Title: Of Darkness And Light 1/5 Author: Alyxzia Kendle Posting Date: 25 July 1998 Classification: MSR, Mulder/Scully Angst Overall STORY Rating: R (for Harsh Language, Mature Subject Matter & some Sexual Content) CHAPTER Rating: PG-13 Archive: feel free to achive on any X-Files site provided that author is credited in all instances, and no editing nor alteration of the story shall occur without the author's permission. I would appreciate it however if archivers could e-mail me and let me know in which archives the story has been placed. Summary: Scully decides to it's time for her and Mulder to further their relationship, however instead she is presented with a shocking reality. Feedback: Encouraged. Please direct to: alyxzia@hotmail.com Spoilers: This novella takes place after the Movie in the X-files timeline, therefore anything that has occured in the X-Files universe up until this point is fair game... (in other words they are too numerous to list) Disclaimer : The author recognizes that Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Walter Skinner and the Syndicate were created by Chris Carter and remain his copyrighted property, the property of 1013 Productions, and the property of Fox Television, a unit of 20th Century Fox, Inc. No infringement of any copyright is intended. ____________ Of Darkness And Light By: Alyxzia Kendle / alyxzia@hotmail.com Part I - "Of Courage and Misery" Dana Scully was seated at her desk in their office. If one good thing had come from fire gutting out the basement room it was that once the wreckage had been cleared and the office was renovated and refurnished someone had thought of not only replacing Mulder's desk but acquiring one for her as well. It was monstrous in proportion to any desk she had ever had previously, this made her wonder where the FBI had found this old oak beast. They certainly hadn't purchased it, not for the FBI's most unwanted in the basement anyhow. She was pleased with it all the same, in her typical Scully nature she kept it immaculate. It was quite the contrast to the familiar clutter that had already re-claimed the desk of her partner. Organized chaos seemed to be something Mulder thrived on, she doubted that she nor anyone else could ever do anything that would change that. However hidden beneath his exterior sloppiness was the mind of a genius, brilliant albeit sometimes strange. His abhorrence to general office tidiness seemed a small price for her to pay in exchange for his uncanny investigative instincts. Currently, his back was to hers. In order to fit both desks into the small space and still give the agents some semblance of privacy each of the oak giants had been placed so that they faced opposite walls. At the moment Scully was extremely pleased with this arrangement. It was a relief simply to know that Mulder could not see the expression that she wore on her face. Ever since her recovery from the infection and arctic kidnapping, Scully had found herself unable to focus. Her mind kept wandering, drifting, thinking of what might have been and what could yet be between them. She knew that thinking this way was wrong at least in the eyes of the FBI, but as with all things that concerned Mulder the absolute line between right and wrong was blurred and seemed insubstantial especially considering the circumstances. He had after all intended to kiss her and he would have if that bee had not chosen that exact moment to sting her. She could remember that moment as if it had happened only yesterday, instead of four months before. She could still feel his hot breath on her face, still feel the soft warm moisture of his lips as they began to brush against hers and then just as suddenly as she realized what was about to happen between them it was over. The moments following that ruined kiss tended to remain slightly beyond her grasp. She could remember the shortness of breath, the stabbing pains in her chest. She could vividly remember thinking that she was going to die there in Mulder's hallway and remain forever unkissed, unloved. Before consciousness slipped away entirely she had silently cursed the bastards of the Syndicate. They had already taken so much from her, now they had also stolen the most intimate moment she and Mulder ever had the chance to share. Then there was blackness and nothing. There was no light, not until she fell choking into his arms over three days later. All she could think of, dream of since her recovery was bringing them to another such moment, one where they could once again become lost in each other's arms. A moment that would be filled with the anticipation of a forbidden kiss. `The kiss that should have happened four months ago.' She thought bitterly. Only this time she hoped it would happen through better circumstances. The problem was however that Mulder was just not taking the bait. He either wasn't picking up on her hints or he was purposely ignoring them. Scully refused to believe the latter, they had come so close to opening all those dangerous, yet incredible doors and she did not want him to shut her out now. Nothing was working and she had tried almost everything, everything short of being unbearably obvious and practically throwing herself at him. She had purposely attempted to spend as much time with him as she could, offering to stay late and help rebuild the X-Files department, assisting him in the re-constructing cases, and she had even gone so far as to force herself to be more open to considering extreme (although sometimes preposterous) possibilities. However despite her efforts he just kept treating her as he always had, like a friend and partner, as if nothing ever happened. This annoyed her. She wasn't used to failing. She had spent most of the day sitting motionless at her desk staring at the blank piece of paper that was lying in front of her. Frustration was coursing though her veins as if it had just been injected like an amphetamine into her bloodstream. She was desperately trying to build up her resolve to forget subtlety entirely and to just let her intentions be known. `How hard could it be?' She rationalized, then began to speak before her brain could answer that question. "Mulder." "Yes?" "Would you like to go and grab something to eat after we finish up here? Maybe something Oriental?" "Actually Scully..." He hesitated. Something dark and unreadable flickered behind his eyes, "I can't." That was not the answer which she had expected. Deciding to change her angle of approach slightly, Scully made another attempt. "But Mulder I really *need* to talk to you about something." She intentionally left this sentence vague as she did not want to start the conversation she had planned for the restaurant here in the office. Having that sort of conversation here would have undoubtedly made her very uncomfortable. If she had learned one thing from working along side Mulder all these years it was that you could never be sure who was listening. "Scully I'd love to but..." He hesitated again, fidgeting in his chair looking increasingly nervous. He turned his eyes downwards and stared at his feet, "I've got a date." That last word seemed to echo in the small office. It immediately set all manner of sirens off in Agent Scully's head; It almost felt as if a million alarm clocks had begun ringing at once. `What?!!?' Her mind flailed helplessly. It was desperately reeling trying to untangle the meaning of those four words, all the while also searching for an appropriate way in which to reply. She was not even sure if she was going to be able to say anything and continue to keep her composure. She was positive that he was `the one' and for five years now his actions seemed to support that assumption. She had become convinced that he was her prince, the only one for her, the man who would be the love of her life. Now here he was still staring at his shoes, unable to look her in the eyes, telling her that apparently she wasn't `the one' for him. `Thank God he's looking at the floor', She thought suddenly. `Because if I had to look into those beautiful brown eyes now after hearing what I just heard then there would be nothing in the world that could hold back these tears. And if I were to cry now, I might never stop.' "Ohh..." was all that she managed in response. Although she had tried to keep the tone of her voice light and indifferent, somehow the word still managed slip out sounding hurt and disappointed. "Sorry", Mulder said softly, almost under his breath. "It's O.K.", Scully replied even though she knew that things might never be `O.K.' between them again. "Who's the lucky lady?", she asked not really wanting to hear his answer. "Kelli Blake. She works upstairs in Human Resources." `Kelli Blake', Scully repeated to herself, attempting to attach a face to the name. Mulder had always been far better at things like that. Then it came to her, Kelli was the new woman. The one who had just recently transferred from the Denver office. The busty blond, all legs and sparkling effervescence. `Not a big surprise, is it Dana?' It wasn't. Kelli was exactly Mulder's type, just as Bambi had been. She cringed just thinking of the name. Mulder liked blondes, he seemed to favour ones with names like those in the videos he kept in the bottom drawer of his desk. She wondered if he had replaced those yet. `Yes', she thought to herself, `he likes Bambi's and Kelli's and probably even Cindy's but he doesn't like Dana's, not in that way anyhow.' She bit her lip hard, swallowing a sob. What did she see in this man anyhow? He was paranoid, perpetually wallowing in guilt and obsessed with bad pornography. `Why?!', her mind screamed, `Why Dana?'. She already knew the answer. She had known it for some time now. She loved him because he was the most incredible person she had ever met, so focused, so dedicated, so arrogant but yet so needy. He had eyes that could melt glaciers and when he turned on the charm he could captivate a room full of enemies. These things combined with the fact that he had saved her life time after time with not an ounce of self concern made all his faults seem minuscule in comparison. But now he was sitting her telling her that he would rather be with some stranger. Deep inside an ache began to well up within her carrying such force that had she not been a medical doctor she would have been sure that she was about to implode. She had not felt this lost since the death of her sister Melissa. She swallowed another sob, not wanting him to witness her heart breaking. "I've spoken to her once or twice, she seems nice. Have a good time tonight.". Scully was pleased with herself, it hadn't come out sounding as forced as she thought it would. "Hopefully.", he replied and swung back around in his chair, focusing his attentions again on the case file he had been piecing together. `Dismissed', Scully thought, `Just like that'. She tried to summon up some anger but the only emotions she could find were ones born from defeat and hurt. They did not speak for the rest of the afternoon, except to exchange good byes on their way out the door. She did not attempt to meet his eyes and he didn't try to meet hers either. She managed to drive two blocks before the tears began streaming down her face. She drove the rest of the way drowning in a flood of her own tears. By the time she reached her apartment and collapsed onto the couch all that was left were shuddering dry sobs and pain, the fierce pain of heartbreak. *** She did not eat dinner; The thought of food was unbearable. She sat on her couch for what seemed like hours staring at nothing, eventually even the dry sobs ceased and then the numbness wound it's way through the pain all the way to her heart. It was only then that she moved. Going to her bedroom she stripped herself of her suit, leaving it lying in a crumpled pile on the floor like a shed snakeskin. She had always been near fanatical at not leaving clothes strewn around her apartment, but tonight she could not find the energy within her weary aching bones to care. She chose to replace her restrictive office clothes with the soft knit of her fleece pajamas, the ones her mother had bought her years ago when she was still in medical school. She needed to feel close to her mother tonight, however she refused to call her this late and wake her, so she hoped the pajamas would do the trick. In the bathroom Scully washed away the last traces of her ruined makeup, wondering if the redness around her eyes would disappear before she had to see him tomorrow. She abandoned that thought quickly however as it threatened to bring a fresh river of tears to her eyes. She instead turned and left the bathroom to retire to the comfortable familiarity of her bed. She shut her eyes, and tossed, and turned. She could not get comfortable. She couldn't sleep. She looked at the luminous digital numbers on her bedside alarm clock, 1:17am. Rolling over, she lifted the phone from its cradle and dialed Mulder's number. It rang and rang and just continued to ring until she finally lost count. Returning the receiver to its resting place, she collapsed back onto the bed and burst into a fresh set of tears. Curling herself into the fetal position as if she was an unborn infant in her mother's womb, she cried until sleep overcame her. That night Agent Dana Scully dreamed that she was deafened by her own sobs. ***to be continued*** Title: Of Darkness And Light 2/5 Author: Alyxzia Kendle ________________________ Of Darkness And Light By: Alyxzia Kendle / alyxzia@hotmail.com Part II - "Heartbreak and Tile Floors" 7:00am Scully's alarm clock violently jarred her from her current nightmare. Rolling over, she squinted at the digital numerals. Unable to summon the energy to get up, Scully swatted the snooze button, granting herself nine more minutes of relative peace. Collapsing back onto the mattress and winding the duvet tightly around herself, she shuddered one last time as the tension from her most recent nightmare finally dissipated. She still felt exhausted. She felt as if she had spent the entire night being chased and maybe in some subconscious way she was. Scully was dreading this morning more than anything imaginable and if she could have willed the sun to never give light to the day again, she would have. Even the nightmares seemed less torturous then having to go to the office and see him. She knew that as soon as they were in the same room together she would be helpless against the ache of emptiness that would once again fill her chest. She felt the impending wave every time she merely thought of him. 'But there is nothing you can do,' she reasoned with herself. 'You're an adult and so is he, if he doesn't share the same feelings you are going to have to learn to accept it. You can't continue acting like some hysterical teenage girl collapsing into tears every time you see him or think of him. Come on Dana, be an adult, you're stronger than this, pull yourself together.' It was easy to rationalize like that in her head but actually believing those things and putting them to practical use was something entirely different. It seemed like it was nearly impossible. Scully hated feeling this way, being weak, vulnerable and completely irrational. After spending so much time striving to repress her emotions it annoyed her considerably that she was unable to push them aside now when she needed to most. That was the problem though, Mulder had always had the tendency to bring out her emotional side. Whether that emotion be anger, concern, sadness, fear or relief it usually had something to do with him. She could never master turning off those responses, at least not when directly in his presence. Something about him had always triggered emotional reactions within herself that she was entirely unable to resist. She cursed this now more than ever before. After climbing out of bed she meandered around her apartment, only halfheartedly getting showered and dressed. She usually looked forward to going to the office, even arrived there early some mornings, but not today. She dreaded having to face Mulder on the morning after his first *real* date in God knows how many years; His first *real* date with some woman who wasn't her. She didn't want to think about that anymore. She was sick of dwelling on it and dwelling on him. For the first time since she'd set foot into his office six years ago she just wanted to shut him out and erase his image from her mind. 'But how do you shut out the one you love?' The little voice inside her asked. ' Love? Is that what this is? Is that why it hurts?' She didn't know the answers to any of these questions not in her heart nor in her head. So instead she threw her on her trench coat, grabbed her house keys from the coffee table where she had haphazardly discarded them the night before and left to face the inevitable. ***** Scully hesitated before opening the door to their basement office, not knowing what to expect on the other side. She took a moment to collect her thoughts and take a deep breath, reassuring herself that no matter what was about to happen she would keep her emotions safely reigned. Then she entered and her heart sank lower then she ever imagined it could. Mulder was sitting at his desk in his usual manner, hunched over focusing intently on the case file in front of him. He was so absorbed in it he didn't even notice her coming in. But she *noticed* him, sitting there at his desk wearing *exactly* the same suit and tie that he left the office wearing last night. There could be only one explanation for this and Scully didn't like that one, not in the least. She dropped her briefcase on her desk with a loud reverberating thump. Only then did he finally become aware of her presence. "'Morning Scully." "'Morning." She agreed as if she were stating the time of day rather than greeting her partner. "Wanna cup of coffee?" He asked, just as he had asked her on hundreds of mornings before this one. 'He is acting like nothing happened,' Scully thought infuriated, 'like he thinks that I wouldn't notice that he is sitting there in the same rumpled suit he wore yesterday.' "No." She replied curtly. "But Scully, I have never known you to turn down the traditional morning coffee. Are you sure don't want a cup? I just brewed it." "Yes I am sure." She replied bluntly and started to unpack her briefcase. The room fell silent, but Mulder broke it only moments later. "Aren't you even going to ask me how my date went?" "No, I can *see* how your date went." She replied with sarcasm dripping from her voice like molten lava from a volcano. He looked down at himself as if noticing the condition of his attire for the first time. When he raised his eyes again they were filled with an expression that made her think of what a deer caught in headlights would look like if it happened to be really embarrassed (and guilty). 'Don't forget guilty.' She reminded herself. Mulder remained silent for a long time, as if he was struggling for the words that would make this situation o.k. "Listen Scully, you should really give Kelli a chance. She's got a great sense of humour and she's smart, not just bright but *really* intelligent." 'Really smart?' Scully repeated to herself. 'Just what the world needs, a *really* smart bimbo.' She rolled her eyes, not wanting to hear anymore but Mulder just kept talking. "I know what you're thinking Scully, but give me a break. She's nice and interesting..." 'Aren't I nice and interesting?' Scully thought. "and she even shares some of the same ideas I do." 'You forgot to mention that she's a good lay' Scully's mind added. It was reeling with a new found anger. She was relieved that at least it had taken the place of the hurt. "She's really interested in the kind of work that we do down here. She wants to graduate from that desk job someday and get into field work. She is really keen on becoming an Agent." "Good for her." Scully said, noting how indifferent her voice sounded. Mulder looked at her expectantly but didn't say anything else. She could see in his eyes that there was going to be more to this conversation than just that gushing account of his new girlfriend. And she was pretty sure that whatever it was going to be she wasn't going to like it. "What is it you want Mulder?" She knew him so well. "I was wondering..." he paused. She was really beginning to hate these hesitations of his. "I was thinking," he started the sentence a second time. "If it's not too much trouble maybe Kelli could come down once a week or so and watch us. Hell, she could even help out, we need all the help we can get down here, especially now. She could really use the experience to help propel her out of the Human Resources department and we get an extra body and no extra paperwork. She's got Wednesdays off. I don't know, I just thought it might work out well. What do you think?" 'He sounds so excited, all ready to have his little girlfriend come down and play FBI games with him. What about me? Where do I fit into this charade of his?' She thought bitterly, realizing at that point she was just too hurt and emotionally drained to continue the discussion any longer. Not even her quick wit was going to get her out of this one. "Yeah, O.K., whatever." She said noncommittally and turned and took a seat at her desk. It was in that instant that her brain decided to remind her that today was Wednesday. At this realization her stomach bucked and a wave of nausea struck her with such force that she knew without a doubt that she was going to be sick. And if she didn't get to the washroom in the next fifteen seconds it was going to happen right there in the office in front of Mulder. She couldn't bear the thought. Leaping from her desk she made a mad scramble towards the ladies room. She managed to get through the door and halfway to a stall before it rose up within her beyond the point of no return. Collapsing to her knees on the white tiles, she leaned forward and threw up on the floor. It took ten minutes before the shudders subsided. She sat there for fifteen more staring at the mess in front of her feeling an overwhelming sense of self-pity. Mulder hadn't dashed out of the office after her to make sure that she was alright. He hadn't even come now and she had been gone almost a half an hour. 'What happened to my prince?' She wondered, 'The one who always saved me.' She didn't know and doubted that she ever would. The anger that was born earlier in the office was still seething inside her, it drove away those sad questioning thoughts and replaced them with bitter poisoned-filled ones. 'Perhaps I should have just de-bunked his work like I was assigned to do, it would have been easy enough. Instead I made this man my ally, I gave him my trust and my faith and my strength and what has he given me in return? Nothing but grief and pain. His ridiculous quest has almost gotten me killed on a number of occasions, not to mention that it has gotten me abducted, given me cancer, hurt my family, killed my sister... All this for something that isn't even my battle nor my cause. I did all this, risked all this, sacrificed all this because I cared. And what does he do now? He leaves me, alone, hurt and puking on a bathroom floor. He leaves me here with not even an ounce of compassion in return. Sure he saved my life a couple of times, but my life wouldn't have needed saving if he hadn't dragged me into this in the first place. I gave up everything for him, even my reputation and this is what I get in return?' The inner voice raged on as she stared at the empty bathroom and the vomit staining the white tiles in front of her. 'This is what I get in return? Well fuck this, and fuck you too Mulder!' With that last sentiment, she hoisted herself back up onto her feet, wobbled unsteady for a couple of seconds and then began walking back to their office leaving the mess on the floor behind her. Upon reaching her desk, she began packing up her briefcase even though she had only arrived an hour and a half earlier. As she snapped the chrome buckles shut, Mulder spoke. "Is there something wrong Scully?" "I'm feeling sick so I am going to take the rest of the afternoon off." She replied even though she had a thousand other things she would have rather said. "Ohh. I hope you feel better soon. Have some soup and get some sleep, that's what my mom always recommends." He replied sounding honestly concerned for the first time. 'It's not going to help what I've got.' She thought bitterly. "Yeah I'll try that." she said and left the office, not bothering to close the door. 'He's probably ecstatic that I am leaving, now he can fuck his little blonde bimbette right there on his desk. If he could find his desk.' Her mind reminded her. 'Well knowing him they'll probably just do it on mine.' This thought brought another wave of nausea rocketing through her stomach. She was instantly glad she had decided to take the rest of the day off. In fact she ended up calling in sick for the next eight days. Mulder didn't phone nor visit her during that period, not even to find out if she was alright. If he had, he would have discovered that she wasn't. ***to be continued*** Title: Of Darkness And Light 3/5 Author: Alyxzia Kendle ______________________ Of Darkness And Light By: Alyxzia Kendle / alyxzia@hotmail.com Part III - "Lessons In Truth and Self" It was already mid-afternoon on Monday when Mulder heard the familiar creak of the office door opening, he looked up expecting to see Scully. She had been away on sick leave for well over a week. For Scully this was highly unusual, even before her cancer had gone into remission she had adamantly refused to take any more time off than she absolutely had to. In the few times when her health had required her to stay out of the office she would working again as soon as humanly possible, even if it meant not operating at 100%. Over the past week, Mulder had considered going to her apartment many times. He desperately wanted to visit her and assure himself that she was alright. He was concerned, very concerned. However every time that instinct had risen up inside him he had fought it. He knew that going to her would only make things worse, harder for the both of them. So he hadn't gone and now he felt as guilty as hell. Much to his disappointment it wasn't Scully who had just stepped into the office, it was Assistant Director Skinner. Mulder felt his heart sink and the all too familiar paranoia begin to claw at his chest. One look at Skinner's face and posture was enough to tell Mulder that this wasn't a courtesy visit. "Sir?" Mulder acknowledged Skinner's entrance with a question. "I think we need to talk Mulder." Skinner replied in a tone that mirrored the look on his face. "What is it sir?" Mulder asked hesitantly. Even the air in the room seemed tense and brittle. "This morning I received an official request for transfer from Agent Scully. She wants to go back to Quantico and I am here because I want to know why." Mulder gazed up at his boss in shock. "Shit," he mumbled under his breath. Skinner waited a moment before speaking again. He wanted Mulder to have time to realize the full implications of what he had just been told. "Considering the reaction I just witnessed I take it you had no idea of your partner's intentions?" "No sir." Mulder confirmed, still feeling as if he should say something more. "Are you o.k. with her decision?" Skinner didn't receive the answer that he'd been expecting. "Yes I am sir," Mulder paused. "If this is what she wants." Actually Mulder wasn't anywhere close to being alright with his partner's sudden resignation. He was desperately fighting his urge to object, he realized how easy it would be to crumble under the weight of his heart. He was so used to following it and all its instincts that refusing to listen to its pleas now was probably one of the hardest things he ever had to do. He didn't want to allow her to resign from the X-Files but in his head he knew this course of action was for the best, even if it didn't make him happy. Skinner turned to leave but instead of disappearing out into the hallway he spun back around to face Mulder. When he spoke his voice was full of restrained anger. "I was going to walk out of here and accept that as your position. I was going to walk out of here a moment ago, return to my office and approve Agent Scully's request. To tell you the truth that would have probably made some of those darker powers very happy, particularly our cigarette-smoking friend. But I am not going to do that and I am not going to accept your lack of argument as an answer nor an explanation. So tell me Mulder, why is she leaving? I want the *truth*." "I don't think it would be appropriate to tell you that sir." Mulder shifted his eyes uncomfortably around the room, anywhere to avoid having to meet Skinner's angry stare. "I don't think that you have any say in what's appropriate in regards to this situation." Skinner snapped. Mulder hesitated pondering the truth, the unfathomable truth. The same truth that he had spent the past six years keeping carefully hidden. Now here before him stood his boss, Assistant Director of the FBI demanding it. Mulder wasn't sure if what he was about to confess would be on the record or off. For his sake he prayed it was off. "Because I am saving her sir." "What?" Skinner's eyes grew large with confusion and disbelief. "Everyone I have ever cared about has been hurt or killed because of me and my quest. I have caused her so much pain already. I am not willing to see her suffer the same fate as the others, she is too special." Mulder explained. "Yet you are willing to let her walk out of here knowing that you will probably never see her again?" "Yes." Mulder replied then a moment later shook his head. "No, no I am not. I didn't think that she would do this sir. I was just trying to push her away a little. It was getting too dangerous, we were getting too close, it was making her a constant target. *They* knew that they could use her to get to me. It wasn't fair putting her life at risk like that." "But now she's leaving you and putting all your concerns for her personal safety aside for a moment, this is tearing you apart isn't it?" Mulder looked Skinner in the eyes for the first time in the conversation. "But that's just the thing sir. I am the stupidest man on earth." "Do you care to explain Mulder?" Skinner asked, a hint of compassion crept into his voice. "I am the stupidest man on earth because I did the stupidest thing on earth. It's the very thing that put Scully in so much danger. " He paused, carefully considering if he was ready to confess to the ultimate truth. "I fell in love with my partner." Mulder sighed. Six years and there it was, all of it finally laid out on the table. Now all that was left to do was wait for the consequences of that admission. Knowing the FBI, he was sure that it would be harsh and swift. What came next however nearly knocked Mulder from his seat. "I hate to say it Mulder but falling in love doesn't make you stupid, it makes you human. Agent Scully is a beautiful and intelligent woman, a person would have to be blind not to notice that. It's also obvious that she shares some of these same feelings for you. I am not the only one who sees it. *Everyone* can sense the connection you share with Agent Scully. Many of them would be very surprised to discover that the two of you are *not* having a sexual relationship. There are rumours, I am sure that you have heard some of them." Mulder nodded. Skinner continued, "And as far as I have been concerned whether you and Agent Scully have a relationship or not is none of my business. My superiors have also chosen to play blind in this regard. They have chosen to ignore their suspicions as well as FBI protocol and policies. Do you know why they have done this Mulder?" Mulder shook his head unable to stop feeling like a young boy again getting lectured by a teacher or parent. "They are doing this..." Skinner took a deep breath, "because they know that separately the two of you are undoubtedly competent agents, maybe even brilliant ones, but together you are magic. You have formed a partnership that can stand up against any adversity. They realize this and even though they might not always appreciate the X-Files or the leads you pursue, they do realize that together the two of you could quite possibly be the best team to ever emerge from the Bureau. Therefore they have been willing to overlook your infractions, social and otherwise. Why do you think that no *serious* action or investigation has ever risen out of these suspicions? I'll tell you why, because in your case they would rather see *that* then watch your partnership disintegrate. No other team in the FBI could get away with what you and Agent Scully do." "Why haven't we been told this?" Mulder demanded as soon as the Assistant Director paused long enough for him to speak. "Just because we chose to overlook what goes on between you two doesn't necessarily mean that we condone it." Mulder nodded, reflecting on everything that Skinner had just shared with him. "So what am I supposed to do now?" He finally asked. "I know you said earlier that you've fallen in love with her." his boss paused. "But do you *really* love her, I mean as more then just a partner and friend?" "I think that you already know the answer to that." Mulder replied, almost in a whisper. "Then go to her and tell her that. Don't just sit here and let her walk out on you because you are too paranoid or scared. Trust me, if you don't tell her the truth now you'll live to regret it and possibly someday even feel more guilty than you already do." To Mulder those sounded like the wisest words ever spoken. He knew Skinner was right but still so many doubts remained. He decided that this was the perfect opportunity to voice them. "I've acted like such an asshole though." Mulder admitted. "I shouldn't have to be the one to break it to you Mulder but she's seen you act like an ass on more then one occasion." " I know but this time it's different." Every nerve and cell within Mulder's body knew that this was the absolute truth. It *was* different. He was on the brink of stepping into some dangerous and foreign territory. "No it isn't." Skinner's sharp response sent Mulder's train of thought barrelling off its tracks. Then Skinner softened his voice again. "Working in the Bureau on the front lines we see so much darkness, so much evil and so little light. If *she* is your light Mulder, don't shut her out, don't push her away." Skinner paused again, the sharp tone returned, "Now go out there and bring her back." It sounded like an order. "Yes sir." Mulder responded as though it had been. In a single motion he retrieved his blazer from the back of his chair and dashed out the office door. Assistant Director Skinner was left standing alone hoping that he had said the right things. He silently prayed that they could resolve this, if not for themselves than for the sake of the FBI and the population in general. There were far too few agents like them left, not only were they dedicated but they were honest. Skinner sighed and left the room, closing the door securely behind him. ***to be continued*** Title: Of Darkness And Light 4/5 Author: Alyxzia Kendle ________________________ Of Darkness And Light By: Alyxzia Kendle / alyxzia@hotmail.com Part IV - "The Perils of Soul" Mulder drove like a man possessed. He wound his car through the city streets like a lab rat in a maze. When he arrived at his partner's apartment complex he didn't even stop to park properly, he simply pulled his car up onto the curb in front of the building's main entrance. Dashing inside he passed the elevator and pushed open the door to the stairwell. He took the stairs to Agent Scully's floor two at a time. When he finally reached the door to her apartment he was frantic and short-of-breath. He knocked. There was no sound of motion inside. He knocked again, louder this time. Like before there was no answer. Knocking a third time he could feel the door shake under the weight of his pounding fist. "Scully!" He yelled, "Scully if you're in there please open up. Please Scully, I'm sorry!" He eventually did hear a sound but it didn't come from inside her apartment, it originated from directly behind him. As he turned he found himself face to face with a stocky man about his own age who was peering out the door of an adjacent apartment. "You looking for Dana?" The stocky man in the frayed white bathrobe asked. "Yeah." Mulder replied. He couldn't help but wonder how this neighbour knew her first name. "and you are?" The man asked, suspicion weighing heavy on his voice. Mulder saw his opportunity and reached for his badge. "Mulder, FBI, I'm Agent Scully's partner." He placed additional emphasis on the word agent. Something relaxed in the other man's posture, the light of understanding softened his suspicious glare. "Oh so you're Mulder. Well she left for her mother's about four days ago. So far as I can tell she hasn't been back." "Thanks." Mulder replied, wondering what Scully had been telling strangers about him. He had wanted to ask the man but her neighbour had already disappeared back into his suite. Someday, he decided, he would have to ask Scully herself. Mulder turned on his heal and started back towards the stairs. It was going to be a long night. *** Mulder had a lot to think about as he drove towards Scully's mother's house. He hadn't counted on having to face her family as well as her. In truth he wasn't sure if he could do it. He felt deeply ashamed and didn't particularly want to share this suffocating shame with an audience. He knew he shouldn't have behaved the way he had, he shouldn't have gone out with Kelli and he certainly shouldn't have slept with her. 'Hell,' he thought to himself. 'I shouldn't have done any of it but it's a little late for anything except regret.' He wouldn't have acted the way he had if he had known that this would be the end result of those actions. He hadn't expected it to hurt so much nor go this far. He had only wanted to push her away *slightly* not drive her away entirely. "The Mulder curse," he mumbled under his breath. As he pulled into the driveway of the Scully family home he noticed that although it was already past ten o'clock the living room light was still on. He let out a small sigh of relief. 'At least I won't be waking anyone up.' he thought. He took his time parking the car, he needed every minute he could get to collect himself and prepare what he was going to do and say. Only when he couldn't rationalize delaying any longer did he approach the door. He inhaled. He knocked. Margaret Scully answered. When she saw him standing there Mulder thought he noticed the muscles in her face suddenly tighten. He thought he saw her eyes grow colder. "Mulder." She said in a tone that seemed to verify all his dreaded suspicions. "Hi Mrs. Scully." He felt like a nervous teenager on a first date. "Is Scully, umm... I mean Dana here? I really need to talk to her." 'That could have gone better' he thought. "She doesn't *want* to talk to you Fox." Scully's mother replied matter-of-factly. "But Mrs. Scully ma'am. I *really* have to talk to her. It's important." Mulder pleaded. "Sorry Fox," Margaret Scully apologized, "Good night." With that sentiment she shut and bolted the door in Mulder's face. He stared at the wood grain for many long minutes before returning to his car. He didn't start the engine. He didn't drive away. He simply bowed his head forward until his cheek was resting against the hard leather of the steering wheel and tried to fight back the impending tears. "Scully," he whispered to the empty seat beside him, *Scully's seat*. "I am so sorry." Then the tears came. He sobbed. Sitting in his car in the Scully family driveway he felt entirely alone for the first time since he had met her. He was lost without her; He hadn't been lying when he had once confessed that to her. He needed her. He *loved* her, he loved her in the way that Skinner had been talking about earlier. Realizing this he knew that he could not simply start the engine and drive away. He had to talk to her whether she wanted to or not. He *had* to, somehow. Then he had an idea. *** He rounded the corner, stepping into the Scully family backyard. His hands were full of rocks he had carefully selected from the side of the road by the end of the driveway. He had been especially cautious in selecting the stones making certain that none of them were large enough to break a window, after all he wasn't a vandal simply a desperate man in love. So now standing in the dark backyard, avoiding the illumination of the porch light, he was ready. He took a careful mental measure of the distance between him and the window of Scully's childhood bedroom. For the second time that night he felt like a school boy, an adolescent throwing stones at the bedroom window of the cute girl who sat next to him in homeroom. Hoping that the sound of their impact on the glass would get her attention and hoping that she would then sneak out to see him. He shrugged off that thought and focused instead on the task at hand. Which was getting Scully to talk to him or at least listen. Mulder wound his arm similar to the way a pitcher of a major league baseball team might. However just as the rock was about to be sent hurtling through the air he noticed something that made him stop dead. Sitting on the roof just outside the bedroom window was a silhouette, it was petite and quite obviously female. He couldn't make out any colours or details but he didn't need to see any more than the shape to know that the shadowy figure sitting above him on the roof was his estranged partner. "Scully?" He called up to the figure. "Go away Mulder." She said with a hollow sadness permeating her voice. "No." "Mulder haven't you done enough already?" Suddenly she turned her attentions to the rock that he still held in his hand. "Are you here to stone me as well? I am not a martyr, I'm a woman. I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry. Now please go away." Mulder might have laughed at her line about the stoning if only her voice hadn't sounded so icy cold and defeated. He wondered how she knew that he had been about to throw a rock, considering he too was masked by the shadows. At this moment though he didn't want to contemplate trivial things like the rock in his hand, he just wanted to be up there next to her more than anywhere else. He wanted to be holding her close, warming her chilled heart and melting away this brick exterior. 'If only it could be that easy,' he thought. But it was never easy with Scully. She was as difficult and headstrong as she was beautiful. Mulder didn't move nor did he speak. "Mulder, it's too late," she paused. "It's too late for both words and apologies. Every time I get my heart set on leaving and manage to gather the nerve to set the whole process in motion you come begging me to reconsider. Saying that you're sorry for whatever idiotic thing that you've done to make me angry and swearing you'll never do whatever it was again. And then everything's fine until the next time. Don't deny it Mulder, there always is a next time, you always do it again and I get caught up in this endless cycle. I'm tired of it Mulder. I'm tired of living for your quest. I want a life of my own. Mulder hadn't expected this conversation to be easy but he never imagined it would be like this. Her words cut him like the blade of a recently sharpened sword. "Scully, I..." "You what?" Scully interrupted incredulously. "You're sorry? You can't go on without me? I don't believe that. I might have believed it four months ago but I don't believe it now. " Mulder stood speechless. She had taken all the words he had come there to tell her and twisted them, made them seem like ugly opportunistic things and he hadn't so much as spoken a single sentence yet. "What is it you want?" Scully demanded. "I love you." Mulder's voice cracked in anguish. It was blunt but she had left him with no choice. "What about Kelli?" She rebuked. "Kelli and I aren't together anymore. She broke up with me. She didn't want a man who was married to his work and was only dating her so that he could distance himself from his partner." "What the hell are you talking about Mulder?" "That's right Scully. You didn't hear me wrong. I went out with her because I wanted to save you." "That doesn't make any sense." "Yes it does. Ever since we've worked together my *quest* has brought you pain. They have hurt you, threatened you time after time just to get under my skin. God only knows what would happen if they were to discover that I loved you, that my very heart and soul belonged to you. You'd be doomed. I wouldn't wish that fate on my worst enemy let alone on the most incredible, beautiful woman I've ever met." Mulder confessed. "Do you think that makes everything alright? Do you think that just because you show up at my mother's house in the middle of the night with all sorts of confessions and apologies that that will change what brought us to this in the first place. It won't Mulder because I am too tired of playing these paranoid games with you. You don't think before you act and then you assume that two or three words will excuse your behaviour. I am not willing to do this, not for one more day and certainly not for the rest of my life. It's over Mulder." Scully said that last sentence with such cold calculated certainty that it sent a shiver rocketing down Mulder's spine. "Don't do this Scully," He begged. "Don't go away and turn you're back on me, on *us*. I admit that Kelli was a mistake. I admit that most of the past week has been a mistake. I made so many mistakes, that was until Skinner set me straight and I ended up here. Now I am doing what is right, *really* right. Something that I probably should have done four years ago but I didn't and I'm sorry about that too. I know that sometimes my intentions are misguided but everything that I have done recently I have done for you, done for *your* safety and in *your* best interests. I am sorry these things hurt you, but causing you pain seemed such a small price in comparison to costing you your life. I came here tonight because I realized that I had it all wrong. I realized that I could love you without having to lose you. I realized that my love would protect you. Now the only mistake that remains left to be made is the one you'll make if you crawl back through that window and shut me out." Mulder sounded like a desperate man still pleading his case even while being dragged to the guillotine. His voice, his words all tugged at her heart. She'd waited so long to hear these very things and now they'd come too late. They didn't resolve matters; Mulder was Mulder and he was incapable of change. "Perhaps that mistake would be the best one I have ever made." With that final proclamation she turned back towards the house and pushed open the window with the palms of her hands. "Scully!" He cried out in the sheer anguish of losing. He knew that if she disappeared through that window he would never see her again. "You are my light, please I beg of you don't leave me alone in the darkness." He didn't know where that had come from; He supposed it was the final plea of a fallen man. He had never really been the poetic type but Skinner's words just seemed incredibly appropriate in that instant. If those would be the last words that she ever heard him speak, he was comforted by the fact that they had been pure and true rather than angry or demanding. "What?" Scully asked. She released the window allowing it to slide shut with a slightly muffled thump. She turned back towards the yard, focusing her complete attention on Mulder's silhouette. 'I can't believe that worked,' Mulder thought to himself. 'I was sure that she would dismiss it as pathetic romantic bullshit in her typical Scully-fashion but she didn't.' His amazement and relief was almost overwhelming but he couldn't miss his window of opportunity. That line might have bought him a few more minutes but certainly not a lifetime. She was listening, giving him her full undivided attention for perhaps the first time since this conversation began. He knew that whatever he was about to say it had to be something special and honest because if it wasn't this would be the last time he would be granted such a stage. Mulder stepped out of the shadows into the warm glow of the Scully's back porch light. He looked up at his partner who now sat perched on the edge of the roof, feet dangling. He could see that she was looking down at him. 'She is like an angel on a pedestal,' he thought. 'This must be what it feels like to gaze into heaven.' The immense love he felt for her at that moment overcame him, he could feel the soft trickle of tears begin to escape from his eyes. He didn't wipe them away. He stared up at her, her body silhouetted against the moon. He dropped to his knees. Scully watched this. It was like a fairy tale or a movie not like real life. Yet here the scene unwound itself before her. Mulder was on his knees in her mother's backyard, like a prince, tears glimmering in his hazel eyes allowing himself to be completely vulnerable. At that moment she wanted to throw herself from the roof into his arms. Once there she wanted to smother him in her embrace. Not yet however, first she wanted to hear what he was about to say. She held her place on the roof. "Scully..." he spoke breaking the silence of the night air. He paused. "Dana..." he began again this time opting to use her given name. Scully exhaled silently, she always loved the way her name sounded when it spilled from his lips. "I am not the most romantic man on earth, but I assure you Dana that no man on earth loves you more than I do. There is no end to my grief knowing that both the x-files and my affections put you in constant danger. In certain circumstances I have had to put my own desires and happiness aside to protect you, but I have *never* intentionally meant to hurt you. You have to believe this. I realize that you have every right to walk away from me, earlier this week I would have probably encouraged you to. However now I am pleading with you to stay. You are worth every risk imagined and otherwise. Stay and allow me to protect and love you as I know I can. I swear if anyone so much as lays a single threatening finger on you again that will be the last move they ever make. Dana, you alone make my world bearable. You have given me the courage and strength to continue even when I was sure I would crumble under the weight of my own guilt and failure. You are like a lighthouse that keeps me from becoming lost at sea, you prevent me from wandering too far into the fog of the past. You're able to do this because when I look at you I see the future. You are the truest, purest, most beautiful person I have ever met. I don't deserve you. I know I am hopelessly flawed but please Dana if you are going to leave me don't leave me like this. I love you like no one I have loved before. Allow me to prove it, please..." Mulder exhaled a single choking breath before his sobs swallowed him completely. Aside from the sound of his crying the night once again grew as silent as the catacombs of a tomb. Dana did not reply. Mulder heard the sound of the window being pushed open and then falling shut. He collapsed the rest of the way to the ground pressing his tear-streaked face to the earth. His fingers clutched the grass in huge fistfuls as if the planet itself was spinning violently attempting to send him careening into space. 'I've failed, she's gone.' Those were the only thoughts that echoed through Special Agent Fox Mulder's mind. He felt as helpless as he had the night that Samantha had been taken. Now it seemed that Scully too was also destined to vanish into the darkness. He clutched at the lawn harder still, he could feel the soiling pushing its way up beneath his fingernails. He didn't know if he would be able to continue as a solitary soldier in his crusade. He was no longer even sure if he wanted to continue at all. He clenched his eyes shut but the void offered him no comfort, it only served as a reminder of his fate and failure and how the two seemed hopelessly intertwined. This wasn't the first time that Mulder had thought of death. Some people considered suicide a selfish act but Mulder knew different. Whether Scully and himself remained partners or not was inconsequential to *them*, as long as he continued to live she would continue to be in danger. And if she wouldn't allow him to protect her than he would have to remove the very thing that put her at risk in the first place... himself. He willed his fingers downwards where they methodically unsnapped the holster of his FBI issue weapon. Trembling slightly his hand closed around the butt of the revolver, index finger slipping delicately as a lovers might across the trigger. He inhaled slowly, filling his lungs with the damp night air and raised the gun to his head. ***to be continued*** Title: Of Darkness And Light 5/5 Author: Alyxzia Kendle _______________________ Of Darkness And Light By: Alyxzia Kendle / alyxzia@hotmail.com Part V - "In The Eyes Of Tomorrow" Dana Scully made a decision, it was only partially influenced by Mulder's speech. His actions alone had spoken volumes and the moment he had dropped to his knees below her on her mother's lawn she knew that something between them had been about to change irreversibly. She could have made the decision then but she had to be sure that by making it she wouldn't be throwing her world into any more turmoil than it already was. She knew now that it wouldn't. She was more certain about this than anything since her and Mulder had been teamed up over half a decade ago. What he had shown her a few moments ago in her mother's backyard had been more than enough to cause her to realize that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, not only professionally but in every other way as well. He had finally dropped all his stalwart defences and allowed her to come inside. He had practically begged her to come inside. And this was one invitation Dana Scully couldn't resist. She grabbed her bathrobe from the hook on the back of the door and slipped into it as easily as if it had been a second skin. She was still fastening the waist tie shut as she rushed down the stairs from the second story bedroom. Upon reaching the bottom of the staircase she decided not to bother putting on shoes and instead moved straight for the patio door. Quickly she pushed the curtain aside and slid the glass door open. She stepped back out into the brisk damp night air and glanced around the yard looking for her partner. The scene that presented itself made her stop in horror. Mulder was still there however rather than kneeling he now was lying sprawled on his back on the grass holding his gun to his head. Scully thought that all her world would come crashing down in that instant. Mulder was completely still, he obviously had not heard her walk out onto the patio. Even from where Scully stood she could see that his index finger was curled around the trigger. She knew that if she moved too suddenly or even spoke aloud and scared him, he could all too easily flinch and involuntarily depress the trigger. Just the thought of witnessing Mulder's death sent a sickening shudder through her body. She was afraid that if she didn't make her move quickly he would, and if he made the move he seemed to be planning it would be his last. Scully thought quickly, luckily she had always had a talent for working in high pressure situations. She slowly, softly began shuffling her feet on the patio stones. The sound wasn't particularly harsh or intrusive, just loud enough so that she could make her presence known. Her bare feet on the patio tiles was the only sound to break the silence until she felt it safe to take it one step further. Scully spoke, her voice so low and controlled that it was hardly above a whisper. "Mulder?" She asked. There was no response from the body on the lawn. Scully knew from her years in the FBI that a desperate man with a gun was a dangerous thing. She also knew that this was especially true if the holder of the gun happened to be Mulder. Mulder was inherently irrational and tended to act on impulse rather than thought, and in general these things made him as much of a threat to himself as to others. This wasn't the first ledge that she had to talk him down from and she doubted that it would be the last. She decided to try another approach, "Fox?" It was only then that he replied. "I hate it when you call me that." She let out a silent sigh of relief, at least he was talking. Communication was a definite step in the right direction. "Alright Mulder I won't. What are you doing?" She said this gently not wanting it to come out sounding accusing or angry. But she did need the fog to clear from his mind so that he could realize how senseless and unwarranted these suicidal intentions of his were. By asking the obvious question she hoped to bring him one tiny bit closer to sane reality. It was difficult though because throughout this entire process she knew that she would have to put her own confusion and frustration aside. She had to remain compassionate and open if she hoped to achieve her goal and save Mulder from himself. "I'm holding a gun to my head." He answered in an emotionless monotone. "I can see that." She acknowledged. "But why?" He took a deep ragged breath. "Because you are leaving me but what you don't realize is that leaving isn't good enough. *They* will still continue to pursue you because they know that if they take you I will always come running. I would always come to your rescue whether you wanted me to or not, whether you forbade me to or not. If you want to be free allow me to set you truly free." Scully shook her head in exasperation, sometimes Mulder's constant paranoia wore her patience impossibly thin. Instead of screaming at him as she felt quite inclined to do after that little speech, she softened her voice again and replied. "That's nonsense Mulder. You have to stop treating me like Samantha , you have to stop treating me like a helpless little girl who needs your protection. I am an agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation and I *can* take care of myself." "No you can't," Mulder argued. By the tone of his voice Scully could see that the desperate haze was slowly giving way to more rational thoughts. "Because they are not just above the law they are outside it. Rules and restrictions that apply to us and every other citizen of the United States of America have no bearing or influence on them. They are so powerful and so far reaching that they can do anything to anyone at anytime. I know you are an accomplished agent but Scully they've taken you twice now and it would be horribly naive to think that they wouldn't be able to do it again. They don't want you though, they just see that if they can get rid of you then they have also rid themselves of me, and that's what they want. They want me to abandon this fight for the truth, because if I stop then they can continue on with their plans without conflict. If I stop, if I die then they win and you are free, truly free." Scully could no longer hold back her own emotions. "Do you honestly believe that blowing your brains out in my mother's backyard is going to set me free? It might get the Syndicate off my back but it is never going to give me the sort of freedom that you propose it will. It's not going to set me any freer than you are now because I would live out the rest of my life feeling guilty. Day after day I would replay this scene in my head over and over again trying to figure out where I when wrong, what I said wrong, what made me unable to stop you. I would live out the rest of my life filled with the guilt of failing to save you. Sounds familiar doesn't it Mulder? You know all about guilt, is that what you want to leave me with, is that what you want your final gift to me to be?" Mulder slowly lowered the gun from where it had been positioned at his temple. He placed it on the grass beside him. "Sorry Scully, I guess I wasn't thinking." His voice was filled with shame and he refused to meet her eyes; He continued to stare upwards at the moon. Realizing that the danger had now been siphoned out of the situation, Scully ventured closer to her partner. She walked off the patio and into the backyard, she could feel the damp blades of grass sliding between her toes. She stood above Mulder effectively blocking his view of the moon. Now he had nowhere to look but at her. "I want you to stop apologizing Mulder, I've heard them all before just with different excuses." She didn't sound particularly angry just exasperated. "I'm..." He stopped realizing that he was about to do it again. "Mulder, don't talk." She told him as she sat down on the grass. "It's strange isn't it how we can face the most horrible killers, deal with society's worst deviances and corruption everyday but when it comes to dealing with one another we almost fall apart. Why is this?" From beside her, she heard a sigh then her partner's voice, gentle but filled with exhaustion. "Because it's love. Impossible, impossible love." For the first time Scully found herself taking the side of the believer. This was one extreme possibility worth believing in. "No it's not impossible. You coming here tonight proved that to me." "And Skinner's all for it." Mulder laughed out loud. "What?" A shocked look flashed across her face. "As he sees it it should have happened ages ago." "*What* should have happened ages ago?" Scully asked no longer even sure if they were discussing the same thing. Mulder hesitated. He took a moment to sit up. Scully grinned at the sight of grass sticking to his suit and the dishevelled mess of his hair. He reminded her of a derelict. She thought of what they must look like sitting next to one another, him in his wrinkled suit and her in her white terry cloth robe and bare feet. This image almost made her laugh out loud until she noticed how serious Mulder looked. When he finally spoke, he answered her question with only one word, "This." Before she could figure out exactly what that meant she was given the answer. Mulder had leaned towards her as if he was about to whisper some great secret but instead of speaking as she had expected him too he kept drawing closer. Then she knew what *it* was and the anticipation almost became too much. He seemed to be moving in slow motion then it happened. His lips were against hers. One hand held her back, the other drifted upwards into her hair to cup her head. It was divine, it was everything that she had ever dreamed that it would be. The kiss deepened as she opened her mouth and welcomed him into her. They kissed for many minutes. She felt as if she were drowning in his scent, in his taste, in his touch and then before those feelings and emotions became too overwhelming he slowly pulled away. She had to prop her arms on the ground behind her to keep from falling. She felt so faint, so dazed and yet so content. When he had collected himself he spoke again, his words forming a plea. "Scully please stay. I am not asking you to do this out of obligation nor for the x-files. I am asking you to stay for me, for us. Stay for the *love*. Stay because I love you." "Mulder I would have stayed." Then realizing how that sentence sounded, Scully rephrased it. " Mulder I *will* stay but not because you were pointing a gun at your head. " "That was pretty stupid." He agreed. "When I was sitting up there." She pointed at the roof, "and you were down here I realized something. I realized that the only place I ever wanted to be is with you. You had never let me in before, not emotionally, and then as I sat there you did. You let me inside and after I caught a glimpse of your soul I realized that I could never bear to be shut out again. It wasn't the gun Mulder, it was your words, your honesty." "I don't know what to say Scully. You amaze me." "Don't say anything, words only seem to get us in trouble." This time she leaned in and kissed him again. It was a kiss filled with four years of bottled desire. She almost couldn't believe that it was finally happening, that they were finally sharing and celebrating it together. Mulder felt much the same. When she had disappeared back inside that bedroom window he thought that he would never see her again and yet here he was, here they were breaking every rule that had ever been made. But the rules weren't *really* being broken anymore not since Skinner had given them his sort-of blessing. Mulder thanked Skinner mentally at that moment, knowing that if they hadn't had that little talk earlier today he would still be alone and Scully would still be leaving. That was all different now, very different. He held her a little tighter then and carefully lowered her to the ground. Scully knew what was about to happen, she allowed Mulder to lie her down on her back. She didn't stop him when he lowered his own form to join her. She simply slid her fingers up his back and into his brown dishevelled hair, drawing his lips once again to hers. Scully pushed away any thoughts of whether what she and her partner were doing here was right or wrong because she knew that if she still believed that she could stop this now she was terribly mistaken. It had already gone too far to go back to before, and she didn't want it too. Mulder turned his attentions away from her swollen lips and kissed her face, her neck, the sharp line of her collarbone. As his mouth explored the tender textures of her skin his hands made their way down her torso pausing only when the reached the tie that was holding her robe closed. He pulled it gently and the robe fell open, he silently thanked Scully for choosing to use a bow rather than a knot. Scully felt her robe fall away from her body, as a response she carefully unwound her fingers from their place in Mulder's hair and drew them to his shoulders where they pulled at his blazer. He lifted himself up slightly allowing the blazer to be removed with little difficulty. After the blazer was discarded she went to work at the knot in his tie and then the buttons of his dress shirt. All the while they continued to kiss, much like teenagers at a drive in exploring their burgeoning sexuality. His hands explored the soft curves of her female form, still full of wonder that she was not only allowing this to happen but helping to instigate it. 'Yes,' he thought to himself, 'She definitely is the most incredible woman in the world.' Then Mulder thought of something else. His hands stopped their explorations rather abruptly and he propped himself up on his left elbow. He looked at her, and a moment later she opened her eyes and stared back at him. Inside their blue depths seemed to lurk a thousand questions. He only had one. "Here?" Mulder asked hesitantly. "Anywhere." his newfound lover replied. His lips met hers again for must have been the thousandth time that hour and together the two drifted into the hazy abyss of sexual union. They knew that this was something that would change both of them forever, but in that sweet divine moment neither of them cared. As they made love Mulder thought of how the countless number porn movies he had watched did little to prepare him for this. There was a distinctive difference between fucking and making love and for the first time in his life Mulder thought that he knew that difference. Together they drifted through a million foreign places and rode the waves to higher heights than either them had ever known and when the time finally came for the tide to break upon the shores, their fingers and spirits wound together in the most sacred of unions. They visited that blessed ocean twice more that night before falling asleep in each others arms, as naked and natural as the earth that they laid upon. *** Dana Scully awoke to the sound of the sliding door opening and her mother's voice. "Dana? Dana are you out there?" Scully quickly evaluated the situation at hand. She was lying in her mother's backyard with her partner's naked sleeping body wrapped around her own. This was only made worse by the fact that her mother was about to discover them like this. Scully panicked. "Mom, stay in the house," She ordered. "Dana, what's going on? What's wrong?" Margaret Scully heard the tension in her daughter's voice and reacted accordingly. "Nothing mom, please just don't come out here." Dana pleaded. For Mrs. Scully the concern for her daughter's well-being certainly outweighed her pleas to be left alone. The tone in Dana's voice was disturbing and Scully's mother was not prepared to simply ignore that. Without any further argument nor hesitation Mrs. Scully stepped through the sliding door into the warm sun that was shining onto the patio. Scully saw her mom enter her line of sight. Their eyes met. Nothing could have prepared Margaret Scully for what lay before her. Her daughter's naked body intertwined with Fox Mulder's amidst a pile of discarded clothing and a gun on her back lawn. Margaret shot her daughter a disapproving look and turned and disappeared back into the house. Scully felt the blood rise to her cheeks as they flamed red with embarrassment. She hastily untangled herself from Mulder's limbs and struggled into her robe. Mulder was just beginning to wake, her sudden movements had jarred him from his sleep. "'morning Beautiful." he mumbled, shooting her a wonderfully lopsided grin. Scully ignored him and continued to battle with her bathroom. Sensing something was wrong Mulder fought the clutches of sleep and sat up to watch his partner. "What's going on Scully?" He asked, voice almost overflowing with concern. "Mulder I think it's best if you left now." She replied. "What?" Fear butterflied through his stomach and his voice was consumed with confusion. "Mulder please," she pleaded. "Just go..." She finally managed to get the robe on and fastened and started off towards the house. "Scully, stop..." But it was too late she was already through the sliding door. Mulder sat alone, naked, dazed, in the Scully family backyard. He felt the sun beating down on his naked skin. He surveyed the clothes strewn around him and slowly began to put them on. He took his time hoping that Scully would come back out into the yard but she didn't. After dressing he walked back towards his car, broken-hearted and confused he longed for an explanation but there was no one there to give him one. He started the engine and wondered what he was going to tell Skinner. He didn't know. He took one long look back at the house, and then drove away. *** "Mom" Dana said entering the kitchen where her mother was making breakfast. "What's going on Dana?" Her mother asked not even trying to hide the disapproval in her voice. "I don't know mom." "Well it sure looked like you knew perfectly well what it was out there." Her mother snapped. "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it wasn't what it seemed. Because it was exactly what it seemed. I'm not entirely sure what it means or where this is going but it happened, it was destined to happen someday sometime somewhere, perhaps it shouldn't have happened in your backyard but it did. I am sorry it happened there but I don't regret doing it." There was an edge in Scully's voice, one which her mother wasn't used to hearing. "But what about yesterday, what about the past week. You told me what he did, how he hurt you, and now all of a sudden you're telling me that that's all changed." "Yes mom, I am." "I don't know Dana, but if all those things you told me about Fox Mulder in the past four days are true then I have to say that I don't think that you should be getting involved with him. I do not approve of a man who treats you like that. Dana you said it yourself, he is no good for you." Scully immediately regretted spilling all the details of the past two weeks, her mother had always loved Mulder as a son and now she was acting as if he was her worst enemy. "Mom, I am not asking you to understand because I don't believe that anything that I can say will make you. However I am asking you to trust me, trust my judgment. I don't know if this is going to work, I can't say I am not going to get hurt but it feels right. I have to take this risk because if I don't I might regret the not knowing more than whatever consequences may lie ahead." "Speaking of consequences, what of your job? What of the FBI? I highly doubt that they approve of these sorts of relationships between co-workers." Scully wasn't used to having to stand up against her mother. Her mother had always been more willing to accept her lifestyle and decisions than her brothers but from the tone of this conversation Scully was beginning to think she'd changed camps. "I don't know. We'll deal with that when it comes. Besides Mulder said something, something about Skinner, I am not sure what it means but it seems like he might be on our side as far as this is concerned." "Are you sure he didn't say that just to get you into..." Margaret Scully was going to say bed but considering the circumstances it just didn't seem appropriate. "Mom!" This time is was Scully's turn to snap. There was a long pause before her mother spoke again. "I'm sorry Dana, I guess I went too far. Listen I'm not entirely sure what's right and wrong anymore, nor do I claim to understand this job of yours. But obviously there must be something special between you and this man if you are willing to stand in my kitchen and raise your voice towards your own mother to protect his honour. I'm going to trust you Dana, and I am going to trust him too. He's never failed to bring you back to me. Just tell me one thing though, tell me why this is so important to you." "It's important because I love him." Dana replied with the kind of certainty in her voice that can't be faked. "Then Dana..." Her mother paused and stepped forward taking her daughter into her arms, "that's good enough for me." They stood in the bright kitchen holding one another for a long time. It was Margaret Scully who broke the embrace. "So why don't you bring him in and we can all sit down and have a nice family breakfast." "I can't. I sent him away." Dana responded. "Why?" Her mother asked. "Because I thought that you and I needed to talk." Margaret Scully nodded. "Well how about you and I sit down and have some breakfast?" "In a few minutes Mom, I have to call someone." Mrs. Scully nodded again. Dana could see that her mother knew exactly who she had to call. Dana left the kitchen, and headed up stairs to her bedroom. She pulled her cell phone out of the pocket of her black blazer and dialled Mulder's cell number. It rang twice then he answered. "Mulder." "Hi Mulder, it's me." There was a long uncomfortable silence. Finally she spoke again. "Are you alright?" "I don't know." Mulder replied sounding angry. "Why don't you tell me." It was only then that Scully realized what this morning must have seemed like to him. She blushed in embarrassment. However that embarrassment soon gave way to a growing fear that she had ruined everything between them before it really started. "Where are you Mulder?" "Driving." "You didn't go home?" "Didn't feel like it." He sounded so distant. "Listen Mulder, this morning it wasn't you. While you were still asleep my mother came out looking for me and found us... well you know. I had to talk to her." Scully explained to her partner and lover. "You could have told me that. You could have given me some sort of explanation instead of just ordering me to leave. How do you think that made me feel?" "I imagine that it didn't feel very good at all. It probably felt a lot like I feel every time you go dashing of somewhere while we're on a case and you tell me to stay behind or do an autopsy or something. I imagine that it felt like that." Scully replied. Sure she had made a mistake, but in their time together he had made many. He had no right to toss her to the wolves for just making one. There was another pause before he answered. "It really upsets you that much when I do that?" he asked. "Yes." "I'm sorry. So are things o.k with your mother?" He asked, all the earlier anger had vanished from his words. "As good as can be expected. She doesn't understand but she's willing to trust me, and trust us." "She's a good woman." Mulder stated. "That she is. So where did you say you were?" Scully asked. "I didn't." He answered teasing this time. Scully picked up his lead, "Well if you're not going to tell me how am I supposed to find you? After that command performance last night you couldn't possibly expect me to be happy without an encore." Mulder grinned and pulled the car onto the gravel shoulder of the road. "I could always meet you somewhere. Maybe my place or yours, or a park, or the office." At the thought of the office Scully cringed remembering Kelli and the images of Mulder and Kelli that she had once conjured. Scully shrugged those thoughts away, after all *everything* was different now. "The office?" She phrased it as a question. "Yeah." Mulder replied. "Your desk or mine? Or maybe the floor." Scully grinned, "Anywhere." That was the last thing she said before hanging up the phone. Mulder smiled as he pulled his car back onto the street. He wondered if he should drive to the office. ***The End***