Title: A Scarlet Tear (1/1)
Author: Ophinea
E-mail: ophinea@aol.com
Rating: PG
Spoilers: One Breath, Momento Mori
Classification: Mulder/Scully UST with a touch of MSR
Summary:  Scully has a disturbing dream that leads to an interesting
discovery for the partners.

Feedback:  Please feel free to hit me with your best shot, all constructive
criticism craved.  Flames however, will be used to toast my chilly toes.

Disclaimer:  These characters aren't mine, weren't mine, and alas, shall
never be mine.  They are the sole property of Chris Carter and 1013
Productions. No copyright infringement intended. I promise to return them in
one piece, right after I've had my fun with em ;-)

Distribution:  Feel free to archive this wherever you wish, just please keep
my name and e-mail attached.

And last but not least, thank you LA!! If it weren't for you this thing would
never have been finished.  Now on with the show :)




"Though they go mad they shall be sane, though they sink through the sea they
shall rise again; though lovers be lost love shall not, and death shall have
no dominion." 

				-Dylan Thomas



The dream comes again, no stranger to her anymore.  

Side by side, walking through the densest of forests, the most unfathomable
beauty surrounds them. The trees appear to outdate time itself, standing so
tall their grand canopy blocks nearly all the sunlight from above. Foliage of
the most resplendent hues winds along the path they wander. The unspoiled
splendor and peace here is unmatched by anything she has ever experienced,
yet fear is ever present in the recess of her mind.

At their feet a mist begins to build, thickening as they journey forward. In
time, the mist becomes a fog, growing heavier with each passing step. Their
way becomes less clear as the fog dissolves the landscape around them. Now
all that is visible is the haze that has engulfed them. They push onward,
closer together than before, each fearing they might loose sight of the
other. The way is obscured now, it's no longer difficult to see, it is
impossible. Enveloping her diminutive hand in his firm grasp, his warm and
gentle touch reassures her mind and wards off the ever-growing cold that now
encompasses their bodies.  

Without warning her surroundings blacken as if a blindfold enshrouds her
eyes.  She attempts to speak only to realize that she has no voice, there is
no sound here in this place.  All that remains is the touch of the man beside
her, and abruptly that is seized from her as well. Vainly she tries to
scream, choking as the utterance becomes trapped in her throat. Gasping for
air, her face contorts as her lungs scream for the desperately needed oxygen
that refuses to fill her lungs.

Again she awakes.  

There is no need for her to question the identity of the man in her dream,
his touch alone marks him. Feeling the trickle of warmth make it's trail down
the soft skin above her lip, she watches as the scarlet tear stains the
pristine white of her sheet. Reaching up she mindlessly wipes it away, an
involuntary action that has now become a constant reminder of her fragile
mortality.

Without looking, she reaches over to her nightstand to retrieve the box of
tissues that rests there, instead she finds herself gripping the cordless
phone.  Slowly turning it over in her hand, she inspects it as if it were
unknown to her, its purpose foreign to her mind.  Laying it down in front of
her, she reaches to the table once more to grasp the original object of her
intent, and wipes away the remainder of the life essence that has escaped its
rightful place.

Staring intently at the phone, she watches herself dial his number as if
another force is guiding her hand

"Mulder." A sleep-laden voice resonates in her ear.  She breathes softly,
unable to voice a reply.

He listens closely, attuning his senses like a fox who has caught scent of a
presence whose nature still remains undefined.

He hears her breathing and for reasons unexplained he senses warmth against
his cheek. It was as if she was the one resting beside him and not the
plastic object that laid near his ear. " Scully?  Are you ok?"

In a steady yet unsure voice, her sole response is, "Yes."

His slumber long forgotten, he focuses his entirety on the woman who has
changed his existence in this world.  He did not need to be an Oxford
educated psychologist to know that something was wrong.  

"Want to talk about it?" He asks the question with trepidation; the moments
were few and far between that she allowed him past the walls that were so
carefully constructed to protect the image of what she expected of herself.
 What amazed him, was that in the brief moments that she had let the barriers
fade away, the inner being that was wholly her, shown through like a diamond
brilliantly refracting it's light through the many facets of itself in the
noon sun.  It is a sight so captivating that the watcher is left no choice
but to acknowledge its magnificence.

"No.well, yes.maybe.  Do you mind if I come over? I'm sorry, I know it's
late. Never mind, I shouldn't have bothered you."  Her words nearly fell one
atop the other.  She hadn't intended to call him, and then only to hear his
voice. It wasn't the first time she'd had this dream, but the need to
reassure herself of his being became a driving force, stronger now than ever
before.

Her words alone were not unimportant, but her voice conveyed more than the
words were capable of. He could tell that she had just awoken from what
sounded like a sound sleep, and there was fear in her voice.  For once, the
ever self sufficient Scully needed someone.  She needed him. "Dana...Dana
wait.  It's not a bother.  Throw something warm on, I'll be right over." The
opportunities were rare that he could give back some of the strength she had
infused in his soul, and he was not about to allow this one to pass by.  

"Something warm," she questioned.

"Yes, something warm.  You trust me right?"  The question was only partly for
her reassurance.  There was no doubt in his mind that she did, but hearing it
from her gave him a small sense of gratification.

"Of course I trust you, but why something warm?"  

In his mind's eye, he could picture one finely arched brow above the other as
she asked the question.  The image brought a small smile to his face.
 "You'll see.  I'll be there in just a few." He replaced the receiver in it's
rightful place, and ran a hand through the disheveled, chestnut mop above his
brow.   In the nearly 20 years since his sister's disappearance, the terrors
that accosted him in the darkest hours of night had become no stranger. Over
time, he had learned that after the worst of them, it was best for him to get
away from the insecure cocoon that surrounded him.  A tactic he hoped may put
her mind to ease as well.

Dressing quickly, he grabbed the southwestern throw that had been lying atop
him on the couch, and the thermos he had prepared for them both, then closed
the door quietly behind him.

She still didn't know what had motivated her to call him this time.  The
dream had come before, why was this time any different, she questioned
herself once more. Slowly making her way to bathroom, she scrutinized the
reflection that faced her in the mirror.  The circles under her eyes were
darker now, the ivory skin covering her face, paler.  It was then she
remembered her own words. "Time like a heartbeat," she had once written in
her journal. She turned away unable or unwilling, she was not sure which, to
delve any deeper into those thoughts.

As she reached down to tie her shoes, she heard the knock at the door.
Quickly, she finished the task and crossed over to the door.  She rose up on
her tiptoes to peer through the eyepiece, making sure it was he.  Taking a
deep breath, she did her best to replace the undecipherable mask she wore at
her most uncertain moments, and let him in.  Grabbing her coat, she turned to
him and paused for a moment, "Mulder, I'm sorry I dragged you over here in
the middle of the night.  I'm sure you had better things to do."

"Like what," he queried with an impish grin.  He watched as she donned her
coat, one he hadn't seen before.  It was black leather, mid length, and
cinched at the waist.  Simple but stylish, very much like the individual who
wore it.

She returned his volley with a small smile of her own. "Oh, I dunno.  Sleep
maybe?"  

"Nah, sleep is highly over rated. Ready to go partner?"

"Just where are we going?"

A small chuckle escaped him, "Don't worry Scully. I'm not taking you to any
abandoned warehouses, or any alien abduction sites tonight."  Then switching
gears in light speed, one of his favorite distraction tools, he said with an
approving nod, "Don't ever let it be said that black leather doesn't suit
you."

"Cute Mulder," she replied in a droll tone.

The devil in his eye, he lowered his voice to just outside the range of
seductive and said, "Hmm, cute wasn't quite the word I had in mind."

Feigning annoyance she groaned then couldn't help but laugh.  "Actually I
picked this up on a whim.  It caught my eye and I decided what the hell, life
is short right?"  She immediately regretted the words as she caught the wash
of pain settle in her partner's eyes.  It disappeared almost as quickly as it
had arrived, but none the less it was a reminder to both of them how true
that statement was.

He knew that she hadn't meant anything by her choice of words, none the less
a familiar ache constricted within his chest once more.  Her cancer was
something that never strayed far from his mind. "Too true," he said almost
inaudibly, as he held the door open for her and they left the apartment
together.

Riding together in companionable silence, Scully watched as the city streets
turned to country roads, houses slowly being replaced by trees.  Out of the
corner of her eye she caught her partner's strong profile, dimly lit by the
dash lights of the car.  Strong, she pondered. For all he has endured, he
still possesses an inner strength unmatched by men who have survived half the
tragedies he has lived through.  Strength he unknowingly let her draw upon in
her times of need, much like now.   Wrapped in her own thoughts she hadn't
noticed the car slowing until the engine had been cut.

Turning towards her he grinned. "Surprise, we're here," he said as he popped
the trunk latch. 

With a spirited grin of her own, she looked up from the seatbelt latch she
was releasing.  "Umm hmm," she replied, as if she'd just made the most
interesting of discoveries.

Simultaneously they got out of the car. As Mulder retrieved the bundle he had
stowed in the trunk, Scully surveyed her surroundings. She took in the
clearing, surrounded by trees on all sides but one. The edge appeared to lead
down to a small ravine below.  Walking up beside her he balanced the bundle
under one arm while guiding her with the other.

As he fell in step beside her she asked, "How'd you find this? I mean it's a
bit off the beaten path."

Hedging a bit, he gave her only a partial answer. "I stumbled across it about
two years back."

Her curiosity in over drive she asked, "What were you doing out here?"

Coming to a stop, he rested his burden on a small boulder about ten feet from
the edge of the ravine. He slowly raised his eyes skyward, his face bathed in
the light of the almost full moon.  In a saddened voice he answered, "I was
searching."  Silently, he turned, and in one fluid movement spread the
sleeping bag open on the slight incline.  Turning back to face her, he held
out his hand in invitation.  Trustingly, she lay her palm atop his own, and
together they sat down side by side, Indian style.

Cocking her head to one side, she fixed her questioning gaze on him.
 "Searching out here?  For what?" Instinctively she was aware that she was
crossing their usual boundaries, but now, tonight, she was willing to push
just a little bit further.  From her own mouth the words had come that "life
is short", and for the first time she realized that she wanted, needed even,
to know the secrets of the man before her.

His head bent, he traced the plaid design of the flannel below them with his
finger.  "I was searching for the friend who means the world to me," he
admitted quietly.

It was then that she realized exactly what he meant.  In unspoken agreement,
they had rarely broached the subject of the time during her disappearance.
 Knowing the way his mind worked, she knew that he felt as if he had failed
her.  Her abduction was something he had punished himself for, her cancer one
more offense he would add to the list of his failings.  The irony was, it was
she who felt she was failing him now.  If this disease, the malignancy which
grew inside her body won, he would be left to fend off the predators they
fought against alone. She took his chin in the crook of her finger, and
raised his face until their gazes met.  "It wasn't your fault Mulder.  It's
not your fault.  If anything I have you to thank for being here right now.
 Do you remember what I told you back then?"

He nodded once, then covered her petite hand with his own. Taking her hand
from its resting-place, he settled their joined hands between them.  "You
said that you had the strength of my beliefs."

With determination etching her features she continued, "Exactly! Mulder, you
were the one who believed in me.  You were there with me when I needed you
most, just as you are now."  She watched as a thoughtful expression graced
his features. 

Contemplating her words, he studied her intently.  He knew she believed her
words to be true, but he felt undeserving of her commendation.  Had she not
been paired with him, her life could be so different now he mused, as would
his own.  He knew he was being selfish, but the thought of never having had
the opportunity to know her caused him near physical pain. Aware that he was
treading on dangerous ground here, and desperately wanting out of the
spotlight, he decided to try and divert her attention.

Shifting position, he lay back on the bag and used the throw he'd brought
along as a pillow. However, he couldn't bring himself to relinquish her hand,
feeling somewhat guilty for indulging in that simple pleasure, but not so
much so that he could break that contact.  "You're missing the view Scully."
 From where he lay, he looked towards her again and watched as an early
spring breeze brought a tendril of hair down to caress her cheek.  

"Hmm?" She mumbled, returning from her reverie.

Pointing to the sky he said,  "I figured maybe you could use a change in
scenery."  

Following the direction of his finger, she was astonished by the awe-
inspiring view. Myriads of stars shined brightly in the night sky. Stretching
out next to him, she took in the resplendent sight.  The millions of
pinpricks of light shining down on them reminded her of just how vast the
galaxy was. In comparison, they were minute, like single grains of sand on a
sprawling beach.  

Together, they continued watching the sky and several minutes passed before
either disturbed the comfortable silence.  Scully was the first to speak.
"Thank you," she said, squeezing his hand lightly.

"For what," he asked, puzzled.

"For sharing this with me." she paused uncertain for a moment as to whether
she should continue. Her decision made she plunged in, "and for being who you
are," she finished. 

A tingling sensation began at his fingertips, then made its way through his
entire body.  He was amazed at how badly he yearned to take the woman who lay
beside him in his arms at that moment.  To hold her and tell her that it was
he, who should be thanking her for making his life what it had come to be,
thanking her for making his paltry existence worth waking up each morning
for. Afraid to cross over the invisible lines they had drawn in their
partnership so long ago, afraid to ruin a friendship that meant as much to
him as each life sustaining breath he took, he opted instead for the safer
route. Not taking his gaze from the stars he replied, "Spooky Mulder always
at your service Agent Scully."

The corners of her mouth crooked upwards in a sad smile. Self mockery was so
like him.  He was always ready to take the blame for whatever ever misdeeds
had crossed his path, but rarely, if ever would he take praise for all the
good he had done.  His self inflicted atonement for crimes not his own were
so much a part of him she wondered if he would ever realize he had paid any
debt he may have had, many times over.  She shivered, a chill falling over
her at the thought.

Misreading her slight shudder, he sat up and pulled the thermos out from
under the throw just behind his head.

Craning her neck, she strained to get a better look at what he was doing.
"Whatcha got there?"

His back to her, he tossed over his shoulder,  "I've got one more surprise up
my sleeve. 
With what she swore had to be the silliest smile she'd seen him wear in all
the time she had known him, he presented her with a steaming hot cup of hot
chocolate. 

Cradling the Styrofoam cup with both hands, she blew lightly on it between
sips.  With an approving smile she teased, "You only had one surprise left up
that sleeve, huh?"

Grinning madly, he played along and peered up his coat sleeve.  "Yep, all out
of surprises. " Mischief playing in his eyes he added, "for tonight at
least."

Leaning back, they watched the skies.  Each took turns at pointing out the
constellations they were familiar with.  It was Mulder who spotted the
shooting star first.  "Scully!  Take a look over there," he said, as he
directed her gaze to the western sky.

Catching sight of the faint light trailing it's way across the horizon she
exclaimed, "It's beautiful!  Wow, it's been years since I've seen one."  A
peaceful smile settled on her lips as she reminisced about the nights she had
spent with her brothers doing just what she and Mulder were doing now. She
remembered the nights her brother's and she would make a wish, and then swear
to a pact of secrecy to insure the wish would come true. Laughing lightly,
she shared the story with him.

"Well then, by all means, you'd better make a wish."

She paused for a moment, thoughtful.  "Ok, but on one condition."

Smiling, he asked, "And what would that be?"

"You make a wish too."  After witnessing the somewhat incredulous look of her
partner she added with a grin, "Well, I can't be the only adult here wishing
on falling stars."

He had long ago given up on making wishes.  After the weeks had turned into
months, and the months faded into years, he had wished upon every star he
could see for his sister to be returned, but to no avail.  As boy became man,
he had finally given up on wishes and prayers, turning instead to a
relentless pursuit of those he thought might be responsible for her
disappearance. Tonight however, he let himself be drawn into his partner's
rare moment of fancy.  It took no time at all for him to decide on his wish.
 Five years ago, even six months earlier, it would have been his deepest
desire to have his sister return to his life.  He still held fast in that
desire, but tonight he would make a wish for his partner.  Silently, he
offered up a small prayer to a god he wasn't sure existed, "God, if you are
there, please let there be a cure for her. Don't let this cancer steal from
her what should be a long and healthy life."

Scully had surprised herself tonight.  She wasn't usually one to get carried
away with the moment, however, she in no way regretted her actions tonight.
 She needed this time with him. They both needed it, a moment when they
weren't chasing down mutants, or trying vainly to explain the unexplainable.
 Tonight they were simply two people, a man and a woman, who trusted deeply
in each other.  She pondered a moment on her wish, then, the decision made,
she wished for what she felt sure her partner would most desire,  "Let him be
reunited with his sister."  Little did she know, what her partner desired
most, was the woman who sat before him.

They sat silent for a moment before he asked, "So Scully, what did you wish
for?"

"Can't tell you," she replied with impishly.

Ever so slightly defensive he questioned, "You can't?"

Her face became solemn, but a twinkle remained in her eye, "Nope, won't come
true if I tell you."

Laughing, he replied, "Fair enough." Picking up the thermos, he shook it
lightly. "Care for a bit more hot chocolate madam?  I think we've got a few
drops left here."

Holding her cup out for more she said, "I'd love some."

Polishing off the last of the warm liquid he turned to her, "Scully, do you
mind if I ask you something?"

"What's on you mind Mulder?"

"Actually, that's what I was going to ask you."

Her attention now on him completely, one finely arched brow rose
involuntarily just a notch above the other.  "What do you mean?"

"Not that I mind in the least, but what made you call me tonight? I mean this
definitely beats trudging through sewers in search of a human fluke worm,
but." he trailed off, allowing her to pick up where he'd left off.

"I'm glad to see you regard me so highly," she teased.

"If you only knew," he muttered.

"Hmm," she questioned. "I didn't hear you."

"Oh. nothing.  So what woke the enigmatic Dr. Scully?"

He watched as she retreated into herself, the action almost physical.  That
bothered him deeply.  What would cause her to close off like that he
wondered? "Scully?"

Her voice was low, as she nearly mumbled, "A dream."

Her statement confirmed his suspicions. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he'd
been almost completely sure that was what had bothered her so deeply.  "Want
to tell me about it," he asked softly.

Sighing, she pondered over whether she should tell him or not, then figured
he had the right to know. After all, it was she who had dragged him out of
his warm bed, or couch, as was likely the case, in the middle of the night.
She closed her eyes and let the dream replay itself in her mind as she put it
into words for him.  The most difficult part was telling him that not only
was he in the dream, but it was the fact that loosing him brought the dream
to an abrupt and terrifying end for her each time.  As she told him, she
wasn't sure which was scarier, the dream itself, or opening herself up to him
in a way that she had never done before. Their partnership meant a lot to
her, but their friendship meant the world to her. She corrected herself
mid-thought, it was he who meant the world to her, and it was only recently
that she'd let herself come to admit it.

Sitting face to face now, Mulder took the empty cup from her hands that she'd
been toying with mindlessly. He took her hand into his own firm grip, and
looked intently into her eyes. "Whatever awaits us, we will face it
together." Holding their joined hands up between them he said,  "Scully, I
promise you this. I won't let go," very softly he added, "I can't let go of
the woman I love." 

His mind reeled as he realized he'd spoken the last words aloud. He had never
meant to utter those words to her, not now, not until he was sure that her
feelings mirrored his own. Would this revelation cause her to turn away in
disgust he wondered?  He couldn't take the words back, and in his heart he
didn't want to, but his mind screamed the words "you fool, you'll loose her
now" over and over again like a mantra, slowly ripping him apart.  The
Pandora's box, he alone had just opened, terrified him to his very core. 

Scully, stunned by his revelation, watched as a gamut of emotions paraded
over his handsome features. First there was realization, followed by shock,
then stark fear settled over him, she could see it in his eyes. 

He had to try and right this before he lost her. "Scully, I'm- -" he began
only to stop mid sentence as she kneeled down in front of him. 

It was in his fear that she found her courage and her voice, she couldn't
allow him to punish himself for this.  And there was no way in hell she'd let
him try and take it back.

"Shh," she whispered. 

He began again, "Scully, I'm- - " only to be cut off once more, this time by
her soft, sweet lips. Cradling his face in her hands she deepened the kiss,
exploring his mouth and it's textures with her tongue.

Momentarily dazed by her actions, and more than just slightly aroused, it
took him a moment to regain his senses.  He couldn't let her do this, not if
it was out of pity, that thought made him want to wrench his guts out where
he sat. He had to be sure. Pulling back, he drew her hands from his face and
held them together between his own.

"Dana I- -"

It was more than she could take, wrenching her hands from his grasp, she
stood and walked towards the edge of the ravine.  Her back towards him she
nearly yelled, "What Mulder, you're what?!  You're sorry? Sorry you told me,
or sorry I kissed you?"

"No!" The word boomed from his chest like thunder.  He could still taste her
on his lips and it was killing him.  Springing to his feet, he came up behind
her, turning her until she faced him. Putting his finger under her chin, he
tilted her face upwards until their eyes met. " I don't want to push you into
anything you're not ready for or anything you don't want."

A burning retort died on her lips when she caught sight of his eyes.  His
face was controlled in a cool mask, but his eyes betrayed him, shimming with
tears he was struggling to keep in check.  Sighing she said, "That's just it
Mulder, you aren't pushing me into anything. Do you honestly think I would
have done what I did if there were no feeling behind it? You should know me
better than that by now."  Carefully placing her hands on either side of his
face she drew him down to her.  Her warm breath caressed his check as she
told him, "I know what I want. I want you."

There were precious few times in his life he had been blessed by the
unblemished joy he was gifted with at this moment.  The spoken word simply
didn't posses the power to describe what he felt. Taking her hand he brought
the porcelain palm to his mouth and kissed it. His eyes never leaving hers,
he placed it over his heart.


XxXxXxXxXx
-Finis