Title: Passion's Tears Author: Tara W. Post Date: 10/4/99 Classification: MSR/Angst Rating: NC-17 for sexual content Spoilers: vague references to a few eps. Distribution: just ask & please keep my name with it Email: xtara@abts.net Disclaimer: I *only* wish I were M/S's puppeteer. The X-Files characters mentioned in this story do not belong to me, but to Chris Carter, FOX, and 1013 Productions. Summary: A character death and Mulder *needs* to know that he isn't alone. :)This is my 1st attempt at writing XF fanfic, so be kind. ---*/Passion's Tears/*--- by: Tara W. Mulder closed *their* office door a bit too loudly causing Scully to cringe slightly. Double-checking the lock, he placed his hand at the small of her back as they turned the corner. "Big plans this weekend?" he asked. "Actually, I do," she responded, amused by Mulder's surprised reaction. "I have that family reunion at my mother's, remember? I told you about it last week." Mulder feigned complete ignorance. "That's news to me," he said. "A Scully family reunion, huh? Sounds like fun." "More fun than the ice capades," she teased. A sigh escaped through his smile. "So when is the Scullypalooza?" The elevator doors slid open, and they stepped inside. "Tomorrow at noon." Scully stretched her neck from side-to-side in an effort to relieve the building tension. "Tough week, but hey, at least it was all 'normal' stuff, right? Ya know, serial killers, kidnappers, child molestors, and so on and so on." He hadn't meant that as heavy-hearted as it had come out, but for some reason, his treasured sarcasm had eluded him all day. 'Normal' stuff? The phrase almost made Scully laugh. Almost. If only there was some out-of-this-world explanation for such worldly normalicies. "How about you?" she asked. "Any plans this weekend?" "Oh, ya know, a little basketball here, a little video there, and a little sunflower seed everywhere." Mulder offered an I'm-full-of-it grin in response to her pity smile which seemed to be the only kind of smile she was capable of giving him these days. --- In the parking garage, they said their see-ya Monday-good-byes, and Mulder waited until Scully had driven out of sight to crank his car. He laughed softly. What he wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall at the Scully household come tomorrow. He imagined himself showing up unexpectedly to *his* own Scully's dismay. Mrs. Scully would probably invite him to stay, but a confrontation with Bill Jr. was not exactly on Mulder's to-do list this weekend. Mulder's jovial mood quickly turned darker as a pang of bitterness squeezed at his heart. He'd had his own family to muse over once upon a time, but now, the word 'family' was as alien to him as the little green men that he so desperately pursued. --- Mulder's Apt. 3:32 a.m. (Saturday) He had just fallen asleep when it started again. ...flashes of Watergate on the TV, a board game, a little dark-haired girl annoyed by her brother's choice of programming, shaking, a bright light... Suddenly, the dark-haired girl transformed into a little blue-eyed girl smiling at his Mr. Potato Head impression, and then, she was gone... a tiny gold crucifix dangled from his fingers, and *she* was lying in a hospital bed... she had had the strength of his beliefs as well as her own, but now, he held her hand, crying in silence, lost in his own beliefs... now, she was in his arms; their lips so close, but he was losing her again... she held his hand as the little dark-haired girl once again floated out of his life... she smiled, a mimic of the blue-eyed child's... the bright light dimmed as he heard the faint sound of crying... his mother's tears... "Fox!"... Mulder slammed his foot against the coffee table as he jerked himself awake. Pain shot through his ankle, and he grabbed it muttering an inaudible curse. Rubbing his ankle, with one hand, he used the other to run through his sweat-dampened hair. Deciding sleep would be a long-time in coming, he got up to get a glass of water, popping a tape in along the way. --- Mulder's Apt. 6 hours later The phone rang just as Mulder stepped out of the shower. By the time he'd reached it, the answering machine had clicked on. Grabbing the receiver, he nearly shouted, "I'm here!" "Fox Mulder?" The male voice was low and unfamiliar. "Yeah, who's this?" "Mr. Mulder, this is Dr. Hagan, your mother's physician. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your mother was brought to the ER late last night with chest pains. She had suffered another stroke, and until an hour, we were confident that she was stablized. Mr. Mulder, I'm very sorry, but..." No, don't say it, Mulder's mind pleaded before numbing itself. A familiar sorrow invaded his body like an old friend. --- Mulder's Apt. 9 hours later The couch sank under his weight as he let himself fall onto it wishing it would swallow him whole. He had went to see her. His mother. He had quietly went through all the legalities, but the funeral arrangements were still incomplete. His mind couldn't function. How could she leave him too? Angry tears began stinging his eyes but would not fall. He could feel them building in his head, but they would not fall. His head pounded and his heart ached. Maybe, it was the sleepless night or the dream, but Mulder had never felt so alone. His eyes fluttered closed and a vision came to him. --- Margaret Scully's Home 6:47 p.m. Scully listened as her brother informed the family about another of his naval adventures. She watched her mother and smiled. The afternoon get-together had turned into a special evening, and her mother could not have been more happy. Glancing at a photo on the mantle, Scully grimaced. If only her father and sister could have been here. Absent-mindedly, she grasped her cross, and turned her attention back to her brother. Through the chattering and laughter, no one seemed to hear the phone or the machine cut on, but the voice coming from the other end silenced the room. "Scully!" Scully quickly stood and briskly walked toward the voice. "Scully!" the voice roared again and then it softened. "Please..." Concern bolted through Scully as she grabbed the phone. "Scul...!" "Mulder, I'm here. What is it? What's wrong?" There was a moment of silence. She could hear his haggard breath. "Scully?" he asked softly, not certain he had really heard her voice. "I'm here, Mulder. What is it?" "She's gone, Scully. She's really gone." His voice was a strained whisper. "Who's gone, Mulder? What..." "My mother. She's gone, Scully. Another stroke." Scully closed her eyes and shook her head. "Oh, no, Mulder. I'm sorry." Her words were soft and laced with gentleness. She wished that she could see his face. Another fleeting moment of silence and then, "I need you." Scully didn't know how to respond to his raspy demand, but she knew that he shouldn't be alone. "i'll come by as soon as we're finished here, all right, and then..." "No, Scully, I need you now. Please..." His voice broke. She could refuse him practically nothing. Meeting her mother's eyes with an apologetic smile, Scully surrendered, "All right. I'm on my way." --- Mulder's Apt. 10:00 p.m. The door swung open after the first knock, and his eyes locked with hers. His apartment was a dark back-drop behind him. Scully could tell that he hadn't slept but had been trying. His eyes were red with dark circles frowning under them, and his hair was a tousled mess. He was wearing blue jeans and nothing else. "Mulder," she began but wasn't allowed to finish. Taking her arm, he pulled her inside pushing her back against the door until it closed. Pulling her into a fierce embrace, his face burrowed into her neck. He inhaled deeply. Time stilled as they stood wrapped in one another. His lips met the flesh beneath her ear, and she shivered. "Mulder," she whispered, knowing he wasn't thinking clearly. She could feel his hot breath in her ear as his lips moved to her cheek. His head rested against her own. She heard his breath catch as if he were about to say something, but he only kissed her cheek again, then her forehead, and the tip of her nose. Something changed after that. His pain enveloped their embrace, and when he kissed her; she let him, wanting to become a part of it. His tongue plunged into her mouth with a bruising forcefulness that left her breathless. She could feel the buttons of her silk blouse give away at his touch. Tearing his mouth away from her, he shoved her back against the door. Eyes unfocused, Mulder pushed the last barrier of fabric keeping her from his touch up above her chest letting her breasts free. As if she were a sculpture of clay, he kneaded her breast, while leaning in for another taste of her lips. His mouth swept a scolding trail to her shoulder where she felt his teeth nip at her skin. Scully swallowed a moan as his hands snaked behind her to squeeze the rounded flesh he found there. Pulling her lower body hard against his throbbing erection sent a shudder through Mulder. Scully felt her knee-length skirt sliding up her thighs to rest around her midriff. Mulder quickly tucked it into her waistband as he dropped to his knees. He swiftly jerked her panties down her legs, lifting one foot and then the other. Looking down, Scully found him staring at her nakedness and her equilibrium wavered. She knew that she should stop this, but her mind was in no position to argue with the molten lava surging through her veins to swirl between her thighs. His mouth fell on her thigh before moving upward where his velvet tongue licked across one crease between her thigh and burning center and then the other. He nudged her legs farther apart. The sound of tortuous pleasure filled their black surroundings as his tongue plunged into her aching need. His tongue traced the inside of her slickened folds. Up and down. Up and down. Then, finding the hidden bundle of nerves, he sucked it between his lips. Scully's heart thudded against her chest. She could feel her stomach churning, could feel the muscles tightening. Her skin was on fire. "Mulder, please," she begged hoarsely. The sensation of a long finger pushing into her heat as his mouth continued to ply the very heart of her caused her to thrust toward him. "Mulder!" His mouth left her just as the quaking began. A chill ran through her and tears pooled in her eyes. He stood before her and placed her hand over his raging desire. Her other hand caressed the stubbled skin of his jawline. "Scully," he breathed heavily, letting his full weight press her more firmly against the door. Grabbing her wrists, he placed her hands on his shoulders then set to work at freeing himself. Running his hands over her behind, he grasped the back of her thighs and lifted her. Scully gripped his shoulders more tightly as her legs wrapped around him. Her back against the door, Mulder still held the back of her thighs as he pulled back to steady himself then delved into her secret depths. So deep, Scully thought as her arms encircled his neck pulling him even closer. She kissed his shoulder and ran her tongue across his salty skin. Her eyes fluttered before closing; her face contorting in pleasure at his first thrust. She squeezed him tightly, her breasts sliding against his chest with each movement. Faster and fater until her nipples painfully hardened. He let them fall against the door for balance as he pushed into her. She was holding him so tightly, her nails biting into his back. His breathing quickened as did his thrusts. He needed more. Needed everything. She was matching him thrust for thrust as their bodies beat against the solid surface of the door. He felt her clench around him and her body convulsing against his. His name a fevered litany of cries. He continued to pound into her, and she planted kisses across his face before hugging him close. Harder and harder, he pushed. It was coming. He could feel it tickling his insides. Sweet release. A forceful thrust and his body exploded. A loud, guttural groan and he cried out for her as if she wasn't there. He slid to his knees; Scully still in his arms, wrapped around him. Their breathing becoming one breath; their hearts becoming one beat. He held her close and felt them again. Those stinging tears building in his head. Kissing her swollen lips, Mulder reached behind to unclasp the bra, pulling it away and kissing the red lines left in its place. A shudder ran through him, and he buried his face between her breasts, and she felt his warm tears falling onto her skin, streaking down her body. Breaking the silence, he strained, "I'm sorry, Scully. I needed you. Needed to be with you. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I just... I needed to know that I wasn't alone, and you... You're all I have left, Scully. I..." Scully smiled as her tears began to fall and lifted his head to look into his eyes. "As long as there's a breath left in me, Mulder, you will never be alone. I will always be with you." "You," he whispered, "I love." Having made this confession, Mulder exhaled a weak laugh. "Guess, I should've mentioned that a long time ago." "I already knew," she said, kissing him lightly. "And Mulder, I lo..." Swallowing the words with his own kiss, he smiled. "I already know." ---Afterthought--- Scully's smile faded at his stressful grunt. "What is it?" "Well, I think we should get out of this position before I suffer some permanent damage." "I do love you," she laughed. ---The End--- ********