitted across her 
features, but was soon replaced with the pale coldness of death.

The shot reverberated through Fox Mulder's head as he awoke alone in his 
tiny apartment.  He gulped huge breaths of air as he wiped the sweat from 
his brow.  Shadows created by the television danced across the wall.  

It had been a dream.  

'Nightmare' his mind corrected him.

Mulder had always been a man plagued with nightmares, but nothing compared 
to this one.  It had been so real.  He wiped the tears out of the corner’s 
of his eyes as he tried to regain his thoughts.

Scully.

The look of panic on her face in his dream hit him like a punch in the gut.  
He had to see her.

Now.

He jumped up from his old leather sofa and quickly changed into his faded 
blue jeans and grey t-shirt.  He grabbed his car keys and headed out into
the night.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

*Dana Scully’s Residence*
 3:10 A.M.

The persistent knocking on her door awoke Scully from her much needed 
sleep.  As she flicked on the light switch, she glanced at the clock.

'Must be Mulder,' she thought as she grabbed her terrycloth robe and 
slipped it on.  She padded to the door.  She peeked through the peephole 
and her suspicions were confirmed.  She unlocked the door expecting Mulder 
to begin a tirade on a new lead and that she should get dressed and packed 
immediately.  However, she got something entirely unpredictable.

"Mul-?" she was cut off as Mulder engulfed her in a bear hug.

"Mul-ler?" her muffled voice questioned him as her feet dangled somewhere 
around his knees.  He didn't relent and held her tighter.  When she 
realized that he wasn't going to let her go, she placed a hand on his
shoulder and gently pushed.  Sensing her confusion and discomfort, he placed
her back on firm ground and released her.  He kept his hands on her
shoulders, though.

"Well, it's nice to see you, too," she teased lightly.  Sensing that there 
was a deeper purpose to his late night visit, she continued.  "Is something 
wrong?"

"No...yes...I don't know.  I just needed to see you," he stammered.

"At three in the morning?" she queried.  Something had changed, but she 
couldn't put her finger on it.

"Well...," he paused.  He hadn't considered what he actually was going to 
say once he got there.  He was too overwhelmed by the need to hold her that 
he had overlooked the fact that she would want to know why he came barging 
in like that.

"Mulder?" she encouraged him to speak freely.

"I was doing a little soul searching," he began.

'Only Mulder would be searching his soul at three in the morning', Scully 
thought in tired amusement.

"Anyway," he continued, "my searching brought me here."

Scully looked at him with confusion.  "Just what exactly are you saying?"
she finally ventured.

"I can't go on like this, Scully.  The lies and deceit are layered thick 
with no end in sight.  If we ever find the truth, what will it bring?"  his 
thoughts poured from him.  Scully actually thought she could literally see 
the weight being lifted from his shoulders.  He continued on, "Tonight, 
I dreamed that I died.  A death for nothing but lies.  I have nothing to 
show for my life except for one thing:  you!"

Scully's eyes widened at the implication.  She didn't even know where to 
begin.

"Mulder," she said cautiously, "it was just a dream."

"Maybe, Scully.  Maybe.  But dreams can sometimes open your eyes to the 
things we bury deep down into our subconsciousness.  Scully, I had a 
revelation tonight.  It's never been a big secret that you're the most 
important person in my life, but the thing is, I never took the time to 
tell you that.  I've always been so consumed by my search for the truth 
that I never told you how much you mean to me.  How much I love you."

Scully gazed up into his face and took in his serious tone and teary eyes.  
She felt a lump in her throat as she tried to compose herself.  She 
certainly wasn’t expecting this.  Sensing her discomfort, Mulder proceeded.

"Scully," he began, "if you don't feel the same, that's fine.  I can deal 
with that.  But, at least I have the peace of mind that if something should 
happen to me someday, you know how I feel."  He turned to walk out the door 
when he heard her voice.

"Mulder?" It came out thick with emotion.  He glanced back to see her eyes 
welled up with tears and a tight-lipped smile across her face.  "I love 
you, too."

In two long strides, Mulder had her in his arms once more.  Their tears 
mingled as they wept in joy for their discovery and sorrow for waiting for 
so long.  Mulder placed his hands on Scully's face so he could look into 
her eyes.  What he saw there extinguished any doubts he had.  He licked his 
lips and leaned towards her.  Their lips were a breath apart when his cell 
phone rang.  They both laughed and looked at one another.  Mulder touched 
his forehead to Scully's.

"Only us," he grinned as he pulled out the phone.  "Mulder?" he answered.

"Hey, Mulder!  This is Frohike, I got an informant for ya!" the little man 
exclaimed from the other end.  

Mulder's dream flashed before his eyes.  He glanced at Scully and held her 
gaze.  Then, he said to Frohike, "Not this time, buddy.  I've got more 
important things to do."  He then promptly hung up.

"Mulder?" Scully inquired.  "What is it?"

"That was Frohike," he told her.

"Did he have some information?" she questioned.

"No.  Not really," he replied.

"Mulder," she sighed breathlessly, "I think we should talk about this.  
Although I whole heartedly agree with your 'revelation', as you put it, I 
still think that we shouldn't abandon the truth.  It's too much a part of 
us for it to be casually thrown away."

Seeing the worry in her eyes, he calmly replied, "I know, Scully.  I'm sure 
we'll continue on, but at least now we 'know' that it's together.  We'll 
discuss it more, but not now.  Now, where were we before we were 'rudely' 
interrupted?"

Scully smiled and said, "Wonder what Frohike would do if he knew what he 
was interrupting?"

Mulder smiled back and finished the kiss he started.

THE END

Author's Notes:  It came to me in a dream (no, really).  I had a dream 
about Mulder seeing Scully crying through a window.  Christine and I 
filled in the blanks and TAH-DAH, we wrote our first piece of fanfic.

Christine wants to dedicate this to everyone who calls her 'potato'.

I want to dedicate this to everyone at XF Views and Phenomena for their
encouragement.  This is for Janet (my sissy), Leigh, and Spookyteacher.
Also, to Christine.  I never would have tried this without you! :)

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dungeon/3881/