TITLE: A Crying Shame 1/16 AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) RATING: Strong R, violence, some language and sexual terms CATEGORY: SXRA LOGGED: August 1998 TIMESPAN/SPOILERS: Minor references to Irresistible, Unruhe, Zero Sum. Current time (after 5th season). KEYWORDS: Mulder/Scully, Angst, UST SUMMARY: Due to an error on Mulder's part, an abduction by a serial killer endangers and traumatizes Scully. They try to put their lives back together, including learning to trust one another again, and discover a unique connection exists between them. ARCHIVE: Anywhere you'd like as long as my name stays attached, as well as the disclaimer, and you notify me. DISCLAIMER: The X-Files and the characters of Mulder, Scully, Skinner, Maggie, and Karen (and anyone else you might recognize) belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and Fox Broadcasting and are used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made from their use. All other characters in this story are mine! Please don't use without permission! AUTHOR'S NOTES: Some of this material may be disturbing to readers due to the nature of the content. I could not have written this without help from my husband (Thanks, honey!), and technical help from frogdoggie, alias Jay, thanks SO MUCH for your ever ready willingness to help and assist! Also, Jay has designed a dustjacket for this story. If you would like to see it: http://gfiles.simplenet.com/annex - this is Natasha's novel archive - a great web site for novel length x-file stories. Feedback is SHAMLESSLY pleaded for - we authors only write so someone else will notice! THANKS for sticking with the story. While it is long, I hope you, too, will think it is worth the read! SHAME Washington, DC Tuesday April 20 1:15am He couldn't look at her. He couldn't distinguish if the shame he felt was for himself, or for her. He had failed her. Again. He had found her cowering in the corner of the bedroom, naked and sobbing. There was blood everywhere, fortunately not in any large quantity. Her lip had been split by a blow to the face, and blood had flowed from her nose as well. He could also see blood on the carpet where she huddled. She was wearing a blindfold. He had torn it off of her, so she could see she was safe. Then he had pulled the sheet off of the bed and carefully wrapped her in it. He didn't want the other officers staring at her naked form. He had spoken soothingly to her, as if quieting a frightened child. She hadn't even recognized him. He brushed strands of blood-caked, auburn hair from her face, only to discover a large welt and more bruises under her eyes. Bastard! his mind raged. He hoped this guy had psychic abilities as he continued to think over and over: I will hunt you down and kill you in a hundred different ways. Know that. He had maintained his temper and emotions as he administered aid and comfort to her. "Call the paramedics," he had hurled over his shoulder to a female officer. She immediately began to comply with his order. Another officer touched Mulder's shoulder, admonishing him, "Don't move her." Mulder had looked back at him with contempt. His thoughts ranged from: I know that, to leave me the hell alone and get out of my way, as he picked her up in his arms and carried her out of the tiny, dirty, back bedroom. He wanted to get her away from the crime scene, to hold her, to comfort her, to shield her from prying eyes, to kill the bastard that had done this to her. She had squirmed in his grasp, feebly protesting, "No, no, please." Her voice turned to begging, "Please don't hurt me any more. Please!" she had wailed on and on. "Scully," Mulder tried to calm her, "It's OK, it's me, Mulder. His voice raised a level as she began to weakly flail her arms about to beat him off, "Scully, it's Mulder! It's OK!" She was lost somewhere deep in her mind and his voice still didn't register. She began to cry hysterically as he laid her on the stained and threadbare couch. It didn't look much cleaner than the floor. "No!" she begged, "Please, no more. Please!" she looked at him with tears cascading over her bruises and Mulder felt his stomach heave; he wanted to throw up as thoughts passed through his mind of what must have been done to her. "SCULLY!" He held her face with both hands and stared into her lifeless, but terrified blue eyes, trying to make contact with her mind. "It's me, Mulder. Mulder. It's all right, you're safe now." He again spoke soothingly and quietly as recognition filtered back into her eyes. They finally focused in on his pain- filled hazel eyes, glistening now, threatening to spill over from the agony of seeing her this way. "Mulder!" Scully's eyes widened. She sat up, flung her arms around his neck and clung to him as realization came to the forefront of her brain that the nightmare was truly over. Her grip was so tight around his neck she was nearly choking him. Fearful of hurting her, he carefully placed his arms around her. At the thought of being rescued, tension flowed from her body, and fresh tears of relief sprang forth from her. They stayed that way, Mulder kneeling on the floor and Scully sitting on the couch, rocking and crying for a time. The other officers quietly left the room, giving them some privacy, and began to go about the job of collecting evidence to nail this rapist. He was truly dead meat now, he had assaulted one of their own. Too soon Mulder felt gentle fingers prying he and Scully apart, and he turned to see who it was. The paramedics had arrived and been briefed that it was a rape/kidnap case. They were trained to be gentle, and to move slowly and quietly so as not to frighten the victim. But they also needed to move quickly to assess her medical condition and to begin collecting evidence of the crime. "I'm sorry, sir," one of them said, "but you will need to move back." Mulder looked at Scully to confirm it was OK with her. She gave a slight nod of her head, and released her life and death grip on him. Mulder stood up and moved back behind the coffee table. The two paramedics moved in. Mulder was glad now that he had covered Scully and given her something to hide behind. Not necessarily to keep her flesh from showing, but to give her some sense of control as she clung to the sheet around her. As the medics began questioning her about her condition, Mulder began scanning the room. His eye meticulously took in the filth on the floor, the trash thrown in the corners, and the food left on tables and chairs. Filling the room were broken pieces of furniture, a lamp with a single bare light bulb, and a decrepit Formica table littered with even more trash and newspapers than the floor. Mulder sifted through the newspapers, looking for anything, for nothing. At this point he heard the medics ask Scully to lie back down so they could do a pelvic exam. Mulder knew they needed to take samples of anything that might be evidence to definitely establish a rape case. He didn't want to embarrass Scully any more than she already was. He looked her way, planning to tell her he would step out of the room so she could have some privacy. The paramedics were trying to gently push her back down on the couch. He heard her softly protesting . The female paramedic was smoothing Scully's hair out of her face and making soothing noises to calm her. In Scully's eyes Mulder saw fear, humiliation, dejection, and something else he couldn't quit put his finger on. That's when he realized the shame he felt and simply turned away and left the room without speaking to her. As he entered the bedroom he realized what else he had seen in her eyes...the loss of her dignity. Her most prized possession. Mulder's eidetic memory went into overtime cataloging the shabby, squalor-filled bedroom. The windows were covered with brown wrapping paper. There were tiny holes here and there where the light from the outside filtered through. The blindfold lay on the floor where he had thrown it. The fitted sheet that was still on the bed was a dingy gray, and there were red scarves attached to each of the bed's four posts. Blood spotted the sheet here and there. He turned away from the bed, not wanting to see any more. It was then that he spotted the small hole in the wall next to the closet door, facing the side of the bed. Mulder pulled on his latex gloves and opened the closet door and looked inside. Situated in front of the hole was a video camera. Mulder's heart dropped into his stomach. The sick bastard had been video taping his exploits for future viewing. He opened the camera case, calling the officers over at the same time. He pulled out the half full tape that was still in the camera. There was one word on the spine of the tape, in large, garish, red letters: DANA. "Here, bag this," he said to an officer. "And these too," he said, pointing to a bookcase inside the closet holding nine or ten additional video tapes. Each of the tapes had a woman's name written on the spine in the same large, red letters as Scully's. Unfortunately, he recognized the names. Each was the name of a woman now lying in the morgue or a grave. "I suspect these little items will be just the nails we need to put this guy in a coffin," he said dully. He had no desire to sit through these tapes and relive these poor women's last moments of torture and rape before they were killed. His only sense of relief in this whole sick case was that they had found Scully before she had become a statistic. All he wanted to do now was go home, and take Scully with him. But he knew that wasn't going to happen. He was in for a long night. There was much evidence to procure, reports to be written, and, of course, the most important, getting Scully to the hospital and checked out. He needed to call Skinner and Mrs. Scully immediately. And he still had to catch this demented excuse for a man. He was still out there, probably looking for another victim. At least Scully would be invaluable as a witness and hopefully be able to give them much needed details about this lunatic's actions, habits, and perhaps even how and were he could be found. But first, she had to be stabilized. His thoughts were interrupted at that moment, "Sir, we're ready to transport Agent Scully to the hospital, now. Will you be going with us?" the paramedic was asking. "Yes," Mulder nodded, "I will." He paused and looked around; so much left to do, and all of it important if he was going to get this man, but Scully definitely came first. "Go ahead and take her down. I'll be right there," he added. Mulder turned to Detective Rob Williams. "I'll be going with the ambulance to check out Agent Scully and try to get her statement. It is imperative that you sweep this place with all you've got. I want this man, and I want him bad. Do you understand?" Mulder's eyes pierced Det. Williams. A cop for over 15 years, Det. Williams, while perhaps not as much as Mulder, wanted this rapist/killer off the street as well. He was a man who did his job well. Det. Williams' eyes were just as hard, "Don't worry, Agent Mulder, by the time I'm through here, you will know what this ass hole had for breakfast, and what time it was when he last used the bathroom." Mulder gave a curt nod of his head, and soft slap on Williams' arm. "Here are my keys," he said handing them over. "Could you have someone drop my car off at the hospital when you are through here? And please send a copy of your report over to FBI headquarters as soon as possible. The quicker we move on this guy, the better." Mulder turned on his heel and was out the door. He took the two flights of stairs in no time and was jumping into the back of the ambulance as they started the engine. After closing the ambulance doors, an officer banged on them with the flat of his hand to signal the driver it was clear to leave. Mulder sat down by Scully's legs and watched helplessly as the female paramedic did her job. "How is she, ah," Mulder glanced at the paramedic's shirt pocket for her name tag, "Ms. Weirman?" "Sheila," the paramedic replied, supplying her first name. Then without stopping for a breath she continued. "She's in a hell of a state. You can thank God there is nothing life threatening. I guess you can be grateful this guy's not into cutting or mutilating, or we could have a different story here." Sheila busied herself with contacting the hospital and giving and receiving information on Scully. Mulder supplied the pertinent data whenever Sheila drew a blank: Scully's name, age, blood type, and medical history. In between comments with Weirman, Mulder pulled out his own cell phone and called Assistant Director Skinner. Mulder knew he was waiting by the phone for his report on the raid, hopeful that he would be told that Scully had been found alive. Of course, after Mulder's good news, Skinner wanted details. "Sir, I'm in route to the hospital with Agent Scully now. I'll call you back when she is stabilized and checked in. I'll know more about her condition then." Mulder listened for a grunt of approval. When he received it, he added, "Sir, could you call Mrs. Scully and let her know that we are on our way to Memorial Hospital?" Mulder did not want to make that call. It would be hard enough to face her at the hospital when she got there. Mulder liked Margaret Scully, and he knew she liked him, too. He just seemed to have a nasty habit of being the one to inform her that her daughter was not well, or hurt, or missing. He was sure she dreaded seeing his name on the caller ID. She had never blamed Mulder for any of Dana's troubles, but he still felt bad for Scully's mother after all she had gone through in the last five years. The ride to the hospital was short. There wasn't much traffic at 2am. After arriving at the emergency room, Dana was whisked away to an examination room, a full compliment of doctors and nurses giving her their undivided attention, and thankfully, Mulder felt some of the responsibility lift from his shoulders as he knew she was in more capable hands than his now. He watched the action through the glass doors for a moment with sad eyes. He turned away and went to sit down in the waiting area for Mrs. Scully to arrive. She was clear across town, so he knew it would be some time before she arrived. He took that time to go over in his mind how he had come to be here in the first place. Beginning two and a half months ago, a total of nine women had been reported as missing; each turning up dead two or three days after being reported as missing. There had been on the average one killing a week, but always on a different day. It became evident over time that in each case there were similarities in their kidnappings and deaths that connected them to one person. On the surface, there seemed to be absolutely no connection between the women. They had been white, black, and Asian. Their hair colors ranged from pale blond to the blackest night. They had held various unrelated jobs, two had been college students. None of the women were even remotely linked to each other and there was no connection between the individual people they each knew. Most were single, two were divorced and one was married. There was no particular pattern in the location of their homes, or where they were found dead. The police had been working off their own profile of the kidnapper/rapist/murderer since the fourth killing. But it didn't seem to be getting them anywhere. So, they asked for the FBI's help. Skinner had called Mulder into his office after the seventh victim had been found, and asked him to come up with a profile of the killer. Mulder's background in criminal psychology and his ability to flush out and connect even the tinniest of details was well established and respected, in spite of his nickname, "Spooky". When Skinner had handed Mulder the profile assignment, he had almost apologized that it wasn't an X-file, knowing Mulder preferred to apply all of his talents in that direction. Mulder, of his own volition, had already been keeping himself informed about this case from the first moment a serial murderer was suspected, about victim number four. Serial murders were his specialty, and this guy had intrigued him from the beginning. He hadn't minded at all when Skinner had given him the case. The single common thread, besides the forensic evidence, that linked the women together, was that all had last been seen at the local nightclub, A Crying Shame. But that information had been withheld from the press. The police always liked to withhold a few clues to weed out the nut cases that came out of the woodwork to confess to such hellacious crimes for the notoriety it would bring them. The club naturally became the focal point for the investigation. It was a small nightclub in comparison to other, more famous clubs in town, and it was located in a northern section of DC. The police had checked it out thoroughly. It had been open about three years and had a steady clientele of mostly young people in their late 20's. The music was loud, rhythmic, and on the alternative side. The owners of the club were upstanding citizens, and there had never been any real trouble at the club before. As he read the file, Mulder had noted with a smile how the nightclub had gotten it's name. The two male owners were long time friends, and both had been taken to the cleaners by their ex-wives. One day over a beer, they were commiserating with each other how it was such a crying shame that they had so little money left after working so hard for so long. They hit upon the bright idea of opening a business together to help make ends meet, and named the club after their desperate situation. The club had become a moderate success over the last three years, and the men were no longer crying over their lack of income. However, other than the nightclub, there seemed to be nothing that connected the women with each other. Even Scully had been eager to pursue this man when Mulder told her about the assignment. After all, here was a real flesh and blood criminal, with concrete evidence her science could study and interpret, which would eventually lead to nailing this guy. She often grew weary of trying to solve cases that fell under the huge umbrella, X-files, that in effect had no solution. Yes, they were definitely interesting and different, and she was where she wanted to be, but she sometimes felt Mulder went out of his way to make some cases "spookier" than they really were. While indeed gruesome and heinous, here was a case that had real, tangible evidence to deal with. Forensics had lifted partial prints from spots of blood that had dried on the victims. In addition, hair and fiber samples had been gathered from several of the victims which actually correlated with each other and all pointed to the murderer as being the same man. This was corporeal proof that this murderer existed in human form and was real. A far cry from most of her cases, Scully thought. But in truth, that was something that had bothered Scully from the beginning. This guy seemed to be oblivious that he was leaving clues everywhere. Almost like he wanted to get caught. Or maybe he was just taunting the police with false evidence. Maybe he was just a stupid criminal. It happened. Who really knew how his mind worked at this point? Mulder had put together a profile and presented it to Skinner who passed it on to the local unit of police that was investigating the murders. Then Mulder and Scully had quietly begun to stake out A Crying Shame in hopes of linking their profile to an actual person that frequented the place. It was after the eighth victim that Scully had suggested she go undercover at the nightclub. As it was, either parked in a government car across the street from the club, or inside sitting at a table, Scully felt she and Mulder both stuck out when they staked out the club. She voiced the idea of trying to lure the killer to take an interest in her. "No," Mulder had argued strongly. "Let DC police risk their own policewomen, Scully." He knew that didn't sound very charitable, but this was not an X-file, and he was using that as an excuse to keep Scully from this very dangerous scheme. He had worked the Violent Crimes Division before, she hadn't. He knew this was not something to be done lightly. He had seen his share of under cover assignments go wrong. That's why he always preferred the direct approach for the X- files. He was not going to put her in danger like that. "If even just one thing went wrong, a microphone going down, backup not being able to find a parking space, visually losing sight of you at a critical moment," Mulder's voice hardened. "No." "Like you have the final say," Scully had responded flippantly. "I've already approached Skinner about it and he said if it is something that I am willing to do, he agrees it is probably the best approach to try at this point." She almost smiled in triumph, but she didn't want to rub it in too much. Her voice softened. "Mulder, I joined the FBI to make a difference. I am trained for just this sort of thing. Let me do my job." Scully had looked directly into Mulder's angry eyes, locking his gaze with hers and added in an even softer tone, "You don't have to protect me, Mulder. I'm a big girl." She had placed her hand on his arm to reassure him that all would be well, and hopefully to try and stave off some of his anger. Mulder had been furious that she had approached Skinner alone, without consulting him first. It didn't matter that deep down inside he knew the reason why she had done it that way; she already knew Mulder would say no. He almost stormed out of the room, but he knew it would do no good. And, even though he didn't want to admit it, he also knew she was right. It was her job, and he was being over protective. "Fine," was all he'd said in that tight voice of his. What else could he say? They had been going to the club off and on for several nights when victim number nine was reported missing, and then found in a back alley, 10 miles away from the club. That had been yesterday morning. Mulder had done his best to dissuade Scully from continuing. "Now will you call this charade off," Mulder had asked her. "This guy apparently isn't going to pick you. I saw this girl there several times." "No," Scully had countered. "I saw her, too. And the reason you and I both noticed her was because of the way she was dressed and how she acted." Mulder raised his eyebrows. He wasn't going to touch that statement. He knew what Scully meant. Scully continued, "She was dressed in a seductive, revealing manner, almost like a hooker, but with some class, though some might call it slutty." Before Mulder could put his two cents in, Scully ticked off on her fingers reasons why the rapist may use this criteria. "Maybe this guy gets off on that kind of thing, and then can't control his violent actions. He could even think he is giving them what they deserve if they are going to advertise themselves like that. Or the opposite may be true, their immodesty may infuriate him and he thinks he has to teach them a lesson." "What kind of lesson," Mulder asked, but he already knew where she was going. "That they shouldn't dress as they do...shamelessly," she finally came up with. "Maybe that's the connection. You know, the nightclub's name, "A Crying Shame", and the fact that in his opinion they dress shamelessly, revealing their bodies to the men around them." "Oh, Scully," Mulder said. "It's a pick up club. All the women are there to attract men. That's why they go." "Well, yes," Scully agreed, "but most of the women we've seen there, including myself while undercover, have been dressed modest by most standards. But I've been reading through the missing person reports on these women, and the clothing descriptions given by their friends, or witnesses at the club, is interesting, if not downright revealing." Scully allowed herself the little pun. Mulder didn't even blink. He did not want to encourage this line of thought with her. Scully continued, "Everyone seems to remember these women *because* of the outrageous clothing they were wearing at the time of their disappearance. And most of the witnesses make some comment about the flirtatious nature of the women, as well." "So, what are you proposing," Mulder had closed his eyes, knowing full well he wasn't going to win this battle with Scully either. He momentarily conjured up a mental picture of what he'd like to see Scully go undercover in. The image was extremely titillating! He quickly pushed the thought back to that little corner of his mind where he filed away all of his fantasies about Scully. He would bring it out again another day when he had time to contemplate it. "That we continue to visit the club, we stay away from each other, and that I dress to look," how did she want to put this delicately? "Yes," Mulder deadpanned. "Well," Scully paused. "That I look inviting and available, " she decided upon. Mulder knew her mind was set on this course of action. He might as well concede and make the best of it. As was his usual style, he tried to hide his fears from her with humor, "As long as I'm the one that gets to wire you," he said, a lopsided smile on his face. Scully rolled her eyes and picked up her purse to leave. "Hey," Mulder sat up straighter in his chair, "where are you going?" "Shopping," Scully replied, then added, "pick me up at 9:30 tonight, and bring the wire." Mulder's eyebrows shot up another inch as he watched her walk toward the elevators. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (Jehrat@aol.com) PART: 2/16 Scully's Apartment 9:32pm Mulder stood outside Scully's apartment door. He had dressed appropriately for the occasion. He had chosen a black turtleneck, jeans, and boots. He had left his black sports coat in the car. And to fully compliment the dark look, he was wearing expensive, designer shades. He rang the doorbell. Scully promptly opened the door. At least he assumed it was Scully. Her face had more make up on it than he had ever seen before, but done expertly and attractively. If it was possible, her crystal blue eyes looked even more startling than usual. They had been rimmed with kohl eyeliner and framed by shimmery eye shadow from corner to brow. His heart almost skipped a beat when he looked at her lips. She had somehow added a beauty spot just above and to the right of her lip. It's sole function, and it did it's job successfully, was to draw the eye to that marvelous, luscious, pouty mouth of hers which tonight had been accentuated with wine colored lipstick. The contrast with her alabaster skin was breathtaking. It took all of Mulder's self control to refrain from acting on the urge to taste those lips at this moment. He forced himself to look away. As his eyes traveled downward, he couldn't help but let out a soft whistle of appreciation. "Scully," he breathed, "you've outdone yourself. Who would of thought all this was under those suits you wear to work?" he asked mischievously. He was extremely thankful he had chosen to wear his shades tonight, as he knew his eyes were bugging out as his photographic memory forever captured Scully on film. This was better than his fantasy in the office. "Can I go shopping with you next time?" he quipped. She was wearing an extremely low cut, red silk camisole top with spaghetti straps, and from the looks of things, the air conditioning was working in her apartment. The camisole topped a black leather mini skirt. She wore matching black silk stockings that disappeared into black, three-inch stiletto high heels. He couldn't believe the transformation. Prim and proper little miss control freak was freaking *him* out! Scully already appealed to him, but he had never had quite this kind of opportunity to assess her finer qualities and hidden attributes. He felt his already tight jeans getting more uncomfortable as he looked her up and down. He began to mentally contemplate square roots to distract himself. When he felt he had regained some control, he tilted his head down slightly so he could look over the top of his glasses. "Scully, you have truly met the challenge tonight! If that bastard doesn't pick you up and try to have his way with you tonight, I'll be glad to fill in for him," Mulder teased. At least, I *think* I'm teasing, he said to himself. "What, this old thing," she joked. Scully had taken the opportunity to eye Mulder up and down when she opened the door, and she was duly smitten with him as well. He cut a fine, lean, sexy figure standing in her hallway. She would never admit it, but she loved jeans on this man. She made a mental note to sometime sneak a peek at his ass. She smiled as her eyes rested slightly below his belt. "I'm glad to see that you approve." Her comment didn't even phase Mulder. He had learned long ago to quit making excuses for something he couldn't exactly control. "What can I say, I'm a visual kinda guy," he replied smiling. "Besides, that *is* the desired effect you were going for, wasn't it? Now you know for sure it works." Mulder stared at her face knowingly. Scully wisely let the subject drop. But she was glad to see the sparkle in his eye. Mulder carried so much of the world around with him, that she frequently looked for ways to lighten his load, to make him smile and enjoy life a little. She also knew in her heart, that she had not dressed just for the job tonight, but she had dressed with Mulder very much in mind, too. She hoped she wasn't blushing from the pleasure she derived from his obvious enjoyment of her body. She had her purse in hand and started to close and lock the door. "Let's go," she said as she turned her back on Mulder and started to pull the door shut. Mulder stepped forward and reached across her shoulder and placed his hand on the door just before it shut. "Wait." With eyebrows raised, and an unspoken question in her eyes, Scully turned to face him, only to find she was just inches from his body. It caught her a little off guard. She hadn't expected him to be so close. His arm was still outstretched, his hand on the door. In effect, she was blocked in. They weren't often this close. Privately, she believed both of them went out of their way to keep their distance from each other. She knew both of them were very aware of the electricity that sparked between them sometimes. Because of her heels, his lips were within kissing distance. His cologne filled her head. It was incredibly sexy. Her heart beat a little faster. When he didn't speak, she did. "Yes?" Mulder was having trouble breathing himself at this moment. He should have stepped back when she turned around. But he had stayed where he was, defying the odds of suppressing his natural instincts at this moment. He was desperately trying to think of something clever to say. All that came out was, "I need to wire you before we go." He pulled the small pieces of equipment from his pocket. Suddenly, he was wondering just *where* and *how* he was going to do this. She was wearing just a little bit less than he had expected. Scully, her hand still on the door knob, slowly pushed the door back open. They stepped back inside her apartment and she shut the door. Mulder held the equipment up higher and cocked his head at her, waiting for her to make the first move. Dana walked over to the couch and turned on the small lamp. She debated whether to pull her loose fitting blouse down from the top or up from the bottom for easier access and the least amount of exposure. There would be no avoiding revealing something to Mulder in the process, she was just trying not to be blatantly obvious about it. She decided to start with her back and pulled her top out from her waistband as she turned away from him. He carefully affixed a small, flesh toned, metallic "button" between her shoulder blades that had an extremely tiny, fine wire attached to it. He let the wire hang down her back for a moment. "OK," was all he said. She knew that meant he was ready for her to turn around so he could attach the second unit to her chest. Scully looked at him seriously. "Are you sure this second one is necessary?" She wasn't sure why she was stalling. Breasts were just breasts to her, and if she had a bra on, she wouldn't have thought twice about it. But breasts seemed to be a whole lot more to Mulder. There was no way to get around him seeing them. Mulder stared back at her, trying his best to look as detached as possible. He was sure she could hear his heart beating, it seemed so loud to him. "Scully, I don't even want you doing this job. If you think I am going to let you go in there with just one wire on, knowing the failure rate of these things, I'm out of here. I'm not going to endanger your life because a wire breaks, a battery runs down, or something dislodges the mic while you are dancing. If you aren't going to wear two, I'm not going to let you go." She knew he was right. This was the safest way to go. These wires were forever failing. You'd think if the government could spend $1000 on a toilet seat, they could put in a little extra for quality electronics, but it seldom happened. With a single finger Scully resolutely pulled her silk top down between her breasts as far as the material would stretch. Mulder again began calculating square roots as the underside of her breasts came into view. He pretended not to notice how round and firm they were as he deftly attached another miniature microphone to the side of her finger. The unit nestled snugly just under her left breast. Now came the really tricky part. He had to attach the wires from each mic so that they would hopefully rest undisturbed, and unseen, beneath her breast. He looked questioning at her. Scully felt a wetness spring up on her upper lip. "Maybe I should wear a bra with this outfit," she hedged. Mulder raised his eyebrows and slightly shook his head from side to side. "I think it will ruin the effect you are going for tonight," was all he said. Scully sighed in resignation. "Oh, all right," she mumbled. She carefully raised her top up from the bottom, exposing the bottom mounds of her perfect breasts. Her eyes shifted towards the ceiling. If Mulder sneaked a peek, she didn't want to know about it. "Hey," Mulder tried to lighten the moment, and keep his mind on his business, "it's not as if you haven't seen mine..." his voice trailed off. "Yeah, yeah," Scully answered, "but it's always been purely in the line of official business." "And this isn't?" Mulder countered. Scully felt his fingers brushing the underside of her breast as he hurriedly tried to connect the wires. "Sorry," he mumbled. Scully continued to turn her eyes heavenward, not answering. Mulder hoped she couldn't tell his hands were shaking. He had gotten a jolt clean down to his toes when her soft, firm flesh had made contact with him. His jeans were damn tight now. She jumped slightly. "What?" he pulled his hands away, guilt washing over him for this thoughts. "Um, your hands are cold," she could barely speak, "Made me jump." "Sorry," he mumbled again. "Almost done." This close, her scent was intoxicating, and he had just caught sight of a small coral colored area as she had moved beneath his touch. He continued to remind himself to breathe every now and then. "There, it's finished," he said, stepping back from her to give them both space. Scully dropped her blouse immediately. "Let's test it out," she said as she walked into her bedroom. She left the door slightly ajar. "I see now the attraction electronic surveillance holds for some guys," Mulder mumbled to himself as he placed his shades back on. Built into the ear piece of the sunglasses was a receiving station. He turned towards her bedroom door and waited for her test. In the barest of whispers she said, "Come here, Watson, I need you." Mulder sucked in a deep breath. For a moment, her low, sultry whisper had made his insides turn flip-flops. She was coming through loud and clear. He would be able to hear anything said to her within a five foot radius. Scully spoke in a normal voice now and said, "Just let me adjust my clothes and I'll be right out. Apparently she didn't realize the door was not completely shut. Mulder saw her stuff her top into her waistband, then raise her skirt to pull the ends down neatly inside. A big grin broke out on his face. Scully wasn't wearing pantyhose. She was wearing black garters. The contrast of their starkness against her white skin was overwhelmingly sexy. She was certainly going to play this part to the hilt! She smoothed down what little bit of her skirt there was. Mulder deftly moved out of sight of the door before she turned around to come out. For a moment he stared at Scully, and then glanced down at himself and a big smile broke out on his face. "What?" Scully asked uncertainly. Mulder's humor could be odd at times. She glanced down at herself, and then looked him over, trying to see what he saw. "Don't you notice that we're dressed somewhat alike? There's a "men in black" joke in here somewhere, I just can't put my finger on it." Scully smiled and gave a laugh as what Mulder said hit home. "I sure wouldn't mind working with Tommy Lee Jones tonight! But I guess you'll have to do," she said heading for the door. As Mulder opened the front door for her, the moment turned serious for him. This wasn't a game they were playing. It could very well be life and death. For her, his brain reminded him. If something goes wrong, she is the one that will pay for it. He placed his hand on her shoulder. "Scully, you don't have to do this. In fact, I would prefer that you didn't, you know that." Scully appreciated his concern and knew it was real. But she knew the risk she was taking. She had weighed several different angles, and none of them looked good. But for the life of her, she couldn't think of how else to stop this lunatic. If she didn't do it, someone else would have to. This way, at least she felt in control of the situation. She wasn't just helplessly standing by. She was actively pursuing the devil. But she hadn't seen Mulder shrink from an assignment before. "What's wrong, Mulder? Really. And don't give me any crap about it being too dangerous. We've been over that." Scully wanted a straight answer. Mulder locked his green eyes on her incredibly blue ones. "Cut the crap, huh?" he repeated quietly. Without waiting for an answer, he plunged on. "OK. This is it, Scully. If something goes wrong tonight, I don't think I can live with myself." There, he'd said it, bared his soul. This might be his only chance to tell her the whole truth. Maybe she would see into his heart and change her mind. Fat chance. Trying not to chide him, Scully softly reminded him once more, "This isn't about you Mulder. This is about doing our job. This is about getting a dangerous nut case out of circulation before he kills again. I'm not Samantha. You weren't responsible for what happened to her then, nor me now. "We have a back up team waiting at the club. There will be three people there watching out for me. Not to mention, I will be watching out for myself. Those other women didn't have a clue. And even if they did, they weren't prepared, nor able to respond to the threat. "This is my life, Mulder, my decision." She said the words with no condemnation, no hint of anger, in fact, she had been touched by his admission. She knew she was important to him, in fact, she counted on that. It would make him even more diligent and alert on the job. "Whatever happens, you are not responsible," she stressed each word carefully. Mulder nodded his head, but only because he had no choice. She would accept nothing else but his acceptance of the situation. To cover his fear for her, he acquiesced to her wishes. It was her life. But it meant so damn much to him. Certainly more than his own did. Scully continued to talk. "You just do your job, and nothing will go wrong. Concentrate on that. OK?" She raised her eyebrows slightly, expecting an answer. "Yeah, sure," he responded. "Let's go." The back up team was waiting for them a few blocks from the nightclub to go over the plan once more. Agent Sarah Dunbar from the Violent Crimes section was the first to greet them when they got out of Mulder's car. She was 32 and had been in the field only two years, but had proven to be an extremely competent agent. She was tall and willowy and had short brown hair. Her eyes were a soft brown and they indicated she knew how to have fun. She had a talent for being able to move in and out of crowds without attracting undue attention, a valuable asset in tonight's job. She was cool and confident of her abilities, and perfectly reliable. Tonight, she was modestly attired and appeared completely at ease. Her partner, Lou Chininski, was a veteran field agent of four years. He was about 37, lean like Mulder, but did not share his good looks. He and Mulder had been on assignments together before, and Mulder trusted Chininski to follow orders, and stick to the job. Lou had a ready smile that belied the seriousness of his natural character. Dunbar and Chininski were to go into the nightclub first, as a couple, and find a strategic location where they could watch as much as the room as possible. Dana would arrive next, and Mulder would follow, and take up a similarly strategic point as Dunbar and Chininski. Dana's job was to flirt and be seen, hoping to draw the killer out, if he was even there tonight. Sarah and Lou both had a small ear piece placed inside their ear canal, set to Scully's frequency. In case something went wrong with Mulder's own hearing device, they would also be able to monitor her conversations In addition, Mulder and Chininski each had a small, light-weight, two-way radio, about the size of a deck of cards, but much thinner, that would allow them to speak to each other should the situation warrant it. Under no small circumstance were they to communicate with each other. The radio was to be a last resort measure to be used only in an extreme emergency. "Scully," Mulder asked while putting on his sports coat, "you've got your gun, right?" He tucked his own gun in his waistband behind his back where it would be covered by his jacket, and then placed his radio in his inside coat pocket. Scully opened her tiny red beaded purse to show him the contents: one gun, her driver's license and apartment key, two $20 dollar bills, and a tube of lipstick. Mulder grinned at the lipstick. Dana saw his grin. "Hey, it's my job to be alluring, right?" Suddenly, the tension grew thick. The moment was at hand. Everyone knew the stakes they were playing for: Scully's life. There would be no second chance, no reset button for this game. Someone out there was playing for keeps. "Everyone set?" Mulder asked one last time. With a nod of their heads, Sarah and her partner got in their car and drove off. Mulder and Scully were silent during the five minute interval they had agreed to wait. Both had thoughts that occupied them. Both were getting into a frame of mind that involved total concentration. In spite of the warm night, Scully shivered. It did not go unnoticed by Fox. "Cold?" "No," Dana tried to shrug off the feeling of edginess. "Guess someone just walked over my grav....," she stopped as she saw Mulder's face contort into disbelief at her words. She had said them without thinking. It was just a silly saying she and Melissa had as children. She corrected herself immediately, and said firmly, "No. I'm fine." With that she got in Mulder's car and he handed her his duplicate key. "Be careful, watch everyone," he was warning her. "I know, Mulder," she said slightly annoyed. She wanted to get going. She hated waiting. Upon seeing the pain of her sting reflected in his eyes, she said in a softer voice, "I'll be careful." Then all business-like she added, "See you in a few minutes." She drove off slowly. Mulder began briskly walking the three blocks to the nightclub. As he turned the final corner, he caught a glimpse of Scully passing through the front door. He hurried across the street and entered the building a few moments after her. He had heard the music from the nightclub more than a block away, but inside it was almost deafening. He paused just inside the doorway to let his vision and hearing adjust. Fortunately, the shades had been designed with not only the ear piece, but special lenses that allowed the wearer to see fairly clearly in low light conditions. He located Sarah and Lou at a table on the second level. They had chosen well. From where they sat, they could see the front door, the dance floor, and the bar. Mulder sauntered over to the bar to take a position directly opposite them. From this vantage point he could see the front door, the rest room doors, the dance floor, and the tables situated under the second level balcony were the back up team sat. He wished there were some sort of volume control for the glasses. The sound was overwhelming since it was fed almost directly into his ear from Scully's two microphones. In addition, he heard a cacophony of voices as she moved through the room. Mulder spotted Scully at the opposite end of the bar ordering a drink. He watched her pay, and then circulate around the dance floor. She needed to be seen by as many people as possible. As Scully passed by various groups of people, Mulder caught snatches of conversation. "...Hot shit..." "What a babe.." "Hey, baby, let's dance.." "...whoa, momma!.." And so it continued as the men in her circle were picked up on microphone. Mulder was grinning from ear to ear. He was sure this was new to Scully. While she was beautiful, and had surely been told so by dates and friends, she traveled in a circle of more sophisticated, not to mention, polite people. He had to admit it, she deserved every comment. She flashed her smile at everyone, trying to be as inviting and open as possible. What a switch for the Ice Queen, Mulder thought, as he contemplated the nickname she had earned at FBI headquarters. Scully's lack of openness with other people and the tight reign of control she kept on her emotions left many people believing that she was a cold person. Mulder knew them to be wrong. Sometimes when he needed it the most, and other times when he least expected it, warmth and compassion would fill her eyes and voice, and melt his heart. He watched Scully as she finally settled on a table near the dance floor and sat down. She sipped her drink and spoke to each person that came to her table. She accepted dance offer after dance offer. Mulder spent a great deal of the evening enjoying himself watching her dance to the raucous beat of the music. She had moves that amazed him. All through the evening, Scully had been talking to Mulder between suitors, giving him her assessment of them. Her conversations with Mulder had one distinct disadvantage; he couldn't answer her back. So far, no one had given Scully undue attention. Certainly no one had struck her as the serial killer type, what ever that was. Some of the men she knew right off the bat were just lookers. One or two of the men she had spoken with left her unsure as to their motives. It was Sarah's and Lou's job to keep track of those men after they left Scully's table. "I don't think this is working," she admitted two hours into the night. When she made eye contact with Mulder through the crowd, he could only shrug and look at his watch. Scully took that to mean give it a little more time. "My feet hurt," she droned on in his ear. "And I think if I drink one more diet soda, my bladder is going to burst." Mulder only smiled back at her and raised his glass in a mock salute. He glanced up at Sarah, who smiled back at him, acknowledging that she heard the comments. Scully began speaking again. "Look out, Mulder, bandit at three o'clock! Too bad you will have to shoot her down." Mulder saw her smiling from ear to ear. He returned her grin. All night he had been fending off women who kept approaching him and offering to buy him a drink. "It seems those jeans are doing something for ya, pardner," Scully teased him. He did not turn and look. He hoped that by not making eye contact, whoever it was would not make their move. While he needed to blend in with the crowd and appear to mingle with people, it was hard to try and listen to a stranger talk to him and keep up with the conversation on Scully's end. Even harder to take were Scully's comments in his ear when he did try to make conversation sometimes. She would make snide little remarks trying her best to make him laugh. A leggy blond dressed in as provocative a manner as Scully approached him from behind and placed her hands on his ass. "Hey, there, Tiger, what's your name?" TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 3/16 A leggy blond dressed in as provocative a manner as Scully approached him from behind and placed her hands on his ass. "Hey, there, Tiger, what's your name?" Mulder, not expecting such a greeting, naturally jumped. He tried to shut out Scully's laughter in his ear. He hurriedly turned to face the woman, fearful that if she moved her hands a few inches higher she would discover his gun. As he turned, his eyes opened wide in appreciation of this natural beauty. He took his glasses off and laid them on the bar to stifle Scully's laughter in his ear. "Whoa!" Mulder had exclaimed. "That's a pretty interesting way of meeting someone," he said referring to her grabbing him. "I like to be direct," she purred. She brought one finger up to his lips and traced them as she spoke. Mulder began to wonder if someone had turned the heat on in the building. He could feel himself start to sweat. He glanced quickly upward at Sarah and saw her eyes glued on Scully, listening to her conversation. He decided to take a quick break. Purely in the interest of blending in, he told himself. Yeah, right! "Well," Mulder strained for a clever reply, but he was too busy being overwhelmed at the moment. "I guess that does get you to your destination a lot quicker, being direct, I mean." She smiled showing off her perfect teeth. Her tongue came out of her mouth and she licked her lips slowly, then she licked the finger that she had just traced Mulder's lips with, swirling her tongue around the tip. Damn these jeans, Mulder thought. I swear I am getting the next size up in the future. Any other time, and he would be relishing this encounter. But not tonight, not now! "I sure would like to take you up on your direct offer," he smiled his own charming smile, "but I'm with someone." He wanted to add, but if you give me your number I'll get back with you... She gave him a sly smile and gently shook her head. "No, you're not, I watched you come in alone, and I've been watching you all night. There's no one here with you." She pouted her luscious lips just a little. "What's the matter, don't you like me? Or, are you gay? You sure look like a hunk of a man anyone," she emphasized the last word, "would like." Before Mulder could respond, she continued. "If you are gay, that's OK," her eyes burned into him, "I like three ways, too." It was all Mulder could do to continue breathing at this point, as well as swallow the saliva he felt would drool out of his mouth if he opened it to speak. As he tried to regain control and be Mr. Cool, she placed her hands on his chest and slid them up under his jacket in a slow, circular motion. Then she leaned into his body, pressing hers fully against his. Mulder stood transfixed as her tongue slowly licked the outside of his lips before she kissed him. He allowed her tongue inside him and vaguely was aware of her hands exploring his body. Her actions caused little star bursts of light to go off in his head as he closed his eyes and lingered in the moment. He automatically placed his hands on her hips and pulled her even tighter to him, gyrating his hips in time to the pulse of the music. For some reason, it was important to him that she not think he was gay. For a few moments he was not on this planet. Suddenly, his brain got through to him and he realized he was working. And that Scully was here, perhaps even watching him at this moment. He pulled back from the kiss, and gently pushed her away from his body at the same time. "Whew," he breathed deep and flashed his smile at her. "You sure know how to take a guy's breath way." He shook his head to help clear it. "But, I really am waiting for someone, I guess she's just late. More importantly, she'd kill me if she saw me with you, especially right now." She looked Mulder up and down once again, regret in her eyes. "Well," she said, "if you're sure I can't change your mind..." she let her voice trail off, giving him one more chance. She could see traces of regret in his eyes as well. Mulder gestured with his hands, "Sorry." He continued to smile. I REALLY AM! his brain screamed at this moment. She started to move off, "I'll be watching you, and if someone doesn't show up soon, I'll be back," she grinned as she grabbed his butt once more before she sauntered off. Mulder reached up to wipe his forehead and turned back to the bar for his shades. He'd better get back to the job quick. That's when he first grew alarmed. They were gone. Damn! He looked up at Sarah and saw her and Lou staring wide-eyed at him. They must have seen the whole exchange. Mulder suddenly was eternally grateful that he had not been wired himself. They would have to guess at what actually transpired. He frantically turned back to the bar and began looking around him. The expensive shades weren't on the floor, or on either side of the counter where he was standing. He contemplated getting on the radio and asking Lou and Sarah if they had seen what happened to his glasses from their vantage point. It was at that moment he noticed that the bar had been wiped clean and all the empty glasses and trash around him had been cleared away. There was a girl sitting two bar stools away that had been looking for an opening to talk to Mulder for the last twenty minutes. She saw that opportunity now. "Hey," she called out. Mulder turned her way, and gave her an inquiring look. She smiled invitingly at him. Mulder just wanted his shades, he was not looking to get involved again! "Are you looking for your sunglasses?" she asked. Mulder leaped at the tidbit. "Yes! Did you see what I did with them? I thought I laid them here on the bar." She got off her stool and walked closer to be heard over the 100 or more decibels of music. There was no comparison between her and the last woman that had held his attention, but she was pleasant enough. She gazed into his distressed hazel eyes. "Someone who's eyes are as beautiful as yours shouldn't cover them up," she cooed softly. Yes, yes, Mulder's brain hurried on. He wasn't going to make time for this one, but he didn't want to put her off, either. She might know where his glasses were. He took a moment to look over her shoulder to check on Scully. His heart leaped five miles high. She wasn't at her table. When was the last time he had looked her way? 2 minutes, 5 minutes? Shit! Where was she? He anxiously scanned the dance floor. He couldn't spot her red silk top or auburn hair in the crowd. His brain shifted down a gear. He had to get those glasses back. He decided to play nice with this girl, but speedily. "Well, thank you," he dazzled her with a smile. "I am sorry to be so abrupt, but I have to leave now, and I really would like to find my glasses. Did you see what happened to them?" The girl leaned closer in the pretext of lowering her voice so only he could hear her. She really just wanted to get close enough to smell his cologne and hopefully, make him interested in her. "Actually, I saw the bartender take them when he was cleaning off the bar, and I saw him put them in his jacket pocket. I guess he hoped you would forget about them while that "cat" was pawing you." She smiled at him, proud that she knew what he wanted to know. "Bartender!" Mulder turned to shout at the worker behind the bar. He looked up when called and sauntered over to Mulder. "Yes, what can I get for you and the lady?" he asked politely. Mulder didn't have time to spar with the guy. Every moment that passed was precious. He glanced back at Sarah and Lou. They weren't at their table either! Something was up! "I want my shades that I left here. I believe you picked them up by mistake," Mulder was trying to be polite, but expedient. The bartender looked at him thoughtfully, "Shades? I don't remember seeing any shades." Mulder wasn't going to waste any more time on this guy. He leaned over the bar and reached for the man's coat pocket. "The other one," the girl said abruptly. Mulder grabbed at the man's other pocket and found his prize inside, just as she'd said. "Thanks for keeping them safe for me," he spat out over the excuses of the bartender. "Oh, those shades," he tried to sputter out. Mulder wasn't listening. He didn't care. From his own pocket he drew out a twenty dollar bill and laid it on the bar. "Get her anything she'd like," he said indicating his head toward the woman that had come to his rescue. "And thanks," he said to her. "I'm sorry, but I really have to go." Without waiting for her to speak, he placed his glasses on and strode off toward Dana's table. He couldn't hear anything. Just static buzzed loudly in his ear. Damn these things, he thought. They are never dependable! He briefly wondered if they had been damaged by the bartender. He headed back toward the rest rooms, looking for either Sarah or Lou. Where was everyone? He knew they hadn't gone out the front door because they would have had to pass right by him. They could have gone out the back door, but why hadn't Lou or Sarah come and got him if they were leaving? And why would they use the back door? It didn't add up. The crowd made it difficult for Mulder as he attempted to move around the room, trying to keep panic from taking him over. They definitely were not in the room. None of them. He had already had a woman check the Ladies' Room for Scully. She wasn't in there. He moved back to the rest rooms to check again. Time was passing. Too much, and too quickly. Five more minutes slipped by as he made his way back to the Ladies' Room. He decided to try the back hallway first. It was adjacent to the rest rooms and led to the back door. His brain tried to register something just before he opened the door leading to the outside. Mulder didn't bother to pay attention. He had to find Scully. He threw open the door and almost plowed into Sarah and Lou who were coming around the back corner of the nightclub, where the cars were parked, in a great hurry. "Where have you been?" Sarah almost screamed at Mulder. He ignored her agitated state. He didn't want to follow the logical conclusion of what it meant. "Where's Scully?" he almost shouted back at her. Lou shot back, "We don't know! Why the hell do you think we are out here? And why didn't you answer the radio? We have been calling you for five minutes while we searched the parking lot looking for her!" The heightened tension was getting to all of them. "I didn't feel it vibrate!" For emphasis, Mulder slapped his coat pocket where he had put it. His hand hit nothing but his body. Realization set in at that moment. His eyes opened wide as he pulled his jacket away from his body to physically look in his pocket for the radio. It definitely wasn't there. Shit. That Lolita hadn't been making a pass at him, she'd been making a pass at his pockets! She had deftly removed not only the radio, but some folded bills he had placed in the other inside pocket earlier before leaving home. He was thankful he had left his cell phone in the car tonight. He briefly contemplated what her reaction would be when she read "Property of the FBI" stamped on the radio. He hoped it scared the hell out of her. He suddenly comprehended why she had kept touching his ass. She was looking for his wallet. God, she was good. He hadn't felt a thing. He knew now she must have done it while they were kissing. His mind certainly hadn't been on where her hands were at the moment. His brain moved on; that problem would have to wait till later. Right now Scully was missing. "What happened?" he forced himself to be still and listen to the story so he could assimilate the facts. Sarah's eyes were blazing by this point. "Weren't you listening at all, Mulder? Or were you just a little occupied?" He knew what she was referring to. "Just tell me, damn it!" he was at the end of his patience now and time was still moving. The words spilled out of Sarah's mouth as Lou slipped off to use his cell phone to call Skinner and the local PD to inform them of the situation. "After the last guy left the table, Scully said she had to go to the bathroom. We watched her go back toward the rest rooms, but from our position we can't actually see them. We looked over your way to make sure you had her, and we got quite an X-rated scene from you and that harlot. We could see your glasses were off, so we tried to raise you on the radio. When you didn't answer the page, I got up to go after her, and left Lou to keep watch. "Because the room was so crowded, it took me a few minutes to reach the rest rooms. About that time, as I'm still listening to all the conversations around Scully from her wire, there's suddenly a very muffled sound, and then a soft sigh from Agent Scully's microphone, and then all sound just stopped. Lou and I both got only static then. "You were on the other side of the room still. It would have been a waste of time for Lou to get you first, so he headed off to meet me at the rest rooms while I began a search of the Ladies' Room. By the time Lou got to me, I had thoroughly checked out the area. We deduced that she must have gone out the back door from some reason. She didn't get by either of us." Mulder could hear sirens by this time. Obviously Lou had arranged for a team of officers to meet them and help out. He knew Skinner would also have called for road blocks to be put up within a 10 mile radius. It was imperative that Scully be found in the next few hours if they had any hope of finding her alive. Dunbar was still talking, "We came down the narrow hallway that leads to the outside." Sarah paused here for a moment. "Did you smell anything funny just before you got outside, Mulder?" Mulder thought back. There had been something niggling at the back of his mind just before he opened the door. What was it? "Yeah, he answered slowly, "I smelled something, but didn't stop to figure it out, and then I ran into you. Why?" She obviously knew and was further testing his abilities in view of the fact that he had utterly failed to impress her at this particular moment. He didn't care what she thought of him. He just didn't have the time to play games. She looked Mulder hard in the eye. "It was chloroform." She let the fact sink in to Mulder's mind. It was pretty clear what had happened. Apparently, the kidnapper had either waited in the hallway for Scully to go to the Ladies' Room, knowing that sometime during the night she would have to go, or he followed her when she went. He must have approached her from behind, grabbed her, and covered her nose and mouth with a cloth soaked in chloroform. That would explain the muffled sound followed by the soft sigh the two agents heard. Scully had been put out like a light. Mulder could not think of enough curse words to call himself at this moment. Fortunately, he had more than a one track mind, and his brain was already moving ahead toward finding Scully. Chininski went out to the front of the building to meet the police, and brought them back to Mulder, who was still the agent in charge at this moment. Lou didn't think that would be the case tomorrow after Skinner got a hold of him. But right now was what mattered. Mulder flashed his FBI badge as he introduced himself. After confirming that road blocks had been ordered, he divided the officers into two groups. He sent two officers inside to make an announcement concerning the kidnapping, give Scully's description, and ask if anyone had seen her leave or being taken out the back. He had the next two officers interviewing the people milling about the back of the parking lot, and the last two officers were to interview the people loitering at the front door. Perhaps someone had seen something, or could give a description of the last couple of cars that had pulled out from the nightclub. Mulder, Dunbar, and Chininski would search the parking lot and the back hallway for any clues that might have been left behind. Mulder found where Scully had parked his car and got a flashlight from the trunk. The street lamps were vastly under powered for this job. They immediately went to the empty parking slots to search. At the third empty space Mulder saw something positioned halfway in the open and halfway under the next car. He stooped down to retrieve it. He picked it up carefully and help it up high so the others could see. "Damn," was all he said to get their attention. They turned to see Mulder holding the wire Scully had been wearing. No wonder they had only static in their ear pieces. Mulder saw a large part of his back up plan going to hell in a hand basket. He had hoped Scully would be able to use the wire to let them know where she was. Obviously, the rapist wasn't overlooking anything. They weren't going to be able to count on him making an obvious mistake anytime soon. "Agent Mulder!" An officer was calling him from the front of the building. Fox handed the flashlight to Sarah. "Keep looking, see if anything else here will help us." He walked away from them to meet with the officer. The cop was not in uniform, so obviously someone with some rank. Mulder checked the name plate of the man when he got closer. It was Williams. "Yes, Det. Williams, what did you find?" he asked. Williams had a couple of young men with him, Mulder guessed their ages to be around 22-25. Williams spoke, "These guys said they have been out here for the last 30 minutes or so. They saw about five cars leave in that time period. Fortunately for us, they are fairly knowledgeable about cars. They feel the could at least name the kind and color of each car." Mulder raised his eyebrows, things were looking up. "Go ahead and get that list from them Det. Williams. Good work," he added. Never hurts to motivate, Mulder thought. The second team of officers sent to interview people in the back parking lot approached Mulder now. They had a man and a woman with them. "Got something?" Mulder asked hopefully. Officer Helen Bernaid spoke up, eagerness in her voice. She was obviously still new at this job, and was excited that she had found something she considered important. "Yes, this couple thinks they might have seen Agent Scully and the man she was with." This was news! Mulder gave them his full attention. He wanted to hear this directly from them. "Can you tell me what you saw?" The couple looked at each other, deciding who would speak. Somehow they silently chose the woman. "Well, we were taking a smoke outside, you know how these days you can't smoke inside any more," she could already see the impatience in Mulder's eyes. She realized he just wanted the facts. She hurried on. "Well, anyway, we were smoking just a few feet from the back door there, and this couple came out. We noticed them mostly because it looked like he was half dragging, and half carrying her." Mulder interrupted her story to make sure they had the right couple in mind. "What was the woman wearing?" "She had on a real short black skirt, and I remember she had on black high heels, and some dark colored blouse with spaghetti straps." Yep, they had the right couple. "Go on," Mulder prompted. The girl continued. "Well, she obviously didn't seem right. So we asked if she was sick, or needed any help. The guy just laughed, and said something like she was just drunk, and he was taking her home to put her to bed. "Well, that seemed like a normal answer to us, and he seemed calm and friendly, so we just went back to minding our own business." She stopped again. "Did you happen to see which car they got in?" This was going to be crucial to them finding Scully. Mulder held his breath for their answer. "Yeah," she answered. "Like I said, it was kinda weird, him having to kinda carry her, so naturally it held our attention. He got into a car parked over there," she turned and pointed to the spot where Mulder had found the wire. "Do you know what kind of car it was? Both of them shook their heads. "No, sorry, we didn't pay that much attention to details. Like, we didn't know something bad was happening, ya know." She shrugged her shoulders. The man with her spoke up, "I do remember it was a dark color, maybe a dark green, and it had two doors. I remember because he had a hard time getting her in the back seat, and I remember thinking it would have been easier if the car had four doors." That was all Mulder needed to hear. If he could corroborate this with the guys out front, maybe he could narrow down the search considerably. "One last question," Mulder said to them. "Did you happen to notice the license plate by any chance?" He tried not think about how dim the parking lot was. He hoped against hope that by some miracle of God he would get the most critical piece of information needed. The man nodded his head. "Yeah, I saw it. It was different from DC's plates, I guess that's why it stood out to me. I think it was a Maryland license tag, but I didn't get any numbers or nothing." Mulder was almost leaping for joy inside. "Thank you. You don't know what a help you have been. You may have saved a woman's life tonight. Thanks for coming forward." He paused to think a moment. "Could you wait right here for a moment while I check with Det. Williams about the car. I'll be right back. I'd like to get a description of the man that was with Agent Scully." He turned to Officer Bernaid and noticed she had been writing down everything they said. Good, he thought, this one is definitely on the ball. "Please take their names and addresses, and go over the information you wrote down one more time with them to see if they remember anything else." Bernaid nodded her head in affirmation. "Oh, and," Mulder touched her shoulder to emphasize how much it meant to him, "your doing a great job. Thanks." He turned on his heel to head for the front of the building. He wanted to see if the young men remembered the same kind of car going by them. "Det. Williams," Mulder spoke as he got closer. Williams looked up at him. "Have you got that list from them yet?" "Yes, sir," he said, holding it out to Mulder for him to see. Mulder did not take it. "Is there a green car on that list?" Williams pulled his arm back and studied the list. "Yes, sir. They said one of the cars they saw leaving was a dark green, 1998 Porsche. It turned, " he consulted his notes carefully, "left out of the parking lot." Mulder was feeling very encouraged at this point. "I don't suppose they got any license tag information?" Williams looked over his writings again. "Actually," hope rose in Mulder's heart as Williams continued, "they did. They remember discussing how much they liked the car and out of curiosity they glanced at the plate to see if it was someone from here or outside the state." He looked up at Mulder. "Of course, they don't have the number. But they remembered it was from Maryland." "Get on the phone and relay all that information to the road block patrols. That's the car we are looking for. Make sure they have an accurate description of Agent Scully, too. I'll get back to you on a description of the man. They are to search any Porsche that comes their way, regardless of the year or color. Got it?" Mulder didn't wait for an answer as he strode back to the couple waiting with Officer Bernaid. Dunbar and Chininski had finished their thorough search of the area and were waiting near Officer Bernaid and the couple, too, when Mulder returned. "Anything?" he looked at Sarah. He really didn't expect them to find anything else left behind. She shook her head. Lou was off to the side, talking into his cell phone again. Mulder turned his attention back to the couple. "I really appreciate your help in this," Mulder continued to butter them up and make them feel comfortable and important. People talked more freely under those conditions. "Can you tell me what you remember about the man you saw with Agent Scully?" He appeared to be waiting patiently for their answer. Inside he was screaming at them to hurry up with the information. The man spoke this time, slowly and with great thought. "He was a white man, and seemed in pretty good shape." "Why do you say that?" Mulder asked. "Because he wasn't having much trouble with carrying the woman. He wasn't struggling or anything. And I think he had dark hair. The light in the parking lot isn't that great, ya know." "Do you know what he was wearing?" "Um, no, just pants and a shirt. Jeans, maybe. It wasn't anything that stood out, like a suit or nothing. Just ordinary clothes." "When he spoke, did he seem to have an accent of any kind?" The man thought back, looked at the girl, and shook his head. "No, I don't think so." The girl was shaking her head, too. "Is there anything else at all that you can remember about him that might help us identify him?" They both shook their heads. "Do you think you could describe him to a sketch artist?" The guy shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, maybe." "Would you be willing to try?" Mulder asked. The couple looked at each other, again silently communicating with each other. The guy looked back at Mulder. "Sure, I guess." "Great. Thanks." Mulder turned to Bernaid. "Would you please take them to the station, and have them work with your artist and see what we can come up with? Also, they can give their formal statements at the same time. And make sure the description of the suspect, Agent Scully, and the car goes out immediately. " The officers and the couple moved toward the squad car. "What now?" Sarah asked. Lou had finished his conversation and had joined the little group. Before Mulder could answer, Lou spoke up. "I just got off the phone with Assistant Director Skinner." He had an apologetic look on his face. "I think he wants to fry your butt and eat it for breakfast. He wants to see you like ten minutes ago." TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 4/16 "I just got off the phone with Assistant Director Skinner." He had an apologetic look on his face. "I think he wants to fry your butt and eat it for breakfast. He wants to see you like ten minutes ago." "Fine." Mulder didn't care what Skinner wanted right now. But he couldn't exactly say that in front of them. "While I'm assuming the position in his office, I want you two to track down that car. How many 1998 dark green Porsches can there be registered in the state of Maryland? I want you to check out every name that comes up, and cross reference with a driver's license picture for anyone that might match this guy's description, such as it is, and get me a name and an address." Mulder's voice softened. "I think you know time is of the essence here. While most of the victims haven't turned up until 48 hours later, I don't want to assume we have that much time for Scully. OK?" The agents nodded their head in understanding. Whatever they may think of Mulder's performance tonight, another agent's life was still hanging in the balance. They would put their feelings aside for now and do the best job they could. Thirty minutes later, Mulder was being royally chewed out by Skinner in his office. Usually Skinner's tirades went in one ear and out the other with Mulder. He knew Skinner had to berate him for his methods sometimes, and it was just part of his job to try to keep Mulder on the straight and narrow. They both knew it was a hopeless cause, but they went through the motions every so often. By now, Mulder'd had enough, but Skinner continued. "What the hell were you thinking!" Skinner shouted at him. Mulder shifted uncomfortably in his chair; he was getting agitated. In addition to not having an answer to this question, he also wasn't allowed to yell back. "You were on duty, responsible for another agent's life." "Don't you think I know that?" Mulder spat out the words, each one leaving a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. After a few moments of Skinner starring him down, Mulder decided he had better add, "Sir." Unfortunately, Mulder thought gloomily, having no defense in this case might just cost him Scully. He was finding it hard to stay seated. He was wasting time debating this issue with Skinner. What was to be gained by it? Did Skinner think there was anything he could say to Mulder that Mulder hadn't accused himself of already? "I have no defense. No reason to explain why I took my eyes off Agent Scully, OK?" Mulder rose to leave and get on with finding Scully. "Sit down." Skinner stated authoritatively. He was standing in front of Mulder, leaning back against his desk, his arms crossed over his chest. It was well past 2am. Skinner's shirt looked rumpled. His jacket was slung carelessly over the back of his desk chair. His eyes looked tired. Mulder clenched his fists, pursed his lips and closed his eyes. He mentally counted to ten, and then slumped back down into his chair. Fatigue was beginning to replace the adrenaline rush he had experienced earlier at the nightclub. He didn't want to fight with Skinner. He just wanted to actively search for Scully; to feel like he was doing something to right the wrong he had done her. He refused to follow the train of thought that tried to take over his brain. He would find her, and he would find her alive. "Special Agent Mulder." It was never good when Skinner used his title, Fox thought, like when your mother used your whole name, you were really in deep trouble. Skinner's voice was formal, but not harsh, "I am taking you off this case." Mulder's head snapped up. Skinner continued, "You are too close to the situation." Mulder opened his mouth to protest. Skinner continued, "In your haste to find your partner, and to rectify your mistake, I'm afraid you will cut corners and jeopardize Agent Scully's life along with your own, and possibly other agents involved in the search." Something inside Mulder snapped. He jumped to his feet and went toe to toe with Skinner. Totally ignoring the rule that he wasn't supposed to yell at his boss, Mulder shouted, "You can't do that!" knowing full well that Skinner indeed, could. Skinner wasn't phased by Mulder's actions or his shouting. He had intentionally goaded Mulder into this outburst. Not only had he seen Mulder's dejection and disgust for the consequences of his actions at A Crying Shame in Mulder's body language, he had seen the loss of hope in his eyes. Whether or not Mulder admitted it to himself, deep down inside, a part of him was already giving up finding Scully alive. It would take him over if it wasn't squelched right now. Skinner could already see Mulder assuming the blame and disgrace. Mulder put on shame and guilt like they were clothes, Skinner thought. He doesn't have a clue as to how to get through a day without mentally beating himself up over something. The fact that sometimes Mulder wasn't actually responsible didn't seem to matter. He just automatically assumed the guilt and wore it like a cloak. But woe to his soul if it was somehow his fault when something did go wrong. Like tonight. Skinner had seen Mulder spin into a depression over issues many times. It was doubly dangerous if Dana Scully happened to be involved. These two were uniquely connected somehow, Mulder and Scully. As unlikely a pair as anyone would ever find. Scully so proper, a firm believer in science and real evidence, almost militant in the control of her emotions. And Mulder, so irreverent, a firm believer in the fantastic and surreal, and on an emotional roller coaster ride. Yet, somehow, they completed each other. Their lives and souls intertwined to form a complete unit. And when one was hurt or in danger, the other was the one that had their guts ripped out of them. Skinner was an astute judge of character and motivation. He had to be in his job. Right now he needed Mulder to get in touch with that part of him that would never give up on Scully. The part that would move heaven and earth to find her before it was too late. So, he goaded him into thinking he was off the case. Skinner knew Mulder would argue the reasons he should continue on the case, and it would bolster his resolve to get the job done, or die trying. Mulder was still yelling at Skinner in complete abandon. "It's my fault Scully is missing and in danger, and I will find her. I am already this close," he put his thumb and forefinger less than an inch apart in Skinner's face, "to finding the car and the owner. We will have him traced within the next hour," he falsely boasted. Skinner just stared at Mulder, letting him run his course. Now was about the time Mulder would voice his guilt, Skinner knew. He wanted, no, he needed absolution from Skinner for his mistakes, so he could go on with new resolve and hope. Even though Mulder and Skinner were not that far apart in age, Skinner was Mulder's authority figure, a false father figure. And while he didn't always seek his approval, there were times when he subconsciously longed for this false father's forgiveness. To tell him things were all right, and that he was OK. In effect, to love and accept him as he was. Something his real father had been incapable of doing. Skinner just sat through the next outburst. "I know I fu.., screwed up," even Mulder in his agitated state knew some lines weren't crossed with your boss. "I probably cost Scully her life. And even if," he corrected himself, "when we find her, I doubt she'll ever trust me again." There, Skinner knew he'd said his worst fears and emptied himself of the guilty thoughts that had been plaguing him for hours. He was through yelling now, though the bitterness Mulder felt toward himself still came through in his voice. "But I can't just sit around with my thumb up my ass waiting for someone else to solve the case." He sat back down and lowered his head. Guilt is a self-feeding, energy-sucking parasite and Mulder had just spent the last bit of energy he had left. "I respectfully request that I be allowed to remain on the case," he said quietly, almost begging, from his chair. He looked up into Skinner's hard eyes. "I know I can find her, sir. And I'll find her alive. You know my case solve rate. I know this bastard's profile, his MO, and very shortly, I will know where he lives. I will get her back, sir." His voice was even, controlled now, and hard with resolve. Skinner did not answer Mulder, only gave him a short nod of his head. Mulder took that as a sign of agreement and dismissal all wrapped up in one, and took his leave. With Dunbar and Chininski's diligent work, Mulder had been true to his word. While he was in Skinner's office, they had been tracing the car and the owner down, and with relative ease, actually. The car belonged to a Matthew Seigler, age 25, a resident of Maryland. He had no past record with the police, not even a traffic ticket. When Sarah placed a call to his residence to determine if he was home, a surprise greeted her. The voice that answered the phone was not a machine, or a sleepy family member, but apparently a butler. He informed her that Mr. Matthew Seigler had gone out for the evening and had not returned yet, could he take a message? Sarah declined to leave one. Lou had been checking into Seigler's business affairs and looking for other residences and/or holdings. By 6:00am they had put together a complete history of Matthew Seigler, and it was impressive. Mulder had taken the opportunity to crash in his office while they did the records search. As much as he wanted to find this guy himself, he knew that he needed to run on something besides adrenaline when the time came. They woke Mulder when they felt they had the basic records necessary to find Matthew Seigler. He quickly read over the facts they had assimilated. "What do you want to do now?" Sarah asked when he closed the file he was reading. Even though he had screwed up royally in her eyes the night before, the pain she could see in his eyes more than convinced her she didn't need to be the one to confront him with it. He was doing a great job of beating himself up. "I'm going home to clean up and change. I want you to call the local PD and have them check out these four buildings Seigler owns on the west side of town. They are in that run down section, and unoccupied by businesses right now. Maybe he is hiding out there. "I just want them to check to see if his car is parked anywhere nearby. Under no circumstances are they to approach him or go in the buildings. Make that clear to them," Mulder replied. Sarah and Lou nodded their heads. Mulder continued, "If they find anything, I want them to call me. In the meantime, you two go home and get to bed. You have more than done your duty." Mulder paused a moment, "I just want you to know I appreciate your hard work on Scully's behalf. I know I have shown you a less than stellar side of myself, and I appreciate you following through on all aspects of this case in spite of what you may think of me." Sarah and Lou didn't speak for a moment. They had made mistakes themselves. The fact that Mulder wasn't making excuses for himself went a long way in their book. "You'll call us if something new develops?" Lou didn't really mean it as a question; he wanted to be kept informed. Mulder nodded his head. Sarah touched him lightly on the shoulder as they were leaving. "Don't worry, we are doing everything possible. He won't slip through," she said. Mulder got up to leave as well. Basement Office 12 Noon He had been back at the office for several hours. The police had not found Matthew's car at his residence, or at the buildings he owned. The road blocks had not turned up anything, and had been dismantled hours ago. A photo of Seigler had been sent out over the wires and was in the broadest possible circulation. Mulder had busied himself by continuing to search out information on Matthew Seigler. Most of the information he gleaned came from newspaper accounts over the last four years. Matthew had inherited his father's business, along with his wealth, at that time. Seigler Enterprises was basically an import/export business that contracted for other major companies in the world. They dealt with hundreds of different products by many manufactures. He seemed to have made wise business decisions while in charge, considering his young age, and the company had continued to prosper under his direction. He was frequently in the society pages supporting various charities and civic improvement groups. In most of the pictures containing Matthew, there was a lovely young lady identified as Lilly Townsend hanging on his arm. In one recent article, Matthew Seigler and Lilly Townsend's wedding engagement was announced. Mulder had made several calls to Matthew's house and office during the day trying to locate him. Each time he was given the same answer: Mr. Seigler was not in, and they didn't know when he would return. Would he like to leave a message? He had instructed the local PD to continue checking on the abandoned buildings every few hours for Matthew's car. So far, they had come up empty, too. Mulder decided to visit Seigler's company to try and get further background on him. It was located in DC, about twenty minutes from FBI Headquarters. Mulder looked up at the huge office complex building as he entered the front door. He flashed his badge and got immediate help from the receptionist just inside the door. A few moments later he was standing in the outer offices of Mr. Matthew Seigler, President and CEO of Seigler Enterprises. Matthew's administrative assistant held out her hand in greeting. "Agent Mulder, I'm Mr. Seigler's assistant, Suzanne Waters. What may I do for you?" Mulder took in her appearance and manner. She looked to be about 45, extremely professionally dressed in a dark brown business suit with a gold butterfly broach on her lapel. Her conservative gold earrings and delicate gold watch gave her just enough femininity to offset her business attitude. She wore her short brown hair softly around her face, and bright blue eyes met him from behind her glasses. Mulder shook her hand in return and noticed her pleasant grip. "Thank you for seeing me without an appointment," he began. It was always best to make people think they were doing you a favor, and that you were appreciative of their time. "I was wondering if I could speak to you about your boss, in private." That was all Suzanne needed to hear. Fear had already griped her stomach when the receptionist had announced the FBI agent. She had a sinking feeling she already knew why he was here. She tried to remain calm and poised. She could be wrong she tried to tell herself. However, she wasn't going to stand about discussing Matthew in front of the office help. She nodded her head and smiled. "This way, please, Agent Mulder." She led him down a short hallway to a door that specified her name. She pushed open the huge, solid door with surprisingly little strength. It was perfectly balanced and opened easily. It closed with a soft whisper. Suzanne indicated a leather chair in front of her desk for Mulder to be seated in. "Coffee, Agent Mulder?" "No, thank you." She sat gracefully in her own leather chair behind her large, cherry desk. It was perfectly clean of files and paperwork, as if she didn't work at all. There was a phone, a name plate, and a pen in it's holder. She smiled again. "Now." She leaned forward. "What exactly is it you want to know?" She certainly wasn't going to give out personal information without a pretty good reason. Suzanne was the perfect person to block all inquiries and personnel from Matthew. That was her job, to free him up for more pressing business. She hoped against hope that Mulder was here concerning the business and not Matthew directly. "In the last twenty four hours Mr. Seigler's most recent activities have come under question at the Federal Bureau," Mulder began. Suzanne's heart skipped a beat. She hoped she wasn't showing alarm on her face. "Right now, we would just like to question him about those activities, but we haven't been able to locate him at his home, or here at work. Do you happen to know where I can reach him?" "What kind of activities?" she asked carefully. Her mind was racing. How much did he know? She began to worry. Conflict was already raging inside her brain as to what she should do. "Well, that is confidential information at this point." Mulder did not want to put her off, so he gave her a dazzling smile. "I'm sure you understand. We are not accusing him of anything, we merely want to question him." Suzanne could see Mulder was going to be extremely tactful. "Well, I am sorry, but I have no idea where Mr. Seigler is at this moment. Actually, he hasn't called in today and touched base with me." "Is that unusual for him?" "A little," she said. "But I don't want to give you the wrong idea," she added. "Mr. Seigler occasionally goes off on his own and does business with clients." "I see." Mulder knew this line of questioning wasn't going to get him very far. Apparently Ms. Waters was loyal to Matthew. On the other hand, that said something in itself about the man. "Perhaps you could supply me with some information." Ms. Waters wanted to be helpful, but she didn't want to overstep her boundaries with Mr. Seigler, either. "I'm not sure," she hedged. "Oh, they are just general questions," Mulder hastened to add. "For instance, can you tell me if Mr. Seigler still drives a 1998 dark green Porsche?" She smiled, "Yes, he does. He's rather prideful about that car." That was easy, she thought. And certainly no harm was done by answering that question. Maybe this meeting wasn't about what she feared. Mulder continued. "And does he still live at this address in Maryland?" He handed her a piece of paper with the Matthew's address neatly typed on it. "Yes, he does," she confirmed. "Though, he sometimes stays here at the corporate offices when he has been working late. He has an apartment on the top floor of this building." Mulder raised his eyebrows, his interest picking up. "Does this building have an underground garage, too?" It would certainly explain how he had avoided the road blocks and where he might have parked the car for the night. "Yes, it does." "Do you know if Mr. Seigler was here last night?" "No, but I could check for you, " she said reaching for the phone. "Thank you." Mulder sat back in his chair and waited. Ms. Waters put the phone down after a few moments. "The Security Log states that he did park his car here for a short time last night, but he left again early this morning. He has his own private entrance. The cameras only record him coming and going from a distance." Mulder made a few notes on his pad as she spoke. "How long have you known Mr. Seigler?" he continued. "I've been here for fifteen years. I was Matthew's father's administrative assistant at the time he died from a heart attack about four years ago. At that time, Matthew assumed his father's position and kept me on. He had worked for his father in this company since before he graduated from high school. His father made him start at the bottom of the company so that he might learn all there was to know about this business. Matthew's mother died before I came to work here. Even before Matthew worked here, he would visit often. I would say I have known Matthew well for about ten years." "Have you noticed any changes in Matthew in the last few months?" Mulder wanted to hold his breath. This answer could be crucial. It would depend on how much Ms. Waters wanted to help Mulder, and how loyal she was to Matthew as to what kind of answer he would get. "Changes?" she repeated vaguely. Her mind flew to the recesses of her mind where she had been pushing information back to hide it even from herself for the last three months. "What kind of changes do you mean?" She knew her moment of truth was coming. She was going to have to choose sides, and very soon. Actually, she had known it for several weeks now, she had just been afraid to make the final decision. "Attitude mostly," Mulder replied. "Has Mr. Seigler seemed agitated, forgetful, more aggressive, or conversely, quieter than usual, for instance? Or has he changed any of his habits recently? For example, coming to work and leaving at the same time, informing you or not informing you of his where abouts. Just anything that has struck you as odd in his behavior or demeanor lately?" Suzanne settled back in her chair to think about how to answer this question. Matthew had been different lately. He had become secretive, distant with her and his staff, uninterested in the business and the deals that were on the table, and he had spent less and less time at the office. When he was here, he would often be explosive, or get agitated at the least little thing. He had begun to make remarks about the secretaries and female administrative personnel that he came in contact with. Some of the women had complained about his sexual harassment toward them. Suzanne had dismissed most of the complaints in the beginning. In this day and age, to some women just telling them they looked attractive in a new dress could be considered sexual harassment. She had taken the personal remarks about the women from him as a sign of the stress he was under. Not only was this a fast paced and cut throat business, but there had been the matter of Lilly. Suzanne felt Matthew was extremely distraught about the situation and that some of the fallout concerning the other women was due to this. The question now was, how much should she tell this agent? How much was relevant, and how much was gossip that didn't bear repeating? And how much of it was related to the fears she had been harboring, refusing to acknowledge even to herself? Mulder was waiting patiently. He could see her weighing information in her head. He was not going to push her to answer, as this would only make her close up immediately. He sat and waited. "Agent Mulder," she finally said, leaning forward again. "I'm not sure what you want to hear," she began. "Just the truth, Ms. Waters, I assure you." She paused again, reassessing her duty to Matthew, this company, and to herself. Her natural respect for humankind won out. If Matthew was behind what she feared he was, she could no longer indirectly help him hide. People's lives were at stake. She was having enough trouble sleeping nights as it was. She knew now she had to speak up. "I can say, that I have noticed a difference in Mr. Seigler in the last three months." Mulder intently watched her as she spoke. "But I think it is due to intense pressure from running this company, we are at a critical negotiation right now with Japan that could make this company the largest of it's kind in the world, but I won't rule out some of his behavior being influenced by his personal troubles, either." There, that should be honest enough, but also non-specific enough in case Agent Mulder was not here for the reason she was worrying about. Mulder leaned forward himself now. "Ms. Waters, I appreciate your loyalty to Mr. Seigler. Might I inquire as to what specific kind of personal trouble Mr. Seigler is having right now?" The crux of the trouble had been well-known news three months ago, so she didn't feel like she was divulging inside knowledge at this point. "Matthew had been engaged to marry his childhood sweetheart later this month. She broke off the engagement three months ago and is now involved with another man." She added off the record information now. "His heart was broken. He has loved Lilly since grade school, and he thought she felt the same way about him. He couldn't understand how she could fall in love with someone else. The worst part of the whole mess was that he actually caught her coming out of a nightclub with this other man before she broke off the engagement. She had been seeing him behind Matthew's back for some time apparently. "He was livid!" She widened her eyes for emphasis. "I remember the next morning in his office. He called me in to tell me the news and have me cancel all of the arrangements for the wedding. He threw a fit like I have never seen." She lowered her head to look at her desk. "He called Lilly some of the vilest names I have ever heard. I remember how much he scared me with his temper." Her voice had softened even more, and Mulder strained to catch all the words. "He was like a mad man. He ranted and raved, his eyes bulged out. And then," she stopped speaking, unable for a moment to go on. "Yes," Mulder prompted softly. "Then, what?" Suzanne raised her head to look Mulder directly in the eye. "And then he told me what he wanted to do to her for betraying him as she had." The color drained from her face. She wanted to tell Agent Mulder everything. She had longed to have someone to confide in. Somehow it seemed by sharing the awful things she knew, it would lessen the impact of the load she was carrying. She had felt this way the last two months, ever since..., she didn't want to think about it. She continued. "He talked about cutting off pieces of Lilly, and gouging out her eyes, and," Suzanne couldn't continue. She covered her face with her hands. Mulder stood up and walked over to Suzanne. He touched her shoulder in empathy. He realized how hard this must be for her. She was practically a family member herself. He knew she felt she was betraying Matthew at this point. She lowered her hands. "It's him, isn't it." "Who?" Mulder questioned, sure he knew now what she feared. "It's Matthew isn't it? He's the one that's been killing a different girl each week, isn't he. That's what you're here for, isn't it." It wasn't a question. It had cost Suzanne a lot to be honest with Mulder. He wanted to do the same for her. "Yes, that is why I'm here. But we're not positive it is him. That's why it is imperative that we locate him as soon as possible." He took a deep breath and plunged on. "We think it was Matthew who took my partner last night. We had A Crying Shame staked out..." He got no farther. "A Crying Shame!" Suzanne repeated. "That's where Matthew found Lilly and her boyfriend." She began to weep silent tears. Mulder pressed on with an urgency. "It is vital that we find Matthew, Ms. Waters. Can you think of anywhere we might look for him? Anywhere he might go?" She answered dully now, "Have you tried the old apartment building on Jefferson? It's been condemned for several years now. The company owns the building under another name, a holding company. I heard Matthew mention it once last month. He said he was going to have a look at it, but he didn't say why." "Can you write down the address for me?" Mulder couldn't sit still now. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 5/16 ---xxxxxxx---- Mulder called the police substation nearest to the address Suzanne had given him. It was in the same section of run down neighborhood as the other four buildings Seigler owned and that the police had been checking every few hours. He had the police patrol the area continuously now, combing the area for Matthew's Porsche. He had gone back to his office to wait for news. In the meantime, he called Sarah and Lou and brought them up to speed on the new information, and tried to do some paperwork to keep busy. Hours had gone by. Mulder's head had slipped down to his desk sometime ago, and he was asleep when the call from the police finally came through about midnight. They had located the Porsche, and it was indeed at the newest address on Jefferson street. Mulder arrived twenty five minutes later. He had located Skinner, and was surprised to find he was still in his office working, too. He informed his superior about the car, and that he was on his way to meet the police. Dunbar and Chininski had been sent home around 10:00pm. Mulder did not want to waste time informing them. He would catch them up later. When Mulder arrived, he drove past the building first, surveying the area, then rendezvoused with the police about a block away, around the corner from the address. His pulse went up when he didn't see the Porche. If it had left while he was in route...well, he didn't want to think about kicking himself any more. He recognized Det. Williams from the nightclub detail the night before and walked over to him. "Where's the car?" he asked in a worried voice. Det. Williams nodded his head in greeting. "Don't worry, it's there. Apparently Seigler has hollowed out a couple of the apartments on the first floor of this building, and made them into a garage. That's why we hadn't seen the car all day. One of our boys finally decided to get out and walk the beat, and when he looked in some windows, that's when he saw the Porsche. Apparently, it's been here all the time. Certainly since before you alerted us, which was about 3:00pm." Mulder nodded in understanding of this development. He called the team of seven officers together to discuss how to storm the building in the most effective manner. As he was speaking, his ears caught the sound of a car racing past. He turned just in time to see the Porche speed by for all it was worth. He yelled at the two officers closest to him, "You two, follow him! Don't let him get away. I don't care what it takes, stick with him!" He didn't wait to see the two officers and their partners jump in their unmarked cars and pull away from the curb in pursuit of the Porsche and Matthew Seigler. To the rest of the officers, Mulder waved with one hand while drawing his weapon with the other, "Come on!" He raced around the corner and down the block heading for Seigler's building. The other three officers were hot on his heels. They had fanned out and searched the first two floors fairly quickly. Most of the doors to the apartments were already standing open, previously forced by vandals. The other doors yielded easily to pressure. They found nothing. Mulder ran up the stairs to the next floor, all the while yelling Scully's name, praying in his own way that she was able to respond, praying she wasn't dead in the back seat of that Porsche on her way to being dumped somewhere. On the third floor they found an apartment with a newly replaced door that was securely locked. Mulder fired a shot at the lock, causing splintered wood to fly in all directions. He kicked at the door and it did not resist. He ran through the dimly lit rooms, frantically searching. Finally, he found her in the back bedroom, balled up like a frightened animal, and crying. Going over the events in his mind at the hospital reminded him that he hadn't heard from the pursuit cars yet as to the status of Matthew Seigler. The police didn't have his cell phone number and probably weren't able to reach him. An officer had delivered his car keys to him a half hour after arriving at the hospital and had informed him where he had parked Mulder's car, but he had not had any news on Seigler at the time. Mulder pulled out his phone and punched in the police substation's number. "Yes, this is Agent Mulder with the FBI. Has Det. Williams checked in yet concerning the kidnap/rape case he is working on with me?" The officer on the other end of the phone transferred him to Williams. "Hello?" he answered. "Mulder here. Any word on Seigler yet?" Mulder mentally crossed his fingers. "Yes," Williams answered, Mulder could hear the smile in his voice. "They just arrived at the station with him. Apparently he gave them quite a chase, but our men got him. He is being booked and finger printed as we speak. How is Agent Scully?" "I don't know yet, the doctors are still working on her. The paramedic said she would be all right though, nothing life threatening." He heard Williams grunt out, "That's good." "Send that report over as soon as possible, OK?" Mulder continued. I'll check in with you as soon as I've gone over it." He started to sign off, and then thought better of it. "And thanks for your help Detective. Please pass my thanks along to the other officers. Because of their help and diligence, Agent Scully is still alive to put this bastard away for good." "I'll tell 'em," Williams replied and hung up. Mulder put his phone away and stood up. It had been over an hour since Scully had arrived at the hospital. Surely, she was ready to be sent to a room by now. He headed down the hall to check on her status. "Fox!" He turned at the sound of his name. It was Mrs. Scully. She was coming through the Emergency Room door at a fast pace, purse dangling from one shoulder and a small suitcase in one hand. Her hair looked like it had been finger combed, and she didn't appear to have any makeup on. A coat was thrown over clothes he couldn't see. He turned and hurried down the hall in her direction. They met halfway, Margaret almost collapsing in his arms. He steadied her and led her to a bench along the wall where they both sat down. "Fox, where is Dana? How is she?" the questions tinged with worry fell out of her mouth. "Assistant Director Skinner called me and told me you had found her and were bringing her here. Is she all right?" she asked again anxiety creeping into her voice now. Mulder was nodding his head vigorously since he couldn't get a word in edgewise to try and reassure her that Dana was OK, and would eventually be fine. "Yes," he finally said when she stopped talking. "We found her in time." At these words Margaret broke down into tears, relief flooding through her body, the tears merely a sign of the deep stress she had endured for the last twenty four hours. She didn't apologize for crying, though, she knew Mulder understood. She leaned her head on his shoulder, glad to have someone to share her burden with. He put his arms around her. After a minute, she sat up. "I'm fine now, Fox. I want to see Dana." "They haven't assigned her to a room yet, she is still here in the emergency ward. I guess they are still working on getting her cleaned up." He tried to sound encouraging. "I still want to see her." She stood up, expecting him to take her to Dana. He took her hand and pulled her gently back down beside him. She looked questioningly into his eyes. She saw the pain reflected there, and slowly sat back down. "What is it?" Fear gripped her heart. Something must be horribly wrong. Fox chose his words carefully, trying to put the best spin on it. But he wanted Dana's mother to be prepared for what she was about to see. "Let me tell you about her condition first, so you don't think something is terribly wrong with her when you see her." Margaret tried to swallow, and gave a short nod of her head. She couldn't speak. "We did find Dana before Matthew Seigler seriously hurt her." He wanted to give her the good news first. "However," he spoke reasonably and calmly, striving not to alarm her, "Seigler did inflict some injuries on her." He rushed to add, "Nothing permanent. But there are bruises and contusions, and while they will heal, they look far worse than they are." Tears slipped down Margaret's cheeks. She needed to know the answer to a silent question, but she was afraid to ask for fear of the answer. She read the newspapers, she knew what this man did to the women before he killed them. She had to know about Dana. "Was she," Margaret's voice was so soft Mulder almost couldn't hear her. He waited patiently for her to try and finish the sentence. "Was she," she started again, her voice breaking along with her heart. "Did he," she couldn't even bring herself to say the word, but stumbled on, "Did he touch her?" She had put both of her hands in his, needing his silent support and gentle strength at this moment. Deep compassion was reflected in Mulder's eyes as he watched Scully's mother struggle with the issue of whether her daughter had been raped or not. He squeezed her hands gently before answering. "I don't know," he said honestly. Margaret found a pocket of strength deep within and called upon it. She let go of Mulder's hands, fumbled in her purse for a Kleenex to blow her nose and wipe her face. "It wouldn't do for Dana to see me looking so upset," she tried to make an excuse. Grim faced, but determined, she stood up again. "Please take me to her, now." Mulder walked her down the corridor to room number five. The door was made entirely of glass for easy monitoring of patients, but it was closed, indicating that they were not yet ready for outsiders. Margaret stepped in front of Mulder to view her daughter still being fussed over by nurses and technicians. They were moving at a steady pace, going through the routine, and not frantically bustling around as if it were life and death. Fox moved to stand behind her. Margaret finally caught a glimpse of her daughter when a nurse moved from the foot of the bed to Dana's side. She gasped and felt her knees buckle. So shocked was she by what she saw, if Mulder had not been standing behind and caught her, she would have hit the floor. Dana's face was swollen out of proportion from the beatings, not to mention displaying various arrays of colors from the palest yellow to the deepest black with several shades in between. Her arms showed the same painter's palette of bruises, as well as red, angry bands of torn flesh visible at both wrists, and on the leg that was not covered by the sheet. There were tubes running in and out of her body, connected to various machines and bags. Mercifully, they had given her something to make her sleep. Her eyes were closed and she was resting peacefully. Mulder noticed x-rays hanging above and behind her head. From his vantage point, he didn't see anything broken. He was glad they had cleaned off all the blood from Scully's face, and had pulled her hair back in a cap. At least Mrs. Scully wouldn't have to view and contemplate that sight, he thought. "Are you all right?" he asked as she steadied herself again. "Do you want to sit down?" "No," Margaret answered firmly. "I'm fine. It was just such a shock to see her so," tears filled her eyes again as she began to imagine what her daughter had gone through in the last twenty four hours, "vulnerable, laying there so still. For a moment I thought you had lied to me and she was dead." They stayed there watching from the other side of the door for another ten minutes. Finally, the nurses were convinced Scully was definitely stabilized, and they had gathered all the necessary information for now, and were ready to send her upstairs to a room. A half hour later Mulder was saying good by to Margaret. Scully was settled in a room, and Margaret was going to stay with her for what little bit of the night was left. Mulder was going home to get a few hours sleep before getting a start on nailing Matthew Seigler's coffin shut. Sleep! Yeah, right! Mulder had immediately gone to his bathroom upon arriving home, stripped down and stepped into the shower to try and wash off the filth he felt from Seigler and the apartment, but most of all, the shame he harbored for failing Scully. He stayed under the shower head a long time. Certainly longer than was necessary to wash his tall, lean body clean. Anyone that might have had an opportunity to watch his actions would never have been able to distinguished the tears from the water cascading down his face. He laid on the couch staring at the silent running TV. Thoughts raced through his mind, demanding his attention, not allowing him the luxury of sleep necessary to blocking out his ugly thoughts about Matthew, and the painful ones about Scully. A fitful rest did not come before 5am. Mulder's Apartment Tuesday April 20 7:00am Fox was glad he had set the alarm clock. He would never have awoken at 7:00am on his own. It was a chore to get himself up, dressed, and to the office. Despite his eagerness to get Seigler and close the case, his body's lagging actions told the story of his condition. Shortly after arriving at work, Mulder called Scully's room at the hospital to check in with Margaret. He had gotten the report he expected, Scully was still sleeping and the doctor had not been in to see her yet. He turned his attention to finding Williams' report. Bless the man, he must have worked most of the night. It had already been delivered to the FBI's reception desk. Someone was bringing it right down to him. Mulder perused the file, finding it extraordinarily complete for the short amount of time the case had been open. But he did not learn anything new of importance. He called up to Skinner's office and spoke with his administrative assistant, Sharon. She penciled Mulder in for an appointment in twenty minutes. ---xxxxxxx--- Thirty minutes later Skinner was up to speed on the case, with the exception of Scully's exact condition, which Mulder promised to update as soon as he knew. Mulder was informed that the case was now officially the Washington, DC police department's. The FBI's direct involvement was concluded with the return of Scully, and the capture of Matthew Seigler. Even so, Mulder made plans to go downtown and *visit* with Seigler after lunch. He spent the morning trying to go through the back-up of files on his desk and waiting for Mrs. Scully to call. She finally did around 11:00am. "How is she," Mulder asked with trepidation. Margaret Scully was her usual stable self now and answered with a firm voice. "She will be all right. Like you said last night, she mostly has bruises and bumps, no serious injuries. They want to keep her today and overnight again for observation. They will probably let her go home tomorrow." There was relief in her voice, too. "May I speak with her?" Fox asked. With the phone to her ear, Margaret turned to face Scully with her eyebrows raised. Scully knew Mulder would want to talk to her, and she knew that was what her mother was silently asking her. Scully moved her head slowly from side to side indicating that she did not want to talk to Mulder right now. Margaret hesitated in answering Mulder. "Mrs. Scully?" he said, wondering if she was still there. "Ah, yes, Fox. I was just checking on Dana. I'm sorry, but she's gone back to sleep," she lied. "Maybe you can talk to her later this afternoon." "Oh." Mulder was disappointed. He really needed to hear Scully's voice right now. "Um, OK." He began to think. "I'm going to the police station now to see Seigler, and then I'll stop by the hospital and check on you and Scully." "That'll be fine. We'll see you in a while." The connection was broken. Mulder stared at the phone for a few seconds, a frown on his face. He replaced the receiver and started out his door to head to the substation to meet with Williams and Seigler. When he arrived at the station he was directed to a small room in the back where he was told Williams could be found. He rapped on the door before opening it and stepped in. The room was dark except for a lit TV screen. He could just make out Det. Williams among the three people in the room. He motioned for Mulder to sit down next to him. Either there was no sound from the show, or the volume had been turned off. "We've been going through some of the tapes found in Seigler's closet," Williams said. His voice sounded unnaturally loud in the small room. "This one is from victim number seven, Alicia Newton." Fox moved his eyes from Williams' face to the screen. There was a scene of a woman thrashing on a bed. She appeared to be totally naked, but because of the angle of the camera, only the face and upper torso were visible. Mulder could see that her hands were tied to the bedpost by the red scarves he had seen earlier in person, and she, too, was wearing a blindfold. Apparently her legs were tied also, and she was struggling to break free. No one else was in the room. The tape ran for about two minutes, the scene not changing. Williams spoke again. "All of the tapes are pretty much the same. We have been skimming through them to see if Seigler is on any of them. So far he has been clever enough to keep himself off camera except for an occasional hand or arm that comes into view. He hasn't said much either. Only a word or short sentence here and there." Fox took his eyes off the screen. It was very much like watching a bug squirming on the sidewalk while it was being burned to death with a magnifying glass. "Is the whole tape like this?" "Mostly," Williams replied. "Except for when he comes in and beats her," he said dryly. "We have viewed parts of several of the tapes. We'll go over them in detail later. We're just trying to pin him to these right now." "How graphic do the tapes get?" Mulder needed to know how far Seigler had gone with Scully. But deep down inside, he didn't want to know at all. "Well, the actual rapes and murders aren't on tape if that's what you are asking. At least not yet," he added. He turned to the female officer running the machine. Mulder recognized her and gave a brief nod in her direction. "Put the next one in please, Helen." Fox looked at her face in the light of the video. It looked a little green. He could well understand her feelings. This kind of stuff was always hard to watch, and almost never left your brain. Helen turned off the tape that was in the VCR, ejected it, and picked up another tape at random from a small pile on her right. She put the just viewed tape to her left. She hit the play button and all eyes went back to the screen. Fox wanted to suck in his breath. It was Scully's tape. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 6/16 Fox wanted to suck in his breath. It was Scully's tape. She was lying perfectly still. He could identify her by her auburn hair and the soft rounding of her chin. Most of her face was covered with the blindfold. He saw her arms stretched out above her, held there by the scarves. She wasn't moving. "Apparently, she is still affected by the chloroform and hasn't woke up yet, " Williams deduced out loud for the benefit of Mulder who hadn't seen the other tapes. "Fast forward it please, Helen." Helen did as requested. After a few seconds, there was movement on the screen. Helen hit the play button again. Scully was writhing on the bed, Fox could see her mouth working. "Turn up the sound," it was a command, not a request. Helen complied. "Let me out of here!" Scully screamed at the top of her voice. "Hey! Somebody! Help me! Untie me! Let me up!" Scully continued to voice her objections and pleas for help. Fox felt his stomach turn as he watched helplessly. There was no response from anyone off camera. Scully continued to twist and thrash and shout. "Fast forward," Williams said. They had seen this pattern before. Helen fast forwarded the tape to where Scully was suddenly still. She resumed normal play of the video. "Shut up!" a male voice was heard off camera, but no one could be seen. Mulder sat forward in his chair. He wanted to take in as much detail as he could about this man. He strained to catch a glimpse of Seigler. Scully had stopped struggling when he began to speak. Her voice was calm now and began asking questions. "Who are you?" No answer. "What do you want with me?" No answer. "Are you there?" No answer. Scully struggled against her bonds for a few seconds more. Then she laid still. "Let me up!" she commanded. No response. "Untie me, you bastard and let me go!" Scully was angry now. Despite the totally uncontrolled situation she was in, she used her best authoritative voice without fear. Mulder had to admire that. Scully had always been gutsy, and never lingered on ceremony. What he saw next shocked them all. From out of no where a fist smashed into Scully's jaw. "Shut up!" was heard off camera again. Scully cried out in pain. With the blindfold on, she had not seen it coming, and had not had time to prepare for the hit. The blow caused her to bite her lip, and a small trickle of blood could be seen on her chin now. Fox clenched his fists in fury. His eyes opened wide with hatred for this man he could not see. Williams placed his hand on Mulder's shoulder. He knew this was affecting Mulder. "Shall we turn it off? Would you like to leave?" he asked softly. "No," Mulder replied quietly, eyes glued to the screen, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He had to know what happened next. "What do you want with me?" Scully weakly asked again. The blow had surprised her and reminded her she was not in control. No response. She began to struggle again against her bonds. "Stop," was all that was said. Scully did not obey. "Stop," was repeated. Still Scully could be viewed squirming, trying to detach herself from the bedposts. Different parts of her nude body came into view as she struggled. Again there was no warning. A fist came from no where and slammed into her face once more, just below her eye. Dana was stunned, and obviously in pain. She moaned. Mulder slammed his fist on the table in frustration and anger. He was taking deep breaths to control himself. The other officers pretended to ignore him, trying to give him a sense of privacy. Suddenly, fists seem to come from everywhere. Mulder saw them plunge into Scully's soft belly flesh, attack her face and head and beat about her shoulders. Scully was screaming now, begging him to stop between the moans of pain as each fist found it's mark. Mulder jumped to his feet, seething with anger, looking for a target he could hit back. His mind was reeling. He couldn't fathom how people could do this to others. Yet, here he was wanting to do the same thing to this man now. "Stop it," he called out, almost yelling. Helen was quick to hit the stop button. She turned on the light in the room. Mulder was pacing the tiny room, running his hands through his hair, mentally trying to wipe out the images in his mind that he knew would be there until he died. With a jerk of his head, Williams signaled the others to leave. They quietly left the room, actually glad for an excuse to escape having to watch the misery being inflicted on Mulder. It was bad enough that they had to watch these tapes. They didn't want to imagine what it must be like to actually know one of the victims, to actually feel her pain. Williams, too, stepped outside to visit the water cooler, giving Mulder a few moments to collect himself. He came back with a cup of cool water. He extended it to Mulder. Fox understood the gesture and sat down after accepting the liquid. He drank it quickly and tried to restore his breathing to normal. "Where is he?" Mulder asked tersely. "He's been taken down to court for arraignment," Williams answered. "He should be back shortly." "I want to see him." "No," Williams answered wisely. "Not now. Not in the state you are in. You'd kill him with your bare hands." Williams sat down and faced Mulder, waiting for him to calm down. Mulder knew he was right. But it didn't make him feel any better. "Turn the tape back on." "Are you sure you want to see the rest of this?" "Yes. I have to know what he did to her." Williams didn't think this was a very good idea. However, he saw the look in Mulder's eye and knew he wouldn't be leaving until he had seen the whole tape. Det. Williams got up and shut the door, turned off the lights, and pushed the play button. The tape started again. He turned the sound off. He fast forwarded through the next few seconds until the beating was over and then resumed normal speed. He turned the sound back up. Dana was crying. It tore at Mulder's heart. He had only seen her cry two or three times. It was a source of pride to her that she held up under difficult circumstances. She let out huge sobs of pain and grief. Her body underwent small convulsions each time she took in a new breath to cry again. After a few moments, she lay still. They couldn't tell if she had calmed down or if her crying had finally put her to sleep. The blindfold covered crucial evidence of her state of being. Williams fast forwarded the tape. A flicker went across the screen and he stopped it and backed up. There was just a hint of a figure crossing over to the closet before the tape went black. Williams interjected, "Apparently he turns the camera off and on at different times. At first we thought he just wanted to save film, but then each time the picture came back on, we noticed the woman would be in worse shape than before. He doesn't want to be captured on tape." He was trying to prepare Mulder for what he might see next. The tape flickered to life again, and Mulder almost jumped out of his seat. In front of him was a close up of Scully's beaten face. Seigler had repositioned Scully so she was on her stomach, facing the camera, and he had applied the zoom lens. There was laughter in the background, and it wasn't Scully's. "Jeez!" Williams winced at what he saw, too. Matthew had removed the blindfold from Scully's face, and was holding her head up by a handful of her hair. They could see the tips of his fingers at the top of the shot. Scully's eyes were half closed, as if she were trying to leave her mind and body behind. Her face was much like Mulder had found her: eyes swollen, her lip split, a small trail of blood ran from her nose, and bruises abounded on her face. Fox dropped his head and covered his face with his hands. He couldn't stand it. He thought he was tough enough to sit through it. He wasn't. He felt nauseous. His stomach threatened to empty itself right here on the conference table. Mulder felt sicker than he had ever felt in his life. Mercifully, the tape turned to static. Williams stopped it and hit the eject button. "I guess he didn't have as much time with her as the other victims. The tape isn't full." At this point, Williams himself was grateful the tape had come to an end. "I'll be at my desk if you need me," he said quietly. Williams diplomatically left Mulder to himself, quietly shutting the door behind him, leaving the light off. Mulder didn't know how long he sat there. When he finally regained control of his stomach, he found that his sickness had been replaced with anger. Deep, intense, hateful, hurtful anger. He would kill this man. The idea didn't even start out as a wish, or a thought. It was a fact from the first moment he had found Dana in the corner of the dirty apartment. It pushed it's way to the forefront of his brain. Mulder allowed it to consume him and he contemplated scenarios of how he would kill this man. He already knew it would be a slow death. He would make Seigler feel every ounce of Scully's pain ten fold. He knew of slow, painful ways to die: broken kneecaps, or a well-placed bullet in the stomach, to name a few. He was going to implement every single one of them on Seigler. Another thought pushed forward to his brain. He wouldn't even get the chance. Seigler was behind bars and would most likely stay that way the rest of his life. Still, Mulder knew there were ways to kill prisoners while they were locked up. It just might take a little more time to get to him, that's all. Mulder finally collected himself enough to stand up and turn on the lights. He thought about taking Scully's tape with him. He didn't want anyone else to see her degradation, humiliation, and pain. Hell, he didn't even want to see it! Williams chose that moment to check back up on him, opening the door a crack. He had seen the light go on in the room, and knew it was time to return. Unfortunately, he still had to view the other tapes. Mulder turned away from the tapes and the machine. "Is Seigler back from his arraignment yet?" he inquired. "No," Williams lied. He was not going to let this man near the suspect at this point in time. He stared directly into Mulder's eyes, trying to gauge the competency, and connectedness of this man to reality at this moment. The reading was not good. Mulder nodded his head. "OK." He paused. "I'm going to go see my partner at the hospital and get her statement then." "I already sent a man out to do that before you arrived. He's come back already. He didn't get to talk to her, she's still groggy. I'll send him out again tomorrow. When it's typed up I'll send a copy over." He didn't really want to, but knew there would be no getting around it now. Mulder was out for blood, and it could be seen in his face. In a half-daze, Mulder nodded his head again. "Good. I'll just go over to the hospital then." Williams moved out of the doorway to let Mulder pass. Mulder shouldered his way past him, and then turned back. "I appreciate all you are doing in this case. I know that I'm not officially on it any more, but I would like any information you get concerning Seigler passed on to me." Williams nodded his head in agreement. "And thanks for all you help," Mulder added before turning and walking away. There goes one sorry s.o.b., Williams thought. He's not going to let this one go. He made a mental note to keep an eye on Mulder and make sure he stayed out of this case. He knew what hatred could do in situations like this. He'd seen it many times before in his career. Memorial Hospital Early Afternoon Mulder pulled a chair up to Scully's bed. She appeared to be sleeping. Her head was turned away from him, facing the window, and her eyes were closed. He had talked with Margaret Scully in the hallway for a few moments to check on her condition. Margaret, concern written all over her face, looked worn out. She was obviously fatigued from the last twenty four hours of alternating between tension, worry and careful tending to her daughter. Mulder convinced her to go home and take a break. He told her he would stay with Scully for the next few hours while Margaret changed, ate, and then came back to spend the night again with Scully. It was not hard to convince her to leave. Margaret knew that Mulder was Scully's best protection against anything that might come up. And she was exhausted and bone weary from sitting up all night and most of today already. As she left, Mulder called Skinner on his cell phone and updated him on the tape, Seigler's arraignment proceedings, though he didn't know the outcome yet, and that he was going to stay with Scully while her mother went home for a few hours to rest. He stole quietly into Scully's room and had pulled up a chair to be near her should she waken. He realized he was half afraid she would wake up. He was afraid to face her right now. Besides his anger at Seigler, Mulder was consumed with guilt. It had been his fault he wasn't there to catch Seigler the moment he had chloroformed Scully and prevent all this from happening. He had blurted out his true feelings to Skinner yesterday in his office. He didn't know if Scully would ever trust him again. He was sure when she found out why all this had happened to her, she would hate him. He wouldn't be surprised if she asked to be transferred from the X-files to another division to get away from him. The other half of him silently begged her to wake up. He needed to hear her voice, to reassure himself that she would indeed be all right after this horrible affair. He needed to see her eyes light up, and to hear the lilt in her voice as she once more chided him for some childish activity he was indulging in. He needed her to be herself. He studied the tubes and bags of liquid suspended above her. He looked at the IV that was inserted in the back of her hand. Slowly his eyes wandered to where he had avoided looking. They went up her bruised and discolored arm and made their way to her face, or what little he could see from the side. As he looked at her jaw, his mind flashed back to the image of Seigler's fist hitting her face. Anger began to rise up in him again. Mentally, he allowed thoughts to abound in his brain cells concerning the severe cruelty he would inflict on Matthew Seigler. He then saw Scully's fingers twitch on the sheets. He briefly wondered if he had somehow awakened her with his thoughts. Slowly, Scully turned her head to face him. She didn't smile at him. Mulder wasn't sure she could smile given the condition of her face. Her eyes lighted on his, sleep was slowly leaving her, and recognition registered. She had been expecting her mother. "Hello," she croaked out, her voice dry and raspy. She blinked slowly. Mulder reached for a cup on her nearby tray/table and poured some water from a plastic jug. He held it out for her. She attempted to raise her arm, it was too much for her. Mulder saw it come up less than an inch before she gave up. She stared at him, not really comprehending. He stood up and gently placed one hand under her neck to raise her head up a little. He held the cup to her mouth and slowly tipped it as she drank. She drained the small cup. He removed his hand and sat back down. She managed to get "Thanks," out and then closed her eyes. "More?" he asked quietly. Her head moved slowly from side to side, indicating no. She opened her eyes back up and focused on his face. She wanted to say something to him, but just didn't have the strength. A nurse came in to check on Scully's new visitor. "I'm sorry, Miss Scully is not up to receiving visitors," she said politely, but firmly. He would have to leave. "I'm her partner," Mulder produced his FBI badge. "I'm just sitting with her until her mother returns." He tried to be polite in return and give a suitable answer that would placate the nurse. But irregardless, he was not moving from this chair. The nurse saw the look of determination in his eyes and mentally checked herself against further discussion about the matter. She busied herself with checking the IV, the bags of fluids and writing things on Scully's chart. "Is she OK?" Mulder asked quietly, as if Scully weren't in the room and couldn't hear him. "Her responses seem to be very slow or negligible." "Sir," the nurse patiently explained, "she is on a powerful muscle relaxer to keep her from moving. She is probably pretty groggy from the sedatives she's been given, too. We want to keep her as still and quiet as possible for a while. Too much moving around aggravates the contusions, and swelling, and ultimately causes her more pain. I would imagine she is quite woozy," she concluded. Turning around smartly, she left the room with no further comment. Mulder turned back to look at Scully. At least he knew it was drugs that was causing her lack of response, and not some neurological damage from the beatings about her head. He smiled reassuringly back at her for lack of anything to say. Scully promptly shut her eyes and fell back asleep. ---xxxxx---- When Margaret returned, she found Mulder asleep in the chair, his head fallen to one side. However, Dana was awake, and staring at Mulder. In the dim light of the room Margaret wasn't sure if her eyes were focused, or if she was just staring. A tray of food rested on Scully's table nearby. It hadn't been touched. Margaret gently touched Mulder's shoulder and called his name. "Fox. Fox, wake up." Mulder's head snapped up, and with it came a deep groan from Mulder. He raised a hand to massage the back of his neck as he straightened in his chair. He was embarrassed to have been found asleep when he was supposed to be watching Dana. He had watched her for hours and she hadn't moved except for the even rising and falling of her chest as she breathed normally. "I'm sorry," he said, standing up. "I must have dozed off." "It's OK." Margaret smiled. "It can be pretty boring up here with no one to talk to." She turned her attention to Dana. "How are you sweetie?" she asked as she touched Dana's forehead and gently moved some strands of hair from her face. Dana gave a tiny smile to her mom. "I'm much better," she whispered. And she meant it. She had been awake for some time now, the drugs having run their course and dissipated gradually, leaving her with full cognizance of her surroundings. She had spent the last hour contemplating many things, especially the last two days, and her future. She had also spent a great deal of time watching Mulder sleep. She knew how difficult it was for him to ever rest peacefully. She didn't want to wake him. Besides, she knew if she did, she would have to talk to him. He would want to know how she was, if he could do anything for her. But most of all, he would want to know what happened to her. She just didn't want to discuss it. It was too new, too fresh in her mind. Even just thinking about it brought tears to Scully's eyes. She hadn't dealt with it herself, how could she explain it to her partner? "Are you hungry?" Margaret continued mothering Scully. "There is some jello, a piece of chicken, mashed potatoes and peas up here on the tray." "No," Scully lied. She was hungry, but she didn't want to be fed by anyone, and she knew she didn't have enough strength to feed herself yet. "Maybe just some more water for my throat, please." Margaret busied herself with getting Dana a cup of water and helping her get it down. Mulder stood back against the wall, out of the way, just observing the easy give and take between Mrs. Scully and her daughter. He wished he had the same rapport with Scully. But Scully would never let him help her. She was too proud. "I'm going to get some ice for the water jug," Maggie announced and left the room with the jug in her hand. Mulder moved back over to Scully's bedside. He stared down at her. Scully couldn't take the scrutiny. She turned away from him. While she had been awake staring at him sleeping, memories of how he had found her had flooded back. She was embarrassed for him to have seen her broken like that. He will probably ask for me to be reassigned, out of the X-files, she had thought. He'll always wonder if I am going to crack under pressure in the future. He probably feels like he can't trust my work now. These thoughts plus others had plagued her from the moment her mind had been clear. Mulder placed a hand over hers on the sheet to get her attention as he spoke. "I'm so glad we found you in time." Scully turned back towards his voice. Mulder needed to confess his guilt, to apologize for what had happened to her. "Scully, I am so sorry this happened to you. I am sorry I let you down. I'd understand if you want to be transferred to another division. I don't want you to go, but I'd understand your decision." Scully was trying to analyze his words. She was confused. What was he saying? When Scully didn't speak, Mulder continued. "We caught the guy, Scully," he said trying to bolster her spirits. It worked. Scully's eye's widened and then filled with tears. But they didn't spill over. "His name is Matthew Seigler, and he's behind bars right now, and I'll tell you all about him when you are home and feeling better. I just wanted you to know," Mulder leaned in very close to her before finishing his sentence. He wanted her to really know and to feel his conviction about this next part. He continued, his eyes locked on hers as he watched the tears finally spill over the sides of her grotesquely swollen face, "that you will never," and he emphasized the word, "never, have to fear him again, because I am going to kill him." Tears flowed freely from Dana's eyes as Mulder's words sunk in. Deep within her heart, she, too, wanted Matthew dead. She would never have told anyone. The fear she felt every time memories came to her threatened to overwhelm her. Secretly she was glad for Mulder's words. Mulder placed a thumb at the corner of one eye and brushed her tears away, and then did the same with the other side, being careful not to press on her bruises. He heard the door almost silently swish open behind him and knew Margaret was back. Fox leaned forward and kissed Scully lightly on her forehead, about the only place that wasn't bruised. "I'm going to leave you in your mother's capable hands now. Get some rest, and I'll be back in the morning." He turned to face Margaret, nodded his head in her direction as she smiled gently at him, and said, "I'll see you in the morning. Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything." "Good night," she called to him as he walked out the door. FBI Building Wednesday April 21 7:00am Fox got to his office early the next morning. The first thing he did was call Det. Williams to find out about Seigler. He leaned back comfortably in his chair as the number was ringing. "Det. Williams," he answered crisply into the phone when it rang. "Det. Williams, this is Fox Mulder. I was wondering if you could tell me the status of Seigler, how his arraignment went yesterday." Williams had been dreading this call. Ever since he found out Seigler was being let out on bail this morning he had been trying to figure out how to break the news to Mulder. Obviously, he hadn't seen the paper this morning; it was front page news. He cleared his throat. "Ah, Agent Mulder. I was just going to call you. I'm afraid I have a bit of bad news." Mulder, alarmed by Williams' words and tone of voice, sat up straight in his chair. "What's happened?" Williams didn't mince words, and he didn't pussyfoot around. He knew Mulder would just want it straight. "Well, I think you know how much money he has. He's hired the best defense attorney in town, that would be Charles Crowley, and he argued successfully before the judge that not only was all the evidence circumstantial at this time, but that Seigler has no record, not even a parking ticket. He told the judge that because Seigler was well known, he wouldn't be able to leave town very easily, and in fact, that Seigler would definitely stay around because of his business concerns and the fact that he wanted to clear his name of this business. "The judge couldn't argue with any of those facts, but he did set the bail at 1 million. However, for Seigler, that is a drop in the bucket since only 10% is actually required for bail." Mulder felt his blood pressure rising. This couldn't be happening. He had promised Scully she would have nothing to fear. He had promised her that Seigler was behind bars and was going to stay there. Williams continued to give all the information he knew. "Crowley will be back here as soon as the banks open this morning with the bail money to get Seigler out. Haven't you seen the paper this morning? It's all there." Mulder was so stunned he couldn't respond. He had brought the paper with him from home, but hadn't opened it yet. He did so while still on the phone. He slipped the rubber band off and let the pages fall open to the front page. There is was, big as life, the headlines screamed "Business CEO, Seigler, Arrested for Serial Murders". "Agent Mulder?" Williams wanted to know if he was still there. "Yes, I'm here," Mulder finally answered. "I just got the paper. I'll call you back. Thanks." Mulder unceremoniously hung up on Williams. He scanned the story quickly for the highlights, then went back and read it more slowly, digesting everything it had to say. It was just as Williams had said, almost word for word. He couldn't believe it. In less than two hours, Seigler would be back on the street, and Scully wasn't even home yet. Sometimes the ways of justice were lost on Mulder. One thing about the X-files, the suspects almost never went to court, much less got bail! Mulder wasn't used to being betrayed quite this quickly. His head shot up from the newspaper as a thought pierced his brain. He had to get to the hospital before Scully or her mother read the paper or heard the news on the TV. He was out the door in flash. Subject: A Crying Shame Part 7/16 AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) ---xxxxx-- He was too late. He could see by their faces they already knew. Both of them had dried tear tracks down their faces as fear had gripped them when they had heard the news. Scully's driver's license had been in her purse when he kidnapped her. Now Seigler not only knew who Scully was, but where she lived. Margaret Scully accosted Mulder at the door. He had never seen her angry at him. "You promised Dana would be safe now. You promised Matthew Seigler was behind bars and would stay there!" Her voice was filled with her unresolved anger and fear for her daughter's life. Mulder would not defend himself. He let her shout at him and point her finger in his face. "You said it would be all right now! Well, it's not all right now! He is out! How could you allow this to happen?" "Mother!" Scully's voice could be heard above Margaret's. "It's not Mulder's fault the judge gave in to Crowley's arguments. Yelling at Mulder will not change anything!" Well, she's definitely feeling better, Mulder thought to himself! Margaret Scully knew her daughter was right, but she needed to vent her anger at someone. She knew it wasn't right to blame Fox either, not really. He was just convenient. She also knew he would let her. "Fox," her voice lowered several octaves. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just, just," she couldn't finish as tears fell from her eyes again and she leaned against him. She needed Bill, Sr. here. She needed Dana's father's strength to get through this. She just couldn't do it on her own. Since his death a few years ago, she had tried so hard to be strong for Dana. Her daughter was too precious a possession to let go without a fight. Mulder encompassed Maggie with his strong arms and tried to comfort her. "It's all right. I understand. It's OK to be mad at me. I make a great target," he smiled lamely. After a moment, Margaret composed herself and stepped back, wiping her face with the back of her hand. She went to find some Kleenex in her purse. Mulder walked further into the room and stood by Scully's bedside. She didn't look any better, but he noticed the IV was gone, and she was sitting up in bed, more or less on her own. She was definitely regaining her strength. She had certainly regained her voice! Mulder tried to make light of the moment and break the tension. "Well, I see you mixed up the colors in your make up today. You have that rainbow effect." Scully smiled. She knew she looked terrible. She had been to the bathroom and nearly screamed when she saw the reflection in the mirror and realized it was her. "Yeah, well, I'm trying out some new shades for Revlon this week," she kidded back. She, too, wanted to make her mother relax some. But it was time to get down to business. "Are you ready to check out of here?" Mulder asked. "More than ready, but the doctor hasn't been around yet to release me." Margaret interrupted, "You can't go home now. He knows where you live. You are the only living witness to his actions." She was not going sit back and listen to these two without interjecting what she felt were important safety factors pertinent to prolonging Dana's life. Scully looked at Mulder. "Well, I can check into a hotel for a while until I am rested up and then we'll figure out what to do next." "No, you are coming to my apartment," Mulder stated flatly. He doesn't know you are associated with the FBI, and he doesn't know about me. Your mother can stay with you during the day, and then I'll be there at night. We'll figure out the best way to protect you in the next few days. Maybe we can figure out a way to get his bail revoked, or get more concrete evidence to put him back behind bars." Dana and Margaret couldn't think of an argument against his idea, so it was decided upon and implemented by noon. ---xxxxx--- Fox was back at his desk after settling the Scully's into his apartment and doing a little grocery shopping to restock the kitchen. He had smiled to himself when Margaret had entered his apartment and seemed surprised to find that he really did have a bedroom. "Dana said you always sleep on the couch," she had commented. "I thought you had an efficiency apartment." In fact, he had a rather nice bedroom. It had practically never been used. The sheets were fresh, and he got clean towels out of the closet for Scully. He had left the two women there, vaguely wondering if he would find his apartment rearranged when he returned. He just hopped he didn't find a frilly shower curtain in his bathroom when he got back. He turned his attention back to Seigler. He decided to get Williams on the phone to discuss the possible actions he could take. He knew he had to be tactful since he wasn't assigned to the case. He didn't want to rile Williams or undermine his authority about the case. "Det. Williams," Mulder heard the now very familiar voice answer. "Hello, this is Mulder again." Williams tensed slightly. This couldn't be good news. This man was off the case, but wasn't going to leave it alone. "Yes?" Williams was noncommittal. "I was wondering if you had any ideas about how to get Seigler back behind bars. I'd like to help." Well, he sounded reasonable, Williams thought. Not high strung, or vengeful. Still, be wary, he thought to himself. "Not at the moment. Unfortunately, the case is pretty much out of my hands, and I have sixteen other homicides on my desk waiting for action. Unless Seigler breaks bail, or evidence that isn't circumstantial comes to light, there isn't much I can do." Mulder knew he was right. But he had an idea. "What if Agent Scully could ID him? The only reason we have circumstantial evidence is because Seigler killed all the other witnesses, and he wasn't actually on the tapes he made. I can see why the judge would rule his being in the area and owning the building was circumstantial. "I'm sure we can link him to the crime through hair and fiber and other samples we have once they are run through and processed. But that could take more than a week. He could kill another woman by then. Maybe Agent Scully's eyewitness account will hold him until the crime lab can nail him. "I know she hasn't given her statement to you yet. She was discharged from the hospital this morning and is at my apartment. Why don't you send an officer around to take her statement. Maybe she can convince the judge to revoke bail with her ID of him." Williams rubbed his chin as he thought through the process. It was possible with further evidence the judge could rescind his previous decision. What the judge really needed was evidence to convince him Seigler wasn't just in the area by coincidence. It was certainly worth a try, and it might end up saving another woman's life. "Yes, I can do that. I wasn't aware Agent Scully had gone home yet. I had planned to send an officer by the hospital this afternoon to see if she was up to giving her statement. Give me your address and I'll send someone around in about an hour." Mulder spelled out his street name and apartment number, thanked Williams for his help and after hanging up, immediately called Scully at his apartment. Margaret answered with a very quiet, "Hello?" "It's me, Mulder" Relief filled her voice. "Yes, Fox. Did you want to talk to Dana?" Mulder considered this for a moment. Then he answered, "No, I wanted to talk to you. A police officer is coming to my apartment in about an hour to take Dana's statement. I know this is going to be very hard for her to relive the whole thing so soon. But I'm hoping she can help the judge decide to change his mind about bail for Seigler. "I'm going to call the Bureau's physiologist, Karen Kosseff, and have her come over, too, to be with Dana when she gives her statement. I just wanted you to know that people would be knocking on my door soon, and that it is OK to let them in." "Thank you. Yes, I am glad to know in advance when to expect someone," Margaret said. "Will you be coming?" Mulder closed his eyes to consider this. He really hadn't decided what he should do. He wanted to be there to support Scully, but he knew she wouldn't want him to be there. She would want to feel in control, but she wouldn't be able to while retelling her horrible ordeal, he knew. "No, I don't think Dana would want me to be there. I'm afraid it would make her feel self-conscious." He added, "But if you think I should come, I will." Margaret agreed with Mulder's reasoning, "No, I think you are right. She will be humiliated enough in the retelling. To tell you the truth, I don't think she will want me there either." Mulder nodded his head in agreement on his side of the phone. "It might be a good time for you to go home and gather some of your and Scully's things then. She will be safe with Karen and the officer until you get back." It was settled. Margaret hung up the phone. Now all she had to do was tell Dana. She hoped her daughter was up to it mentally. She didn't really know. They had purposefully avoided speaking about the case. Maggie didn't want to push Dana. She was a very private person and would only withdraw. When Dana was ready, she would sit her mother down and tell her what she wanted her to know. "Who was that on the phone?" Dana's voice interrupted Maggie's thoughts. She turned to face Dana. "It was Fox. He said a Karen Kosseff and a police officer were on their way over to take your statement." Margaret's eyes were filled with compassion for her daughter. She didn't want her to have to go through this, but she knew she must. Scully's heart picked up it's beat. She knew she couldn't put off talking to the police much longer, but she wasn't sure she was ready to handle it yet, either. She was glad to hear Karen was on her way over. She had another thought. "Is Mulder coming, too?" She almost held her breath. "No," her mother answered. "He thought you would be more comfortable if he wasn't here." Dana nodded her head slightly, great relief rushing through her. Her mother went on. "In fact, I'm not going to be here either, Dana." She had walked over to put her hands on Scully's arms. "I don't think you want me here either, and frankly, I don't think I would be comfortable hearing the story right now." Scully's eyes began to glisten. Still her mother continued, "When you are ready, I know you will tell me about it. I want to be here to support you, as does Fox, but we both know that may not be what you would like. And we want to do what's best for you right now. You've told me a little about your previous talks with Karen. I think she is the right person to have with you now, for your sake. "I'm going to go and get some of your things from your apartment while they are here. Would you like to make a list of things for me to collect before they come?" Dana was so thankful for her mother's words and understanding at this moment. She slipped inside her mother's arms and they hugged for a long moment. No words were necessary between them. Then Scully broke the hug and moved to the desk to make out her list. ---xxxxx--- Karen arrived first at Mulder's apartment. But she was only there a few moments before the police arrived. Williams had sent an officer familiar with the case, Helen Bernaid to take Scully's statement. She had a male partner with her, Officer Dan Sturgis. When introductions had been made and coffee offered and declined, Margaret Scully made her exit, giving Dana another reassuring hug before leaving, and they got down to business. Helen brought out a tape recorder, paper and pen. Scully was a little surprised to see Karen pull a small tape recorder from her briefcase as well. "Dana," she began, "if it is all right with you, I would also like to tape the statement. Later, when you come to speak with me, I will already have all the information, and you won't have to repeat the most painful parts." Scully agreed. Karen turned on her tape and placed in on the coffee table in front of Scully. She and Scully were sitting on Mulder's couch. Officer Bernaid pulled out the desk chair to sit on, and turned it to face the couch. Officer Sturgis stood by the television set. He planned to be free to go into the kitchen or bedroom should Dana require some privacy. He tried not to stare at her, and affected as much of a non-intimidating posture as possible. His own sister had been raped several years ago, and he had an understanding of how fragile the female psyche would be at this time around a male. "OK," Helen said, placing her own tape recorder in front of Dana, "if you are ready, let's begin." They went through the usual routine first: today's date, case file number, location of taping, name, address, and place of work. "Now, Agent Scully, I would like you to tell us what happened the night you were kidnapped, starting with what you were doing a few minutes before it happened, right up until you were found. We will not interrupt you. If there are any questions, I will jot them down and after you have finished, I, or Officer Sturgis may ask you specific questions concerning parts of your statement for clarification. Is that clear? Do you have any questions?" Dana shook her head no. Helen added, "We know this is a difficult subject, and anytime you think you need to stop, just let us know and we will take a break. OK?" Dana was grateful for the considerations and gave a small smile that she understood and was ready to begin. Scully spoke continuously for about 15 minutes before she broke down and cried. Helen turned the tape off and asked Dan to get her a glass of water. Scully covered her face with her hands as she wept. She couldn't seem to stop herself from crying, no matter how much she willed herself to get control. Karen reached over and placed a consoling arm about Scully's shoulders. She whispered reassuring words to try and calm Dana, all the while glad that she had broken down. There was always a danger of people with extremely controlling tendencies to build walls or shut down completely when something happened outside their perfectly controlled life. That was never good. To see Scully crying her heart out, as sad as it was, would be healing in the long run, Dr. Kosseff knew. Helen went to the bathroom in search of Kleenex. Of course, none was to be found. She came back with a wad of toilet paper. "Men." she gently chided Mulder's lack of housekeeping skills. Dana accepted the paper gratefully and blew her nose. Helen realized she was going to need a lot more. She left again and came back with the whole roll and set it unceremoniously on the coffee table in front of Dana. Scully reached for it, throwing the used tissue in the waste basket by the desk. She dried her eyes, wiped her face, looked at Karen, and broke out in tears again. It was like someone had turned a spigot on inside her and she didn't know where the handle was to turn it off herself. Karen continued to talk soothingly to her, patting her shoulder and handing her more tissue. Meanwhile, Office Sturgis had placed a glass of water on the table and disappeared into the kitchen again. Dana was into the hiccup stage of her crying now. "I'm so sorry, I just can't seem to stop crying," she said trying to regain her breath, cry, and speak all at the same time. "It's all right," Karen said. "It's a good healthy sign. Cry all you want, get it all out. I'm sorry to say, you will probably cry many more times before this is all over. It's OK. Tears are good for us. They give a kind of cleansing that water just can't do." Dana began to feel relief coming. The crying was reducing the tension that had been building. Her mind gratefully acknowledged that her mother and Mulder had stayed away. She could not begin to explain to them the feelings of inadequacy, pain, humiliation, degradation and fear that overwhelmed her at times when she would think back on the last few days. Even in the short time she had been cognizant of her safety, she had begun to fear making decisions, even leaving the hospital. She didn't want to be out in the open. Little sounds made her jump. She now had a fear of the dark. These things confused her. She could rationally explain everything away to herself: there are no monsters in the dark, Seigler was not going to come here to get her, open spaces represented no danger. But try as she might, her mind would not accept these truths. She found herself shrinking away from people, even people she knew and loved. Finally, she felt composed enough to finish her statement, and said so. Wringing the wad of tissue paper between her fingers she picked up the story where she left off after the tape recorders had been turned back on. "And then, I remember waking up in the hospital with my mother there yesterday," Scully concluded her dissertation of the facts. "OK," Helen eyed her short list of questions on her pad of paper. They represented areas she wanted to go back to. "Do you want to take a break first, or finish up?" She looked directly at Scully. Helen herself just wanted to get this over with. She hated this part of the job. But knew it was necessary and imperative to actually nail the suspect. Dana wanted it to be over, too. "No, let's just finish up." She had stopped dabbing at her eyes as the tears had finally subsided and she had regained a small amount of control of herself. Officer Bernaid regarded her list again, "So, you are saying that you never actually saw your attacker's face. Is that correct?" Helen was almost crossing her fingers. If this was true, Scully's statement was not going to be much help in putting Seigler back behind bars before his trial. Scully shook her head. "No, he grabbed me from behind and knocked me out with chloroform. When I awoke, I had a blindfold on. I never saw his face. But I think I could recognize his voice." Helen hoped he had spoken to her a lot more than what was on the video tape. She knew Dana was not even aware of the tapes yet. It wasn't her place to inform her either. Her job was to just get the facts. "So, you don't know what kind of car you were put in, and you don't know where you were taken." "No," Dana answered softly. "Did he say anything to you that might help identify him?" Again, Scully answered, "No. He just insulted me and my gender in general. He did keep asking me who I worked for. I guess since I was wearing a wire, he knew he had been set up. Maybe that is why he didn't kill me." Her voice wound down to a whisper. A thought came to her. "What about hair and fiber samples at the apartment. Won't they match him to the crime scene?" she asked hopefully. "We didn't get much from the crime scene. Either he wasn't there long enough or he was being very careful, knowing he was being set up. He may not have taken the other women there, we won't know until everything is analyzed. But that takes time. We were hoping to get him back behind bars today with your eye witness account," Officer Sturgis offered up. Scully just nodded her head in understanding. She was very tired. "Is that all?" she asked quietly looking at Helen. "Yes, I believe that will do it for now. If I have any other questions, I'll give you a call. You should be expecting a visit from the District Attorney's office tomorrow. Your statement will be in their hands by then, and a lawyer will be assigned to your case. I am sure they will have a lot more questions for you." She stood up next to Sturgis. "Do you want us to stay until your mother returns?" Karen spoke up, "If you are comfortable with the idea, Dana, I will stay with you until your mother comes back." Dana just wanted to get rid of everyone and go to bed. This was a way to get rid of at least two people. "Yes, that's fine with me. Officers, it'll be OK, I'm sure." She looked at her watch. More than an hour had gone by, her mother would be back any minute. She stood up and walked them to the door. "Thank you," she said to them as they left. She didn't know why she was thanking them. It just seemed the polite thing to do. She turned back to face Karen. While on the one hand she desperately wanted to be alone, she was afraid at the same time. Suddenly, she was thankful for Karen's company. "Why don't you come back here and sit down," Karen indicated her old seat on the couch. Dana obediently did as she was asked. She looked down at her hands in her lap, waiting, knowing Karen was going to counsel her. "Have you told your mother or your partner any of your ordeal yet?" she asked softly. "No," Scully mumbled. "I just can't seem to face telling them. I know it will hurt them, too." "Do you know that they are already hurting, Dana?" Karen paused. "They are tip toeing around you, afraid to say anything, yet needing to know themselves what you have gone through." "I know." Tears were forming again at the corners of her eyes. "Do you know why you are afraid to tell them?" "Yes," her voice was high, like that of a child's. Karen waited. Scully would speak when she was ready. "Because I'm afraid they will think I have failed them in some way." "Are you aware that they think they have failed you?" Dana considered this thought. "Failed me?" she repeated. "I'm the one that allowed myself to be blindsided. "I'm the one that failed to keep the wire a secret so they could keep up with me. I'm the one that failed to get out of the situation. I'm the one that failed to see his face so that I could positively identify him. How in the world do they think they have failed me?" She couldn't image them thinking that way. Tears were sliding down her cheeks now. She was not on a crying binge, she was in control of her emotions. She just couldn't stop these damn tears from coming. "Your mother thinks she has failed to protect you. She is your mother, she thinks that is her job. By your shutting her out, she feels you are angry at her for her failing you." "That's ridiculous! She didn't have anything to do with it!" Scully looked up sharply at Karen. "Nevertheless, that is what it is like to be a mother, Dana. The job never ends." Scully considered this. "And your partner," Karen began. "Mulder thinks El Nino is his fault in some way," Scully almost snorted. "I told him before we started, he would not be responsible for anything that happened," Dana tried to explain. Karen let her vent her frustration at Mulder's acceptance of guilt before speaking. "Are you aware he feels responsible that you were kidnapped at all?" "He was only one of three agents watching me. He is not totally responsible," Dana repeated. "He thinks he is. He also thinks he is responsible for whatever followed because of his lapse in protocol while on duty to watch over you. "Do you know why he thinks that Dana?" Karen asked softly. Scully shook her head slowly, her auburn hair moving smoothly as well from side to side. "Because you haven't talked to him and let him in. He needs the reassurance that you don't blame him. He needs to know this is the bad side of your job, that he didn't cause it to happen." "Did he tell you this?" Dana's crystal blue eyes stared at Karen. "Not directly," Karen admitted. "But the signs are there. He w ants to support you and be of assistance. But you won't let him in. Again, he feels it is your anger at him that keeps him at bay. "Is there another reason you don't want to talk to your mother or your partner besides the way you feel about failing them?" Scully knew there was. She just didn't want to admit it out loud. It made her sound so pompous and superior. Yet, she knew Karen knew, too. There would be no good in denying it. "Yes," she finally said taking a deep breath and blowing it out fully. The silent tears started again. "It's because I don't want anyone to know I am not in control. Because I don't want anyone to think I need them to lean on. I'm in charge of myself, and responsible for myself." She finished speaking. "Is that the way you want to feel and be?" Karen asked gently. "Is that the person you want to be? One that is totally self-dependent, and totally insulated from others? Needing no one?" "No," she sobbed, beginning to lose control again. She desperately wanted to confide in someone. She wanted to share the terror she had felt, to make her burden lighter. But her upbringing, her father, something more had been instilled in spite of what she wanted. "Only you can make the decision to open up, Dana," Karen was speaking again. "And when you decide to, there are people ready and willing to listen to you and take you in. But it is your decision." "What if they think I'm not a strong enough person for my job?" Scully countered with. "By 'they', do you mean your partner?" Karen asked pointedly. Scully didn't want to answer, but did. "Yes. What if I open up and confide all my demons in him. What if he thinks I am not fit for the job anymore? I don't want to undermine what I have accomplished in my career. This is a tough position, and I have worked hard to get it and to keep it." "Do you mean that you think your partner will think less of you if he finds out you are human, Dana?" The way Karen said it made her feel so stupid. But she was right. She was afraid of showing a human side, one that had failings, and fears. Karen continued talking. "Concerning competency on your job, I, along with others decide that. Your partner is only a small factor in that kind of decision. Your work, your results, those are what count. "The fact that you have a human side makes you even more valuable in this type of job, Dana." Karen tried to reassure her. There was a knock at the door just then, and they heard Margaret's voice from the other side. "Dana, it's me, honey, open the door please." "Coming, mom," Scully called as she stood up. Karen stood with her and began collecting her things. Scully opened the door and gave her mother a hug as she came in. Maggie could easily see Dana had been doing some hard crying. It made her appearance more haggard and weary looking. "Are you all right?" she asked carefully looking from Dana to Karen for confirmation. Karen strode past Margaret and Dana. As she was going out the door she said, "Yes, Mrs. Scully, I think in time, Dana is going to be just fine." Then to Dana she said, "Think about what we talked about. I'll be in touch with you again in a couple of days. Call me if you need to talk before then. Good by, Mrs. Scully." Karen shut the door behind her. "Really," Maggie said to Dana, "are you all right?" She was worried, Scully could tell. "Yes, mom, I'm fine." She paused only a moment, then added. "Mom, I think it's time we had a talk." After helping her put down the things Maggie was carrying, Dana led her mother to the couch. She wanted to be near the tissues, she knew she was going to need them again. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 8/16 Mulder's Apartment 7:00pm Mulder shut the door quietly as he let Maggie out. She refused to allow him to walk her to her car. She didn't want Dana left alone for a moment. Fox leaned his head against the door after closing it and tried to think. Dana had been asleep when he had come home laden with Chinese take out. He and Margaret had whiled away the evening with casual talk and dinner. Neither had mentioned the case other than Maggie assuring him the officers and Karen had been there earlier in the day to take Dana's statement. She didn't mention the talk she and Dana had, and Fox didn't mention the tape of Scully that he had seen. If possible, he wanted to spare Margaret and Scully that pain. He silently crossed over to his bedroom door and peeked in on Scully. She was still peacefully sleeping away. It was easy to see her, every light in the room was on, as well as the bathroom light. Scully had kicked off the covers at some time since the last bed check by her mother. Her back was to Mulder and he could see her shapely thigh and the edge of her pink panties. The tee shirt she was wearing for pajamas had ridden up as she had tossed and turned in her sleep. Mulder quietly stepped to the far side of the bed and carefully pulled the blue stripped sheets up to Scully's waist. She was deeply asleep and didn't even move. He squatted low beside his bed to unabashedly study Dana's face, something he could rarely do when she was awake. He noticed the still evident tear tracks on her face. They were partially obscured by a few errant strands of hair. He reached out his finger and gently swept the lock behind her ear, secretly reveling in the velvet softness of her skin as his hand grazed her cheek. Mulder had an overwhelming urge to climb in bed next to Scully and place his arms about her, as if that act alone would absolve him of his error. He wished it to symbolize the protection he wanted to offer her from the outside world, to ask for her forgiveness, to shield her from the hurt she had endured due to his failure. He wanted to shut out the pain and longed to be able to turn back the hands of time. But Mulder knew if he ever got that close to Scully, more might actually transpire, and he definitely couldn't take that chance. Instead, he turned away from Dana and walked out of the room. Mulder left the door slightly cracked in case she should call out, and went back to lie down on the couch. He turned the TV on but turned off the sound. He flipped constantly between a Bull's game on one station and a Knick's game on another. No matter how hard he tried though, he only seemed to see Scully's video tape before him. Even after falling asleep, the close up of her face at the end of the tape haunted him. Mulder's Apartment Thursday, April 22 6:15am When he woke up, the TV was off, and he smelled coffee. He checked his watch: 6:15am. Light was filtering through the window over his desk since he hadn't closed the blinds the night before. Sitting up, he dry washed his face with his hands. After surmising that he truly was awake, he padded barefoot into the kitchen. Dana was sitting at the small table, a cup of hot tea and the newspaper occupying her. She looked up as he appeared at the door. "Hey, sleepy head. I thought you were going to sleep the whole day away," she gave him a good morning smile. To help him wake up, Fox tried to open his eyes wider and breath deeper to fill his lungs with oxygen rich air. If Scully hadn't been there he would probably have raked his fingers up and down his chest and stomach as a further attempt to wake up. "Do I smell coffee?" was all he said. Fox was not a morning person, and therefore barely human in the early a.m., and certainly not before his coffee. After his run and a shower it was usually safely mid-morning, and a reason to be up, he thought. "Yep, I got your 'fuel' ready as soon as I got up." "When was that?" Fox crossed to the counter and poured a cup of hot, steaming coffee in his favorite mug and doctored it with sugar and cream. He had found out long ago that a little sugar helped the caffeine jump-start his system. He sat down across from her, trying to read the Sports section upside down. "Oh, about 5:00am, I guess," Scully answered. "I suppose with all the sleep I got yesterday, my system had enough and just woke up." "How do you feel?" Fox queried, looking her over at the same time. She had pulled on a blue cotton shirt and jeans, and had obviously fixed her hair and tried to work with her make up. However, her face still looked terrible, though most of the swelling was down. It was just a very colorful face! "You look great," he lied. "Liar," she retorted, smiling, but she did appreciate his efforts on her behalf. Fox shrugged noncommittally. At least he had tried to make her feel better. She continued speaking, "I do feel better, even though I don't look it. In fact, I think I am ready to go to the office today." Fox began to object. Scully's hand went up. "Mulder, I will go stir- crazy in your apartment if I stay here all day. I am fine physically. I might as well get my mind off things and get to work. I'll just go in and push some papers around. And since I will be in the office with you, mom will feel free to have the day off; you know she deserves it." Scully would say anything that might make Mulder agree pleasantly, even if it meant pushing this guilt button. She continued to speak so he couldn't interrupt. "So, why don't you go have your shower and change, and then you can drive me over to my place so I can change and we'll get on with the day." Fox recognized her determinedness, and decided to save any arguments he might have for future ammunition. He half snorted in compliance, shrugged his shoulders again, and finished off his first cup of coffee. He got up, refilled his cup and headed back to his bedroom to get ready. Forty minutes later, they were in his car heading her way. "And they say women take a long time to get ready," Scully smirked. "Well, if I didn't have to work around your make up and stuff all over the bathroom it would have been much faster." Fox touched the side of his face where a small amount of tissue clung. "Has it stopped bleeding yet?" he asked tentatively before removing the tissue without waiting for an answer. It started bleeding again. "Thanks for telling me you used my razor to shave your legs with yesterday *after* I started shaving," Mulder's voice dropped off in disgust. Scully was doing her best not to laugh out loud. "I'm sorry, but what did you want me to do, go around with a small forest on my legs all day?" She succeeded in stifling a giggle. She really was sorry, but he looked so pitiful, and put out. "Well, you don't have to worry about my stuff being in your way much longer. I called mom while you were in the shower. She is coming by and packing it all up and taking it home for me. I told her to have your building superintendent let her in when she gets there, and then I called him to let her know she was coming." Fox nodded his head. He had known she wouldn't stay long at his place, and in fact, was surprised he had gotten her to stay at all. She would do fine with her mother, and it would be easier on Maggie, too. He let the subject drop. FBI Headquarters 8:00am "Well, what is on the agenda today?" Scully asked as the elevator doors opened and deposited them both safely in the basement. Fox was fishing in his pocket for his keys to unlock their office door. "You know there is always paperwork hanging around to be finished, plus three new cases have come up. We can go over which one we want to pursue next." They entered the office and headed for their respective desks. Fox continued, "And then sometime this morning, I am off to see Det. Williams about Seigler, and I imagine the District Attorney's office will be round to see you about your pressing charges. "And if you get REAL bored, you can go down to the lab and watch them work on the samples of hair and fibers in the case and see if they get any match ups. The police did manage to get a hair sample and fibers from the clothes Seigler was wearing while he was in custody. I don't know about any blood, saliva, or semen samples." Fox paused and looked up from his desk at Scully. She, however, blushed and looked down at hers. He still didn't know exactly what had happened to her. The hospital had released her medical files to the police after the examination when she was brought in, but he hadn't bothered to request them yet. He was sure Scully would have told him the whole nightmare by now. He didn't think he would have to read about it, or see it on video first. He knew after talking to Karen Kosseff yesterday afternoon that Scully had broken down during the statement, but she had refused to give him any details, that damn doctor/patient confidentiality clause. He had hope to talk to Scully last night, but she had slept the entire time he was home. Karen had said that while she couldn't tell him what happened, he could always wait for the transcript, or go listen to the police's copy of the tape if he really felt the need. She told him she had encouraged Dana to talk to both him and her mother about her ordeal. She had also encouraged him to wait until Dana could talk to him herself. Fox didn't even know if Margaret knew anything. She had not even hinted to him about it last night. Scully could feel the slight tension in the sudden silence. She knew Mulder was waiting patiently for her to talk to him about Matthew and what had happened to her. It had taken just about all she had in her to tell the police, and then her mother. She had cried so hard again after telling her mother, she had gone immediately to bed and slept until this morning. But somehow, she felt better, knowing she had shared her burden with her mother, though deep in her heart, she knew her mother had been equally shattered about Dana's experience. Afterwards, Maggie had hugged Dana in such a death grip she had almost passed out. But she just couldn't tell Mulder yet. It was too personal, too fresh, too painful, too humiliating. She just couldn't. However, perhaps she could at least placate him and remove some of the tension. After a moment to brace herself, Scully turned her chair to face Mulder. Her eyes pleaded with him to understand her. If ever there was a time for their perfect, silent communication and instant understanding of each others thoughts and feelings, now would be a good time for it to work as smoothly as it had in the past. "Mulder, " her eyes began to shine just a little too bright. Mulder misunderstood and instantly thought she was going to share her story with him. He crossed to her immediately and squatted down to be eye level with her. His sudden movement startled her for a moment, and she involuntarily leaned back in her chair to put space between them. But she continued, "I want you to know that I am not shutting you out. I just haven't found the key to open the locked door between us on this matter." Her nose began to run and she sniffed. "I will tell you everything that happened, but not just now. I," she stumbled, "I just can't deal with it right now." She reached for a Kleenex on her desk and sniffed again. "But, I promise you, I will let you in." He had placed his hands on the arms of her chair to balance himself. She took one of his hands in hers. "But I want you to know without a shadow of a doubt, I do not blame you in anyway for what happened." Mulder's own eyes grew hard and he started to pull away, sure she was lying to him. "No, Mulder," she would not let go of his hand, "if you continue to pull away, and I continue to shut you out, things will never get better." He studied her bruised and battered face searching her eyes for the truth. He squatted back down. "Scully," he said softly, "You think you are telling the truth, but you don't know the truth." Mulder's eyes were filled with pain, "You don't know what happened. You don't know how I failed..." Scully wouldn't let him even finish the sentence. Shaking her head slowly from side to side while she put her fingers to his lips to keep him for saying any more she interrupted him, "No. Let's put an end to this conversation for now. The office is not the place to discuss this. I just want you to know that I am not hiding from you because of feelings of blame." She dropped his hand, removed her fingers and gently turned her chair toward her desk, forcing him to stand up to get out of the way. He agreed this was not the time nor place, so did not fight her once again. Their time would come. And he planned to make a full confession of his actions then and let the chips fall where they may. For now it was time for work. The day had gone by smoothly after that. Mulder had volunteered to retrieve lunch for them both. He knew Scully felt terrible about being in public with her face looking so grotesque. People naturally stared. After lunch, Joseph Leggert and Christine Fenny had arrived from the District Attorney's office to go over Scully's statement. Fox knew she would want privacy, so he excused himself. He left to go see Det. Williams. Mulder sought out the Detective and found him at his desk, as usual, doing mountains of paperwork, some of it was connected with Matthew Seigler. "Anything new?" he greeted Williams with. Williams sighed. He really didn't have time for this. But he certainly understood Mulder's concern for his partner, so he made time. He put down his pencil, closed the file he was working on and leaned back in his chair. He indicated Mulder should sit in the chair opposite his desk. "I've talked to Seigler's lawyer this morning. He's yelling to the high heavens. He says we have no evidence against his client. No eyewitnesses, nothing on the video tapes, including fingerprints, and hair and fibers hasn't gotten back with us yet on their findings." Williams sighed. "Actually, he's right." Mulder dropped his head back and rolled his neck from side to side in frustration. Williams continued, "He says just because a car like his was seen at the nightclub, and the fact he was driving around the area where the victim was found, and because his secretary said he got upset when his long-time girlfriend canceled their wedding, these aren't reasons to hold his client on kidnapping, rape, and murder charges." Mulder knew on the surface it sounded so circumstantial. He grasped at straws, "What about a psychiatric evaluation, will he submit to that? I'm sure his violent tendencies would show up and he may even slip and say something outright." "Why should he take the chance?" Williams countered. "It's up to us to prove his guilt, he's not going to help us prove it. We are just going to have to wait for the lab to do it's work. If this was the only case they had to work on, it wouldn't be a problem. Truth is, they are backed up. We have about three murders committed in DC every thirty six hours, not to mention the rapes, robberies and assaults. That's a lot of evidence to process though the crime lab. You know I'm trying to be helpful, I've even sent stuff over to your FBI labs for them to help process. How are they coming?" Fox had checked with them before coming here. They were backed up too, though he had their promise they would try to start on the case today. He answered Williams. "Same story you got, only we get more cases a day to work on than you." "How about the couple with that saw Seigler leaving with Scully at the club?" Mulder inquired. "Wasn't their description good enough to place him at the scene?" Det. Williams shook his head slowly. "Nope. When the artist finished with his sketch, it could have matched you or ten thousand other residents of DC. It just doesn't look enough like Seigler. They obviously didn't get a good enough look at him to be able to place him with Agent Scully." Williams sighed. He wanted to get back to his own work. Mulder looked at his watch. He thought he had about an hour left to kill before going back to the office. He wanted to be sure and give Dana plenty of time and privacy. An idea struck him. "Has Agent Scully's statement been typed up yet?" Williams gave another big sigh. This guy was just a glutton for punishment. If it was any other case, he would admire his go get'em mind set. But when a crime has been committed against your partner, the ruthless pursuit can eat at you like a cancer. It doesn't solve anything, it just makes you sicker. Especially if the criminal might get away with it. Williams opened his desk drawer and pulled out a cassette tape and handed it to Mulder. He looked at it. Dana's name and yesterday's date were carefully written in the area provided. Williams gestured to the same room they had viewed the videos in, "There's a machine in there you can listen to in private. A copy of the statement is somewhere in transit between the typist and the copy machine and the District Attorney's office. Agent Scully's file with the original is in Joseph Leggett's hands." "Yeah, I met him at the FBI office a while ago," Fox replied. "Thanks." He got up to move toward the small room. As Mulder moved away from him, Williams mumbled under his breath, "Don't thank me. After you hear that, you are going to hate yourself for knowing." Fox settled himself in the room. He shut the door and took off his jacket and placed it on the back of a chair. He sat down, placed the tape in the machine, turned it on and adjusted the volume. He leaned back and willed himself to remain calm. He heard Officer Bernaid identify herself and the others in the room, go through the date, location, and other routine case information. There was a short pause and then he heard Scully's voice. He was relieved to hear her start her story at the beginning of the evening, before they went into the nightclub, and tell the general plan first. He hadn't known if she would start with the kidnapping immediately or not. He had hoped not. He had wanted to work himself up to that, if possible. She spoke coolly and calmly for the first fifteen minutes or so. Mulder had loosened his tie, and his eyes were closed as he concentrated on her tone and her words. He began to notice cracks in her voice, and a hesitancy as she got to the part about needing to use the ladies' room. He noted she had mercifully skipped over the part about the blond Lolita coming on to him at the bar just moments before she headed to the rest room. He listened to her recite the chain of events that set off her terrible ordeal. When she had come out of the rest room, someone apparently stepped out from behind the open rest room door and placed a cloth soaked with a large dose of chloroform over her nose and mouth. She had not seen anyone in the hallway when she opened the door. She remembered trying to call out, to make some kind of noise to alert the agents listening in. But she couldn't, and in a matter of seconds, she felt herself go limp. At this point on the tape, Mulder heard her burst into tears. The sobs tore at his heart. Guilt swelled inside his chest making it physically ache. Mulder punched the stop button. He rubbed the back of his neck as he stood up a= nd paced the small room for a few moments. He breathed deeply, in, out, in, out, until he felt himself come under control. He thought he was prepared for this. He thought after all the years of listening to heart-wrenching victim's stories, after all the gut ugly things he had seen men and women do to each other, after the child abuse and murder cases he had worked on, he thought he would be able to handle this tape just as detached, though certainly affected and therefore motivated to catch the criminal, as he had in all the other cases. But he was beginning to think he couldn't do it. It was too personal, he was too close to the subject. You can do this, he told himself. This is for Scully, he reminded himself again and again. He tried to focus his thoughts, tried to emulate the very detachment he had often seen Scully bring to the surface whenever she did an autopsy; especially when she performed one on a child. He went outside and got a drink of water. He caught Williams watching him out of the corner of his eye. He didn't acknowledge him. He went back into the room, shut the door, and sat down as before. He hesitated for just a fraction of a second before punching the play button. There were a few more moments of Scully crying on the tape before he heard Helen ask her if she wanted a break, and then the click of the machine being turned off and then back on. Officer Bernaid's voice recorded they were back on the record again and Scully's voice returned. It was more confident, more controlled. She had obviously gotten hold of herself during the break. Mulder vowed to do the same with his emotions. "The first thing I remember is being very cold and it being very dark," Scully's story continued. "I tried to move, but found I couldn't. It took me a few moments to realize that both my arms and legs were tied to something, though I didn't know to what at first. "Eventually, I came to realize that it wasn't necessarily dark naturally, but that I had a blindfold on. As I wiggled around, trying to loosen my bonds, I could tell I was on something very soft, probably a mattress and sheets, and the reason I was cold was because I was naked." Scully paused a moment. Mulder could only guess whether she was crying again or trying to think clearly of what to say next. Then he heard, "I started screaming for help and demanding that I be untied, hoping there was someone nearby that would help me." The video images popped unbidden into Mulder's head as her narrative continued. He stared at the machine as she spoke, willing it to tell him what happened to her, yet dreading to know, too. "Then, I heard a door open and a man told me to shut up. I asked who he was, what he wanted, but he wouldn't answer. I started demanding to be untied and let go again even after he told me to stop. Then," a tremor crept into her voice, but she went on without pausing. Mulder knew what was coming next from having viewed the video. He could see it in his mind; he really didn't want to hear it again, but he had no choice. "He hit me. With his fist, I think," she added. "On my jaw. And he told me to shut up again. I was so stunned. I hadn't expected him to hit me, I guess. I remember asking him again what he wanted. He didn't answer any of my questions. I thought he had left, so I began struggling again to get away. "Then he yelled for me to stop again and I wouldn't. So he hit me in the face again. And the next thing I knew, he was hitting me all over. In my stomach, about my shoulders, in my face." The tape ran a few moments with nothing but silence. Mulder tried to imagine Scully telling this to the police. Suddenly, he was very glad he had not been there. He wouldn't have been much help to Scully as she bared her soul and emotions before others. She would have seemed naked to him all over again, humiliated. He felt he knew why she had not confided in him now. Scully's dignity was not to be overestimated. Some people prided themselves on their looks, or their intelligence, or their athletic ability. Scully's deep pride was being in control. Not controlling others. But in control of herself, level-headed in every situation. She would have been laid bare telling this story to others. He felt a new kind of hurt for her. Not sympathy, or empathy. He tried to identify it. It came to him; again it's name was shame. He knew now Scully was ashamed. Not in what had been done to her sexually, but what the maniac had been able to do to her mentally. He had broken her very carefully constructed shield that she used to keep everyone out. Even he was only very rarely allowed to see behind that shield, and then only on her terms, when she allowed it. This man had taken them from her and destroyed them, or at least put huge cracks in them. This is the part of Scully that would have to heal, he realized. Not the physical indignities done to her, but her trust in herself. She began speaking again. "I think I passed out, or fell asleep from the beating and the crying, I'm not sure which. Anyway, I was out for awhile. When I awoke, it was because I felt someone sit down next to me and shake my shoulders." Mulder's interest intensified. This information was not on the video tape. "He was shouting at me to wake up. But with the blindfold on, I guess he couldn't tell if I was awake or not. I tried to say something, so he would know I was awake, but my throat was dry, and I think my lips were cut, because I had tasted blood earlier. "I must of moaned or made some sound, because he seemed satisfied that I was awake and quit shaking me, which was good. My shoulders were already bruised and sore from his hitting me." Mulder could hear Dana take a couple of big breaths on the tape. He knew she was trying to steady herself for the next part. He feared he had better do the same. He turned the tape off for a moment and closed his eyes. He placed his face in his hands as they rested on the table. If he had known how to pray, he would have. He wanted to pray that what he was about to hear did not involve what he feared it must. He turned the tape back on. Silence. Then she began again. "He stared yelling about how women were tramps, how they were deceitful and manipulative. He said they didn't care about anything or anyone but themselves. He said we were all sluts and whores. And he was going to teach women in general, and me in particular, that we couldn't get away with it. "He ranted and raved about how we women try to dominate men and lord ourselves over them. But that men were supposed to be in charge, and that he was going to take charge of me and teach me who was to be obeyed and honored. "After that, it seemed like he stood up on the bed, and straddled my body. I felt pressure on either side of my hips and his voice came from above. He was telling me he'd show women that men were not to be treated like dirt, and they couldn't throw men away like old toys when they wanted. "Then he placed his feet inside my spread legs, and I heard him unzip his pants and felt them fall around me, though I don't think he stepped out of them. He kneeled down, and then laid on top of me." Mulder could hear her voice rising in pitch as she struggled to remain calm in the retelling of events. He on the other hand was anything but calm. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, he could almost hear it thumping outside his body. He knew what he felt and heard was the sound of his blood rushing to his brain from his heart's vigorous activity. Lying on either side of the tape player, his fists were tightly clenched. He strained to hear her words as her voice dropped dramatically in volume. He adjusted the volume to high. It did not improve much though, so soft was her voice. "I could feel his erection against me. I remember struggling, trying to get away. I still couldn't find my voice to tell him to stop. He just kept pushing at me until he finally managed to penetrate." TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 9/16 FEEDBACK? Lying on either side of the tape player, his fists were tightly clenched. He strained to hear her words as her voice dropped dramatically in volume. He adjusted the volume to high. It did not improve much though, so soft was her voice. "I could feel his erection against me. I remember struggling, trying to get away. I still couldn't find my voice to tell him to stop. He just kept pushing at me until he finally managed to penetrate." Mulder hit the stop button and stood up and kicked the trash can. It was all he could find in the room to attack. From outside the small room, Williams' head snapped up from his paperwork. He heard a gut-wrenching expletive come from inside the room. He rose from his chair, trying to decide what to do. Every person's attention in the main room became focused on the door to Mulder's room. They had all stopped talking. They quickly glanced at Williams to see if they should intervene. He decided to let Mulder alone and let him get it out of his system. "It's all right," he assured every. "Just leave the guy alone, and go back to work." He sat back down himself and tried to concentrate on his paperwork. Mulder's tirade went on a for several more minutes. Inside the conference room, Mulder looked for something else to smash, anything to vent his anger on. There wasn't much in the room to abuse except the table, four chairs, and the trash can. So he continued to beat the trash can to death, yelling epithet all the while, interspersed with Seigler's name. When his energy was spent, he sat back down. Sweat glistened on his forehead, and his breathing was ragged. Shit to hell, he thought, Seigler would pay dearly for this. He didn't care how long it took, how much it took, or what it took, even if Mulder ended up in prison himself for his murder, Seigler would pay for this with his life. Mulder could almost feel his hands around Seigler's throat, squeezing the very last ounce of life out of him as he begged for mercy. And it didn't scare Mulder at all that the sensation felt good to him. He finally was calm enough to continue listening to the tape. He was so emotionally drained, he just wanted to put his head down on the table and go to sleep. He steeled himself to hear more. He figured what could be worse? What could Seigler do to Scully now that would phase him? His fears had been realized. "He didn't try to kiss me, or fondle me," her voice suddenly became clearer and louder. He instantly recognized the clinical detachment she used to isolate herself from a situation. Somehow, deep inside her, she had finally found it. Perhaps because the worse she could have said was over, Mulder surmised. He certainly hoped so. "It certainly wasn't an act of love. It was definitely an act of power, of domination, as most rapes are," she continued. This man needs to feel in charge, in control of everything and everyone." She was leaning on the information from her psychology training now, Mulder recognized. "But something went wrong." Mulder had been staring dully at the wall in front of him. His head jerked to face the machine, and his eyes narrowed. He wondered what she would say next. What had gone wrong? "He suddenly went flaccid," Scully said. "I could feel it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to remedy the situation." Mulder listened with fascination. "Unfortunately for me," Scully continued, "that only made him angrier at me, and women, I guess. He started screaming 'Look what you've done to me!' and things like, 'It's all your fault. Women are always trying to emasculate men', and other fault blaming things. "He worked himself up into such anger, that he started striking out at me again. Blows seemed to come from everywhere. I couldn't prepare for them because I couldn't see. I know my face was his favorite target. I remember screaming and begging him to stop, but he wouldn't. The beating seemed to go on forever. I don't know how long it was." Scully's volume was very soft again. He could hear the pain in her voice as she recalled the beating. He felt his eyes moisten with compassion for her and what she had gone through. He absently stared at the wall again as the tape played on. God, how much longer, he thought. Surely she was near the end. If the tape continued on the other side, he didn't think he would be able to play it. He suddenly didn't want to know any more. He was sick with what he had already found out. His chest felt tight, it hurt. The image of Dana's face zoomed in on by the video camera came forefront to his mind. He closed his eyes, unsuccessfully trying to shut out the image. The tape played on. "I don't know how long after the beating before he came in again. Since I couldn't see anything, I couldn't judge the passage of time very well, plus I slept off and on. I know he came in several different times after that. The first time he untied me and led me to the toilet. Actually he halfway had to carry me. I couldn't walk very well. After I used it, I heard him turn on the shower and he told me to get in. He told me to wash myself and I heard him shut the curtain. He told me not to take off the blindfold, and I didn't. I was afraid he might be watching, just waiting for me to push his buttons again." Mulder's mind was racing. No wonder there wasn't much physical evidence gotten from Scully. All fibers, hair, semen, or whatever, were washed away. Seigler was no dummy. "After I washed off, I turned off the water. He pulled back the curtain and handed me a towel to dry off with, then he led me back to the bed and made me lie down again. Scully's voice dropped again, "I remember asking him, begging him really, not to tie me up again. He just laughed at me and told me to shut up. I did as he said, because I didn't want to be hit again." Then Scully seemed to find another small pocket of resolve within herself and spoke up stronger. "Then he left. Like I said, he came back a couple of times, but each time it was more like he was just checking on me. He would just say things like this was all my own fault for not treating men more humanely, or for not being faithful to men, or other such gibberish." Dana took another deep breath, like it was the end of the story, and it was all said and done. But then she began speaking again. "After I went to the bathroom the second time and told him I was finished, I heard him yank open the door and start swearing at me. I didn't know what I had done to set him off, but I knew he was going to start hurting me again. I could hear it in his voice that I was to blame for something. "He started yelling, asking me how I told the police where I was. He demanded to know where I had hidden a microphone on me, or a homing device. I tried to tell him the wire was all I was wearing. That I didn't have anything else. But he wouldn't listen, he was just wild with anger and frustration. He kept yelling that he wasn't through with me, that he hadn't had enough time, and he wanted to know how he had been found out. "I can only guess that he saw the police outside from a window somewhere in the apartment while I was in the bathroom. Or maybe he heard a siren, or a police report on a ham radio. I have no idea what set him off. But he began to beat me again. I tried to protect myself, but I couldn't see. He hit me and punched me again and again. I felt blood on my lips, and kept seeing stars behind the blindfold he hit me so many times in the face and about my head. My stomach hurt from the punches." Mulder's fists were clenching and unclenching as he continued to listen, but he remained fairly calm. "Suddenly he quit hitting me. Even though it got quiet, I was afraid to take off the blindfold. He had told me not to. I thought he might really still be in the room watching me. I hurt so bad, I remember sinking to the floor and just crawling around until I found myself in a corner. I just huddled there, crying, and trying not to pass out. If he was really gone, I was going to try and find my way out. I didn't know how much time I might have before he came back, but I was loose, and I wanted to stay that way. "I was hoping the story about the police finding me was true. But I was afraid to call out, in case he was really still there, or nearby. I didn't want him angry at me any more. Finally, I remember becoming so afraid, that I just huddled in the corner, waiting for what would come next. I was too afraid to try anything on my own for fear that he was still there, just waiting for me to disobey him. "I guess that is how Mulder and the police found me. The rest is a blur of medics and doctors and the hospital. The next really clear image I have is waking up in a hospital bed with my mother present." The tape continued for a few seconds in silence, and Mulder realized that the end had truly and finally come. He hit the stop button. He sat back in his chair for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. Finally, he popped the tape out of the machine, stood up, and put his jacket back on. He looked over at the trash can, kicked and stomped into an almost unrecognizable hunk of metal. He left it where it was and went to return the tape to Williams, who was not at his desk. He placed the tape in the center of his desk and walked out to his car, and headed back to his own office. He drove slowly, his mind not really on the traffic. He got back to the FBI building on simple auto pilot and parked in the garage. He wanted to present a good front for Dana when he arrived back at work. He didn't want her to know he knew anything about her case until she was ready to reveal it to him. He knew that might be a very long time from now. He certainly understood her reluctance to discuss it now. He would not carry his emotions on his sleeve any more, or beg for her story. As the elevator deposited him in the basement, he took a deep breath, began whistling a nondescript tune and opened the office door. Scully looked up from her desk with swollen, red-rimmed eyes. He would have thought the swelling under her eyes was from her ordeal if he hadn't seen her earlier in the day. Must have been a rough time with the DA, he thought. He pretended not to notice. "Well, Scully, are you ready to call it a day?" He grinned at her as if all was well with the world. "I imagine you have given the citizens of this country enough of your time today. Besides, you are supposed to be on medical leave." He crossed to his desk as he spoke and began collecting files and stacking them neatly before placing them in a pile on the corner of his desk. They would be ready and waiting for him tomorrow morning when he came in. Scully was thankful for the suggestion, as she was more than ready to go home. The DA had wanted to go over and over and over her testimony. The constant retelling had thoroughly upset her. But what had upset her the most was hearing that there were video tapes of all the women Seigler had violated. Specifically, there was a video tape with her name on it! She couldn't believe it. She certainly didn't want to see it; she had already lived it. She was sure Mulder already knew about it. She knew how thorough he was being on her behalf in this case, and she knew he was in constant touch with the detective assigned to the Seigler case. She didn't really doubt that he had already seen it. She felt humiliated all over again. Scully didn't want anyone to see her ordeal, and how she had failed to overcome it. She had barely held her tears in until Leggert and Fenny had left her office. After they left, she had royally christened her desk with her tears of anguish and pain. She had only stopped crying a few minutes before Mulder had arrived. She was certainly grateful for that! She was definitely ready to go home, and extremely thankful it appeared Mulder wasn't going to question her about her afternoon. "Yes," she said simply and from the heart. "Let's call it a day." She stood up wearily, reached for her purse, and was heading stiffly and slightly bent over for the door before Fox even finished stacking his files. The lack of argument from her was not a good sign, he thought. She is exhausted in spite of the good sleep she got yesterday, he thought. He noticed she was beginning to limp and favor her left side. The soreness from the beatings was really beginning to set in. If she had asked, he would have been able to tell her from personal experience that the body usually feels the worst the third through the fifth day after a going over like Scully had received. He left his desk as it was and followed her out, turning out the lights, and locking the door. She was already stepping into the elevator when he caught up with her. They didn't speak during the trip upstairs, or walking past the security guards, nor all the way out to Mulder's car. He couldn't think of anything suitable to say, and she was too tired. Her limp became more noticeable the further they walked. He opened her car door for her, something he almost never did. She hated being treated as the "weaker" sex. But today she looked at him gratefully and got in. He firmly closed the door as she buckled her shoulder harness, and he crossed to the driver's side and slid in. After buckling his belt firmly, he started the engine and headed for Margaret Scully's home. "Where are you going?" Scully inquired. "Do you have an errand to run?" Mulder glanced quickly her way before turning his attention back to the traffic. "No," he answered slowly, uncertain as to why she was asking this question. "I'm going to your mother's house, remember?" Scully just wanted to sink into her seat and fade away. No wonder he had not argued with her this morning when she said she was going home. He thought she meant to her mother's house. She had meant her own apartment. This was going to be difficult. "Well, turn around and go back the other way," she said a little too curtly. "When I said I was going home today, I meant my home." She braced herself for the onslaught that was surely coming. "Scully," Mulder began, exasperation in his voice. "You are not going to stay at your apartment. Seigler is loose on bail, and he knows where you live. You are his only living witness, and therefore a target. You know that." His voice was firm now. "Mulder, take me home," she said emphatically. "I'm a big girl, and I have to go home sometime. Matthew Seigler has already robbed me of my dignity, but he is not going to rob me of my home. "Besides," she added, "I'm not as big a threat as you think." Mulder looked her way briefly again. "I never saw his face. I can't positively identify him." Mulder stole another sideways glance. This was new information. "You never even saw him at the nightclub before he kidnapped you?" "No. The DA showed me his picture today. Until that moment, I never had a face to put in my nightmares. Now I do," she added softly. She was quiet for a moment. "And I think we both know that he doesn't appear on the video tapes the police have either," she added softly. Mulder neither confirmed nor denied her statement. To do so would open another can of worms at this point. He continued to watch and respond to the traffic around him. Scully continued, "Anyway, he knows that, and if anything were to happen to me, he also knows he would be the first person to be suspected. He wouldn't risk it." Mulder had to agree, he would be way beyond foolish to hurt Scully at this point, especially if she really couldn't identify him. Still, lots of criminals did foolish things; that was how they usually got caught. But, there was just no way he was going to leave Scully alone tonight. What's the difference if she's at my place or I'm at hers, he thought. And this way, he wouldn't have to fight with her. "OK," he said, and began maneuvering to head back in the direction of her apartment. "I'll just stay on your couch tonight. I can..." But he didn't get to finish. "No!" Dana said, trying not to shout, but still trying to give the impression she was in control of the situation. "I don't want anyone there. I want to be in my own house, in my own bed, and start living my life again! I'll be fine." Mulder didn't see any room for argument. As a psychologist, he knew that it was a good sign that she was willing to even be alone at this point, and that she was being assertive, and trying to regain her life. On the other hand, he didn't like it that she was being assertive with him! He wasn't trying to control her, just protect her! "What will you do for protection? Seigler got your gun when he got your purse," Mulder pointed out practically. She didn't look at him. "While you were gone, Skinner OK'd it for me to requisition another one." She opened up her purse and pulled out her new gun for him to see. Mulder blew out a slow breath. There was nothing else to say, and besides, they were here. He parked the car and they got out. Mulder tried not to say anything as he watched her hobble slowly up the stairs. She would shoot him herself if he offered her a hand. He just walked behind her in case she should happen to lose her balance and start to fall backward. Mulder opened her door with his key. "Don't forget to call your super to have the locks changed tomorrow. Remember, Seigler has your key." He could see that Scully was still in a fighting mode. She was going to stick to it until she won, too. In spite of the anger and wrath he might incur, he went in before her and began inspecting her apartment room by room. Scully let him. She knew he would feel better and when he didn't find anything, it would make it easier to dismiss him and make him go home. She slowly walked into the kitchen intending to make herself some hot tea. Mulder thoroughly searched the living room, bedroom, and bathroom before coming back to the kitchen. Scully was taking her cup of heated water from the microwave and adding a tea bag as she headed to the living room to sit on the couch. The kitchen chairs would be too hard tonight for her body. She sank gratefully down onto the soft couch and began to unwind from the day. "Satisfied?" she asked Mulder as he came back from inspecting the kitchen. Mulder nodded his head slowly. "For now. But Scully, I really don't think you should be staying here alone for the next couple of days." "Get out, Mulder," she said unceremoniously. She felt like crap. While the water had been heating up, Scully had gotten two aspirin from her purse. She popped them in her mouth and followed them with a sip of hot tea. "I'm going to drink my tea, take a very long, very hot bath and go to bed. I'll call you in the morning, and we'll ride into work together. OK?" She closed her eyes, willing the aspirin to do miracles in the next thirty seconds. Mulder just stood there, staring at her. He didn't want to go. This was not right. He could feel it. "Bye, Mulder," Scully said without even opening her eyes. "Drive safely," she said, dismissing him. "Look, I'm going, but I want you to know it's against my better judgment. And I'm putting a call into Det. Williams, and asking him to make sure your street gets extra patrols. Then I'm going to call you when I get home to make sure you are OK, and then I want you to call me before you go to bed." He began moving toward the door. "And come lock up behind me," he added. Scully reluctantly opened her eyes, put her tea down on the coffee table and followed him to the door. Mocking him gently, she saluted him, and said, "Yes, sir." She tried to add a small smile. She was beginning to feel the return of a little normalcy in her life. "Call me, Scully, for anything that you think is odd." Scully didn't answer. "I mean it, Scully, call me," he said a little more emphatically. "OK, OK," she said, pushing him out the door. "Now go." He heard her lock the door and then turn the dead bolt. He tried the knob. Satisfied that she was locked in, and somewhat glad she did not have a first floor apartment, he turned and went down the steps and out to his car. Scully watched him through the window and actually gave him a little wave as he looked back up toward her window before leaving. She felt very much at peace. This was her home. As terrible as the ordeal had been, it was over. She had to regain her faith in herself. She had to regain her life. She would not let Seigler take anything more from her. She turned away from the window and went to draw a bath. She was glad she had thought to bring the portable phone into the bathroom with her. Sure enough, as she was relaxing in the tub, it rang. She didn't jump, she was expecting it to be Mulder. "Hello?" "It's me. I'm home. Are you all right?" "Yes, but I won't be if I drop this phone in the tub with me, so I am hanging up, OK?" "Wait!" Mulder called out frantically. "What?" she asked, impatience creeping into her voice. "I need to know if you have bubbles or not, so I can get the correct mental imag..." Scully hung up and put the phone back down on the floor mat. She leaned back in the tub and closed her eyes once again, a half smile played upon her face. Mulder never gave up, she thought. Mulder looked at the dead phone in his hand and shrugged as he put it down. It was very important to him whether to imagine her in the tub with or without bubbles. When the water grew cold and there was no room to add more hot water Scully regretfully decided to get out of the tub. She stood up carefully and opened the drain. As she stepped out, she noticed she wasn't as achy. Either the aspirin or the warm water was doing it's job, or perhaps both, she thought. She reached for a towel and began drying herself off. She caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror in her bedroom. She was not entirely surprised, or appalled. It was disheartening to see most of the colors of the rainbow splashed across her skin from top to bottom though. She examined her face closely. That was the most important. It was what the world saw. At least he hadn't broken her nose or jaw. And she didn't have a concussion and her skull wasn't split open. For those things she was very appreciative. She caught sight of her cross necklace on her dresser. She picked it up and carefully put it on. She had, of course, not worn it to the nightclub. She was glad. She probably wouldn't have it now otherwise. She never did find out what happened to her clothes or her purse. Apparently, Seigler had been smart enough not to keep them near him, or in the same apartment he held her. For him, the less evidence found near him, the better. She looked in the mirror again. She was still naked except for the cross. It laid just below her throat and gleamed as the light caught it. She let her eyes rest on it for a moment, her mind clear of thoughts. Then her eyes traveled down the length of her body as it was reflected in the mirror and came to rest between her thighs. Thoughts came unbidden to her of Matthew on top of her and her struggle to keep him from violating her, and then of her failure to do so. Her eyes began to moisten. Abruptly, she cut her thoughts off. "What's done is done," she said out loud. She continued speaking, "I can't change what's happened, but I will not let it rule my life," she said defiantly. She looked at her blue eyes. They were flashing with anger as she spoke. She wasn't entirely sure who she was mad at. She turned away from the mirror and put on her white silk pajamas. She washed off her make up, brushed her teeth, and then gave her hair a few strokes to smooth it down. She went out to the living room to check the locks on the front door. This is silly, she thought to herself, I know they are locked. But she checked any way. She turned out the lights in the kitchen and the living room. She looked out the window before closing the blinds tight. She was rewarded with the sight of a police car cruising down her street. Mulder, she thought fleetingly, and smiled. She went into the bedroom, and then into the bathroom. She retrieved the phone and pushed the speed dial button and then the number "1". In a few seconds Mulder answered. "It's me," she said. "I'm going to bed, and checking in with you like a good little girl." She gave a small grin. "I just checked out the window, and the police were going by, and I have checked the locks on the door," she paused a moment. "I'd like to go to bed now," and she wickedly added, "Mother, may I?" after the old children's game. She could almost see Mulder grin on the other end. If not for the serious situation, he might have even laughed a little. "Yes, you may," was all he replied. "Good night," she added. "Good night. Call me in the morning," he finished with before he heard her hang up. He looked at his watch. 7:30pm. She must be utterly worn out, he thought. He sighed. It was going to be a long night for him. He knew he wasn't going to rest easily. He really was worried about her. In spite of her logical arguments, in spite of the extra police patrols, in spite of her abilities and in spite of her gun, he was not comfortable. He looked at his watch again. He planned to leave his apartment about 9:00pm and drive over to her place and sit and watch. He didn't care what she said, he wasn't leaving her alone. As along as she didn't see him, he would be all right. He laid down on the couch, placed his arm over his eyes to shut out the light from the silent television, and tried to get some rest himself. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 10/16 Dana turned out the bathroom light and got into bed. She put the phone on the nightstand and reached up to turn off the bedside lamp. After snapping off the light, she laid her head on her pillow. She adjusted the covers and promptly closed her eyes. Thirty seconds later, her eyelids snapped open. Her breathing was coming in great gulps and fear stabbed at her chest. Her eyes began to moisten as she realized she couldn't make out the shapes in her room. In spite of the early hour, no light from the outside street lamps filtered into her back bedroom. She jumped out of bed and turned on her small lamp. She fairly raced to the bedroom door and turned on the overhead. She crossed quickly over the bathroom and flipped that light switch on as well. She was sweating now. Overwhelming fear had gripped her in the darkness. She felt like the blindfold was back on her and she was not in control. She was still rapidly breathing in and out. She ordered her breathing to slow down. She commanded her mind to get a hold of itself. I am safe, at home. There is no one here. She spoke these lines to herself over and over. Her brilliant, analytical mind knew there was nothing wrong, nothing out of place, nothing to fear. Her instincts panicked just the same. She reached for the phone to call Mulder. Then she made herself stop. Fifteen minutes later, the sweats were gone, her breathing was normal and she had logically argued with herself until she felt better. She turned off the bedroom light and headed for the bathroom. She changed her mind, and left that light on. She closed the door halfway and then got back into bed and once again snapped off the bedside lamp. She laid back stiffly on the pillows, clutching the sheets about her chest until her knuckles were white. She slowly and calmly talked herself into relaxing. Ten minutes went by before she actually felt the tension leaving her body. Suddenly, she stiffened again. She had heard a noise. She strained with all her might to hear it again, to try and identify it and place it in the apartment. She looked out the bedroom door into semi-darkness. The bathroom light afforded little reflective light past her bedroom door. She didn't hear the noise again. But she had to know. What had made that noise? It had sounded like something sliding across the carpet. She finally willed herself to turn on the lamp. Still nothing from the living room area. She slipped out of bed quietly, carrying the phone with her. She crossed ever so slowly and silently over to the dresser where her gun was lying. She swore her heart was beating as loud as a bass drum. The rush of blood to her ears kept her from hearing anything else. She took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm her racing heart and the pumping of her blood. Still no more sounds. Had she imagined the noise? She had to know. She couldn't go back to bed without looking out in the living room, but at the same time she dreaded it. With her gun in one hand and the phone in the other, she crossed the threshold of her bedroom door. She stopped there, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the semi-darkness. There was a little light that slipped through the blinds from the street lamps. After a minute her eyes had adjusted quiet well and she could make out everything in her living room. There was nothing unusual that she could see. She took a few steps forward and swung her head toward the kitchen. It was like her bedroom, set in the back of the apartment, and pretty dark. She wished she didn't keep her flashlight under the kitchen sink. She would move that little item to her nightstand starting tomorrow! As she crept toward the kitchen, her eyes swept back to the living room. She was in a position to see what, if anything, was behind the couch now. She aimed her gun in that direction. There was no one hiding there. She could see the full length of the front door now. She was relieved to see the deadbolt was still in place. That made her feel a little better. Her eye traveled further downward and found the source of the noise she had heard. Lying on the carpet was a white business sized envelope that someone must have pushed under her door. She left it there and continued toward the kitchen. She still needed to check it out. She flipped on the light and saw that the kitchen was indeed empty. Her heart was almost beating normally at this point. She turned back to the living room and headed for the door. She flipped on the overhead light switch and bent over and picked up the envelope. Without thinking, she turned it over and over in her hands looking for any writing that might not only identify who the envelope was for, but who it was from. Shit! She realized that if there had been prints on it, it was too late now! She decided to treat the contents more carefully. She opened the envelope's flap, it wasn't sealed shut, just tucked inside, and pulled out a single folded sheet of lined notebook paper by the very corner. She gave her wrist a shake, making the folded sheet open and reveal it's contents. She read through the note once quickly, and started again at the top. Her breathing betrayed the fear that was building yet again. She swallowed hard, trying to stop the tears from coming. It was a losing battle. In mere moments the letter had reduced her to a crumpled heap on the floor, with great sobs and wails issuing out of her war-torn body. She thought she could take this. She thought it was over. She thought she was strong. She was wrong, wrong, wrong. She was crying uncontrollably now, as she had in Mulder's apartment, even though the moment of crises had passed. She simply couldn't stop the tears. She looked at the phone she still held in her hand. Without another moment's hesitation, she punched the speed dial button and "1" again. She heard a sleepy Mulder answer the phone. "Hello..." She continued to cry. She couldn't even speak. "Hello?" she heard him say again, a little more urgently as she knew he was becoming clear headed now. "Scully? Is that you?" She could answer him with nothing but further great sobs and wails. "Scully!" She heard the anxiousness in his voice, but could do nothing to calm it, to tell him she really was OK physically, but she needed him, and she needed him now! "Scully!" Mulder all but screamed her name, waiting for an answer, waiting for her voice to soothe his fears that something was terribly wrong. It didn't come. Then he waited no longer. "Scully, I'm coming over right now. Hold on, I'll be there." He hung up. He immediately began to put a call through to Williams to have the squad car check on Scully's apartment. He couldn't get a dial tone. Scully had not hung up her phone, and now he realized he wouldn't even be able to call her back! Damn! He was glad he'd had the foresight to change to jeans and a tee shirt when he'd gotten home earlier and that he'd laid down fully dressed. He almost ran to the bedroom where he had left his cell phone when he'd changed out of his suit. He grabbed it and his car keys and was out the door before the police station even answered. They put him through to the officer in charge of the night shift. Mulder quickly explained who he was and about the phone call he had gotten from Scully. He asked that the cruiser Williams had requested be sent directly to Scully's apartment and then told them he was on his way there, too. He cut the connection, started his car and raced over to Scully's. He set a new record for reaching her place. The squad car was already parked outside her apartment building. Mulder pulled up behind it, and jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind him. He saw that Scully's apartment was lit up like the Fourth of July. Every light in the place must be on he thought as he raced into the building and up the flight of stairs. He heard Scully moaning before he was halfway there. He heard the officers banging on Scully's door while identifying themselves to her. She was not responding. The police turned quickly, hands on their guns as they heard Mulder dashing up the stairs. "Mulder, FBI," he said quickly, his identification already pulled from his pocket and open. I'm her partner. I'm the one that requested you to respond. The officers relaxed slightly. "We've been here about three minutes. She can't or won't open the door. We've asked if she is hurt but she isn't responding to any questions. We were just about to break the door in." "I've got a key. Move over." Mulder unceremoniously stepped in front of the officers and selecting the correct key on his key ring, placed it in the lock and turned it. "Scully! It's me, Mulder!" He said as he unlocked the door. He certainly didn't want her shooting him in confusion thinking he was breaking into her apartment. There was no response other than her continued alternate moaning and crying. As soon as he felt the cylinder turn, he grasped the knob, turned it, and pushed. The door didn't go anywhere. Damn! The dead bolt was still on. "Scully! Unlock the dead bolt, let me in. It's Mulder!" No response. "Scully! Are you hurt? Can you open the door?" No answer, but the crying was not as loud. "OK, guys, let's break it down," Mulder said to the two officers. "If she could respond, she would." The three of them stepped back to brace their feet before slamming their combined weight against the door. Mulder said, "On three. One," that was as far as he got. From the other side of the door he heard a soft, "Mulder?" Mulder halted his counting and stood up straight. The officers followed suit. "Scully?" He paused. "Scully, can you open the door?" He waited for an answer. Instead, he heard the dead bolt being released. The door knob turned and suddenly the door was open. Scully stood in front of them, framed in the doorway, tears streaming down her face, which was grossly swollen from her hysterical crying jag, with her gun held limply in one hand and the phone in her other hand. Mulder stepped forward and caught her just as she fainted. The two police officers stepped past them and immediately began a search of the apartment. They were back in a minute. The apartment was not that big. After Scully fell into his arms, Mulder had picked her up and taken her over to the couch. He was sitting on the edge of the couch when the officers returned from their search. "Nothing seems to be out of place, no sign of a struggle, either," one of them reported to Mulder. The other officer pulled out his radio and began to call in a report. He wandered off toward the kitchen to speak uninterrupted. The other officer watched as Mulder gently shook Scully's shoulders, trying to awaken her. He called her name several times. "Get me a wet cloth," he said over his shoulder to the officer who headed for the bathroom to comply and quickly returned. Mulder carefully wiped Scully's face with the cool cloth. He pushed her hair out of her eyes with it. He continued to softly call her name. He touched her pulse points with the cloth, then returned to her face. Her eyes began to flutter open, her mouth was moving, but no words came out. "Shhh," Mulder said. "Don't try to talk. Just relax for a moment. Lie still." He continued to wipe her face, being extra careful of the bruises. "What happened to her?" the office standing by asked. "It's all right, Officer. She didn't get these bruises tonight. I think she's just got some swelling from crying so hard. He didn't want to go into Scully's history, it would only embarrass her. The policeman with the radio came back to the living room. "I've reported in. I told them there doesn't seem to be a break in, or an intruder anywhere. I told them the situation was under control at this point, and we'd get back to them with more information shortly." He looked at Scully's form on the couch. "Is she OK?" he asked with concern in his voice. "What happened?" "I don't know yet," Mulder answered honestly. He turned back to face Scully, who was struggling to sit up. Mulder let her up. To try and keep her down would only make her mad. "Scully, what happened?" Mulder searched her eyes. "Are you hurt anywhere?" His own hazel eyes expressed deep concern. Scully was feeling extremely foolish right now. She couldn't believe she had let a note break her like this. A stupid note, no real threat, nothing that could harm her. And now Mulder was here, and two police officers. They would all think her pretty stupid and incompetent when they found out that nothing had happened at all! "No, I'm not hurt," the words barely came out of her cracked lip. "Would you get her some water, please?" Mulder asked one of the officers. He came back quickly from the kitchen, full glass in hand. Scully took it and gratefully drank it down. She was dehydrated from the hot bath and the hard crying. She felt a little better. "Thank you," she said graciously as she handed the glass back. She could stall no longer, they were waiting for an answer. She just wished they would go away and let her talk to Mulder alone. He would at least understand, knowing what she had been through. Mulder sensed Scully's hesitancy. Her eyes were pleading with him to silently understand. He did. He turned to the two officers. "Do you mind checking the outside of the building? See if anything looks unusual or out of place?" he asked politely. The officers were not rookies. They could take a hint. But they also had a job to do and a report to file on the incident. "We'll be back in five minutes," they said and they turned and walked out the door into the hall. Scully and Mulder heard their footsteps on the stairs. "Thank you," Scully said to Mulder. "I, I just feel so foolish," she cast her eyes down to her hands in her lap. Mulder waited patiently for her to go on. Finally, she did. "I was in bed, and I heard this noise," her voice began to rise. Mulder put his strong hands on her shoulders, trying to will his strength to her. "It's OK," he said, knowing a pause would help her regain her composure. She started again. "I got up to see what it was," she had decided to skip describing the terror she had gone through before she was actually able to leave her room, "and I found that note on the floor, by the door." She pointed behind the couch. Mulder turned to look in that direction. Sure enough, between her gun and the phone was an envelope and a sheet of folded paper. He hadn't noticed them in the rush to catch Scully before she hit the ground and then bringing her to the couch. He rose to go retrieve them. Scully continued talking. "Without thinking, I handled the envelope, but then I realized there might be prints on it, so I just pulled the paper out by the very corner." Mulder had reached the paper now and copied her behavior by barely placing his fingertips on one top corner and bringing it back to the couch. "It upset me so much after reading it, that I just went off the deep end." Scully watched Mulder's face as he sat back down and read the note. He showed no emotion. She knew he wouldn't. She added to her story as he put the note down on the coffee table and turned back to face her, "I knew I couldn't handle this by myself, so I called you, but then I couldn't speak." Mulder had compassion written all over his face. He didn't think her foolish. "I'm so sorry," Dana began again. Mulder didn't let her finish as the tears began again. He gently put his arms around her, to enfold her into his world of safety. Dana's arms remained at her side, but she leaned her head against Mulder's shoulder, trying to shut out her world of terror. He attempted to reassure her once again, "It's OK. There's nothing to be sorry about. I'm glad you called me. It's OK." He repeated the mantra over and over, one hand stroking her back gently. He felt her quiet tears of shame and sorrow as they soaked through his tee shirt in an ever widening circle. He heard a soft cough come from behind him, and then footsteps as the officers came back into the room. He did not move away from Scully. He didn't care what they saw or thought at this point. Comforting Scully was all that mattered now. But it mattered to Scully. She leaned away from Mulder, indicating he should let her go. He did so. She stared down at her lap again, wishing she were invisible. Mulder turned his attention to the officers. "Did you find anything?" he asked. "No," one of them answered simply. "Would you like to tell us what happened now, Miss?" They had a report to file, and apparently no crime had been committed here. Scully raised her head to face them. She saw the washcloth on the table and reached for it to wipe her face. She knew she must look like someone from a freak show. Before she could speak, Mulder jumped into the conversation. "As you know, the reason you are patrolling Agent Scully's neighborhood is because she is the kidnap victim you read about in today's paper concerning the Matthew Seigler story." Mulder continued, "She received this note tonight," he pointed to the table where it lay, "Apparently someone slipped it under her door, and she was so upset and frightened by it, she momentarily lost control," Mulder winced inside, what a choice of words he berated himself, but he continued on for the officers, "and she called me for help, but then couldn't speak, she was so upset. "I thought she was in danger, or hurt, so I called for you to come to her aid while I got over here. And that's pretty much the story." Mulder shrugged his shoulders to indicate that was all the information he had. Everyone turned their attention to the note lying on the table. "What does the note say?" one of the officers asked. He did not reach for it. He had listened well in his evidence gathering classes. Mulder gently prodded the edge of the paper so it would spin toward the officers so they could read it. "Excuse me, please," Scully suddenly stood up, "I'd like to get cleaned up." Each of the men nodded their head in understanding and consent. She left the room, walking very unsteadily toward her bedroom. Mulder watched her with concern, but knew she wouldn't want his help. He turned his attention back to the officers as she made it safely to her bedroom. Both men were shaking their heads slowly, their brows furrowed as they read the note Scully had received. In typical criminal fashion, words and letters had been cut from newspapers and magazines to form the content: ThoUghT You WERE saFe BItch. YOU're not. I Will GET you. I wILL kILl you. YOU WiLL pay. I wILl MAKE you PAy dEArlY. You WIll NOT geT AWaY. YouR lOveR. Before they could say anything, Mulder spoke up again. "I'll bag this as evidence and bring it down to Det. Williams in the morning. You guys can go on and make your report. If there are any questions, I will speak with Det. Williams in the morning. "I'd appreciate it if you'd keep patrolling the area tonight. I will be staying here to keep an eye on Agent Scully." Mulder spoke with authority as he stood up and begin moving the officers toward the door. "I certainly appreciate your responding so quickly to my call. It's good to know you guys are out there," Mulder continued to stroke their egos as they stood in the hallway. They were only too happy to be on their way. If they filed their report quickly, they might still be able to end their shift on time. Each said their good- byes. As they went down the stairs, Mulder could hear one of the officers reporting an update of the situation over his radio. Mulder also heard him request a second cruiser be sent to this area to take over for them. Mulder went back inside and shut and locked the door. He was glad they didn't have to break the door in, it would have been so much trouble to replace. He crossed to the window and opened up the slats on the blinds. He saw the officers close the doors on the police car and drive away. Mulder carefully picked up the note and envelope and put them in the kitchen with Scully's gun and the phone. He wanted them to be out of her sight when she returned to the living room. That done, he then turned to face Scully's bedroom. He decided he had better check on her, and he went in search of her. He heard her before he found her. He immediately recognized the sounds of vomiting. He hurried to her bathroom door. It was only half closed. He wanted to help, but he didn't want to intrude. He knocked softly, calling her name. She was too busy throwing up to answer him. He pushed the door open slowly, and saw her kneeling in front of the porcelain god, offering up her guts to him. She was holding her sides. The heaving was no doubt excruciating due to her sore ribs and beaten flesh. She had no hands available to hold her hair out of the way. He quietly knelt down beside her, gathered her hair from each side of her face and held it back for her. A fleeting memory of seeing his mother do the same for his sister Samantha when she was terribly sick once flashed through his brain. He pushed it away. He needed to concentrate on Scully right now. After a minute or so went by with no heaving, he deduced she had given it all she had. She began to conclude the same herself and sat back on her knees, raising her head. Mulder let her hair go, stood up and found a clean wash cloth. He soaked it in cool water and handed it to her. She took it gratefully and with great embarrassment all at the same time. No one wanted anyone else to see them puke, she lamented to herself. Fox also filled a cup with water so she could rinse out her mouth. She swished the water around her mouth a few times and spat into the toilet. She repeated the action once more before handing the cup back. She stood up and threw the washcloth in the sink. She would attend to that later. She flushed the toilet and slowly headed back for her bed. Would this night never end, she questioned herself? Mulder again resisted helping her. As he turned out the light and began to follow her, she turned back on him so quickly he almost ran over her. "Leave it on!" she said, her voice abnormally loud. Mulder quickly turned the light back on, and saw the terror in her eyes before she turned from him. Mulder frowned. He didn't like the look or sound of her at this moment. As she stumbled into bed, he waited until she had adjusted the covers and gotten as comfortable as possible before sitting down on the edge of her double bed. He took one of her hands in his. She pulled it away. "I'm fine," she said just a little too sharply. "I can see that," Mulder retorted. "I know I always puke my guts up after a huge crying jag before I go to bed each night." He couldn't help himself, needling her so. He just got so tired of her always being *fine*, no matter what the circumstances. Why was it so hard for her to admit she might need someone, he wondered. "Look," Scully said hotly, "if you want to say 'I told you so', why don't you just go ahead and say it!" She crossed her arms in front of her, totally cutting herself off from him. She didn't need or want his sympathy. What she wanted was for everything to be the way it was before. Deep anger and resentment had replaced her previous fear. Mulder felt himself getting mad. She knew exactly how to press his buttons, and frequently did. He truly hated being shut out of the only person's life he wanted to be in. It took a moment for him to realize what she was really saying to him. He silently counted to ten before he resumed talking to her. "Are you finished?" he calmly asked. He saw her face soften, and her shoulders relax a little. She uncrossed her arms and let them lay limply on the bed spread. Deep in her heart, she knew she was lashing out at the wrong person. Mulder was not here to accuse her, stifle her, or invade her space. He was here to help her. She had called him, for God's sake! At that thought, she unconsciously began fingering the cross around her neck. "I'm sorry, Mulder," she said finally. "I didn't mean to take it out on you." Mulder just nodded his head in silent understanding. He took her hand once again. This time she did not pull away. "Want to talk about it?" Mulder was intentionally vague. He did not specify what "it" he meant; the hours with Seigler, the note, how she felt right now. He would talk about anything she wanted to talk about. "No," she said quietly. "Not yet." "Fine," he replied. He brushed a stray strand of hair from her face, and gently smiled. "I'm going into the living room so you can get some peace, and hopefully go to sleep." He rose from the bed, "If you need anything, anything at all," he emphasized, "just call. I'll hear you." She knew it was true. A whisper would bring him to her side in a flash. For some reason, that thought was a great comfort. She smiled weakly in return and nodded her head. As Mulder reached the bedroom door, his hand began moving toward the light switch. "Mulder," Scully felt a slight panic rising. He turned back, eyes raised in a question. "Just," Dana felt so foolish! "Just," she continued, "leave the light on for right now, OK?" It was not really a question. And Mulder recognized that. "Sure, OK," he replied. "It'll make it easier to check on you," he tried to answer lightly, to ease her burden. He left her then, and went out to sit on the couch. Fox felt uncomfortable in his tear sodden tee shirt, so he removed it and laid it over the back of the couch to dry, then he took off his shoes, plumped a pillow at the end of the couch, and laid back. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV, adjusting the volume extremely low. Surfing through the channels he settled on a low-budget '50's movie about invading Martians battling army tanks. Glancing at his watch, he saw it was only 9:30pm. He rolled his eyes and gave a big sigh, and settled in for a long night. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 11/16 Surprisingly enough, he fell asleep before the end of the movie. And it wasn't a whisper from Scully that roused him from his slumber, it was her scream. He jumped up, instantly alert. His hand flew to his side feeling for his gun as he headed for Scully's bedroom. All the lights were on, so it was easy to instantly see what was wrong. Scully was having a nightmare, and she was tangled in her sheet and bed spread. She was struggling mightily against nothing. Her voice was rising in pitch with each scream. Mulder's gun went back into it's place as he crossed her room in a few steps and was once again sitting on the edge of her bed. "Scully!" Mulder grabbed her flailing arms. She screamed anew, this time in pain. He realized he must have grabbed bruises hidden under her pajama sleeves. He released her immediately, softly cursing his clumsiness. He continued to call her name as he struggled to disentangle her from the bed clothes. She began to beat against him with her fists, now struggling against Mulder instead of the sheets that bound her. Mulder dodged her blows as best he could while trying to untangle her. He pulled the bedspread from around her and was rewarded with a sock on the chin. Fortunately, in her sleep, Scully did not hit him full force. Most of her blows glanced off his chest. Mulder finally successful unraveled the bed clothes that were binding Scully to the bed. Now that she was free, she could sit up and fight Mulder easier. Her screams turned into words as she berated Matthew in her sleep. Mulder's eyes opened wide at some of the curses that came from Scully's mouth. He figured she knew such words, but he'd never heard her use the gutter language that spilled from her mouth like garbage now. She was calling Seigler and some of his choice body parts every name in the book, and a few even he didn't know. She was beating fiercely at his chest now, though hardly full strength. She took a swing that would have connected with Mulder's jaw had he not ducked in time. He had been continuously and loudly calling her name throughout the entire ordeal. He simply wasn't getting through to her. She was deep in her mind, fighting off Seigler, doing and saying all the things she had been unable to do at the time of the real attack. His frustration building at not being able to subdue Scully's movements, Mulder finally lunged at her bodily, pinning her once again to the bed. She continued to cuss Matthew and his inferior male equipment. Being bound tightly again only made Scully more fearful and her screams returned. Her mouth was next to Fox's ear and it began to ring with her incessant screaming. Mulder vaguely wondered what her neighbors must be thinking by now! Fox's mouth was also adjacent to her ear. Instead of screaming back at her, he calmly whispered her name. "Scully, it's me, Mulder." He said it three times before he felt a shift in her body tension, and her voice lower it's volume. "Wake up, Dana. It's OK. You're safe." He continued to whisper while keeping her body pinned under his. She began to calm down, and within a few seconds, she opened her eyes and realized where she was. Mulder could not see her face. He continued to talk softly to her, assuring her she was safe, and that he was there. She just let him talk to her as she tried to center herself and her emotions. His voice was so soothing. She longed for it to go on and on, to remove her from the world of the dark. She felt his lips brush her ear as he spoke to her. She felt his warm breath on her neck. Slowly, she became aware of his bare chest pressing against her. She smelled him, Mulder. It was comforting to know his smell. Briefly she wondered what she smelled like to him; how he could recognize her for being uniquely her. She continued to relax in spite of his weight on top of her. She began pushing her thoughts and fears from the nightmare back into the recesses of her brain. She wanted to hear only his voice and concentrate on nothing else. He finally sensed her state of full consciousness, though she tried to hide it. She just wanted to stay this way for a few moments longer. She knew the questions would begin again shortly. She wanted to forestall them as long as possible. But it was too late, he knew. Mulder slowly leaned his head back from hers to gaze into her eyes, to see her awareness for himself. Her eyes scared him. They were glassy; she was far removed from reality at this moment. They were dull and uncaring of anything happening. Fox carefully shifted his weight from her body, unreasonably expecting her to attack him again the moment she was free. In actuality, she became as limp as a rag doll. "Hey," he tried to get her attention, "are you with us?" he asked quietly. Scully nodded her head slightly to indicate that she heard him. Mulder totally relaxed his grip on her and sat back a few inches. "Are you OK?" He studied her eyes. Scully was exhausted. She blinked slowly several times, trying to focus in on Mulder's deep green eyes. She studied the golden flecks in his left eye and tried to discern a pattern. She began to drift off mentally. "Hey!" Mulder said a little louder. He saw her lack of response. "Scully!" He brought his hands up to her shoulders to give her a gentle shake. That brought her up fighting mad! In a flash, Scully brought both her arms up inside of his, pushing them in an outward motion as she had been taught in self defense class, and balled her right hand up into a fist and aimed it at Mulder's jaw. In her state, she was much too slow, though her actions startled him at first. But his automatic reactions set in, also. He leaned his head back, and brought his left arm up in front of her fist to deflect the blow. He then put both of his hands on her shoulders, shoved her backwards and pinned her once again to the bed. Scully was breathing hard from the exertion and adrenaline that was coursing through her body. Whether the adrenaline or Mulder's actions brought her back to reality, she wasn't sure, but suddenly she knew where she was and what was happening. Tears formed, threatening to drown her ice blue eyes. Mulder recognized the focus that came back into her eyes and released his grip on her immediately. Scully pulled herself up into a sitting position and leaned against the headboard. She wiped the corners of her eyes free of tears and stared into her lap. "Are you OK, Scully?" he asked quietly. She didn't answer, only nodded her head yes. An uncomfortable silence filled the room. "Scully?" She continued to stare into her lap. "Scully?" No response. "Look at me." No response. Mulder gently placed his finger under her chin and raised her face toward him. "Dana?" He needed to know she was OK. Finally her eyes met his and locked. She was going to be OK. She was here, back in reality with him. He let out a breath that he didn't realize he had been holding. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked for the second time that night. She slowly nodded her head. The words came slowly and quietly. Mulder listened as she recounted how she had been kidnapped, stripped naked, tied up, beaten up and humiliated, and finally conquered. Mulder had a fleeting thought that he was glad he already knew the details and that he'd had time to digest them. If he'd been hearing them for the first time, he didn't think he would have been able to control his actions. As it was, he was able to be here, now, for Dana. He would have concentrated on his feelings, his anger, and his frustration at being able to do nothing to help Scully while she was being brutalized. Because it wasn't news to him, he was able to concentrate on Scully, to boost her confidence here and there, to assure her she had done all she could have under the circumstances. He was glad to know that she didn't leave anything out. In the retelling of the tale, she didn't try to spare her own pride, or make Matthew more hideous than he was, and she didn't try to overstate or understate the beatings. She broke down many times, and her voice was unnaturally high sometimes, but the important thing was she was getting it out and letting him in. He tried not to crowd her on the bed, prompt her on details or facts, or touch her. He had read somewhere that rape victims become extremely negatively sensitive to the male touch after an attack and sometimes grow to abhor it. He didn't want Scully to feel that way about him. From time to time during her story, he wondered how and when or even if he should tell her that he already knew everything she was telling him. The video and her statement weighed heavily on his mind. He pushed those thoughts back into another corner of his mind to be retrieved later. Right now he needed to concentrate on Scully's account. The words had come out quicker and quicker as she told Mulder the story, as if the sooner she said them, the sooner the crap would be out of her. She hesitated only once in telling Mulder everything. When she got to the actual rape by Matthew, she didn't know if she could tell him. The words were interspersed alternately with tears of shame, and words of anger. She had felt so helpless. It almost galled her. She was angry that a man had done this to her. Yet with all the understanding of the physical body that she had, she knew that ultimately Matthew had raped her mind. He had taken her confidence, her security, her control, her peace in who she was, her dignity. He had taken everything from her. She tried desperately to convey that to Mulder. It was what mattered the most to her. But her fears also included how Mulder would ultimately perceive the act, such as it was. From a man's point of view, was she now damaged goods? She realized this was the 90's. Even so, she was aware of the double standard men held in their minds for women. While Fox did not comment on Seigler's actions as she spoke, she saw his hands clench so tight that his knuckles turned white under the pressure. She noticed his change in breathing, too. His chest rose and fell extremely fast, as if he had been in a race. Still, he said nothing. His restraint almost seemed a let down to her. She couldn't believe what she was thinking. What did she expect Mulder to do? Rant and rave and beat the walls in anger and yell about revenge? A tiny part of her, way down deep, screamed a silent yes to her brain. She wanted him to champion her cause. Finally, Scully drained from the entire day's ordeals, could speak no more. She had slipped further and further down from her sitting position over the retelling of her nightmare until she was flat on her back and looking at the ceiling, and not at Mulder, by the time she was finished. She lay silent for a few moments. Mulder, realizing it was indeed mercifully over for the both of them, edged closer so he could lean over and stare into her eyes. He didn't trust himself to voice his feelings, but he wanted her to see them. Scully could usually read Mulder like a book, and now was no exception. Besides the obvious pain he felt, she saw compassion and empathy all the way down to his soul, and her eyes begin to swim again. Dana sat back up, and as she did so, her tears escaped over the dam her eyelids formed and cascaded over her mottled cheeks. Mulder could barely stand it. His insides ached to see Scully like this. Her bottom lip trembled as she struggled to regain control of her body. It was a losing battle. She grabbed Mulder in a fierce hug and nearly crushed the air out of him as she held on for dear life and maybe sanity itself. He remembered the last time he had felt such an intense embrace from her; the night he had rescued her from Donnie Pfaster. He was again surprised at how she was allowing him to see the depth of her fear. Knowing she was bruised in many places, he was afraid to return the hug. But when he heard great sobs coming from the very core of Dana, and felt her tears splash on his bare back he could hold back no longer. His arms encircled her tiny, battered body, and held her close to him. His grief and pain were as deep as her own. His eyes welled up and broke over their own dam, and coursed down his cheeks. He didn't know if he was crying for her, or for the guilt he felt inside. They held each other like that for a long time, alternately crying and speaking soothing words to each other. Each cried from their own pain for a while, and then one would try to comfort the other, get swallowed up in their own pain again, and begin crying afresh while the other then tried to do the comforting. Finally, there were no more tears left to cry. Discomfort began to set in and eventually, they separated, yet remained close both physically and mentally. After a few moments of total silence, Mulder spoke up. "Dana, I am so sorry," Fox's voice was extremely low. Scully refused to let him finish and interrupted him. "No, Mulder," she began, "I told you from the beginning, you are not responsible. It was my job, and my choice." Mulder wanted so badly to tell her his side, he wondered if he would ever get the chance to apologize. She simply wouldn't let him! "And the nightmare certainly isn't your fault," she continued. "It's just my mind working out my problems in the only way it knows how," her voice trailed off. Mulder smiled a moment to himself. It was fleeting, and she almost missed it. "What?" she could use a laugh right about now. He didn't respond right away. "What?" she said again, smiling herself a little now. Mulder raised his eyebrows and looked away for a moment, grinning. Scully punched him lightly on his biceps. "What?" she repeated for the third time. Mulder turned back to face her. "I was just remembering some of the things you said while you were having your nightmare." She looked at him puzzled. She didn't remember anything funny in her nightmare! What was he talking about? She waited, she wasn't going to pump him any more. He would tell her. He proceeded to repeat some of the phrases she had used in her fit of anger to describe Matthew and his anatomy. Scully's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes opened wide, incredulous. "I did not!" she tried to sound as indignant as possible. "Yes," Mulder insisted, "Dana Katherine Scully, good little Catholic girl, did udder words of damnation and vulgarity such as I have never heard before," he said with one hand raised, as if testifying. Scully couldn't believe it. "Really?" He was nodding his head as if to confirm her worst thoughts. Then she scoffed, "No I didn't, you are making that up!" But she could see the truth in his eyes. He wasn't making it up. He pursed his mouth in a prissy, disapproving "Aunt Bee" kind of look. Scully broke out into laughter. The sound of it filled Mulder with an inner delight. Scully was laughing again! He joined in, and together they laughed until Scully begged Mulder to stop. Her stomach was beginning to protest from the constant muscle tension required to produce laughter. Mulder fell face forward on the bed, continuing to laugh. He was seemingly as unable to stop laughing as he was crying earlier. Scully fell over toward the opposite side of the bed, trying to stifle her own mirth. This gave Mulder enough room to turn over on his back, still laughing. Scully had now succumbed to the giggles and moved over to give Mulder more room. Eventually they ended up side by side, flat on their backs, staring at the ceiling. They were finally quiet, exhaustion consuming them totally. After a while, Mulder felt Scully tentatively slide a finger under his hand as it rested on top of the covers between them, and then she slid another and another until her small hand was completely under his. Without looking at her, he gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. They both closed their eyes and each finally found an island of peace in their ocean of pain. There were no more nightmares that night. Scully's Apartment Friday April 23 6:12am Mulder woke first, still on his back, Scully's hand still tucked inside his own. He looked over slowly at the bedside clock. 6:12 am. It seemed later in the morning for some reason. Then he realized is seemed later because it was so bright in the room. All the lights were still on. He slowly turned his head back toward Scully. He saw that she was still asleep. He watched the rhythmic rising and falling of her chest as she rested peacefully. He didn't want to disturb her, but he also didn't want her to wake up with him beside her. It would only embarrass her to remember the venerability she had displayed last night; to actually admit in the world of daylight that she had needed somebody. He slowly disengaged his hand from hers and rolled carefully out of bed. She did not wake up or even stir. Fox stifled a big yawn until he reached the kitchen. He began filling the coffee maker with a filter, coffee, and water. After turning the unit on, he quietly crossed over to her front door, opened it, and retrieved the newspaper lying in front of her door, and went back to the kitchen to wait for the coffee. As he passed the counter just inside the kitchen doorway, his eyes caught a glimpse of the envelope that had been shoved under Scully's door last night. He stopped to stare at it, not really wanting to deal with it just yet. There would be no point in taking it to the police or the FBI labs; Seigler was clever enough not to leave his fingerprints on it, he was sure. Yet, that is what he would do with it, and hope against hope that they would find a trace of something on it that would link the note to Seigler. He sighed and turned away from it. It was too early. He pulled a chair out from under the table, sat down and opened the paper before him. The headlines screamed at him in extra-large, bold type: Serial Killer Still on the Loose? Mulder quickly scanned the article. Another woman was missing and conjecture was being made that it might be the work of the serial killer. Then the writer rehashed yesterday's news concerning Matthew Seigler, ending with the fact that the judge had eventually let him out on bail. The reporter intimated that there might be a connection between Seigler and the missing woman. He also used several inches of column space to point up, in his humble opinion, areas of inefficiency in the police department. Because there wasn't enough evidence to hold Seigler, he had been able to make bail, the article said. Had the police tried hard enough? Was the one surviving victim that had been rescued not cooperating with the police so they could gather enough evidence? The article went on and on, using speculation and innuendo to fan the flames of the public's paranoia concerning this case. Shit, Mulder thought. This is the last thing Scully needs to see this morning! He folded the paper back up and slipped the rubber band back on. He would take this with him. The best thing right now would be for him to get this out of the apartment and get going on this case. He decided to forego the leisurely morning routine he had planned, and hastily scribbled a note to Scully on some note paper he found in her desk. "Getting an early start. Thanks for the slumber party last night, let's do it again real soon. Call me when you get up. Mulder". He placed the note by the coffee pot. After putting his tee shirt and shoes back on he poured himself a cup of coffee to go, carefully picked up the envelope with the note inside, and quietly let himself out the door. In between driving home for a shave, shower, and clean clothes, and then driving to the office, he formulated his plans for the day. At the last minute he decided to pick up more coffee and a bagel for breakfast. He reached the office just a little before 8am. His cell phone rang as he was unlocking the basement door to their office. "Mulder," he responded. "It's me," Scully replied. "I got your note. Thanks for the coffee." Mulder thought she sounded good over the phone. "How are you?" he asked anyway. "I'm fine," Scully was smiling on her end. She knew he hated it when she gave him that answer. Mulder just rolled his eyes, and gave a small grin himself. He would let her get away with that answer this morning. Scully continued, "I'll be in the office in about an hour." She knew he was going to interrupt and try to protest, so she didn't give him the air time. "I'm fine, and I need to work. See you there." She broke the connection. Mulder gave a small shake of his head as he stared at the now dead phone. What did he really expect, though, he asked himself. He put the phone down and busied himself with his plans. First he put in a call to Det. Williams to fill him in on the details of last night and tell him he would be dropping the note off shortly. Then he placed a call to Matthew Seigler's old flame, Lilly Townsend, and made an appointment to see her later in the day. He cruised on up to Walter Skinner's office, brushing bagel crumbs from his shirt even as Sharon announced him. "Agent Mulder," Skinner greeted him as usual. "What can I do for you?" he asked formally. Mulder declined to sit. He wanted to get in and out. He brought Skinner up to speed on the incident at Scully's apartment last night. He very pointedly left out anything that happened after the police officers left. "Agent Scully is on her way into the office and should be here shortly. I am taking the note and envelope over to Det. Williams, and then I'll be coming back to the office. Later I have an appointment to see Lilly Townsend," Mulder concluded his summation of today's agenda. Skinner, who had been absentmindedly nodding his head in agreement with all Mulder was proposing, cocked his head at Mulder's last sentence. "Why are you going to see her?" Mulder pushed both of his hands deep into his trouser pockets. He took a deep breath and blew it out. "I know it's a long shot, sir," he started, "but I think we need to interview Lilly to see if she can shed any light on this case concerning Matthew's previous behavior, his hangouts, that sort of thing. If he has kidnapped another woman like the newspaper suggests, she might have an idea of where to look. It's a start," he finished lamely. "I don't seem to recall you being reassigned to this case, Agent Mulder," Skinner began. He saw Mulder stiffen as he withdrew his hands from his pockets, fists already balled, his mouth already working to form a protest, which Skinner never gave him the chance to lodge as he continued speaking, "but seeing as you have nothing else more pressing at this moment, you may delve into it as long as you stay out of Det. Williams' way." He watched Mulder's total body language change in an instant. "Or until I assign you a case," Skinner concluded. Mulder nodded his head, "Yes, sir." Skinner dropped his eyes to his desk and began shifting papers around, an indication that Mulder was dismissed. Mulder recognized the sign and turned to leave. "Oh, Agent Mulder," Skinner called out just as Mulder reached the door. Mulder turned back to face him. Skinner's deep brown eyes pierced Fox even at this distance as he spoke, "Watch over Agent Scully," Walter paused a moment, "She's a valuable asset to the FBI, and I don't expect you to let anything else happen to her." Mulder caught the innuendo in Skinner's voice. Skinner always seemed to know how to keep Mulder in line with just a few words or a look, and he had managed to make him feel like a bad little boy all over again. He ducked his head in acknowledgment, turned on his heel and left Skinner's office. His face felt as if it were burning. Good, Skinner thought to himself, that little dig will keep Mulder on his toes today, making him work harder and dig deeper to solve this case. He returned his thoughts to his paperwork, and sighed heavily. Subject: A Crying Shame Part 12/16 TITLE: A Crying Shame ---xxxxx--- An hour and a half later, Mulder returned to his basement office. Scully was there, as promised, and although looking a little drained from last night's ordeal, she somehow looked better, too. While he could see the obvious evidence of lack of sleep, he could also see that the pinched look from stress was gone from her face, and her eyes seemed a little brighter. Unburdening herself last night of the whole sordid business had obviously helped her state of mind. She greeted him with a small smile. "Are you the one that absconded with my newspaper this morning? " Mulder nodded his head, "Guilty as charged," but offered no other explanation as he crossed to his desk. "Where have you been?" she asked next, curiously. "I was dropping off your *love letter* to Det. Williams and filling out the necessary reports from last night. Believe me," he opened his eyes wide and lifted his eyebrows as if he were talking about something mysterious and unknown, "we are not alone in the horrendous paperwork department!" "Did he have any news about the case," Scully asked carefully. "No," Mulder answered truthfully. He knew he would have to tell her about the missing woman soon. She might even already know. Mulder decided to get it over with. "But we did discuss another case." Scully raised her eyebrows questioningly and waited. "Another woman is missing, and the MO seems to be the same as the other cases." Scully sucked in a deep breath. She had feared this. Her inability to identify Seigler had allowed him to get out of jail and continue his reign of terror. "Mulder, no," was all she could get out. Fox saw the fright on her face. If possible, Mulder thought he saw her face grow a little paler under her bruises. He had known this would adversely affect her; that she would blame herself. He tried to deflect her worry by offering an action. "I've made an appointment to see Seigler's old girlfriend, Lilly Townsend, to try and get some leads. Want to come?" He could see the inner struggle as she tried to get her fears under control. "If you don't feel up to it, I'll understand," he said gently, trying to give her an out. Professionalism won out. "No," she finally got out hoarsely, "I think I need to go." She stood up, ready to follow him out the door. Mulder stepped from behind his desk, but instead of leading the way out, he stopped a few inches from Scully. He placed a hand on her arm. He could see she didn't want to go. "Scully," he said softly, "you don't have to go. I thought you might want to put your feelings into action; to be part of the investigation to put Seigler away, that's all. This isn't a test to see if you are ready to face the world again." Scully's head dropped, it suddenly seemed that the toes of her shoes needed a full inspection. Mulder continued to talk to the top of Scully's head as she resolutely refused to look at him. She knew she would burst into tears if she did. "Scully," Mulder called for her attention. No response. "Dana, look at me," he commanded softly. She finally finished inspecting the polish of her navy shoes and grudgingly brought her face up to look at Mulder. When he knew he had her complete attention, he continued. "You don't have to prove anything to me," he said with great empathy in his voice. His hazel eyes locked onto her clear blue eyes. He was doing his best to send her soul some of his own strength and resolve. Scully dug down deep within herself. It was true that she didn't want to disappoint Mulder, but more than that, she didn't want to disappoint herself. She reigned in her fear and pain and responded, "But, I have to prove something to myself." Mulder nodded in understanding, dropped his hand from her arm and opened the door for her. ---xxxxx--- Forty minutes later they were sitting in a luxurious living room in a fashionable housing district just outside of Washington, DC They had been ushered in by a homely young man dressed in the customary black suit of a butler. The butler was aware of their appointment, and showed them where they could wait while he informed "Ms. Lilly" of their arrival. Mulder's eyes wandered from expensive item to expensive item, taking in appreciatively how the other half lived. While he lived a Spartan life by choice, and wanted nor expected anything else material, he could be impressed occasionally by others surroundings. Scully kept her eyes glued on the hallway, waiting for Lilly to appear. She was too nervous to take in her surroundings. She kept asking herself over and over what she was doing here. She didn't want to be around anything or anyone that was even remotely connected to Matthew Seigler. Knowing that this girl had willingly been with such a monster was beyond her comprehension. She felt her stomach turning over in anticipation of the meeting. Her anxiety had almost reached the puke level. She vaguely began to wonder where the bathroom was in case she needed to throw up. Mulder stopped looking around the room and began testing the durability and bounce of the leather sofa. He was about to comment on it when he noticed she was looking a little green. He stood up and walked over to the chair she was sitting in. He glanced at the doorway to make sure no one would overhear. "Hey, are you all right? You don't look so good." He nearly whispered. He didn't want to embarrass her by bringing attention to her condition. Besides, he already knew what she would answer. Scully wouldn't in a million years admit the upheaval going on inside her right now. She nodded her head before answering. "I'm fine," she and Mulder said in unison. Scully looked at him with an arched eyebrow. "I know," Mulder sighed. "I shouldn't have asked." He added, "Would you like a glass of water?" Scully nodded her head, afraid to open her mouth again for fear something *really* unpleasant would come out. Mulder walked into the hallway to look for the butler or a bathroom, whichever came first. The powder room won. He filled the blue plastic cup that exactly matched the wall paper, with cool water and retraced his steps. As he approached the living room, he heard voices. When he entered, he saw a slender woman standing in the room with her back to him. She turned to face him when she saw Agent Scully's eyes glancing in his direction. "Oh, here is Special Agent Fox Mulder now," Scully said, extremely glad Mulder was back to conduct the interview. Lilly had been staring at Scully's still healing face, but was obviously too polite to bring up the subject. Scully was glad to have Lilly's attention drawn away from her. "Hello, I'm Agent Mulder," he repeated, as he handed Dana the glass of water. "I'm sorry to go wandering off in your home, but Agent Scully had something caught in her throat." Well, it was half true, he thought to himself. He took Lilly Townsend in. She was as beautiful as the newspaper clippings had portrayed. Mulder noticed she was several inches taller than Scully. He took in her thick, shoulder length, chestnut colored hair, and noticed how her surprisingly large, bright green eyes seemed to give her a perpetual look of seeing something of immense interest, and at the same time they conveyed the impression of innocence, as well. Her lips were perfectly shaped, and painted a bright cherry red that contrasted well with her deep tan. She was dressed casually, a loose fitting, bright yellow blouse tucked neatly into white slacks. White sandals covered her feet. She held out a slim, browned arm decorated with a single gold bracelet to Mulder as he introduced himself. "Why, that is quite all right, Mr. Mulder," she spoke pleasantly, "I hope you found everything all right. I'm Lilly Townsend." "Yes," Mulder replied, taking her hand firmly, then releasing it. "I recognize you from the newspaper photographs. Lilly spread her arm in a sweeping motion indicating that they should feel free to sit down. Lilly began. "I suppose I know what you are here to investigate, Mr. Mulder and Ms. Scully," she looked at them each in turn. "I'm sure you are here because of Matthew and our," she paused, looking for a suitable word. She settled on, "past." Ignoring the improper titles Lilly bestowed upon them, Fox took out a small notebook and pen from his suit pocket and opened it up when he saw that Dana wasn't doing so. He would let her coast today. She was slowly drinking the water Mulder had brought. "That's correct, Ms. Townsend," he began. "Please," she corrected, "call me Lilly." "OK," he replied. He started again. "We'd like to ask a few questions about Mr. Seigler's attitude and behavior in the last few weeks and months." "Well, I'm sure you know that Matthew and I severed our relationship over three months ago. I'm not sure what I can tell you." Lilly was not being evasive, Mulder decided, she just needed some specific questions to respond to. "Could you tell us why you broke off your engagement with Mr. Seigler?" Mulder asked. "As I understand it, you had been linked with him for many years. What caused you to decide to break it off?" Lilly looked troubled for a moment as memories crossed her mind. She glanced down to inspect her nail polish. Mulder thought he saw a trace of fear, as well. He glanced at Scully to see if she was reading Lilly the same way. He almost missed Lilly's answer as he continued to study Scully for a few moments. Scully's brow was deeply furrowed, and her eyes were narrowed, as if she were actually trying to see inside Lilly. Lilly's voice brought Mulder back. "...and then he began to change. I don't think he meant to be so forceful with me, but sometimes, it was obvious that he wanted to dominate not only what I did, but where I went and things I said and thought. He became what you might call a control freak." "So, " Mulder tried to sum up the part he'd actually heard, "Matthew began to try to control you, and you naturally wished to remain your independent self, is that correct?" "Yes," she agreed, "that was part of it. But he also became extremely jealous of everyone I came in contact with, even girl friends. He seemed to want me exclusively to himself." Her voice dropped a little lower, "I just decided that wasn't the kind of life I wanted to lead, and," she stopped speaking a moment. When she began again, there was a lilt in her voice and a shy smile. "And then, I met Justin one day at an art auction. We just seemed to hit it off right away. I recognized in him many of the characteristics I used to admire in Matthew; kindness, a good sense of humor, and he was handsome, fun to be with, and had an interest in the real me. "But I had become afraid of Matthew, and I didn't know how to break off the engagement, especially since the wedding had been announced in the papers and all the plans were going forward." Mulder interrupted her, "Why had you become afraid of Matthew?" Lilly twisted her hands as if washing them, Mulder saw the anxiety level rising in her eyes and heard it in her voice when she spoke. "Matthew had become suspicious of my activities, you know, when I would try to be alone so I could slip out and meet with Justin. He started saying abusive things, and making violent threats; telling me the awful things he would do to me if I ever even thought of leaving him. A few times, he actually hit me to make sure I understood what would happen if I was unfaithful to him." Her eyes began to glisten as her shame became exposed. For the first time, Scully intervened in the interview. She placed her hand over Lilly's as a gesture of support and one of empathy for the woman. Scully knew just how intimidating Seigler could be! As she had watched Lilly tell her story, Scully had come to see another woman that could easily have become a victim herself. But Lilly had found a resolve within, and not allowed herself to become a victim of Matthew's. She had found the strength to get out and get on with her life. Scully wanted very badly to find that same strength within herself. Vaguely she wondered if she could gain it by osmosis. What she thought she had come to meet, a woman who enjoyed contact with Seigler, and perhaps even encouraged his kinky behavior, had changed to one of kindred spirit. Lilly, too, had battled hard, in her own way, against Seigler. Lilly was to be admired for her courage, and having the strength of her beliefs: that she was due a life with a partner that loved her and cared for her, and she was not going to settle for anything less. "What happened when you finally told him you wanted to break it off with him?" Mulder asked. Lilly took a deep breath before speaking to regain her composure. "I don't know how Matthew found out about Justin and I. I guess he hired a detective, but anyway, one night Matthew caught us at this little out of the way night club, 'A Crying Shame'." By way of explanation she added, "We always tried to find out of the way places to meet. We didn't want to run into anyone that might see us and casually mention it to Matthew. "Anyway, when he found us together, he just exploded! I'd never seen him so worked up! It was a good thing the club had security, or I don't know what might have happened." She continued, "Just before Matthew was officially escorted off the grounds by security, he yelled that I would be sorry, and that he would get me for humiliating him like this. He started saying vile things about women in general and how he would make me pay for what I had done to him." Lilly went on, "After Justin brought me home that night, I was so afraid Matthew would follow through on his threats, that I called the police and reported the incident. Of course, they couldn't do anything for me based on just threats, but they did suggest I hire a body guard or a security service. "So the next morning I had the locks changed, and I hired a security service. I instructed the staff that I was not taking his calls, and that he was not allowed on the property, and if he showed up at any time, they were to contact the new security guard. "He did try to phone a few times. He told the staff he wanted to apologize, but when I wouldn't take his calls he would become angry and say horrible things. He tried coming to the house once or twice, but security always stopped him at the entrance to the property." She paused for a breath. "So, then," Mulder surmised, "you haven't had any contact with him in the last three months. "Well, not directly, Mr. Mulder," Lilly shook her head. "But because Matthew couldn't get to me any other way, he began sending me letters." Scully quickly glanced in Mulder's direction. Lilly saw the silent communication going on between them at the mention of the letters. She didn't wait for the next question. "I'll get them." She disappeared out of the room. Scully turned to Mulder and said what was on both of their minds, "If we can definitively tie these letters to Seigler, and then my letter to these, we may finally have concrete proof, and get him off the street!" Scully allowed a little bit of hope in her voice. Lilly reappeared with a rectangular box in her hands. She sat back down between the agents and opened it. Inside were twenty or more letters, each neatly typed with Lilly's name, but no return address. She pulled out the first one, which had been opened. She pulled out the sheet of folded paper for all to read. Mulder and Scully declined to comment that it looked exactly like the one Scully had received the night before: mismatched newspaper and magazine letters and words that formed a message. After all, that was how most criminals wrote their intimidating mail to victims. The message contained abusive language and it threatening bodily harm. "Well, it sure frightened me," Lilly continued as the agents scanned the short note again. Mulder passed it on to Scully and reached for the next one in the box. "May I?" he unnecessarily asked. "Please," Lilly responded, "take them all. I don't know why I have kept them anyway. After the first two or three, I quit opening them. I was determined to ignore him and his threats and live a life without fear. "Actually, I wanted to throw them out, but Justin insisted I keep them." Mulder looked at her questioningly. Lilly understood and answered, "Justin felt like they might be a kind of insurance. If anything happened to me, or if Matthew tried anything outright, he felt like they could be used as evidence against him. Justin said he was going to write Matthew a letter and tell him we knew it was him, and that we were going to keep the letters, just in case." Three cheers for Justin! Mulder thought. Out loud he said, "I'd like to take these letters for possible evidence, if you don't mind." "Sure, as I said before, I don't want them or anything else that has to do with Matthew around me. I wish I had something more solid to give you. I read where the police don't have enough evidence to hold him on the murder charges. But, after reading about the serial murder case in the newspaper, it all seems so evident to me. I believe it is Matthew. I wish I could help you more." Scully and Mulder stood to go. Mulder concluded with, "Actually, Ms. Townsend, these letters might do more good than you know." They were walking towards the front door when Scully politely asked if she could use the powder room. Her nerves were having an adverse reaction on her bladder, especially after the three cups of coffee and the glass of water she had consumed this morning. She didn't think she could make the forty minute drive back to the office without making Mulder stop. When Lilly and Mulder were alone, Lilly could contain her curiosity no longer. "Mr. Mulder, could you tell me what happened to your partner's face? I couldn't help but notice," she offered as an excuse for her social faux pas. "Was she in an accident?" Mulder quickly debated with himself what to say. Lilly would certainly understand after being so closely acquainted with Seigler, and he could see no harm in telling her the truth. "Yes, she had an accident. She ran into Matthew's fists." Lilly drew her breath in sharply. "You mean," she grasped the situation quickly, "Ms. Scully is the rescued victim from the newspaper story?" Her eyes filled with tears. "I am so sorry, so sorry," she repeated, her hand covering her mouth. "I think you can understand why more than ever, I want to catch Seigler, and put him away," Fox replied quietly. Mulder heard the bathroom door open. He added in his normal voice, "And if you can think of anything else that might help us in our investigation, please give me a call." Mulder had pulled out one of his business cards and was handing it to Lilly. She quickly blinked her eyes before Scully could see them glistening. "Yes, of course, I will," she replied with new understanding. "Thank you for your help," Scully politely said before she and Mulder left Lilly's home and got into the car for the drive back to the office. Basement Office Four Days Later Mulder chanced a quick glance to observe Scully. She was drumming her fingernails on her desk; a nervous habit she had picked up in the last few days. Her eyes looked tired, and her hair had lost it's usual glossy sheen. Mulder knew Dana wasn't eating right and he suspected for obvious reasons that she was not sleeping well. She had been irritable and snappish with him all week. By the end of each day deep, dark circles would creep through her carefully applied makeup. Yesterday when Mulder had mentioned them, Scully had tried to pass them off as bruises. But the thing that worried him most was how skittish she was becoming. Every little noise or movement seemed to spook her. She constantly flinched and her eyes would dart around to see the source of the sound or movement. Letters from Seigler had continued to show up day after day, and always in a different manner. A neighbor had brought one to her, assuming the letter had been mistakenly delivered to the wrong box. One showed up in her folded newspaper the next day. Today, a courier service had delivered one to the reception desk of FBI headquarters. Apparently Seigler had been shadowing Scully and now knew where she worked. It didn't seem to scare him any. Each letter increased it's threat level. So far, there had been no way to trace the letters back to Seigler. The lab was still meticulously working on connecting Lilly's letters to Scully's. Mulder had continued his silent surveillance of Scully and her apartment each night between 10:00pm and 5:00am. Fortunately, he was used to operating at low sleep levels. He snatched naps here and there throughout the day, but mostly he got in a few hours on his couch in the early evening. Scully suddenly looked up from her work and caught Mulder looking at her. "What?" she said with tension in her voice. She heard the edge in her voice. She didn't care any longer. She was so tired, but so afraid to close her eyes. When she did, she was awoken either by sounds, or nightmares. The constant thought of Seigler being free, and out to get her, was beginning to wear her down. She didn't know how much longer she could take the tension. She already knew it was affecting her work. Yet, she just couldn't bring herself to ask for help. She didn't even know what kind of help she could ask for in this situation. Only the capture or death of Seigler was going to give her peace at this point. Mulder spoke smoothly, as if he'd been looking her way intentionally to ask her a question in the first place. "I was just about to ask you about lunch." "Oh," Scully replied quietly. She knew Mulder had taken more than his share of her attitude due him, and she reluctantly admitted to herself it was because he let her take it out on him. She had read Lou and Sarah's accounts of her kidnapping several days ago. They had both carefully recorded Mulder's movements and actions in their reports. She now knew what Mulder had been trying to apologize for. She didn't really blame him, but knew that he certainly blamed himself. She tried to be upbeat to make up for her sullenness of the morning. "OK. But I get to pick today. Yesterday's sushi was awful," she said making a gagging face. "I don't know how I let you talk me into trying it." Mulder grinned. "OK. Your choice today." Twenty minutes later they were sitting in a fairly decent, ordinary restaurant that actually had clean tablecloths and printed menus. They had placed their order. Mulder was taking a drink of his ice water and Dana was staring out the large picture window at the people hurrying by. She turned back to face Mulder. "Oh," Scully said as a thought came to mind. She reached into her purse and brought out a new key. "Sorry it took so long to get a new duplicate key made for you. The building superintendent isn't exactly in a hurry to do anything that remotely seems like work." Mulder put his glass down and reached across to take it from her. "At least he changed your lock the first day you asked him to, that's the important thing." Mulder stared directly at Scully as he spoke. He noticed a contrite look in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Mulder," Scully began. "I know I've been a pain all week." She rubbed her hand across her eyes, partly so she wouldn't have to face his gaze. Honest talk between them made both uneasy. "I'm just so damn tired," she continued. "I haven't been sleeping very well," she finally admitted. Mulder was blessedly quiet and didn't interrupt. "I think I've gotten to the point where something's got to give." She removed her hand from her face, and her voice dropped several levels, "I'm afraid it's going to be me." She looked directly at Fox and her eyes were unusually bright. She was very close to tears. She must be using every ounce of strength left, Mulder thought. Ordinarily, she would never expose herself like this in public. In empathy, Mulder covered her small outstretched hand with his. What could he say? What advice was there to give her, much less, what advice would she actually take? She was always trying so hard to prove herself and her worth to others, that she often took chances ordinary people with sound minds wouldn't. Suddenly the waitress appeared from behind Scully with a booming, "Here you go!" announcing the arrival of their food. Scully jumped at the unexpectedly loud sound and emitted an involuntary squeal as her hand flew up in self defense. Her arm hit the waitress' tray, sending plates of food sailing across to the next booth. The waitress leaped backwards herself at Scully's sudden movement. Embarrassed because of her reaction, Dana scooted out of her seat, stumbled past the waitress and almost ran out the front door. Just as quickly, Mulder left his seat to go after Scully. He made sure the waitress was OK, spoke his apologies, and pressed a $20 bill into her palm to cover the food. He headed for the door, several steps behind Scully. But before he reached the door, his cell phone began to ring. As he stepped through the entrance he pulled it out of his pocket. "Mulder." A familiar voice sounded in his ear. "Agent Mulder, this is Det. Williams." Not now! Mulder thought. "SCULLY!" Mulder was trying to gain her attention. She was walking very fast back to FBI Headquarters. "SCULLY!" Mulder repeated. "Ah, no, Agent Mulder, this is Det. Williams," he repeated again. "I'm sorry," Mulder breathed into the phone, "I heard you, I was just trying to get my partner's attention. Do you have some news?" Mulder, only half listening to Det. Williams, was still trying to track Scully through the crowd. "As a matter of fact, I do." he replied. Mulder slowed his pace a fraction. "My men have got Seigler cornered in one of his warehouse buildings on Jefferson. Thought you might like to be there when we cuff him," Williams said in a knowing way. "Hell, yes!" Mulder nearly screamed. "Which building?" He caught a glimpse of Scully's red hair as she disappeared around the corner. "1316 Jefferson," Williams replied. The one on the corner next to where your partner was found." Knowing full well it was a thirty five minute trip from where he was, Mulder replied, "We'll be there in 20 minutes." Mulder unceremonious hit the "end" button on his phone, nearly jammed it into his suit pocket and took off on the run for Scully. He didn't care that other people were staring at him. "Scully!" he called in a loud voice as he rounded the same corner she had previously. She didn't slow down or turn at the sound of her name. Mulder caught up with her in only a few seconds. To halt her ceaseless march to the office he roughly grabbed her arm from behind. "Scully! Wait!" She turned sharply on him. When he had grabbed her arm he managed to find most of her bruises. "What!" she said through clenched teeth, shoving his hand off her arm with her free hand. The restaurant incident was already gone from Mulder's mind. "Det. Williams just called; they've got Seigler pinned down. Want to go?" he asked grimly, already knowing her answer. He watched her eyes widen at the unexpected news. She didn't wait to give an answer, and he didn't wait to get one. They both began running for the parking garage two blocks away. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 13/16 Mulder had been pretty good to his word. They made it to Jefferson Street in twenty eight minutes, breaking all the speeding laws, and most of the courteous driver suggestions in the State of Virginia's motor vehicle hand guide. Fortunately when Fox had called Skinner from his car to inform him of their movements, the AD had placed a call to local authorities to clear Mulder's car from any police interference. "What's happening?" Mulder asked the closest officer at the warehouse address after flipping his FBI badge for identification. "Det. Williams told us to hold until you got here," Officer Denton replied. "Said you wanted to be in on this." Mulder only nodded his head. He wanted details of what was going down. Not holding up his end of the conversation would certainly let the officer know that. Denton got the message. "Det. Williams is inside," Denton pointed to their left, "waiting for you." Mulder and Scully didn't linger to hear anything else and they headed for the side door. They stopped to adjust their eyes from the bright sunlight to the dim interior of the warehouse. There were several small windows at the top of the room, but they were smeared with months of dirt and grime from the city and little light from the outside shown through. The building didn't appear to be hooked up to the electric company, yet there was a light source coming from the center of the room. Then they heard the low hum of a generator. They were met by Williams. "It takes a few seconds to adjust to the light. I had a generator and some spotlights brought over to help light up the place." "Thanks for waiting," Mulder greeted him with. "What's up?" Williams nodded his head in Scully's direction as a sign of recognition. He wasn't one to waste words, either. "Denton and his partner have been regularly checking this area all week, hoping Seigler would come back for some reason. Well, it paid off today. Officer Denton saw Seigler run into this building about an hour ago. He notified me and I called in some reinforcements to contain Seigler. All the exits are covered. We've just been waiting for you guests of honor to arrive." Williams gave a tight smile. "What do you think he came back for?" Scully spoke up. "Haven't the police been through these buildings already?" "Yes," Williams nodded. "We didn't find anything. Perhaps Seigler just hasn't got any place left to go. Since we began looking for him in connection to the latest missing woman, and for questioning concerning the letters you have been receiving, his face has been plastered all over town via the newspapers and TV. All his regular haunts are being watched, and his company is on notice to call us if they see or hear from him. My guess is he's just running with no place to go." "What's the layout of this place?" Mulder interjected. He didn't care why Seigler came back, he just didn't want him to get away. All this time passing by was making him uneasy. Williams had said all the exits were covered, but maybe Seigler knew better. Mulder wanted to get on with it. Williams pointed to the building's blueprint on a counter nearby. "There are three entry/exit points, not counting just plain jumping out of windows," he said. "Here, here, and here," he said tapping points on the drawing. Williams pointed to the door they had all come in, a door on this same floor at the opposite end of the building opening onto the adjacent street of Hillsdale, and an exit door on the fourth floor that led to a fire escape. "Apparently, the fire escape doors on two and three have been barricaded from the outside by vandals over time," Williams added before they could ask. "There are two police cars covering the Hillsdale exit, and I have two officers waiting at the top of the fire escape on the fourth floor. There are two interior doors, one at each end of the building on this floor that open onto each floor above. There aren't any working elevators." Williams continued, "I suggest you and your partner take that end of the building," he continued to point at the drawing, "and I'll take this end, and we will search floor by floor for him." Det. Williams reached behind the blueprints and picked up two high-powered flashlights from a pile of eight or ten. "Here, you'll need these." Scully and Mulder nodded in agreement and headed toward the back of the first floor. Before going through the stairwell doorway, they turned on their flashlights, and they both pulled their Smith and Wessons from their respective holsters and checked their ammo clips. They quietly climbed the smooth concrete steps to the second floor. Mulder listened at the door before opening it. Either there was no one in the hallway, or the door was too thick to hear through. He and Scully stepped to the side of the door before he gently eased it open a crack. He surveyed the hallway as best he could through the opening. Satisfied there was no one waiting for them, he opened the door more and glanced back in the other direction. It seemed clear. Again, there were small dirty windows at the top rim of the walls, but not enough to see by. Both agents flicked their flashlights in opposite directions. The light stabbed through the dark. The first floor had been clear open space with counters running around the edge of the walls, and large sliding garage doors large enough for trucks to back into. Apparently loading and unloading took place there. Here on the second floor was where the offices apparently had been. None of the wooden doors had windows in them, just name plates with words like "Accounting" or "Shipping" painted on them. The offices seemed to form a core in the center of the floor, with the hallway running completely around the outside. There were a lot of doors to check. This was going to take time. Mulder tried the first door, it opened easily. He flashed his beam ahead of him as he stepped inside to investigate. Scully waited out in the hallway to protect the exit stairwell from being used without their knowledge. There was little in the office. A desk, a broken chair, and a file cabinet that had been bashed open by vandals long ago. The desk had a huge cutout in the leg area and Mulder could see no one was hiding there. He backed out of the office and firmly shut the door. "One down, a thousand to go," he muttered to himself. He continued to check each office down the length of the hallway. Without a different name on each office door, Mulder wouldn't have known they weren't all one and the same. "Obviously an interior decorator was not called in on this job," he muttered to himself again as he opened the door on the fifth office and found it to be just the same as the last four. They had worked their way slowly down the hall to the corner. Scully edged her head around carefully before actually turning the corner. She saw Det. Williams and two other officers working their way toward her. She and Mulder turned back toward where they had started and made another turn down the fourth hallway and began opening doors again. Scully's arm begin to quiver from the tension of holding her gun ever ready. The constant darkness was beginning to spook her, too. She was glad Mulder could not see the sweat dripping inside her suit from her fear. She was pretty sure he would begin smelling her soon, though. Oh, well, so much for that pretty can of deodorant for woman, Scully mused to herself. She was going to buy a man's deodorant the next opportunity she got. The expectation of Seigler jumping out at her at any moment was grating on her nerves. She knew she had to get a grip on her emotions before she accidentally shot her weapon off, maybe evening injuring Mulder or herself in the process. She was definitely going to talk to Karen Kosseff tomorrow. She couldn't go on like this. What if she was going to be affected this way from now on; always fearful of the dark, getting the sweats, shivers, and nauseous stomach? She didn't want to think about it. She shoved it to the back of her mind. She needed to be alert to cover Mulder should trouble arise. She tried to focus on his back and body language. Eventually the second floor was covered. The two teams of searchers reunited. Scully could see her access door, and Det. Williams had left one of his men at his exit door. Williams radioed to the squad on the first floor. "We've covered the second floor and didn't find him. Has there been any movement out there?" "Negative," came back the reply on his radio. "Haven't seen or heard a thing." "OK," Williams replied, "We are proceeding to the third floor." Williams' team returned to their stairwell and Mulder and Scully retraced their steps to the opposite stairwell. They carefully eased open the hallway door and quietly made their way up the steps to the third floor. This floor had no windows at all and was pitch black. Scully felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She didn't like it. The third floor was also constructed differently. Apparently, it was used to store the product. It was made up of several very large, sectioned off storage rooms. Like the offices below, the storage units were in the middle of the floor with a corridor running completely around them. Starting about waist high, glass panes surrounded the inner core of storage rooms. Because of the reflective nature of glass, it made it difficult for Mulder and Scully to peer in the units with their flashlights. However, they could see many boxes lying around, both on the shelves and all over the floor. Searching would not only be difficult, it would be noisy. Since there weren't solid walls around the storage units, each team could see the other team's flashlights piercing the darkness. Mulder saw Williams' light bobbing up and down on the far side of the warehouse as his team began searching the first storage unit. "Well, let's go," Mulder said and pushed on the first door. Scully wanted to run screaming from the building. She felt terror building in the darkness that completely surrounded her. She had a sudden urge to grab Mulder's belt from behind and hold on to make sure she didn't lose him. Fortunately, she recognized her foolishness before actually doing it. Afraid to open her mouth in acknowledgment, Scully simply nodded her head. A movement caught her eye, and she jumped back a foot and swung her light to her left. A rat ran into an open box on the floor. Scully let out a breath and forced herself to take another one. Her heart was beating like a bass drum. It was so forceful, she felt like each beat would knock her down. "It's just a rat," Mulder said factually. He shined his light near her face, but not in it so she wouldn't be blinded. Even with the lack of direct light he could see she was pale. "Hey, are you OK?" "I'm fine," she said in a not too steady voice, and turned away from him, pretending to look for Seigler. She felt sweat trickle down her cheek. "Is it hot in here to you?" she asked finally. Mulder didn't answer. She turned her body and her light in his direction. He was intently eyeing a tarp on the floor. "What did you fi...," she didn't get to finish the sentence. Her peripheral vision caught another movement to her right. She instinctually began to turn toward it. Suddenly a huge, black shadow loomed up in front of her. She had only a fraction of a second to shine her light on the form and look into Matthew Seigler's eyes for the first time before he crashed into her, knocking her onto a soft pile of empty boxes. She didn't let out a sound as she hit. Her voice had been frozen in her throat the moment she had seen the madness in the depths of his eyes. Mulder whipped around in time to see Scully hit the floor and a figure rushing toward the doorway. Fortunately, Mulder's path was clear, and the intruder's wasn't. Seigler slipped on a piece of cardboard and actually would have crashed through the plate glass window if Mulder hadn't lunged from the side at the same moment and connected with Seigler, sending them both instead into more piles of empty boxes. Fox landed on top of Seigler and quickly pinned him to the floor. Seigler began to thrash around trying to throw Mulder off of him. The feel of Mulder's gun at his temple pretty much put a stop to that plan. By the time Scully had regained her feet and joined them, Mulder was in complete control, sitting on top Seigler, his gun still attached to Seigler's forehead like a Siamese twin. Scully's beam revealed the whitening of Mulder's finger on the trigger. "Mulder, no!" Scully said. Mulder's head jerked quickly in her direction. "Scully! This is the scum that kidnapped you. He drugged you, beat you, and then raped you!" And for the last week he has been intimidating and threatening you! Mulder was sure that argument would be enough. He tried to see Scully's eyes, but there wasn't enough light to see them clearly. "Wait!" was all she said. She had to think. She had to think! "You can't do this. It's wrong," she finished lamely. She looked at the fear in Seigler's eyes as they discussed his possible demise. He apparently had enough presence of mind to keep his mouth shut at this point. "Scully," Mulder replied in exasperation. What was she thinking? Mulder's mind screamed. "What he did to you, and to all those other women was wrong, too." "Two wrongs don't make a right, Mulder," Scully was stalling for time to think. She was waging the identical battle inside her mind that she and Mulder were waging outside. Scully had spent hours each night detailing in her mind how she would like to kill Seigler. She wanted revenge. She wanted to get even. She wanted to kill Seigler for what he had done to her. He had, in effect, killed her way of life. She wanted to do the same to him. But in the daylight, she had spent an equal number of hours reminding herself she worked for justice, fairness, and yes, she worked for the truth. Technically, they had not one piece of real evidence to link Seigler with the crimes against her and the other women. Everything was circumstantial, impressive though the list was. She could not swear in court that Matthew Seigler was the criminal in this case. Neither could anyone else. That one piece of truth had kept her coming back to the decision that should he be found, he would get his day in court. He was innocent until proven guilty. She had lived by this law, and she had sworn to protect the rights of all citizens. Matthew's day in court was his right. She couldn't look way from that truth. But how to communicate that to Mulder? After all, he was crusading for her! In his own way, he was defending her. "Scully!" Mulder hissed between his teeth to draw her attention back to the issue at hand. Still stalling, Scully replied, "Mulder, what are you going to tell Det. Williams and Skinner? That you shot him in cold blood?" "Frankly, I think Det. Williams would help me pull the trigger, Scully. It would certainly save the taxpayers a lot of money for a trial and the electric chair!" Mulder said grimly. Mulder knew what Skinner's reaction would be, but didn't want to divulge his off-the-record beliefs. They were personal, and Mulder knew, private. "Mulder, no," Scully repeated softly. "I'll just tell Skinner Seigler attacked us and I shot in self-defense. It would be easy, Scully," Mulder was beginning to feel slightly appalled that he could think this way. He was a truth searcher himself. "Mulder, Seigler deserves his day in court." "He deserves a reservation in Hell, Scully." Scully let her guard down for a moment. "I can't swear he's the one, Mulder. I just don't know! I have to be sure I'm not killing an innocent man." "You're not the one that will be killing him," Mulder countered, glancing back from her face to Seigler's. Just looking at him made him sick. He had a sudden urge to pistol whip Seigler; to let him feel a little of what Scully had felt and endured under his *care*. Suddenly, Scully made the decision for them both. "Over here," she yelled at the top of her voice to Williams and the other policemen. "Det. Williams, over here!" she repeated in her loudest voice and swung her flashlight beam in a arc to further attract their attention. She heard feet pounding in their direction as the others came running to their location. Mulder just looked at her in disbelief. Seigler grinned from ear to ear and felt the tension leave his body. This rap would be easy to beat. He began to laugh heartily in spite of his unpleasant situation. Scully tried to explain, "Mulder, I'm trying to save your career. I don't want you to go to prison for me; for killing someone you think hurt me." But Mulder had quit listening already and got up off Seigler in disgust. Scully's gun was trained on Seigler when the others arrived moments later. Williams watched Mulder forcefully pull open the stairwell door and visibly winced as it slammed against the wall. "What's up with him?" Williams queried Scully. She shrugged her shoulders, and just whispered to no one in particular, "It's over." Mulder was sitting in the car, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to try and release some of his pent up anger when Scully finally joined him in the car. He didn't look at or speak to her when she got into the car. Scully did not make the effort either. Without warning, an overwhelming sense of relief suddenly flooded her body as she buckled her seat belt and truly began to feel the nightmare was over. Seigler would now have to answer to the charges of threatening to assault a Federal Officer, and resisting arrest, along with kidnapping, rape, and murder charges. Tears began to flow that she could not stop. Still Mulder did not speak to her. Through bleary eyes she could see his tight-lipped expression, his narrowed eyes, his set jaw. He was furious with her. He had only wanted to make things right for her. He had wanted to dispense the kind of judgment Seigler deserved for his treatment of her, not to mention the other nine victims. He knew how the justice system worked: one whiff of an insanity plea, and Seigler would not only avoid real jail time, he would probably be released from an institution in a matter of a few years. There would be no justice for the nine women and their families. Ordinarily, that would be something he could live with; it happened every day in America. But this case had hit close to home. It had been personal. He wanted justice. In the back of his mind a small voice whispered: *and revenge*. This so-called man had abused Scully, and then attempted rape. He certainly would have killed her given enough time. Mulder could actually feel the bile rise in his throat as that thought hit home. His life without Scully. It had almost happened. In addition to being enraged with Seigler, right now he was so angry with Scully he refused to pull over to the side of the road and comfort her. He knew she needed an arm around her right now and soothing words. He'd be damned if he was going to provide them. She could just wallow in her own tears, by herself, for all he cared. He had tried to offer her the perfect solution to ridding her of the nightmares and hopefully, her fears. She not only refused his help, but actually had the gall to argue for Seigler's rights! He figured right about now steam could probably be seen rolling out of both his ears. Meanwhile, Scully continued to silently cry. Tears slid down both cheeks, though she resolutely refused to make a sound. She cried all the way to the parking garage. Mulder parked the car and unceremoniously got out before she had even undone her seat belt. Scully didn't know if he was headed for their office or Skinner's since he hadn't bothered to inform her. She decided to take a moment and clean up before walking through headquarters. She pulled down the visor and looked in the mirror. It was as she suspected: blotchy skin, swollen eyes, and streaked make up. She repaired as much as possible and finally left for the office. She walked with her head down to avoid both stares and conversation from co-workers. The office door was still locked. Mulder must have gone to report to Skinner. Scully opened the door and walked to her desk and sat down. She pulled out Form 153C14 and began filling out her report. The sooner she got done, the sooner she could go home. Perhaps she could avoid Mulder all together tonight and give both of them some space. In her heart she understood Mulder and his intentions. The killing of Seigler would have been for her. An offering to the gods of some sort. But she also knew it would not be purely for her. She remembered Mulder's words when she was in the hospital. He had told her he was going to kill Matthew Seigler for what he'd done. She also remembered how her heart had leaped with gladness at those words. But she had seen Mulder's eyes, too. As always, he was an open book to her. He wanted to kill Seigler as much, if not more, than she. Seigler was a testimony to Mulder's failure to protect Scully. He had also usurped Mulder's territory in his opinion; that territory being Scully. Scully knew Mulder considered her his, though no words of such had ever passed the lips of either. Yes, revenge had been what she wanted most then, who wouldn't, she had argued with herself. But as the days had passed, she had come to remember who she was, and what she was. This case wasn't going to get some special dispensation of justice because it involved her. She had come to realize she would have argued the same stand with Mulder if Seigler had never touched her. She, and Mulder, stood for law and order, civil rights, and yes, as corny as it sometimes sounded, truth. And she had to know the truth about Seigler. She needed to know without a doubt that this was the man. In her heart, she was sure. But that was not the law, and she couldn't deny, even for herself, the rights of another, if there was a chance of his innocence. Because Mulder frequently acted on his own due to the type of cases the X-files were, he often stepped over the boundaries of the laws of the land. She knew it didn't mean as much to him to bend one more rule. But she knew as surely as fear now haunted her sleep, that Seigler would have haunted her life if she allowed Mulder his moment on her behalf. She had hardly believed what was coming out of her mouth herself at the time. Hadn't she been the one that had been disappointed when Mulder showed little anger or rage when she had told him the whole ordeal? Hadn't she wanted him to triumph her case and champion her cause? And just an hour ago, she'd had her opportunity, and she had let it go by. She wondered silently to herself, would she ever regret that decision? She looked at her watch, and then she looked at her report. She had been in the office twenty five minutes and filled out two lines. She let out a heavy sigh and put her pen down. She might as well go home. A small whisper in her head reminded her that if she hurried, she might miss seeing Mulder. She gathered her things and stood up to leave. The phone on her desk rang. She looked at it and temptingly thought of not answering it. Duty called, however. She picked up the receiver. "Scully." "Agent Scully? This is Det. Williams," she heard from the other end. "Is your partner there?" "No," she replied truthfully. Williams continued, "Well, that's all right. The information is for you, too." Scully's interest picked up. "What information would that be?" "Well, since you and Agent Mulder left right after we handcuffed Seigler, you didn't learn of our later discovery." Scully was all ears now. "What discovery?" "I had my men search the rest of the third floor since we were already there. It was obvious there must be a reason Seigler had come back there, and I wanted to see if I could find out what it was." "What did you find," Scully was almost impatient now. She wanted Williams to get to the point, and get there now! "In the storage unit you and Agent Mulder encountered Seigler, we found conclusive evidence of Seigler's involvement. It was under a tarp off to the side. We found articles of clothing from the other women, and yourself, Agent Scully. Your purse was there with your ID, and personal items that were on the other ladies, too. I imagine his fingerprints are all over them. But even if they aren't, his coming to their exact location will not be ruled circumstantial, I promise you!" Williams' voice was hearty and full of pride at the good job he had done in this case, and all by the book. Scully was elated and could not contain her own enthusiasm, "Thank you, Det. Williams! You have done so much on this case. I really don't think we would be having this conversation right now if you had not kept at it as you have. I will certainly pass on the good news to Agent Mulder and Assistant Director Skinner." Scully hung up the phone. On her way up to Skinner's office, Scully could feel her gloom lifting with each step. Williams had definitive proof that it had been Seigler and he was going to be put away for a very long time. A huge weight of responsibility and fear were suddenly lifted from her shoulders. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 14/16 AD Skinner's Office 30 Minutes Earlier Mulder sat down in his usual chair opposite Skinner after being sent in by his secretary. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, sir," Mulder began. Skinner laid his glasses on his desk. "What news do you have, Agent Mulder? Did you find Seigler?" Skinner never wasted words, and always wanted the bottom line first. He would get the details later. Mulder was nodding his head in response to Skinner's last question as he answered. "Yes, sir. We found him on the third floor, in a storage room, at one of his warehouses. Skinner almost hesitated in asking, but decided he really wanted to know. He tried to phrase his next question in as non-biased a voice as possible, "Did you have any trouble apprehending him? Is he," Skinner paused, raised his eyebrows and leaned slightly forward, betraying his true interest, "alive?" he finally concluded with. Skinner noticed an incredibly annoyed look cross Mulder's face. It was a look Mulder usually reserved for when Skinner pretty much admitted to not believing in one of Mulder's outlandish theories in an X-file case. "What?" Skinner inclined his head slightly. "Is Seigler dead?" "No, but not on my account," Mulder replied, his voice dripping with acid. Skinner just looked at him, waiting for more of an explanation. Mulder knew a statement like that had to be followed up on, but he wasn't going to do it officially. "Off the record, sir?" Mulder inquired. Skinner nodded his head in agreement, a sign that Mulder was to go on. "Well, as I said, if it'd been up to me, this case would really be over right now. No need to spend twelve to twenty four months finding a jury, evaluating Seigler, dragging the victim's families all through the mess again, just to find out in the end Seigler gets off to go out and do it again." Skinner, understanding exactly what Mulder meant, asked, "Who stopped you? Det. Williams?" "No, sir," Mulder snorted. "Personally, I think Williams would have helped me pull the trigger and signed off on my story of self-defense. Actually, it was Agent Scully that stopped me." Skinner's disbelief obviously showed on his face. "Why? How?" were the obvious follow up questions. "She started arguing he deserved his day in court, he was innocent until proven guilty, and that she wasn't one hundred percent sure herself that he was responsible for what happened to her." Mulder shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I think you know how I feel about a killer like Seigler. And I imagine you know that because Scully was dragged into his net, I have been dreaming about killing Seigler from day one. I even have gotten the impression from our past conversations that such an ending would have sat OK with you." Skinner did not deny Mulder's statement. Mulder went on, suddenly nervously fidgeting with his hands in his lap. "You know how Scully and I are, and frankly, I think you harbor different feelings about Scully yourself, and that if the truth be known, she is more to you than just an agent under your direction." It was Skinner's turn to shift slightly in his chair at the unearthing of this hidden truth, though he made no comment as Mulder continued. Mulder leaned forward in his chair and began to speak passionately, "I wanted to make things right, to right a wrong that had been done." Mulder's eyes pierced Skinner, "I wanted revenge for his hurting her, and for taking her dignity and self-assurance, for shaming her. At the time, at that moment, I thought it was the right thing to do. "But then Scully began arguing that even Seigler had rights that had to be protected. I couldn't believe she was defending him!" Mulder slumped back in his chair. "But driving back here now, to the office, it slowly dawned on me, that I really wanted to kill Seigler for selfish reasons. I wanted to kill him for me, for violating my territory, for my shame in not protecting Scully, for my not being able to help her get over her fears and nightmares. It was for me, not Scully, not really," Mulder finished lamely, suddenly realizing his own shame in the deal. "I got so angry with her, for being the voice of reason, for reminding me of my job, for preventing me from killing Seigler, for making me look at myself and my own selfish motives. "But I realize now, she was right. He is innocent until proven guilty according to our laws, and I have sworn to uphold that very law." Mulder felt drained. There was nothing more to say. He got up to leave. Skinner pushed away from his desk and joined him in crossing the room to the office door. ---xxxxx--- When Scully arrived at the Assistant Director's office, Mulder and Skinner were standing in the doorway, apparently through with their de-briefing of the afternoon. They both looked in her direction as she came through the outer office door to meet them. Skinner's brown eyes widened behind his glasses as he noticed Scully's countenance. She was fairly radiating the good news. Even Mulder's expression of annoyance with her changed slightly when he saw her beaming face. Scully didn't give them time to ask the obvious question on both of their minds, she jumped right into the conversation. "Det. Williams just called. They found several articles of clothing and trinkets from the victims, including my clothes and purse. It was under that tarp you were looking at Mulder, just before Seigler jumped out at me. I guess he decided to expose himself and hope we would all be happy with his capture and not think to look around at why he was there. "No doubt, since all our evidence really is still circumstantial, he thought he had nothing to lose. Up until finding the evidence, he was only wanted for questioning about the latest missing woman last week, and the letters he sent to me." "I think I'll give Det. Williams a call and congratulate him on a job well done," Skinner said and turned back toward his office. That left an uncomfortable Mulder starring at an uncomfortable Scully. "That's good news," Mulder finally said, for lack of anything more intelligent to offer. "Yeah," Scully agreed, her brain also stuck in neutral. Then finally, "I guess I'm going to call it a day." She turned away rather brusquely, anxious to be out of Mulder's gaze; the one telling her Seigler was guilty, and she should have let him take care of things. A few minutes into her drive home, Scully's cell phone rang. She dragged it out of her purse. "Scully." "It's me." Silence on both ends. Mulder didn't want to fight, but he didn't know how to make up either. Scully was in the same boat. Finally she said, "Yes?" "Well, I wanted ...che.." "What? Mulder, I can't hear you, you're fading out." "I sa..I..w..to check.." Scully's phone went dead. She looked at it as if it were an alien. The red "low battery" light was blinking madly. Scully sighed and turned it off. At the first stop light she dug in her glove compartment for the cord that attached her phone recharger to the cigarette lighter and plugged up the unit and set her phone in it. She drove the rest of the way home in silence. Mulder stared at his phone. Had Scully hung up on him? Probably hadn't recharged her phone lately, he decided. He would try again later. He left the office and started for home himself. Scully's Apartment Later in the Evening Ninety minutes later, and Scully felt almost human again. She had jumped in the bathtub the first thing to rid herself of the memories of being touched by Seigler in the warehouse and how he made her feel; dirty and undignified. She washed him off her skin and out of her system then lingered in the warm, soapy bubbles for a long time, blanking out all thoughts. As she was drying off, the phone rang. Thinking it was Mulder calling her back she didn't rush to answer it. She still had nothing to say. She picked up the phone on the sixth ring. "Hello?" "Hey, lady! Is your refrigerator running? You'd better go catch it," and then a fit of giggles was heard in the background. Scully rolled her eyes and hung up. She then fixed herself a pasta and chicken plate for dinner. While she ate leisurely at the kitchen table she read a medical journal. She was woefully behind on her reading. The field of medicine required constant surveillance to keep up with ever changing information, and seemingly constant new discoveries and techniques. The phone rang again. "Scully." "I saw what you did!" was screamed out before a loud slamming down of the phone resounded in her ear. Scully jerked the phone from her ear in self- defense. As she placed it back down on the table she idly wondered if she had ever played those silly sleep-over games and bothered some adult when she was younger. A smile crept over her face as memories came back. She had followed dinner up with a special on The Learning Channel; "New Discoveries in Biomedicine". In the middle of the program, her phone rang again. This had better be Mulder she thought, a little on the annoyed side. "Scully." "You are big, fat, and ugly. No wonder you are sitting home alone tonight!" Again, a slamming down of the phone. Scully had a sudden urge to dial *69 and have the phone automatically re-dial the kid's number and complain to the parents in charge of these adolescents. Then she remembered her carefree days of youth and a smile tugged at her lips once again. However, she decided, she wasn't going to be bothered by these little demons all night long. She dialed Mulder's number. "Mulder." "It's me. I'm getting ready to shut my phone off. Someone's little darlings are playing phone games and they picked my number. I just wanted to check with you first and let you know I am turning in early, and not to be worried if you can't raise me by phone. What did you want earlier? My cell phone died. I left it in my car recharging." Mulder was caught a little off guard. He had not really wanted anything other than to hear her voice, but he couldn't very well tell her that. "Nothing, really. I'm glad you called to let me know about turning off your phone though. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at work." "Fine," was all Scully replied. She was glad he wasn't going to start some big debate on the phone from this afternoon's incident. She was just about to hang up when she heard his voice once more. "Hey, Scully, what are you wearing to bed tonight?" She hung up on him. Scully shook her head. He just never gave up. Then she smiled. She kind of liked the fact that he never gave up. She resolved that one day she would call his bluff, just to see how fast he could back-peddle his way out of the conversation. She started laughing out loud at the thought. Despite the awkward angle, Scully managed to reach behind the bookcase next to the television set and unplug her phone from the wall jack, then went into the bedroom and unplugged that one too. Just as well, she thought, now I can get a good night's sleep. It was early, but she decided to turn in anyway. The day's turmoil had taken it's toll, and her whole body felt heavy. Right now she just wanted to shut out the world and go to sleep. Dana locked and bolted the front door and turned out the main light. She also turned off the kitchen light. But she left the lamp burning by the couch. She had been training herself little by little to live in the darkness again. However, the bathroom light and her bedside lamp still stayed on. She placed her gun on the night stand, pulled back the bedspread and the pink flowered sheets, and slid into bed. She was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. ---xxxxx-- Mulder couldn't seem to sit still. After taking a quick shower and putting on his after work uniform of jeans and a tee shirt, he went to the kitchen to fix his dinner, which tonight consisted solely of pretzels and beer. He carried them back to his desk and sat down in front of the computer. He spent a few minutes checking his e-mail, but there was neither anything of interest, nor anything that warranted an immediate reply. He shifted over to the couch and picked up the TV remote mindlessly, not even seeing the channels changing as his thumb relentlessly attacked the channel button. Something was wrong, he just didn't feel right. He wanted to call Scully. Not only to check on her, but to talk about this afternoon in the warehouse. But with her cell phone recharging, and her house phone unplugged, there was no way. After draining his beer, he decided to go out, and turned off the TV. Mulder drove aimlessly for a while and without even planning it, found himself in front of Scully's apartment building. He pulled over and parked. He had spent every night here since her return home. Somehow he had found it comforting to sit outside her apartment and watch over her without her knowledge. He wondered vaguely in the back of his mind if he was still trying to make up for his lapse in attention at the bar the night Scully had been kidnapped. Mulder looked up at Scully's front window. There was a tiny glow of light that barely escaped through the blinds. He knew she had left the lamp by the couch on. Still, it was a step forward. Fox thought back to the first few days he had silently watched over her. Scully's apartment had been so ablaze with light that he could have practically read a book in his car! He had noticed lately that she had been going to bed with fewer and fewer lights on, obviously trying to conquer her new-found fear of the dark. He contemplated briefly whether she would ever get over it. There was no telling how deep her trauma went from the incident with Seigler. On the surface, to the outside world, Dana appeared to be coping. Only Mulder knew about the night sweats, the tremors, the nightmares. He knew, given enough time, those things gradually disappeared for most people when they readjusted to their surroundings and regained their feeling of safety and security. But Dana didn't lead a normal person's life. She was constantly putting her life on the line for others and herself. She didn't have the luxury of always feeling safe and secure. She needed to be completely confident in her abilities and be able to function under stress to do her job. If she couldn't learn to cope with this incident, she was going to be out of a field job, and that meant out of the X-files. Well, Mulder thought to himself, at least Seigler was behind bars, and definitely going to stay that way. There would be no lawyer's pleas of circumstantial evidence now, no upstanding citizen defense, either. And for Scully, there would be no more surprise threatening letters, or fear in turning a corner, wondering if Seigler would be there. It was good news that Seigler was finally out of the picture. Still, a large part of Mulder wanted Seigler permanently out of the picture. Mulder spit a sunflower seed out the window as he continued to ponder the many ways he would like to make Seigler suffer. Why does this case seem to affect me so? he wondered for the thousandth time. Mulder tried to analyze his thought patterns. He'd seen mangled and abused children. He'd seen sadistic, cruel people and how they had horribly affected and changed the lives of the people around them. And with all the desires of wanting to capture the person responsible, he had never had these deep feelings of revenge that he harbored against Seigler. Why not? Weren't their crimes as appalling and horrid as this one? Certainly many of them on the surface seemed so. Why couldn't he detach himself from this one crime? His mind retorted, because Scully is part of you, you idiot! Mulder contemplated that thought for a moment. While all victims deserved help and justice, Scully was of personal value to him, in more ways than one. Her knowledge and expertise in a myriad of subjects was almost beyond his comprehension. She seemed to have information on hundreds of subjects all filed and cataloged away. And it seemed that what she didn't know, he did. Each one completed the other. They were like a two volume set of encyclopedias. Not only was she brilliant, but she was kind, understanding, objective, and oh, Mulder mused, was she ever tolerant! She was loyal to him as no other had ever been, despite the fact that they never seemed to agree on anything. Her honesty often kept him on the straight and narrow, though he had to admit, he took great delight in disobeying her, too. Now, what would a psychologist make of that! You are a psychologist, you imbecile, he reminded himself. Well, at least as a psychologist, I can attest to the fact that I certainly don't have an Oedipus complex, he reflected gleefully. Scully in no way reminded him of his mother! Nope, family was the farthest thing from his mind when he looked at Scully. Yep, he loved her brains, but no more so than her beauty. Mulder closed his eyes. Scully's creamy face came into focus, then her image as a whole. He took time to linger over her body, a small crooked smile sliding onto his face. She was tiny, but she certainly packed a wallop, both on the job, and in her looks. In his mind's eye, Fox started at Dana's ankles and worked his way up her body. He took in the soft curve of her hips, then her slim waist. He was imagining her in a frilly, black teddy. The front was laced up with a soft, red satin ribbon. There were small slits in various spots in the teddy, showing off her feminine wiles, inviting his eye to continue traveling upward. At the very top, the ribbon formed a tiny bow, nestled between her full, firm breasts, which were practically spilling out of their encumbrance. Still day dreaming, Mulder reached out and pulled on the satin bow and watched the teddy begin to loosen. Suddenly the air seemed warmer in the car, as Mulder felt his body responding to his thoughts. He had repressed these types of thoughts about Scully for days now. Somehow, it had seemed inappropriate to think of Dana in a sexual way since her assault, like he was betraying her even further, using her like Seigler had. But Seigler wasn't a threat any more. Scully was getting better, Mulder thought. Why not play a harmless game he thought to himself. I've deprived myself long enough. So he continued on in his thoughts. He hooked a finger inside the lacing and began to slowly pull the ribbon, fascinated with the little bits of flesh that each strand revealed. As he continued to undo the lacing, he allowed his eyes to wander higher. He noted the smooth rounding of her shoulders and the indent where her throat begged to be kissed. By now Mulder was convinced he could even smell her fresh scent. Fox felt his heart beat begin to pick up. He noticed his jeans were growing tight, too. Still, he continued with his day dream. Ever upward his mind's eye traveled. They settled on her wonderfully pouty lips next. He was sure they were inviting him to kiss her. Their swollen, ruby redness drew his eye to them. They were slightly parted and seemed to be whispering his name. As Mulder's fingers continued to undo the lacing on Scully's imaginary teddy, he saw the tip of her tongue snake out and begin to slowly lick her upper lip. He heard a small groan escape from his own lips. Her eyes, he had to see her eyes before he continued on. He wanted to see the desire for him in them. He wanted to drown in her crystal-clear blue eyes. He loved gazing in her eyes. He often allowed Scully to see inside him by locking gazes with her at sensitive moments. While she was not always as open with him, he still knew this was the best way to connect with her. Besides, he thought, this is my dream! He would make her eyes drip with desire for him! Mulder shifted his gaze from her lips to her eyes in great anticipation. The moment his eyes locked onto Scully's, Mulder's own eyes snapped wide-open in surprise! In that split second, as he had looked deep into Dana, he had not seen desire and wanton pleasure, as he had planned to see, but instead he had seen great fear and pain! Her eyes had been pleading with him to help her! Help her! There was no mistaking the look of anguish and despair in them. At that moment, before he could even figure out what was happening, his cell phone rang. Mulder stared at it as if it were an alien audibly calling his name. On the fourth ring, he snapped out of his reverie and answered it. "Mulder," he said, his voice unsure. "Det. Williams here. Where are you, Agent Mulder?" ---xxxxx-- Scully had fallen asleep almost instantly. Not having the stress of fearing Seigler was "out there" seemed to make all the difference. She dreamed she was swimming in a lake. The water was cool and refreshing. Her cares seemed to be melting away the further she swam. She looked up to the brilliant cerulean blue sky and watched as a flock of white birds flew over. She looked at the edge of the lake and was comforted by the many soft tones of green foliage lining the edge. Trees had grown near the lake and their branches hung over, forming a canopy of shade. She saw beautiful wildflowers growing at the edge of the lake and decided she was growing tired of swimming and wanted to pick a bouquet to take home, to remember this day. She was far out in the lake though, and even after many strokes towards her goal, she seemed no closer, and she began to wonder how long it would take to get to the edge. She was growing tired, and weaker. Suddenly it seemed like she couldn't catch her breath. She struggled to breathe, but her head kept slipping below the calm water's surface. She couldn't seem to push off the bottom of the lake to force her head upward in order to break the surface for a much needed fresh breath of air. She shoved with her feet and flailed her arms battling to bring her head up for air. Her lungs had a deep burning sensation, and they began to feel as if they were going to burst from the lack of oxygen. Suddenly, Scully's eyes flew open, awakening her from her dream, only to find she was living a nightmare. The room was totally dark, there was a heavy weight on top of her, and there were hands around her throat crushing her larynx and preventing her from taking air into her oxygen starved lungs. She struggled against the weight on top of her, trying to twist her body from one side to the other in an attempt to throw the person off balance. At the same time she attempted to bring her arms up to break the hold on her throat, but they were pinned to her side by her attacker's knees. She was also desperately willing her eyes to hurry and adjust to the darkness so she could see who was assaulting her and to better assess the situation. She began to see stars behind her eyes, and felt herself beginning to drift completely away, when the pressure at her throat subsided slightly, enough for her to gulp down great quantities of the precious, life-giving air. The moment she had enough air, she began to scream, hoping to alert a neighbor. Her voice was immediately cut off as the hands viciously applied their crushing pressure again. "Quiet!" a voice hissed above her, "Or I'll kill you right now." Oh, my God! She knew that voice. It was a sound she would never forget. Somehow, Seigler was here! His commanding voice, coupled with memories of what happens when she disobeys him, caused Scully to immediate cease her efforts. She began to involuntarily shiver in fear. She felt the pressure ease up enough for her to breath again. "What do you want? How did you get in here?" she croaked out. She could barely talk after having her throat squeezed so hard the second time. "Why, I want you," the voice hissed again. "We were interrupted the last time we were intimately together. As to how I got in here, your maintenance man really should lock up the shed in the back. There are so many useful and expensive tools in there someone might steal!" He laughed a cruel, maniacal laugh. Scully's eyes finally adjusted to the small amount of light in the room. She could see just enough to take in his leer as he spoke, and the madness in his eyes. Again her body betrayed her innate fear by shivering. She saw Seigler's hand move slightly before coming back into view. She couldn't make out what he was holding, but suddenly he was slipping it over her head. Oh, God, no! she wanted to scream; it was the blindfold. She could feel herself retreating deep inside. She began to concentrate on just one thing to maintain her sanity. Mulder. She said his name over and over in her mind. Mulder, help me. Mulder, help me. Mulder, Mulder, Mulder... In the five years she had spent working with Mulder, he had put forth some pretty fantastic ideas, most of which she vocally, and unhesitatingly, scoffed at. But she had to admit that in those same five years, she had seen and experienced some things that she couldn't understand, and that even her precious science, that she so whole-hearted believed in, could not logically explain away. At this moment she hoped if she had ever been wrong disbelieving any of Mulder's far out theories, she hoped she was wrong about ESP. There was at least some basis for a scientific explanation about the so-called sixth sense. The brain was an incredible organ and vastly under used and explored. If there was any theory she could bring herself to even hope to believe in that Mulder put forth, it was the notion of kindred spirits and silent communication between two people; especially between she and Mulder. If ESP was ever going to work for her, now would be a good time, she thought. One part of Scully's brain concentrated on listening to Seigler so she could obey him and avoid his anger and wrath. But the rest of her mind desperately chanted the mantra: Mulder, help me. Mulder, help me. Mulder, help me. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 15/16 ---xxxxx--- Fox sat upright behind the steering wheel, all attention focused on his cell phone. Why would Williams being calling him now? It was certainly after hours, and the case was wrapped up, wasn't it? "I'm sitting outside Agent Scully's apartment," he finally replied to William's inquiry. Mulder sensed that answer didn't sound very good and decided to add, "I, uh, just got here. I thought I should check on her, and make sure she is OK after tangling with Seigler this afternoon." Fox glanced up at Scully's apartment as he spoke. Something was amiss, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. He was trying to focus his concentration on why Williams was calling. "Good." Det. Williams voice was clipped. He never was one to waste words. "I've been trying to reach Agent Scully for the last thirty minutes, I can't seem to get through. Finally an operator told me her phone was out of order." Mulder didn't interrupt him to explain. It didn't matter. What did matter was why Det. Williams wanted to reach Scully. He didn't have to wait long for an explanation as Williams continued speaking. "I'll give you the details later, but I wanted her to know Seigler has escaped. I'm glad you are there already. I just sent a squad car out to Agent Scully's apartment since I couldn't reach her, and I thought I'd try calling you." "Escaped!" Mulder repeated incredulously, his mind spinning. "When, how?" "It happened about 45 minutes to an hour ago, during a transfer from the police station to the county lock up. I haven't gotten a complete report yet, but apparently a rookie wasn't paying full attention to his charges." Suddenly, Mulder began to understand the evening; the restlessness and uneasiness in his apartment, the aimless driving that somehow managed to put him in front of Scully's apartment, and the vivid, deep feelings of dread and fear when he gazed into Scully's soul in his day dream. Someone or something was trying to warn him! As Mulder's brain assimilated all these pieces of information, and the puzzle began to take shape, his brain at last registered the final piece as it fell into place: Scully's apartment was dark. Dark! his mind screamed! Something was definitely wrong, there should be light coming from the front window! "I think Seigler's here!" Mulder said. In his haste to simultaneously grab his keys from the ignition and open the car door, Fox threw the phone down on the car seat. He immediately drew his gun from the back of his waistband as he stood upright. He didn't even bother to run evasively to Scully's building's front door. He quickly found the key to her secure front door on his key ring, then took the steps two at a time, reaching her apartment just seconds after leaving his car. Mulder took time to calm down and take stock. The whole building was dark. He wondered if Seigler had cut the main power off in the basement. Scully's door was still shut. He put his ear to it, and heard not a sound from the other side. Mulder inserted his new key quietly. Scully had given it to him after having her locks changed. He turned the knob, and pushed gently. The dead bolt was on. Shit! We are going to have to get a different kind of lock for Scully's door in the future, his brain filled away for future reference. Mulder considered his options: Assume the blackout was a coincidence, ring the doorbell and have Scully let him in, kick the door down and raise Cain to alert Scully that something was wrong, and thereby possibly alert Seigler as well, or find another way in, as Seigler must have if he was indeed behind the blackout, catch him and take care of business. Seigler might escape again if I alert Scully, Mulder pondered, but on the other hand, he may be in there hurting her right now. What to do? Seconds were passing. Perhaps seconds that would determine life or death for Scully. Mulder decided to try and catch Seigler. OK, how would Seigler get in? Mulder considered the layout of Scully's apartment. He raced back down the stairs and out the front door of the building, made a quick left, another left and found himself on the back side of the apartment building, where Scully's bedroom and kitchen windows were. Mulder saw the chain lock dangling from the handle of the open door on the maintenance shed first and instinctively turned his head to inspect the area. Yep, leaning against the wall directly under Scully's kitchen window was a 14 foot ladder. Mulder, securely holding his weapon in his right hand, began to attack the rungs of the ladder. ---xxxxx--- "You know," Seigler began, "You are the only woman that put up a fight. I think the others thought if they just submitted, they could manipulate me so I wouldn't hurt them. You women are always trying to control men as if we are complete idiots!" Seigler's voice had an edge Scully was beginning to recognize. He was losing his grip on sanity. Somehow, that frightened Scully more. It was always more difficult to figure out or anticipate, and thereby counteract, the moves of an unbalanced person's thinking. Seigler continued his monologue, "They just couldn't get it through their heads that I wasn't going to allow them to continue to deceive men into believing they loved them. "You women seem to think that you can treat us anyway you want. You seem to think that we only think with body parts below the waist, that we have no feelings." Scully barely detected a softening in Seigler's eyes and tinge of sadness in his voice now, "Well, we do have feelings, we do have hearts." Just as suddenly, the hardness in his eyes was back. Seigler had been on his knees straddling Scully's body. Abruptly she felt him shift his weight off of her. Sitting to one side of her now, he began pulling her covers off. She suddenly was very glad she had put on pajamas to sleep in tonight instead of the usual tee shirt and panties. She felt his hands fumbling with the buttons on her silk top. It was now or never. Scully quickly bent her knees and brought her feet up, shoving them full force to where she guessed Matthew was sitting on the bed. Scully desperately hoped for two things: that Seigler would consider her too docile at this point to resist, and that the darkness of the room would conceal her movement toward him. She felt her feet connect with Seigler's shoulder and shifted her weight to drive him off the bed. The moment his hands left her body and she felt the mattress shift as he fell off the bed, she whipped off the blindfold and rolled in the opposite direction of Seigler to the other side of the bed and onto the floor. She tried screaming to attract attention again, but nothing more than a croak came out, her vocal cords were severely bruised from Seigler's previously almost lethal grip. Seigler hit the floor hard, his head bouncing off the wall. Scully sat crouched on the floor below eye level for a few seconds, listening for movement from Seigler. She heard a groan escape his lips, then she heard him hiss, "Bitch! You'll pay for that bit of insolence!" Scully desperately wished that she had been able to get her gun off the nightstand, and at the same time frantically hoped that Seigler hadn't spied it. Suddenly she was aware he was moving towards the end of the bed and she silently cursed herself for leaving her cell phone in the car recharging and for unplugging her regular phone. Dana decided to chance getting out the front door. It was her only hope now. ---xxxxx--- Mulder's athletic shoes made no sound on the ladder's rungs as he ascended. Just before the top of his head cleared the window sill, he thought he heard a thud from inside the apartment. He stopped to listen. From within the kitchen area, Mulder heard no sound. He carefully and slowly raised his head above the edge of the window and looked in. Seigler had used a glass cutter just above the window lock, removed the glass circle, reached in, unlocked the window, and simply let himself in. The window was still raised. Mulder quickly, but quietly, scrambled over the sash and put himself inside Scully's kitchen. Mulder moved carefully to prevent his shoes from squeaking on the tile floor. His eyes were trying to adjust to the almost complete darkness of the room. Just before stepping onto the carpet in the living room, he felt, rather than saw, a body fly by him, and at the same time he heard a man's voice coming from Scully's bedroom, screaming obscenities. Seconds later, he felt another body whiz by him. ---xxxxx--- Scully heard Seigler stumble against her dresser. She briefly thought of the number of times she had hit her own knee or hip on the dresser corner in the dark. Cursing loudly, Seigler continued to move toward her. Scully stood up and ran for the front door. She was mentally concentrating on turning the door knob lock with one hand and the dead bolt lock with her other hand in one swift, coordinated movement. Once she was out in the hall, she knew she would be safer; there would be places to run to, and neighbors to wake. She had just cleared the couch and was almost to the door when she felt a heavy weight hit her back as Seigler lunged at her in a flying tackle. With his full weight on top of her, Scully was violently shoved downward. As she hit the floor, she lost her breath in one explosive "oomph". Once again, Scully found herself struggling for a breath of precious air. This time it was being made even more difficult to acquire due to Seigler's weight on top of her. Dana felt Seigler's knee dig deep into her back as he shifted his position. The next thing she knew, he had grabbed both of her hands, one at a time, and pulled them behind her back and handcuffed her. Apparently, Seigler had come prepared. "Well, well, well, you little wildcat!" Seigler uttered a low, grim laugh. "Looks like you aren't going anywhere after all. As I said before, I like a woman with spirit. Too bad I won't get to temper that little spirit myself. But, you are becoming more trouble than you are worth." And with that, Scully felt the cold steel of a gun muzzle against her temple. She tried to cry out, she kicked her feet, she squirmed. If this was to be her last moment, she was going out fighting, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her submit to him. Her mind continued her mantra: Mulder, Mulder, Mulder, help me... She heard the unmistakable sound of a Smith and Wesson being cocked; a metallic sliding sound followed by the distinct "ka-chink" as the "slide" snapped back. Scully knew a round was now loaded in the chamber. But instead of panic and fear, a sudden calm came over Scully. Her sixth sense *felt* another presence in the room. Then she heard it's voice, and another gun being cocked. "Move you bag of shit, and you're dead." It was Mulder! Scully couldn't begin to comprehend where he had come from. Right now, she didn't care. She began to relax for a moment until she realized Seigler wasn't backing down. The gun had not moved from her head. Mulder continued to talk. "Hell, you might be dead anyway." Seigler had frozen the moment he felt cold steel against his head, seconds before the voice had spoken. Mulder! Where had he come from? Seigler had searched the apartment carefully before entering Scully's bedroom. His eyes darted to the door. All the locks were still in place. Then he began to laugh out loud. Of course, Mulder had gotten in the same way Seigler had. What a fool he had been. In his haste to right the score with Scully, he had gotten careless. He could have covered his tracks. It would have been simple once he got in to go back out the front door, put the ladder away, and come back in the front door, and then relock it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Mulder pressed his gun harder against Seigler to emphasize he meant business. "Let her go," he said between clenched teeth. Mulder repeated himself five seconds later as Seigler tried to decide what to do. "Just give me a reason, that's all I ask," Mulder continued to threaten. He needed Seigler to either put down his weapon, or let Scully go. Mulder was afraid that if he shot him now, Seigler's gun might still go off and kill Scully. It was too risky this close. "Scully saved your life once today, I don't think she's in a mood to do it again." Seigler still didn't move. Mulder decided to try another tact. "Scully, get up," he directed. Hopefully, Seigler would not stop her. Scully decided to take a chance and tried moving out from under Seigler and see if he threatened her. He didn't. He seemed to grasp the simple fact he was in a precarious position at this moment. He removed the pressure of his knee from her back and allowed her to get up. She wiggled out from underneath him, finally getting to her feet. Seigler remained on his knees with his back to Mulder, his gun now limp at his side. "Drop it," Mulder commanded. No movement from Seigler. "Drop it!" Mulder fairly screamed at him. He was desperately trying to control his trigger finger. Dana's voice from earlier today continued to echo in his brain. He kept hearing the words justice, innocent until proven guilty, and day in court, over and over. He tried to focus on them instead of the larger part of his brain that was screaming revenge! Seigler decided to play the only card he thought he had left. If he could anger Mulder, make him drop his guard, he might have a chance of shooting him first. He was fairly certain the FBI agent would not shoot him in cold blood. As long as he stayed still and made no threatening moves, Seigler figured Mulder would not shoot. Once he dropped his gun, Seigler knew, it was all over for him. And there was no way he was going to prison! "You know, I don't think I got a chance to tell you how good your partner tasted," he began. "Shut up, and lay your weapon down," Mulder replied. "Handcuffs, keys," Scully whispered. It was torture to try and talk, but she wanted to be free. Mulder glanced her way in the semi-darkness. He hadn't known she was handcuffed. "Keys," he barked at Seigler. Matthew just ignored his request. "I'll bet you haven't even seen her naked, have you?" Seigler smirked in the darkness. "Want me to tell you her best features?" "Shut up and give me the keys!" "On the other hand, maybe you have seen her. I mean, who could work with her very long without wanting to get her into bed..." "SHUT UP and lay your weapon down!" Mulder screamed again. He didn't want to hear this. He tried to focus on Seigler. He knew Seigler's motive was to try and make him upset and careless enough to make a mistake, a mistake that could cost either Scully her life or his own, and possibly both since Scully didn't have a gun. If Seigler took him out first, Scully would be helpless with her hands cuffed behind her back. Mulder's voice had dropped back down to his normal range as be began to regain control. "Scully, call 911 and ask to be connected to Det. Williams' substation." He knew she could do that much even handcuffed. "Where's your cell phone?" she asked. "My phones are still unplugged." Damn, Mulder thought as he remembered flinging down his cell phone in the car in his haste to reach Scully. "I left it in the car. See if you can plug yours back in." Dana headed for the phone and spotted the gray cord hanging from the unit. She backed up to the table the unit rested on and grasped the cord, then pulled the slack up until she had the plug in her hands. Squatting down, her back to the wall, she attempted to maneuver the plug into the wall socket. The bookcase was too close to the wall and prevented her from getting near enough to push the plug in. She twisted first one way, and then the other trying to accomplish her task as Mulder and Seigler continued their verbal sparring. "Let me tell you how she kisses, Agent Mulder," Seigler continued to egg him on. "Lay your weapon down." Mulder's voice took on a harder edge. "And how soft her breasts are." "Mulder, don't let him in," Scully tried to keep Mulder focused on the task. She, too, knew what Seigler was attempting to do. "And, oh, Agent Mulder, have you noticed how she smells? Do you know that special spot on her neck? And you know what, Mulder, I could tell she really liked it when I hit her." "Shut up, Seigler," now it was Scully's turn to take offense at Seigler's comments. "She moaned and begged me for more," he continued. Seigler was tensing as he spoke, getting ready for action. He could feel a shifting in the room. Mulder was getting itchy, and agitated. He wanted to shoot this man so bad. He was trying to keep control, but Seigler was making it worse on himself. If he didn't shut up, he was going to talk Mulder into shooting him, regardless of what Scully wanted. He could feel the revenge rising up in him until he was sure he could taste it. He detested this man for what he had done to the other nine women. But more than that, he hated him for what he had done to Scully. "I can't tell you how much pleasure I get out of beating women up, Mulder. I really get off on it, but beating up Scully was even more pleasurable than the others." "Have you got that phone fixed yet?" Mulder threw over his shoulder in desperation. If Det. Williams' back-up didn't get there quick, there wasn't going to be a need for back-up to come at all, because Seigler was going to be dead. "I'm trying!" Scully threw back at him savagely. It irritated her that she couldn't be of more help. In addition, memories of what Seigler spoke of were sickening her. She wanted to go over and kick his mouth shut. Putting the cord back in the wall wasn't going to happen. "Seigler, where are the keys?" she finally screamed in desperation. No sensible answer from Seigler was forthcoming. He was babbling on and on. "You know, Mulder, I bet you like to be dominated by Dana. I saw how she made you do something you didn't want to do earlier today. You backed down when she said to." Mulder tried to shut out his voice. "I'm going to try the bedroom plug," Scully said and headed off in that direction, crossing directly behind Mulder. At that very moment, the electricity came back on. Apparently an apartment dweller had notified the landlord, who must have reset the main, restoring the power. Everyone's head and eyes naturally turned toward the lamp by the sofa as it magically popped on. Seigler saw his moment had come, the one moment both of the agents were distracted. In one fluid movement, Seigler turned, fell away to right, brought his gun up and fired point blank at Mulder. In the same split second that Seigler had decided to do this, Mulder had come to the same conclusion: while they were reacting to the light, this would be a good time for Seigler to shoot them. The same instant Seigler had begun his turn, Mulder had stepped to his right also. This move not only got him out of harm's way, but placed Mulder to the side of Seigler. Matthew had not anticipated Mulder reacting so quickly, and actually ended up firing where Mulder had been standing. Fox felt the air move as the bullet whizzed past him and found another target. Scully let out a tiny cry of alarm, it was all that she could force through her bruised throat, as the bullet lodged in her left breast. Blood began flowing immediately, soaking her white pajamas with a crimson stain that would never come out. Scully crumpled backward from the impact. Because of the handcuffs she couldn't even press on the wound to help stop the bleeding. Shock and surprise registered on her face from the fact that she had actually been shot. It was a new sensation. One she had read about often, and heard about frequently from Mulder and other agents, but up until this moment, had never experienced first hand. She decided it hurt. In fact, it hurt like hell! The burning sensation was overriding her other aches and pains, as well as her thoughts, at this moment. Her chest felt like it was on fire! Suddenly she became angry! What else was this bastard going to do to her! While Scully was holding this intellectual seminar with herself about the gunshot wound, Mulder had been taking action. The second after Seigler had fired, Mulder had stepped toward Matthew, grabbed Seigler's gun hand and twisted it, rotating Seigler's shoulder in a direction it wasn't meant to go. Matthew automatically released the gun and Mulder snagged it up in one smooth movement, stepped back out of Seigler's range of grasp and continued to point his gun directly at Seigler's head. Damn! He couldn't believe he had left his cell phone in the car! Where was that squad car Williams had said he was sending out? It seemed like it had been hours ago. Mulder had a direct view of a clock on Scully's desk and noticed it had been not much more than five minutes since Williams' call. Five minutes! It seemed like a lifetime had passed. "Scully! Scully!" Mulder screamed, "Are you all right?" He couldn't take the chance of glancing back over his shoulder at her. Seigler was desperate enough to try anything at this point. He began backing up in her direction, his eyes still on Seigler. However, Scully wasn't answering. "Scully!" Mulder called again. Damn it to hell, Mulder had made up his mind, if Seigler had killed Scully, he was not leaving here alive, he didn't care what Scully wanted in the way of justice. As he continued to slowly back up, Seigler began talking again. His voice was distant, with an edgy quality, as if disconnected from his mind. Had he gone completely over the edge now? Mulder wondered. "Look at the blood, Agent Mulder, her blood. I remember when I made her bleed and her blood ran into her hair. It was the same color and I couldn't distinguish the blood from her hair." "Shut up, or I will kill you right now," Mulder warned for the last time. "SCULLY! Talk to me...are you OK?" Dana was afraid she was going to go into shock. Her body had been through too much. She just wanted to lie there, on the floor, and like her blood, sink into the carpet. Dana shut her eyes. Finally, she was beginning to see a darkness that she wasn't afraid of. Someone kept calling her name, though. She wished they would be quiet and let her get some rest. Maybe if she answered them just once, they would leave her alone to sleep. She heard her name being called once again. "What?" she tried to say. Her mouth was so dry, and her lips seemed to be sticking together, so only a small, unintelligible sound came out of her. But that little bit of effort seemed to rouse her. She felt herself coming out of the darkness. She could hear more voices in the background now. One was Mulder's, concerned, but awfully loud for some reason. Did he think she was deaf? The other she recognized as that bastard, Seigler. What was he saying now? Was he talking to her? She tried to make out the words. "You know Mulder, when I mounted her, she begged me to make love to her. She wanted me to pleasure her. She said she wanted to compare me to you." Mulder was kneeling by Dana's side now, pressing his left hand over her breast trying to staunch the flow of blood. The compression was helping. Damn Seigler! was all his brain repeated over and over. If they had come this far just for Seigler to win; well, he didn't want to follow that train of thought. Mulder saw Scully trying to answer him, and was relieved to know that, at least for the moment, she was still alive. However, he was becoming alarmed at the amount of blood that had already spread over her shirt. He had to resolve this situation with Seigler quickly, and call for an ambulance. Mulder knew how he wanted to resolve it. "Scully, can you hear me?" Mulder continued to alternately try to rouse her and keep his eye on Seigler at the same time. But the events going on really didn't matter to Seigler right now, he had indeed slipped over the edge. "Come on Mulder, I told you how I felt touching and hitting Dana, now you tell me how it feels to you. Can you make her beg you to stop hitting her? I can." That was the last straw for Scully. She was only human, after all. Even in her dazed state she could hear the insanity in Seigler's tone of voice. A tiny piece of her brain registered the fact he would never be put in prison for his crimes or punished with the electric chair. He would get off on an insanity plea. Scully tried to open her eyes. She desperately needed to tell Mulder something. Deep in her mind, Scully knew the only reason Mulder hadn't killed Seigler yet was because he was trying to respect her wishes from this afternoon. When Scully's eyes finally focused she saw Mulder glaring at Seigler, and she could see Mulder's trigger finger, tensed and white. There was sweat on his brow as he fought to control himself. She could see the want on his face. Silently, she willed Fox to look at her. Slowly, Mulder turned his face toward her, his brow furrowed. Scully's eyes locked onto his and for a moment, time stood still as they stared into each other's souls. Then Dana closed her eyes one last time, and her head lolled to one side. Mulder looked back at Seigler, and then stood up, Dana's blood dripped from his hand as he moved toward Seigler. Matthew was still babbling on, mocking him, "Have you caressed her buttocks, Mulder, have you felt the smooth flesh between her thighs?" Mulder stopped less than a foot from Seigler. His eyes already hard, narrowed. You sorry son-of-a-bitch, he thought to himself, and then he very carefully took aim between Seigler's eyes and shot him, turning away before he even hit the floor. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat2@aol.com) PART: 16/16 ---xxxxx--- "What happened to you guys?" Frustration and agitation saturated Mulder's tone of voice. "If you'd have gotten here sooner, my partner wouldn't be in this condition now!" Mulder's voice was rising to an angered pitch. The police back up had finally arrived, but perhaps too late. They had pulled up moments after the ambulances arrived. Officer Robertson tried to explain, knowing full well his explanation was falling on deaf ears. "The original team sent out here was involved in a traffic accident as they went through a red light at Sumner and Bridge Streets. They both have serious head injuries. It took time for other officers to reach them. As soon as we were informed that they had been sent out by Det. Williams to back you up, we came in their place." Robertson was right. Mulder wasn't listening. He was watching the paramedics work on Scully. The blood flow had been stopped, but her pulse was weak and thready. There was no way to tell how close the bullet was to her heart. IV's were running already and she had been placed on a litter and was being carried out the door, with Mulder close behind. There were two other paramedics checking on Seigler. There wasn't much checking to do, though, he was obviously dead. Mulder didn't even give them a glance as he followed Scully to one of the waiting ambulances. Robertson and his partner stayed behind to take notes and cordon off the premises until their superior arrived. Scully awoke briefly. The jostling she received from coming down the stairs and being thrust into the back of the ambulance roused her for just a moment. She felt tired, and she hurt all over. Her first complete thought, after deciding how shitty she felt, was of Mulder. She tried to say his name. Barely whispering, all she could manage was, "Mul...er." Yet, out of nowhere, he appeared. Mulder's face bobbed above hers as if disembodied. "Scully?" he asked in a worried voice. She'd heard that tone a few times before, Donnie Pfaster came to mind immediately, as did Gerry Schnauz. She felt her hand being taken by his, it was warm and comforting. She couldn't speak, so she tried to smile to let him know she was OK; it was the only way she could convey the words, "I'm fine." She wanted to laugh; those were the three words he hated most out of her. She lapsed back into the darkness. ---xxxxx--- Several hours later she awoke again, this time in a proper hospital bed, with tubes running in and out of her body, and machines quietly humming and pumping nearby. She noticed the clock on the wall, softly illuminated by a small light on her night table. It read 3:17. The light was also bright enough to illuminate the chair by her bed containing the hunched over, sleeping form of her partner. His head rested on her bed. She felt something clutching her hand. Her eyes traveled slowly from her partner's shoulder, down his arm to his wrist, and then she saw her hand was encased in his. She smiled and once again drifted off to sleep. ---xxxxx--- Scully didn't open her eyes this time when she swam back up into consciousness. It required too much of an effort. She heard voices. Who's? she wondered briefly. Couldn't concentrate. She didn't move, couldn't move actually. She felt restraints over various parts of her body. Her doctor mind tried to fathom the reason. Couldn't think, so quit and tried to listened to the voices once again. The more she heard, the more familiar they became. "...and I know you aren't going to believe this, sir, and it is not an excuse for what I did," Mulder took a deep breath before finishing, "but Scully asked me to kill Seigler." Skinner's brow furrowed, a frown appeared. "I'm supposed to believe that after she stopped you from killing him in the warehouse, Agent Scully after being shot, communicated with you, and she told you to kill Seigler." Mulder decided to be completely honest with Skinner. "Well, to be truthful, she didn't actually tell me in words," he paused. Skinner cocked his head at Mulder, wondering what bull shit he was going to hear next. Mulder continued, "But sir, I tell you, I was looking at Seigler, when all of the sudden, I hear her calling me, but in my head!" Skinner's eyes began to narrow now. "I turned to look at her, and I saw her just staring at me. And when I stared back, I swear I heard her tell me to kill him for her. She wasn't begging or anything, just sort of a confirmation, that if she could speak out loud, that is what she would say..." Mulder finished lamely. Skinner contemplated briefly if the wrong agent was confined to a hospital bed. He wondered if there were a psychiatric ward on this floor so the agents could visit each other... On the other hand, he had heard stranger things come out of Fox Mulder's mouth. This silent communication between himself and Agent Scully really wasn't all that hard to believe. But is still didn't exonerate the outright murder of Matthew Seigler in Agent Scully's apartment. A man without a weapon in his hand. Killed in cold blood. It wasn't that he didn't think Mulder wasn't justified for doing it, Skinner just didn't see how he was going to avoid the murder charges that were bound to be suggested in the next few days as details came out. Skinner let out a big breath. He couldn't defend the charges against Mulder based on this information. He would be laughed out of the FBI, no matter how much he believed in Fox and Dana, this wasn't going to do the job. "But what are you going to put in the report?" It was Skinner's voice again, very concerned. He not only had an agent that had almost died, but had another ready to commit perjury. Worse, he might actually endorse it! Scully could make out Mulder's husky, low voice, "I had justifiable cause after Seigler fired his weapon." "That won't explain the close range bullet hole in Seigler's head," Skinner said with exasperation. "They will know it was a deliberate act." "Hell, yes, it was a deliberate act!" Mulder's voice rose in pitch, but still had a hushed quality to it, as if he were concerned about waking Dana. "What more excuse do I need? He shot my partner!" Mulder paused a moment. "If you put your stamp of approval on this report," Mulder continued, "no one will give it a second look." Fox stared intently into Skinner's eyes, trying to reach him, to remind him that less than twenty four hours ago, in his own office, they had openly shared the same sentiment in this case; Seigler would pay for what he had done to Scully. "A lie from a truth seeker," was Skinner's only comment, and he turned on his heel and walked away. He knew he had no choice. He would approve the report and bury it as quickly as possible. He was not going to lose Agent Mulder on a murder charge for that little piece of chicken-shit Seigler. Semantics, like statistics, could be rearranged to suit anyone's purpose. Self-defense vs murder, it was a fine line that could be traversed if you knew how. How could he logically argue against Mulder exacting revenge for Scully when he himself had gone to bat on her behalf months ago to seek a cure for her cancer. Skinner himself had sunk so low as to break most of the laws he stood for. Could one go any lower than making a deal with the devil himself? And what had it gotten him at the time? At least Mulder had gotten the satisfaction of exorcising his demons concerning Scully. Once again Dana sank deep into the drug induced darkness that was her world now. She needed to escape not only the physical pain of her body, but the pain she heard in Skinner's and Mulder's voices on her behalf, and the pain she knew she would see if she were to stare into her partner's eyes. All because of her. It was too humbling to deal with right now. She willed herself to forget what she had just heard. Her brain began to comply as powerful drugs continued to course through her war-torn body. ---xxxxx--- Time passed unmeasured for Scully. There were brief moments when she would stir, and the pain it caused her would send her gratefully back into the darkness. She wanted to laugh at herself. She remembered how recently she had come to fear the inky blackness around her, and how she welcomed it into her life now. But if one wishes to live, and Scully did, one cannot sleep forever. Scully's wakening, however, was into more darkness. She could see no light outside her window, it was not yet even early morning. But there were people around. She could see the outline of a nurse standing nearby, quietly checking her IV and the bags of fluids. She could also see the unmistakable form of Fox Mulder sleeping on a cot that was much too short for his lanky length. The nurse put a finger to her lips. Scully wasn't sure if she were indicating they should be quiet so as not to wake him, or if it was a sign the she, Scully, should go back to sleep, that it was not yet time for her to rise and shine. She gave Scully a gentle smile and slipped out of the room on her whisper quiet shoes without so much as a squeak on the linoleum. Dana contemplated Mulder's sleeping form. She felt bad that he was not able to stretch out, but was glad that he was at least sleeping. Her mind wandered aimlessly over the brief memories she could dredge up, vainly trying to piece together the events that had gotten her in this predicament. She realized she wasn't even sure what had happened to Seigler. She recalled trying to communicate her longing to Mulder for him to end Seigler's life. She remembered how badly she wanted Mulder to kill the bastard, but she couldn't speak to him to release him from his promise earlier in the warehouse. The words would not come through her bruised and battered vocal cords. She thought back how she had willed Mulder to look at her, to see into her as he had often allowed her to see into his soul. She had been somewhat awed when it seemed as though he had actually heard her thoughts and turned toward her. She then took the only chance she thought she might have to get through to him. She had repeated over and over in her mind, "kill him, Mulder, kill him for me," desperately urging him on. God help her, Scully thought, I wanted Seigler to die, he deserved to die, she tried to reason. There would be no salvation for him. As Scully continued to stare at Mulder, going over the last thoughts she'd had in the apartment, he began to stir. A few moments later, Mulder sat up hesitantly. Sleepily, he asked in a hushed whisper in case she was still asleep, "Scully? Did you call me?" He rubbed his eyes awake and looked over at her again. He was rewarded with a view of dark blue eyes upon him. He quickly stood up and crossed over to her bedside, pulled a chair close and sat down. "Hey, you're awake! It's good to see you again." He continued speaking in a hushed voice, but there was genuine joy in his tone. "How do you feel? Do you want something? Water?" he was babbling, he knew, but he was so glad to see her awake. It had been two days and nights since she had been brought into the ICU. He and Margaret Scully had been taking turns staying by her side. She had undergone immediate surgery to remove the bullet Seigler had fired into her. It had been so close to her heart, that the surgeons couldn't even measure the distance that had meant the difference between life and death for Scully. But she had been spared. His Scully had been spared once again, by the gods, by fate, or whomever. Mulder didn't know whom to thank, but he was grateful. Scully nodded her head at the suggestion of water. Her throat felt constricted and extremely dry. He poured her a cup of water from the bedside jug, and once again, as he had ten days before, held her head while she drank. He sat the cup down and then leaned close to her to speak. He never tired of seeing her up close, or finding an excuse to be near her. A lock of Scully's auburn colored hair had fallen over one eye. He smoothed it back behind her ear with a long finger, brushing her check as he did so. Scully smiled foolishly. For some reason, this time she didn't mind his fussing over her. "Hey," Fox tried to lighten the moment, "you made me call your mother again..." Fox's voice trailed off with a smile. "I think she was really mad at me this time," he continued to cajole her. His warm, sweet breath on her face was distracting. It threatened to take her thoughts down other paths. Scully forced her mind back to the subject. She didn't have the energy to waste time or words. Her throat was in no condition to converse for very long. But she needed to know something. "Seigler," she started, and then a fit of coughing hit her. Mulder poured another glass of water and helped her get it down. It felt cool and wonderful going down her throat. Fox hesitated. He didn't know how to respond. What did she want to know? "Dead?" Scully forced out in a painful whisper. Mulder nodded his head solemnly. He decided to risk adding, "I got your message." Their eyes locked for a moment as his words sank in. Scully tried to concentrate on his words, but between the drugs in her system and his closeness to her, it was difficult. There were many words she wanted to say in return, but her throat would not allow them to pass. Her hand gingerly searched for Mulder's on the bed. He shifted his gaze down to follow her movements. Scully's fingers found Mulder's, and she grasped his hand tightly. She wanted his attention back, so cleared her throat. Fox lifted his golden- flecked hazel eyes to meet hers with puzzlement. She gazed firmly into his searching face. Her expression was serious, yet somehow curiously soft toward him. Her mind was thinking a number of thoughts that couldn't get out. If she could have spoken aloud to him she would have told him that at this moment, she believed something outside her scientific world had indeed happened between them. But she could not say these things, so she only smiled deeply, squeezing Mulder's hand in confirmation. "Scully," Mulder almost said incredulously, "you believe?" She so often wanted to blame coincidence, of which Fox never believed in, for things that happened that she couldn't explain away. Was Scully somehow confirming things she usually scoffed at? he wondered. Dana was torn. Part of her wanted to scream a resounding "No!" But in her heart, she knew there was another answer that she could no longer deny. Mulder's spirit rose a little. Was Dana Katherine Scully actually admitting connections might exist spiritually between people that allowed for a type of communication that didn't need words? Mulder smiled back deeply in understanding. It was true, there was a connection between them. He leaned even closer and placed his warm, soft lips upon her forehead, silently sealing their belief in one another. Dana'd had enough in this world now, she was very tired and she wanted to slip back into darkness once again, so she closed her eyes and did so, but she did not let go of Mulder's hand. FBI Headquarters Two Weeks Later Scully was back at her desk, still bruised and battered, but ready to put the recent events behind her. She had gotten to the office early to finish the remaining ever-present, ever-dreaded paperwork. Once it was done, Seigler's file could be officially closed. In reality, she wanted to burn the whole thing and try to forget it happened at all. Her throat had returned to normal and her left arm was in a sling to keep any weight from pulling on the healing tissue. As long as she sat perfectly still, Dana thought ruefully, she didn't hurt too much. She idly mused that she and Mulder should seriously think about buying stock in hospitals and pharmaceuticals. They certainly had a knack for keeping both in business! She heard a whistle in the corridor outside their office and looked up to see Mulder approaching, coffee in one hand and a paper sack in the other. "Hey, crip!" He greeted her. "Glad to see you back in action. You know, you really are going to have to be more careful. They say 80% of all accidents happen in the home." "Good morning to you, too," Scully greeted him, ignoring his remarks. "Thought I'd get this paper work behind me so I could close this case." Scully dazzled Mulder with one of her wonderful smiles before continuing, "After this, I'm kind of looking forward to something *not of this earth*". She tried to mimic the booming voices of announcers heard on countless monster movie trailers of the '50's. "See, the X-files does have it's advantages," he retorted. He sat down at his desk. He took the lid off his coffee, and opened the sack to pull out a chocolate covered donut. His idea of breakfast was always a simple one, if not a healthy one, Dana thought. She gave him a few moments to get settled and get his breakfast consumed before she turned toward him, report in hand. "You know, Mulder," Scully said tentatively. He met her gaze. "While filling out this paper work, some questions came up." She paused a moment, and then decided to plunge in. "They are not questions that are necessarily for the report, but for my own peace of mind." She had Mulder's full attention now, and he was pretty sure what she was going to ask. He kept silent, though and allowed her to follow through with her train of thought, just in case he was wrong. "How did you know to come to my apartment that night? How did you know I was in trouble?" Her ice blue eyes pierced Fox's green ones as she waited for his answer. She wasn't challenging him at all, but the intensity with which she gazed at him suggested she wanted real answers, something her scientific mind could wrap itself around and remain grounded with. Mulder didn't know what to say. Since their one talk late that evening when it seem Scully might actually believe in something she couldn't explain, they had made no mention of the case. It had become a silent agreement between them not to speak of it again somehow. Mulder wasn't sure if Scully felt the same way now as she had that night. Her logical, ordered brain had two weeks to work on the details of that night. To her mind, she might be logically able to explain it all away at this point. Hell, for all he knew, she didn't even remember any of their conversation at all! She wasn't exactly up to par at the time. He tried to discern which way she was leaning now before he spoke. He couldn't tell. Her face was totally unreadable, as usual. No emotion showed, she just wanted to assimilate information. "Well, Scully," he began, but then didn't quite know where to go from there. He couldn't exactly tell her he'd been watching her for days outside her apartment. She would be furious to know that he hadn't trusted her enough to take care of herself, even though it turned out to be fortuitous. He also couldn't tell her about the fantasy he was having about her in the car that, in his mind at least, ended up alerting him to her distress! What could he say? Scully inclined her head in his direction, indicating that she was listening, and for him to go on. Mulder made a very quick search of his heart before answering. There were still some things that weren't ready to come out. Finally, he spoke carefully, "Scully, can't you feel the connection between us?" He was not admonishing her, but gently leading her to another way of thinking, no doubt in her opinion, a very unscientific way of thinking. "I heard you calling me," he said simply. Scully, still afraid to believe one hundred percent, followed up with, "How?" Mulder decided to answer truthfully. "I heard you telepathically." He waited for her to scoff at his statement. To his surprise, she did not pooh pooh his idea of the supernatural, as she usually did. She simply gave a small nod of her head, seeming to accept that explanation, for the moment. Scully continued to stare steadfastly at Mulder. She had more questions. "I read the official report you gave to Skinner," she began. Mulder cast his eyes downward at this. He didn't mind fabricating lies to others when necessary, but he never wanted to lie to Scully. Scully continued, "It's not exactly the truth, is it?" Mulder didn't know what to say. He wanted to confess the truth to her, but would she believe that he had killed Seigler on her behalf, and not out of revenge for himself, as he had originally started out to do? He was beginning to think she didn't remember anything of their earlier conversation in the hospital. Dana began speaking again, "Mulder, I know." This time her voice was full of softness, and a humbling that Mulder didn't often hear. He knew he was about to hear a confession. He hated those. He hated Scully putting herself in a position that laid her soul bare because he knew how much it cost her. Her pride and dignity'd had enough chunks taken out of it lately. He started to protest. She wouldn't allow it. Scully rose carefully from her chair and crossed over to his desk. She put her fingers on his lips to silence him. Mulder closed his eyes in frustration and exasperation. He should be the one confessing to her. Her voice was barely above a whisper, these words were for his ears only. "Mulder," she dropped her fingers from his lips, "I know in your report you said you killed Seigler in self-defense," she stumbled over the words. She saw Mulder's jaw working back and forth as he struggled to control his response to her. "But that's not the way it happened, is it?" It wasn't really a question. Mulder, eyes cast downward to his lap, still didn't look at her. He felt no remorse in what he had done, but he couldn't very well put in his report that he had very carefully aimed between the eyes of a suspect and shot him, unarmed, as he babbled on like an idiot because his unconscious partner telepathically directed him to do so. He didn't mind being made a laughing stock in the eyes of the FBI, but he wouldn't do that to Scully. Still he did not look up. "Mulder." "Mulder." She wanted to lock souls with him. What she had to say was important, and so totally out of character for her, he wouldn't believe her unless he could see the truth in her eyes. She said his name once more. He would not look up. Scully squatted down below eye level, and gazed up at him from below. Scully continued in a very soft voice, "I can't explain it," she began, "but in my heart, I know our lives are somehow inexplicably intertwined, that our minds at times are so finely tuned to each other that we seemingly live and breath as one." Mulder's brow furrowed, unsure he was actually hearing these words from Scully. "I still hold tightly to my world of science, evidence, and procedure. But, I know, I know," she repeated for emphasis, "that as I lay, possibly dying, on my carpet, willing you to look at me, you did." Scully took a breath as she let her words sink in. "And there is no denying it, I wanted to give you a directive, my permission in effect, a command to kill that bastard." Scully felt some sorrow at these words. She did not like to admit that she wanted Seigler dead, it somehow made her a barbarian in her mind, especially after her high and mighty speech she had given in the warehouse about Seigler's rights. She continued before Mulder could interrupt. "But most of all, I know you understood my message. I don't want you harboring any guilt; worrying about whether you killed him for revenge or for me. I know that you killed Seigler for my convictions, not yours." Mulder looked deeply into Scully's eyes, permitting the sureness of her words to sink into his soul. She was absolving him of everything, as she always did. Scully did not give him a chance to reply. She stood up and turned back to her desk to finish her report on Seigler and close the file forever. Scully's Apartment Later that Evening Journal Entry: It has been more than two weeks since Seigler stole into my home and tried to take my life. I still have nightmares, but they are less and less frequent. Talking to Karen helps. Working in the field, proving myself and my abilities over and over again, helps. I have even learned to sleep with the lights off again. But there are still things that are waiting to be addressed in my mind. The actions of Agent Mulder that night are still unexplained to my satisfaction. How did he know to come to my apartment that night? What brought him to search my apartment building and deduce that I was in danger? How could he have known? And finally, how did Seigler come to die? Am I fooling myself into believing that we actually communicated without words? Or is the truth that Seigler's death was an act of revenge on Mulder's part? It might be argued that Mulder was going to kill Seigler anyway, either as revenge for the rape, or for Seigler's shooting me that night. Scully paused in her writing a moment, then continued. But within my heart, I am sure if Mulder had killed Seigler without knowing he had my 'permission', the killing would have been for him. I couldn't allow him to carry that guilt, and have it added to the load he already has. I am also aware that if Mulder could know that it was for my service that he did the deed, he would be able to justify his actions in the long run. And I did want it. God help me, I wanted Seigler dead. How can I take satisfaction in the killing of another human being? Yet if I am to admit the truth, at least in this journal, to my shame, it is so." Dana closed her journal and rose from her desk. She headed for her bedroom. She would think no more about Matthew Seigler. She would leave him and his shame behind. THE END OF THE WHOLE STORY! Feedback is welcomed, in fact, craved! JEhrat2@aol.com